Wedding Invitation - "No Boxed Gifts"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sort of see your point about a registry being less tacky than saying cash only. We were invited to a wedding where the registry only had outrageously expensive items and that also ruffled many a feather. I truly think giving cash is the way to do it, that way a couple can just use it any which way they want.

You misunderstood me. Both are tacky, rude, and smack of materialism. Guests are free to give a gift they find appropriate and affordable. I think for many of us that's cash, but I surely resent being told it must be.

And, yes, registries with only expensive items are pretty tacky, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think in our case their non-gift giving has affected our relationship. Even my husband thought it strange. It's a whole host of things really, but the lack of wedding gift was one of the more egregious. It's a bit sad, I had hoped to have a very close relationship with them.


Did your husband's family host any sort of pre-wedding party or pay for bevridges or any other part of the reception? Did they host a get-together the next day? Many families consider paying for some part of the wedding festivities their gift to the couple,

In any case, I hope you can get past thinking about whether a gift was given or whether it was a good enough gift and just enjoy a good relationship with both sides of your family. It will make your life much nicer and more enjoyable all around to just not keep track of that sort of thing.

They did not pay any part of our wedding, my parents paid for it all. But in India the expectation is that the bride's family will pay for absolutely everything - including accomodation and transport for all guests for the duration of the wedding. Anyway we've been married for some years now and it's all water under the bridge. I just think we've had a really hard time relating to each other and are not close at all. We're definitely cordial but I hoped that they would be like a second set of parents to me.

[Anonymous]

I'm actually so paranoid about wedding gifts that I always send a gift whether or not we are able to attend the wedding. I often send more money if we can't attend bc we're not buying flights and hotels etc. This whole thing is just such a minefield.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]Every single wedding invitation we have received in the US has mentioned multiple registries right on the paper invitation and also on the website. I have also received links to registries for baby showers. I don't see how any of this is more refined than saying "no boxed gifts".


You have very rude friends. Any mention of ANYTHING about registries is not even supposed to be in the envelope. Those attending the wedding are supposed to inquire of the bride's mother what the bride may like and where the couple may be registered but nothing in the invitation is supposed to mention anything about gifts. Over time, as couples have become more greedy, slips of paper were included in the invitation indicating where the couple was registered. Then it started to appear on the front of the invitation. Now this "gofundme" and money grabs have popped up. But I have never seen such vulgar begging for money. Go read any of the etiquette columns in the newspaper. They all say the same thing: no mention of gifts in the invitation. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Etiquette_in_North_America

[Anonymous]

To be honest I'm not offended in the least by mentions of registries. I intend to give a gift and mostly do cash but will send something from the registry if it catches my fancy.

But yes, I understand that culturally mentioning gifts and registries is verboten but is fairly commonplace based on the 50 odd weddings I've been invited to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have been invited to a wedding and the invitation states "No Boxed Gifts". There is no registry either and so I am wondering what the expectation is when it comes to any gift. Are they asking for money or a gift card?

Has anyone experienced this before and, if so, what is an invited guest expected to do?

Now that OP has explained it, it sounds like these are fairly low class people who got their cultures mixed up. They want to have the "old fashioned Indian "custom of money only along with the new fashioned American culture. they sound like yokels. posted on their website? $25 in a card, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every single wedding invitation we have received in the US has mentioned multiple registries right on the paper invitation and also on the website. I have also received links to registries for baby showers. I don't see how any of this is more refined than saying "no boxed gifts".

It isn't. It is just as rude and tacky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is a registry okay? Isn't is basically saying, "we'd like these items as gifts, if you are so inclined?" Why is it not okay to say, "we'd prefer cash as a gift, if you are so inclined?" If people don't want to give a gift, that's fine, and I might appreciate that more than the 3 waffle makers and crystal vases, and other nonsense that I don't need.

I thought that was mainly for expensive china and silver sets. Like the couple (young) was building a china set for entertaining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is a registry okay? Isn't is basically saying, "we'd like these items as gifts, if you are so inclined?" Why is it not okay to say, "we'd prefer cash as a gift, if you are so inclined?" If people don't want to give a gift, that's fine, and I might appreciate that more than the 3 waffle makers and crystal vases, and other nonsense that I don't need.

I thought that was mainly for expensive china and silver sets. Like the couple (young) was building a china set for entertaining.

The point is that ASKING for gifts - whether cash, registry items, a GoFundMe account, or a house downpayment fund - OUTRIGHT *in the invitation itself* is tacky and rude.

The purpose of a wedding is to celebrate the happy union of a couple, not to fundraise. Gifts are not the point. Gifts are beside the point.

[Anonymous]

We are from the South. we got registry (and other, some pretty laughable) gifts. We got china from the family friends. we got cash from the close relatives. A nice big check. It was to help us start our life as adults. It went straight into our housing fund, and very much appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every single wedding invitation we have received in the US has mentioned multiple registries right on the paper invitation and also on the website. I have also received links to registries for baby showers. I don't see how any of this is more refined than saying "no boxed gifts".

That's tacky too, as many PPs have stated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every single wedding invitation we have received in the US has mentioned multiple registries right on the paper invitation and also on the website. I have also received links to registries for baby showers. I don't see how any of this is more refined than saying "no boxed gifts".

That's tacky too, as many PPs have stated.

Society has clearly moved on, and I think it's time for the etiquette sticklers to move on, too. Although moving on surely provides less personal satisfaction than looking down on nearly everybody for being tacky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every single wedding invitation we have received in the US has mentioned multiple registries right on the paper invitation and also on the website. I have also received links to registries for baby showers. I don't see how any of this is more refined than saying "no boxed gifts".

That's tacky too, as many PPs have stated.

Society has clearly moved on, and I think it's time for the etiquette sticklers to move on, too. Although moving on surely provides less personal satisfaction than looking down on nearly everybody for being tacky.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every single wedding invitation we have received in the US has mentioned multiple registries right on the paper invitation and also on the website. I have also received links to registries for baby showers. I don't see how any of this is more refined than saying "no boxed gifts".


That's tacky too, as many PPs have stated.

Society has clearly moved on, and I think it's time for the etiquette sticklers to move on, too. Although moving on surely provides less personal satisfaction than looking down on nearly everybody for being tacky.

+1

+infinity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every single wedding invitation we have received in the US has mentioned multiple registries right on the paper invitation and also on the website. I have also received links to registries for baby showers. I don't see how any of this is more refined than saying "no boxed gifts".

That's tacky too, as many PPs have stated.

Society has clearly moved on, and I think it's time for the etiquette sticklers to move on, too. Although moving on surely provides less personal satisfaction than looking down on nearly everybody for being tacky.

No, society hasn't moved on. It's become more selfish and narcissistic, but it hasn't moved on. Do you know what etiquette is? Not something to trip up the slobs, jerks, and yokels, but a foundation of shard rules for a mutually pleasant society. Gifts at weddings: is every guest going to give a gift? Pretty much. Can you give guidance as to what the gift is? Kind of, not really. A registry that is not promoted on the invite, in the envelope, or on the wedding website is acceptable, but only barely. Can you outright say, "I want cash," or "no boxed gifts"? Nope. Melting pot or not, this is America and even if giving cash is the gift standard in your region of the U.S. or your culture outside of the U.S., asking for it ought to make people hang their heads in shame.