Parents of small children - how are you managing RTO?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a mom who managed this problem pre covid. It's not that I want more women to be miserable. I agree that flexibility is priceless for working families and I also agree that RTO will have the largest negative impact on women and that is sad.

But I am also annoyed at how clueless and entitled some of these posts are! This is a common problem that until very recently we all dealt with. It's not a unique attack on you. You can figure it out.

I also agree with the poster who said people used to prioritize commute when buying a home. I recall making a test drive to pick my kids up and drive by our potential new home to see what that would be like before putting in an offer. We didnt put offers in to houses that had more difficult commutes. Even if we loved the space the daily reality of needing to pick up kids and get to from the office was most important.

Sorry it's changing abruptly but not sorry you can't understand that this is life.

So we should all give up are low mortgage rates and buy homes closer in (since there is an abundance of homes on the market and it the COL in DC is so reasonable). Plus uproot our kids from their schools, activities and friends. What a short sighted comment

You made a decision that fit your situation at that time. But it wasn't smart to not plan for a change in situation. The situation has changed so yes you have to pivot. A low mortgage rate on a house located inconveniently isn't a positive thing.

Ohh geese guess I should have used my
Magic 8 ball ten years ago to know this was coming…silly me to think it was smart to have a family and buy a home!

Literally this is real life! You dont need to know what the change may be but you need to anticipate that family and work obligations shift with time. Assuming what you had at time of home purchase was a life long guarantee is very short sighted. Adults understand contingency plans. It's not fun or pleasant but it is real life. If you chose to have kids you should have expected that to alter your commuting or working abilities in some ways.

Your earlier assertion was that individuals should be able to pivot on a whim, as if selling and buying a new home or relocating children is a trivial matter. You also seem to suggest that there shouldn't be any complaints about returning to the office (RTO) b/c every adult must have their entire life meticulously planned out, accounting for every possible contingency. That reality ain’t possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a mom who managed this problem pre covid. It's not that I want more women to be miserable. I agree that flexibility is priceless for working families and I also agree that RTO will have the largest negative impact on women and that is sad.

But I am also annoyed at how clueless and entitled some of these posts are! This is a common problem that until very recently we all dealt with. It's not a unique attack on you. You can figure it out.

I also agree with the poster who said people used to prioritize commute when buying a home. I recall making a test drive to pick my kids up and drive by our potential new home to see what that would be like before putting in an offer. We didnt put offers in to houses that had more difficult commutes. Even if we loved the space the daily reality of needing to pick up kids and get to from the office was most important.

Sorry it's changing abruptly but not sorry you can't understand that this is life.

So we should all give up are low mortgage rates and buy homes closer in (since there is an abundance of homes on the market and it the COL in DC is so reasonable). Plus uproot our kids from their schools, activities and friends. What a short sighted comment

You made a decision that fit your situation at that time. But it wasn't smart to not plan for a change in situation. The situation has changed so yes you have to pivot. A low mortgage rate on a house located inconveniently isn't a positive thing.

Ohh geese guess I should have used my
Magic 8 ball ten years ago to know this was coming…silly me to think it was smart to have a family and buy a home!

Literally this is real life! You dont need to know what the change may be but you need to anticipate that family and work obligations shift with time. Assuming what you had at time of home purchase was a life long guarantee is very short sighted. Adults understand contingency plans. It's not fun or pleasant but it is real life. If you chose to have kids you should have expected that to alter your commuting or working abilities in some ways.

Your earlier assertion was that individuals should be able to pivot on a whim, as if selling and buying a new home or relocating children is a trivial matter. You also seem to suggest that there shouldn't be any complaints about returning to the office (RTO) b/c every adult must have their entire life meticulously planned out, accounting for every possible contingency. That reality ain’t possible.

