Parents who are overwhelmed with one or two kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you aren’t giving enough time to each kid or to your kids as a whole. They will likely be fine but will likely not reach their full potential.
You clearly don’t know your kids very well and they likely feel distant from you.
If it’s easy, you aren’t doing enough.

Since when did only having one or two children allow you to ensure they reach their full potential? This assumes that every parent has the same capacity - physically, temperamentally, emotionally, and the same resources to draw on both from family and community as well as financially. It also assumes there is nothing materially beneficial about sibling relationships, such as the fact they may be protective or offer other benefits.

I’ve missed your other posts as I haven’t followed the discussion, but I’m sure your “theory” about helping your children self actualize by only having one child, or whatever the magic number is, reinforces all of your choices.

The parents with multiple kids here when describing their lives are not putting the time into their kids, just money.

[Anonymous]

I have lots of friends with 1 or 2 kids and think everyone has their own reasons, but this thread is eye opening at how anti-natal and narcissistic parents of one child are. Not sure why most of y’all even had one kid if you think so little about them, and so much about yourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have lots of friends with 1 or 2 kids and think everyone has their own reasons, but this thread is eye opening at how anti-natal and narcissistic parents of one child are. Not sure why most of y’all even had one kid if you think so little about them, and so much about yourselves.

This makes no sense. People are saying your kids need you and your time and in most large families the kids don’t get that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have lots of friends with 1 or 2 kids and think everyone has their own reasons, but this thread is eye opening at how anti-natal and narcissistic parents of one child are. Not sure why most of y’all even had one kid if you think so little about them, and so much about yourselves.

I thought the problem with parents of one kid is that they give them too much attention and spoil them? Y'all need to get your stories straight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have lots of friends with 1 or 2 kids and think everyone has their own reasons, but this thread is eye opening at how anti-natal and narcissistic parents of one child are. Not sure why most of y’all even had one kid if you think so little about them, and so much about yourselves.

Really? I find it to be the opposite. That people with multiple children are acting far superior and judgmental toward those who don’t. As if they are much better parents because they have large families. The entire premise of the thread is negative toward people with 1-2 children.

[Anonymous]

“Anti-natal”

lol

Thanks for that one, Elon

[Anonymous]

As a mom of 3 I find op’s post sus, as my kids would say. She does 75% when her dh is in office (so weekdays?) but also works full time and uses daycare? So like a nurse doing shift work? Regardless, three kids is not Much harder than 2 for us but 2 is where you go over the cliff into losing me time and leaning out at most jobs for at least one parent. Obviously there are caveats- family nearby helping, nanny or au pair, flexible work from home jobs, housekeepers, personal chefs, etc. and of course money makes everything easier.

3 makes logistics of things like travel a bit harder but the kids do play with eachother and the third is far more interested in his siblings than our attention. A big challenge is not to parentify the oldest (boy) and make sure he has his own activities. I see a lot of eldest (especially girls) slip into that role too easily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having 3 & 4 kids the hardest for me.

Now, I’m four months postpartum with #8 (other kids are 14,13,11,9,6,5,2) and it’s much easier.

Let's hear from the older kids how their lives are easier with each new sibling.

I'm the eldest of 5 and I can confirm your suspicions....ask me why I only have 1 kid....because I already helped raise 4 siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have lots of friends with 1 or 2 kids and think everyone has their own reasons, but this thread is eye opening at how anti-natal and narcissistic parents of one child are. Not sure why most of y’all even had one kid if you think so little about them, and so much about yourselves.

I thought the problem with parents of one kid is that they give them too much attention and spoil them? Y'all need to get your stories straight.

You can never give a child too much attention.

[Anonymous]

I have 2 kids (age 10 and 13), and we just got back from a long road trip (for a funeral in the midwest), and my kids are now talking nonstop. I was so burned out I went to bed early. I told my husband I felt like I had over peopled; he said, our kids are people!

They are great kids, but that doesn't mean I don't get overwhelmed with them sometimes. Don't feel bad if you have these moments; they are totally normal.

[Anonymous]

I am overwhelmed with one just turned two year old. She never stops! I find it emotionally exhausting but I like it so much better than the newborn/baby stage. Every day gets better and I don’t know if I want to go back to breastfeeding around the clock and diapers, but I know that’s only a short time in the scheme of things. My BIL has 8 kids and they don’t seem overwhelmed but they love babies and kind of let the older ones raise themselves.

[Anonymous]

I was a SAHM of two girls who did not work at all until the youngest was in middle school and even now they are in HS I only work 3.5 hours a day at a school. I would not say that I was or am overwhelmed but I did feel then (and still feel now) that I did not have the emotional bandwidth to parent a third child to my desired standards. Even going from 1 to 2 kids I saw what my first child lost.

My husband works long hours and is burnt out when he finishes so there is that too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a mom of 3 I find op’s post sus, as my kids would say. She does 75% when her dh is in office (so weekdays?) but also works full time and uses daycare? So like a nurse doing shift work? Regardless, three kids is not Much harder than 2 for us but 2 is where you go over the cliff into losing me time and leaning out at most jobs for at least one parent. Obviously there are caveats- family nearby helping, nanny or au pair, flexible work from home jobs, housekeepers, personal chefs, etc. and of course money makes everything easier.

3 makes logistics of things like travel a bit harder but the kids do play with eachother and the third is far more interested in his siblings than our attention. A big challenge is not to parentify the oldest (boy) and make sure he has his own activities. I see a lot of eldest (especially girls) slip into that role too easily.

Its fake or she's pretending as if you read the later post she has multiple nannies and household help. She's not doing much but supervising the help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have lots of friends with 1 or 2 kids and think everyone has their own reasons, but this thread is eye opening at how anti-natal and narcissistic parents of one child are. Not sure why most of y’all even had one kid if you think so little about them, and so much about yourselves.

I thought the problem with parents of one kid is that they give them too much attention and spoil them? Y'all need to get your stories straight.

You can never give a child too much attention.

I would disagree with that statement, depending on how you are describing attention. Love I'd agree with it, you can't give too much of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Different kids have different temperaments and it sounds like you have kids on the easier side. You must know the not all kids are built the same!

And every parent is different. I was surprised by how over stimulated I was after 2 kids. I don't think I had ever recognized being over stimulated in my life before that point. But the daily grind of it was enough to make me see the edges of my sanity. I could either be a good mother to my 2, or be only an okay mother to 3. So we stopped at 2.