Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"

[Anonymous]

"thus" should be "this"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are they Asian? I'm married to an Asian and giving money at weddings is considered normal (gifts for a wedding are sort of odd in some Asian cultures!).

If you like them, go and give money. If you don't like them, decline the invitation.

But be aware that "tackiness" is culture-specific

In America, it's tacky. We're not in Asia.

America has many cultures within it. Remember, America is not a melting pot of cultures, ie, the cultures or culture is not homogenous. In fact, America is like a salad bowl with different cultures represented in the different ingredients.

These people can celebrate the way they want to. If they were in Asia they would not say anything. However, since they are in America, and since people will give a "meat thermometer" to a vegetarian couple, it is important to say "No boxed gifts".

[Anonymous]

Wedding invitations shouldn't say anything at all about gifts. The point is to invite people you love to be there for the most important commitment of your life.

If someone chooses to give a gift, that is great, but the couple should be grateful and appreciative of whatever is given. The point of the wedding is the joining together of two people who love each other, not to get gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wedding invitations shouldn't say anything at all about gifts. The point is to invite people you love to be there for the most important commitment of your life.

If someone chooses to give a gift, that is great, but the couple should be grateful and appreciative of whatever is given. The point of the wedding is the joining together of two people who love each other, not to get gifts.

+1

[Anonymous]

How I wish I'd gotten that invitation, OP! Toaster, waffle-maker, picture frame...whatever gift I bought...out of the box and into a bag it would go! Then I'd mail the bag in a box...because gifts are supposed to be sent ahead of the wedding. Done.

But NO cash for the money-grabbers! I don't care what culture you are, it is RUDE to dictate gift-giving on a wedding invitation.

Finally, I love this thread! Another DCUM Hit Parade.

[Anonymous]

Do you know it even used to be considered tacky to enclose RSVP cards and envelopes? It implied that you thought the invited person was such a yokel that she wouldn't know to reply or have her own stationery. Now it's considered helpful. I believe the notes about registries and gifts are now considered "helpful." That doesn't mean you have to follow it, or consider it tasteful.

Times change. I think the days are gone when everyone you knew followed the same rules and knew the standard places couples registered.

When I go to a wedding, if money is the gift they prefer, money is what I give them. I know in a lot of cultures it's the polite custom. Who am I to say my culture is superior?

Just don't get me started on people who have big all-out weddings when it's not their first marriage. Now that's tacky.

[Anonymous]

I am an Indian who lives in the US. No boxed gifts is standard invitation wording both in India and among Indians living overseas. Cash gifts are absolutely expected at all Indian weddings. People who didn't give gifts are considered extremely rude. I typically give $150-$200 at weddings, more if we know the couple well or are related to them. For example, we gave $500 to my first cousin who is like a brother to me. We also always give amonts ending in $1 so $151, $201, $501 etc.

For what it's worth, I'm married to a white American and the gifts from my husband's family/friends were cheap and pathetic. His parents, brother, and grandmother did not even bother to give us anything. Many others put $20 bills in cards. Shocking stuff.

For all the American obsession with gifting (mother's day, father's day, Christmas, birthdays, graduation, retirement, the list goes on), I'm fairly surprised expecting cash gifts at weddings is considered tacky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an Indian who lives in the US. No boxed gifts is standard invitation wording both in India and among Indians living overseas. Cash gifts are absolutely expected at all Indian weddings. People who didn't give gifts are considered extremely rude. I typically give $150-$200 at weddings, more if we know the couple well or are related to them. For example, we gave $500 to my first cousin who is like a brother to me. We also always give amonts ending in $1 so $151, $201, $501 etc.

For what it's worth, I'm married to a white American and the gifts from my husband's family/friends were cheap and pathetic. His parents, brother, and grandmother did not even bother to give us anything. Many others put $20 bills in cards. Shocking stuff.

For all the American obsession with gifting (mother's day, father's day, Christmas, birthdays, graduation, retirement, the list goes on), I'm fairly surprised expecting cash gifts at weddings is considered tacky.

Thanks for this post!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a South Asian and have attended numerous marriages where one or both parties were South Asian and I can tell you categorically that I have never yet encountered a single invite asking for cash from the guests. Now admittedly, these were people who were either born in the US or had spent their formative years here.

I think it is utterly crass to be asking for money from guests and I don't understand how anyone can defend it. Having said this, it is not unusual especially for close family members to give money to the couple but it is not something the couple would ask for or expect and least of all include in an invitation.

+1

Many cultures give money as gifts. No culture I know of explicits asks for money as gifts.

Well, how many cultures do you know?