DP. We still have elementary school aged kids and made sure to keep before and after care for our kids all through COVID and beyond because we realized this RTO would potentially be a possibility. I’m sorry if you didn’t plan better. It’s not an expense that we wanted but are thankful to still have it, tens of thousands of dollars later. We bought our home knowing we each could commute to office five days a week. We have colleagues that get up at 4 am to make the in person office commute work. There’s going to be no sympathy with this administration if you’re looking for more flexibility. They want you to quit. Either embrace the change and costs or give in to their demands and quit. There’s really no middle ground.

[Anonymous]

Brought my kid into the office. Was told to go home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a mom who managed this problem pre covid. It's not that I want more women to be miserable. I agree that flexibility is priceless for working families and I also agree that RTO will have the largest negative impact on women and that is sad.

But I am also annoyed at how clueless and entitled some of these posts are! This is a common problem that until very recently we all dealt with. It's not a unique attack on you. You can figure it out.

I also agree with the poster who said people used to prioritize commute when buying a home. I recall making a test drive to pick my kids up and drive by our potential new home to see what that would be like before putting in an offer. We didnt put offers in to houses that had more difficult commutes. Even if we loved the space the daily reality of needing to pick up kids and get to from the office was most important.

Sorry it's changing abruptly but not sorry you can't understand that this is life.

So we should all give up are low mortgage rates and buy homes closer in (since there is an abundance of homes on the market and it the COL in DC is so reasonable). Plus uproot our kids from their schools, activities and friends. What a short sighted comment

You made a decision that fit your situation at that time. But it wasn't smart to not plan for a change in situation. The situation has changed so yes you have to pivot. A low mortgage rate on a house located inconveniently isn't a positive thing.

Ohh geese guess I should have used my
Magic 8 ball ten years ago to know this was coming…silly me to think it was smart to have a family and buy a home!

Literally this is real life! You dont need to know what the change may be but you need to anticipate that family and work obligations shift with time. Assuming what you had at time of home purchase was a life long guarantee is very short sighted. Adults understand contingency plans. It's not fun or pleasant but it is real life. If you chose to have kids you should have expected that to alter your commuting or working abilities in some ways.

Your earlier assertion was that individuals should be able to pivot on a whim, as if selling and buying a new home or relocating children is a trivial matter. You also seem to suggest that there shouldn't be any complaints about returning to the office (RTO) b/c every adult must have their entire life meticulously planned out, accounting for every possible contingency. That reality ain’t possible.

DP. We still have elementary school aged kids and made sure to keep before and after care for our kids all through COVID and beyond because we realized this RTO would potentially be a possibility. I’m sorry if you didn’t plan better. It’s not an expense that we wanted but are thankful to still have it, tens of thousands of dollars later. We bought our home knowing we each could commute to office five days a week. We have colleagues that get up at 4 am to make the in person office commute work. There’s going to be no sympathy with this administration if you’re looking for more flexibility. They want you to quit. Either embrace the change and costs or give in to their demands and quit. There’s really no middle ground.

DP. I don’t have kids, but posts like these completely ignore what’s happening.

The rescission of WFH is not some weather even that people should just “have planned for.” It is a policy decision, which its drafters have admitted exists for the express purpose of causing pain to workers so that they quit. This is not the fault of workers for not planning. It’s the fault of sadistic elected officials who have made it a policy to hurt citizens of their own country.

So yes, I have plenty of sympathy for employees in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I rode an hour long plus vanpool when I first started in the gov't. There was no telework. You had to figure it out.

Now I see people hopping off the computer and going to school pickup and then resuming work with their young kids in the house and thinking there is nothing wrong with it.

There is nothing wrong with it. Kids are allowed to be present in the home while teleworking. My kid being at home doesn't mean I'm not working.

"While the presence of dependents in the household should not be an absolute bar to teleworking, employees should not be engaging in dependent care activities when performing official duties. While an occasional, brief interruption may occur when a dependent is present in the home, teleworkers must be careful to keep interruptions to a minimum to avoid disruptions in work accomplishment."

https://www.opm.gov/telework/tmo-and-coordinators/dependent-care/

it is wrong moron, you can't care for children and work at the same time hire someone! You will need to follow the laws of your state

Telework and Dependent Care
While telework is not a substitute for dependent care, it can be a very valuable flexibility to employees with caregiving responsibilities, by eliminating time required to commute and expanding employees’ choices as to dependent care. Agencies and managers should recognize that employees use a variety of dependent care options, including agency on-site child care centers to ensure close proximity to young children as well as home-based supervision or child care arrangements (e.g., nanny, in-home babysitting by a family member or friend), which may be more cost effective or convenient. For teleworkers with in-home dependent care arrangements, it is important to remember that telework is official work time and a tool for accomplishing work. Employees are reminded that while teleworking, all workplace policies remain in place, including telework start/end times, rules regarding time and attendance, and employee expectations concerning performance and conduct.


Ages 8 and under: Children should always be under the care of a responsible person and should not be left unsupervised in homes, cars, playgrounds, or yards.

Ages 9 to 10: May be ready to be left unsupervised for up to 1.5 hours during daylight and early evening hours.

Ages 11 to 12: May be ready to be left unsupervised for up to 3 hours during daylight and early evening hours.

Ages 13 to 15: May be ready to be left unsupervised for more than 3 hours but not overnight.

Ages 16 and older: May be ready to be left unsupervised overnight for 1 to 2 days, with a plan in place.

The guidance you state is for children being left home alone entirely. My 8 year old watching a TV show in the basement has no bearing on my ability to complete my work.

You require childcare, we got a nanny until the kids were 15

You have to got to be kidding! The guidelines state is is OK to work with children in the home as long as you are not performing dependent care. So a kid fully occupied in the basement with a TV show for an hour is considered performing dependent care to you? Do you also consider someone working at 5 am or 9 pm while children are sleeping to be performing dependent care?

I actually have no skin in this as I'm part time and my hours fit within the time my kids are at school, but because my office has a lot of people on mommy track, this has been discussed extensively and the above scenarios were OK with management, who tracks work output closely.

correct, you must have separate childcare other than you for children under 15 if you are working from home and they are in the house. It would be like brining your child to work and leaving them in the conference room unattended.

[Anonymous]

Covid was in 2020, why were so many still working from home in 2025?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a mom who managed this problem pre covid. It's not that I want more women to be miserable. I agree that flexibility is priceless for working families and I also agree that RTO will have the largest negative impact on women and that is sad.

But I am also annoyed at how clueless and entitled some of these posts are! This is a common problem that until very recently we all dealt with. It's not a unique attack on you. You can figure it out.

I also agree with the poster who said people used to prioritize commute when buying a home. I recall making a test drive to pick my kids up and drive by our potential new home to see what that would be like before putting in an offer. We didnt put offers in to houses that had more difficult commutes. Even if we loved the space the daily reality of needing to pick up kids and get to from the office was most important.

Sorry it's changing abruptly but not sorry you can't understand that this is life.

So we should all give up are low mortgage rates and buy homes closer in (since there is an abundance of homes on the market and it the COL in DC is so reasonable). Plus uproot our kids from their schools, activities and friends. What a short sighted comment

You made a decision that fit your situation at that time. But it wasn't smart to not plan for a change in situation. The situation has changed so yes you have to pivot. A low mortgage rate on a house located inconveniently isn't a positive thing.

Ohh geese guess I should have used my
Magic 8 ball ten years ago to know this was coming…silly me to think it was smart to have a family and buy a home!

Literally this is real life! You dont need to know what the change may be but you need to anticipate that family and work obligations shift with time. Assuming what you had at time of home purchase was a life long guarantee is very short sighted. Adults understand contingency plans. It's not fun or pleasant but it is real life. If you chose to have kids you should have expected that to alter your commuting or working abilities in some ways.

Your earlier assertion was that individuals should be able to pivot on a whim, as if selling and buying a new home or relocating children is a trivial matter. You also seem to suggest that there shouldn't be any complaints about returning to the office (RTO) b/c every adult must have their entire life meticulously planned out, accounting for every possible contingency. That reality ain’t possible.