[Anonymous]

I'm the poster from 5:10. Feel free to ask me anything about Indian gifting customs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an Indian who lives in the US. No boxed gifts is standard invitation wording both in India and among Indians living overseas. Cash gifts are absolutely expected at all Indian weddings. People who didn't give gifts are considered extremely rude. I typically give $150-$200 at weddings, more if we know the couple well or are related to them. For example, we gave $500 to my first cousin who is like a brother to me. We also always give amonts ending in $1 so $151, $201, $501 etc.

For what it's worth, I'm married to a white American and the gifts from my husband's family/friends were cheap and pathetic. His parents, brother, and grandmother did not even bother to give us anything. Many others put $20 bills in cards. Shocking stuff.

For all the American obsession with gifting (mother's day, father's day, Christmas, birthdays, graduation, retirement, the list goes on), I'm fairly surprised expecting cash gifts at weddings is considered tacky.

I am a South Asian PP and the comment above is generalization. As I stated in my PP, I have attended numerous weddings in the US where one or both parties at the wedding were South Asian and I have never yet encountered an invitation with a "no boxed gifts" instruction. In every instance there was a wedding registry though as I stated in the PP, some close family members did give cash gifts - sometimes substantial amounts.

Even in India - more specifically in South India where my parents originated - there are absolutely no gifts given by guests other than possibly close family. It is just not the done thing and all that is expected is for guests to come and celebrate the marriage of a son or daughter. I know this for a fact because recently we were in India and attended a wedding. I asked about the procedure for giving a gift and I was told that gift giving is not the norm at weddings there. The wedding invitation did not say anything about gifts. Now in North India, I understand that giving cash gifts is the norm although, again, the invitation does not specify anything about gifts one way or the other.

Even your comment about your husband's family offering "shocking stuff" is a judgement on how you personally perceive wedding gifts. As another South Asian PP stated earlier in the thread the wedding is a celebration and you are not even expected to bring a gift unless you wish to do so. In the South Asian weddings I have attended there are cousins and other family members who literally fly in from India for the occasion and the very act of them making the effort - as well as incurring the expense of coming for the occasion - is viewed as a "gift" and greatly appreciated. I'd look at it the same way if someone traveled cross country to attend a wedding.

Just as there are variations in the US about wedding traditions, there are major variations in India which is even more diverse about how things are done at weddings.

[Anonymous]

I was born in India and lived there until I was 18 when I came to the US for college. I was married in India and I'm pretty sure I know a thing or two about wedding gifts at Indian weddings. Gifts are definitely expected and everyone brings something. Most people give cash and a few people bring a physical gift, though not many.

There is a definitely a judgement on my part when I say I was disappointed my husband's close family did not give us wedding gifts. Never pretended to otherwise! Social conventions are fundamental to how we live in society and interact with others. Giving a wedding gift, in my mind, is a non negotiable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was born in India and lived there until I was 18 when I came to the US for college. I was married in India and I'm pretty sure I know a thing or two about wedding gifts at Indian weddings. Gifts are definitely expected and everyone brings something. Most people give cash and a few people bring a physical gift, though not many.

There is a definitely a judgement on my part when I say I was disappointed my husband's close family did not give us wedding gifts. Never pretended to otherwise! Social conventions are fundamental to how we live in society and interact with others. Giving a wedding gift, in my mind, is a non negotiable.

NP here. You come across as smug and obnoxious.

You make judgements about your husband's family and their "cheapness" because they did not give enough cash without a thought that giving cash is not the custom in the US. You then make a comment about how "social conventions are fundamental ......" thereby effectively endorsing those on this thread who say that "social conventions" in the US would make it tacky and reflect poor taste to ask for gifts - let alone cash gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have been invited to a wedding and the invitation states "No Boxed Gifts". There is no registry either and so I am wondering what the expectation is when it comes to any gift. Are they asking for money or a gift card?

Has anyone experienced this before and, if so, what is an invited guest expected to do?

If you like the couple and expect to see them again, give them enough cash to cover your expenses (dinner, etc). Of not, decline invite.

Hmm! Like you are expected to shell out enough to pay for your own dinner?

Unwritten rule apparently. Your gift should equal the cost of your dinner.

Unwritten rule among mercenary types. And New Yorkers.

Because who needs gifts when you can charge an admission fee?

I have always given enough cash to cover my and my guests meal. Standard.

So your standard is gift =admission fee?

What if your budget is different from the bride and groom's budget?

[Anonymous]

My husband's family did not give us anything. Let alone enough cash.

I think the point of this thread was gifting conventions in India, which is the topic I have tried to address. Of course this will include generalizations and things that are not true in 100% of cases. I have a hard time believing that gifts are not expected at weddings in the US, especially since it is a gift obsessed culture in general.

Parsing posts word by word is not something I want to do and I'm really not sure what it achieves.