DP. We still have elementary school aged kids and made sure to keep before and after care for our kids all through COVID and beyond because we realized this RTO would potentially be a possibility. I’m sorry if you didn’t plan better. It’s not an expense that we wanted but are thankful to still have it, tens of thousands of dollars later. We bought our home knowing we each could commute to office five days a week. We have colleagues that get up at 4 am to make the in person office commute work. There’s going to be no sympathy with this administration if you’re looking for more flexibility. They want you to quit. Either embrace the change and costs or give in to their demands and quit. There’s really no middle ground.

DP. I don’t have kids, but posts like these completely ignore what’s happening.

The rescission of WFH is not some weather even that people should just “have planned for.” It is a policy decision, which its drafters have admitted exists for the express purpose of causing pain to workers so that they quit. This is not the fault of workers for not planning. It’s the fault of sadistic elected officials who have made it a policy to hurt citizens of their own country.

So yes, I have plenty of sympathy for employees in this situation.

. Thing is. The OP should’ve been looking at options immediately after the election. Why wait until now? This plan has been telegraphed for years. I’m sorry that they have to deal with this but it’s definitely been something that they should have expected beginning November 6th.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Covid was in 2020, why were so many still working from home in 2025?

Companies and the government were hiring remote workers and hybrid workers for years after 2020. Remote work and hybrid schedules were widely and intentionallyused as recruitment tools. How did you miss that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I rode an hour long plus vanpool when I first started in the gov't. There was no telework. You had to figure it out.

Now I see people hopping off the computer and going to school pickup and then resuming work with their young kids in the house and thinking there is nothing wrong with it.

There is nothing wrong with it. Kids are allowed to be present in the home while teleworking. My kid being at home doesn't mean I'm not working.

"While the presence of dependents in the household should not be an absolute bar to teleworking, employees should not be engaging in dependent care activities when performing official duties. While an occasional, brief interruption may occur when a dependent is present in the home, teleworkers must be careful to keep interruptions to a minimum to avoid disruptions in work accomplishment."

https://www.opm.gov/telework/tmo-and-coordinators/dependent-care/

it is wrong moron, you can't care for children and work at the same time hire someone! You will need to follow the laws of your state

Telework and Dependent Care
While telework is not a substitute for dependent care, it can be a very valuable flexibility to employees with caregiving responsibilities, by eliminating time required to commute and expanding employees’ choices as to dependent care. Agencies and managers should recognize that employees use a variety of dependent care options, including agency on-site child care centers to ensure close proximity to young children as well as home-based supervision or child care arrangements (e.g., nanny, in-home babysitting by a family member or friend), which may be more cost effective or convenient. For teleworkers with in-home dependent care arrangements, it is important to remember that telework is official work time and a tool for accomplishing work. Employees are reminded that while teleworking, all workplace policies remain in place, including telework start/end times, rules regarding time and attendance, and employee expectations concerning performance and conduct.


Ages 8 and under: Children should always be under the care of a responsible person and should not be left unsupervised in homes, cars, playgrounds, or yards.

Ages 9 to 10: May be ready to be left unsupervised for up to 1.5 hours during daylight and early evening hours.

Ages 11 to 12: May be ready to be left unsupervised for up to 3 hours during daylight and early evening hours.

Ages 13 to 15: May be ready to be left unsupervised for more than 3 hours but not overnight.

Ages 16 and older: May be ready to be left unsupervised overnight for 1 to 2 days, with a plan in place.

The guidance you state is for children being left home alone entirely. My 8 year old watching a TV show in the basement has no bearing on my ability to complete my work.

You require childcare, we got a nanny until the kids were 15

Lol! 15 year olds are nannys in some situations! Your poor helpless kids.

Right?! I'm actively searching for a 15 year old to walk my kids home from school twice a week and hang with them for two hours! (Aftercare isn't worth the cost when my spouse who works a mile from home can pick up the other 3 days.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Others are managing RTO without a village just like any other parents who work in person and don’t have a village. Having kids always has been a sacrifice for most people. You just had a reprieve for a few years.

A lot of child care centers decreased their hours and enrollment during the pandemic for safety reasons and haven’t been able to staff up to increase back to pre pandemic enrollment.

Parenthood has always been difficult, but I’ll put money on this delightful remark having come from someone ignorant to the fact that there is a dwindling supply of child care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Covid was in 2020, why were so many still working from home in 2025?

Because we’ve been working from home since 2013?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I rode an hour long plus vanpool when I first started in the gov't. There was no telework. You had to figure it out.

Now I see people hopping off the computer and going to school pickup and then resuming work with their young kids in the house and thinking there is nothing wrong with it.

There is nothing wrong with it. Kids are allowed to be present in the home while teleworking. My kid being at home doesn't mean I'm not working.

"While the presence of dependents in the household should not be an absolute bar to teleworking, employees should not be engaging in dependent care activities when performing official duties. While an occasional, brief interruption may occur when a dependent is present in the home, teleworkers must be careful to keep interruptions to a minimum to avoid disruptions in work accomplishment."

https://www.opm.gov/telework/tmo-and-coordinators/dependent-care/

And to add, dependent care for a 6 month old is very different from a 10 year old. A 6 month old would require a lot of care all day, which obviously someone needs daycare. But a 10 year old would be at school all day and should be able to figure something out for a little bit once they got home that doesn't involve bugging mom. But now with mom's added commute, the 10 year old can't be at home completely alone for 2 hours. My point though in posting is that a 10 year old being picked up from the bus stop is completely allowable in my interpretation.

Yeah I don't have sympathy here. I do not blame employers at all for calling for RTO for employees that do this. It is one thing to slowly give kids independence but to be completely unavailable to a child that can't be alone for 2 hours is irresponsible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I rode an hour long plus vanpool when I first started in the gov't. There was no telework. You had to figure it out.

Now I see people hopping off the computer and going to school pickup and then resuming work with their young kids in the house and thinking there is nothing wrong with it.

There is nothing wrong with it. Kids are allowed to be present in the home while teleworking. My kid being at home doesn't mean I'm not working.

"While the presence of dependents in the household should not be an absolute bar to teleworking, employees should not be engaging in dependent care activities when performing official duties. While an occasional, brief interruption may occur when a dependent is present in the home, teleworkers must be careful to keep interruptions to a minimum to avoid disruptions in work accomplishment."

https://www.opm.gov/telework/tmo-and-coordinators/dependent-care/

it is wrong moron, you can't care for children and work at the same time hire someone! You will need to follow the laws of your state

Telework and Dependent Care
While telework is not a substitute for dependent care, it can be a very valuable flexibility to employees with caregiving responsibilities, by eliminating time required to commute and expanding employees’ choices as to dependent care. Agencies and managers should recognize that employees use a variety of dependent care options, including agency on-site child care centers to ensure close proximity to young children as well as home-based supervision or child care arrangements (e.g., nanny, in-home babysitting by a family member or friend), which may be more cost effective or convenient. For teleworkers with in-home dependent care arrangements, it is important to remember that telework is official work time and a tool for accomplishing work. Employees are reminded that while teleworking, all workplace policies remain in place, including telework start/end times, rules regarding time and attendance, and employee expectations concerning performance and conduct.


Ages 8 and under: Children should always be under the care of a responsible person and should not be left unsupervised in homes, cars, playgrounds, or yards.

Ages 9 to 10: May be ready to be left unsupervised for up to 1.5 hours during daylight and early evening hours.

Ages 11 to 12: May be ready to be left unsupervised for up to 3 hours during daylight and early evening hours.

Ages 13 to 15: May be ready to be left unsupervised for more than 3 hours but not overnight.

Ages 16 and older: May be ready to be left unsupervised overnight for 1 to 2 days, with a plan in place.

The guidance you state is for children being left home alone entirely. My 8 year old watching a TV show in the basement has no bearing on my ability to complete my work.

You require childcare, we got a nanny until the kids were 15

You have to got to be kidding! The guidelines state is is OK to work with children in the home as long as you are not performing dependent care. So a kid fully occupied in the basement with a TV show for an hour is considered performing dependent care to you? Do you also consider someone working at 5 am or 9 pm while children are sleeping to be performing dependent care?

I actually have no skin in this as I'm part time and my hours fit within the time my kids are at school, but because my office has a lot of people on mommy track, this has been discussed extensively and the above scenarios were OK with management, who tracks work output closely.

correct, you must have separate childcare other than you for children under 15 if you are working from home and they are in the house. It would be like brining your child to work and leaving them in the conference room unattended.

Where do you get this magic age of 15 from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I rode an hour long plus vanpool when I first started in the gov't. There was no telework. You had to figure it out.

Now I see people hopping off the computer and going to school pickup and then resuming work with their young kids in the house and thinking there is nothing wrong with it.

There is nothing wrong with it. Kids are allowed to be present in the home while teleworking. My kid being at home doesn't mean I'm not working.

"While the presence of dependents in the household should not be an absolute bar to teleworking, employees should not be engaging in dependent care activities when performing official duties. While an occasional, brief interruption may occur when a dependent is present in the home, teleworkers must be careful to keep interruptions to a minimum to avoid disruptions in work accomplishment."

https://www.opm.gov/telework/tmo-and-coordinators/dependent-care/

And to add, dependent care for a 6 month old is very different from a 10 year old. A 6 month old would require a lot of care all day, which obviously someone needs daycare. But a 10 year old would be at school all day and should be able to figure something out for a little bit once they got home that doesn't involve bugging mom. But now with mom's added commute, the 10 year old can't be at home completely alone for 2 hours. My point though in posting is that a 10 year old being picked up from the bus stop is completely allowable in my interpretation.

Yeah I don't have sympathy here. I do not blame employers at all for calling for RTO for employees that do this. It is one thing to slowly give kids independence but to be completely unavailable to a child that can't be alone for 2 hours is irresponsible.

This poster did not say they were completely unavailable, just that the kid understands he is expected to let Mom work. Same as if Mom is in the office, he should not call her on the phone frivolously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I rode an hour long plus vanpool when I first started in the gov't. There was no telework. You had to figure it out.

Now I see people hopping off the computer and going to school pickup and then resuming work with their young kids in the house and thinking there is nothing wrong with it.

There is nothing wrong with it. Kids are allowed to be present in the home while teleworking. My kid being at home doesn't mean I'm not working.

"While the presence of dependents in the household should not be an absolute bar to teleworking, employees should not be engaging in dependent care activities when performing official duties. While an occasional, brief interruption may occur when a dependent is present in the home, teleworkers must be careful to keep interruptions to a minimum to avoid disruptions in work accomplishment."

https://www.opm.gov/telework/tmo-and-coordinators/dependent-care/

And to add, dependent care for a 6 month old is very different from a 10 year old. A 6 month old would require a lot of care all day, which obviously someone needs daycare. But a 10 year old would be at school all day and should be able to figure something out for a little bit once they got home that doesn't involve bugging mom. But now with mom's added commute, the 10 year old can't be at home completely alone for 2 hours. My point though in posting is that a 10 year old being picked up from the bus stop is completely allowable in my interpretation.

Yeah I don't have sympathy here. I do not blame employers at all for calling for RTO for employees that do this. It is one thing to slowly give kids independence but to be completely unavailable to a child that can't be alone for 2 hours is irresponsible.

Reread the policy. Minimal interruptions while not preferrable, are allowed while teleworking. That's really all the supervision a 10 year old needs. But thanks to RTO, a lot of 10 years olds will be home alone for 2 hours. I agree that is irresponsible.