Parents of small children - how are you managing RTO?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gotta do what ya gotta do.

We were spoiled with remote jobs.

But moms have been doing this for decades before.

Put your big girl pants on and learn to juggle a job and kids like the rest of us.

Your kids will get older and it gets easier. They will get more self sufficient.

Np. No moms haven’t been juggling like this. My grandmas were fired in the 50s as soon as they got pregnant. My mom and dhs mom worked part time/nights/weekends and made a lot less than they could have. Is this what society wants for women still?

Stupidly I thought I’d have more choices when I grew up. I should have chosen a major and career that would allow for part time work or had hours that fit schools. Dh and I both had flexible jobs with 1-2 days of telework that allowed both of us to be there for our kids and those are gone now.

Boomer and Genx women definitely juggled like you. Get a grip.

On the other hand, just because they juggled doesn't mean that's the standard of what we should continue to strive for. It's like brushing off the invention of the dishwasher because grandma has always hand washed dishes. Women should always be happy for technical advances that help make life easier for future women.

'

Then quit your job or make your husband stay home. The rest of us dealt with it, you can too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gotta do what ya gotta do.

We were spoiled with remote jobs.

But moms have been doing this for decades before.

Put your big girl pants on and learn to juggle a job and kids like the rest of us.

Your kids will get older and it gets easier. They will get more self sufficient.

Np. No moms haven’t been juggling like this. My grandmas were fired in the 50s as soon as they got pregnant. My mom and dhs mom worked part time/nights/weekends and made a lot less than they could have. Is this what society wants for women still?

Stupidly I thought I’d have more choices when I grew up. I should have chosen a major and career that would allow for part time work or had hours that fit schools. Dh and I both had flexible jobs with 1-2 days of telework that allowed both of us to be there for our kids and those are gone now.

Boomer and Genx women definitely juggled like you. Get a grip.

On the other hand, just because they juggled doesn't mean that's the standard of what we should continue to strive for. It's like brushing off the invention of the dishwasher because grandma has always hand washed dishes. Women should always be happy for technical advances that help make life easier for future women.

'

Then quit your job or make your husband stay home. The rest of us dealt with it, you can too.

Do you not use a dishwasher out of principle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a mom who managed this problem pre covid. It's not that I want more women to be miserable. I agree that flexibility is priceless for working families and I also agree that RTO will have the largest negative impact on women and that is sad.

But I am also annoyed at how clueless and entitled some of these posts are! This is a common problem that until very recently we all dealt with. It's not a unique attack on you. You can figure it out.

I also agree with the poster who said people used to prioritize commute when buying a home. I recall making a test drive to pick my kids up and drive by our potential new home to see what that would be like before putting in an offer. We didnt put offers in to houses that had more difficult commutes. Even if we loved the space the daily reality of needing to pick up kids and get to from the office was most important.

Sorry it's changing abruptly but not sorry you can't understand that this is life.

So we should all give up are low mortgage rates and buy homes closer in (since there is an abundance of homes on the market and it the COL in DC is so reasonable). Plus uproot our kids from their schools, activities and friends. What a short sighted comment

You made a decision that fit your situation at that time. But it wasn't smart to not plan for a change in situation. The situation has changed so yes you have to pivot. A low mortgage rate on a house located inconveniently isn't a positive thing.

Ohh geese guess I should have used my
Magic 8 ball ten years ago to know this was coming…silly me to think it was smart to have a family and buy a home!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gotta do what ya gotta do.

We were spoiled with remote jobs.

But moms have been doing this for decades before.

Put your big girl pants on and learn to juggle a job and kids like the rest of us.

Your kids will get older and it gets easier. They will get more self sufficient.

Np. No moms haven’t been juggling like this. My grandmas were fired in the 50s as soon as they got pregnant. My mom and dhs mom worked part time/nights/weekends and made a lot less than they could have. Is this what society wants for women still?

Stupidly I thought I’d have more choices when I grew up. I should have chosen a major and career that would allow for part time work or had hours that fit schools. Dh and I both had flexible jobs with 1-2 days of telework that allowed both of us to be there for our kids and those are gone now.

Boomer and Genx women definitely juggled like you. Get a grip.

On the other hand, just because they juggled doesn't mean that's the standard of what we should continue to strive for. It's like brushing off the invention of the dishwasher because grandma has always hand washed dishes. Women should always be happy for technical advances that help make life easier for future women.

'

Then quit your job or make your husband stay home. The rest of us dealt with it, you can too.

Do you not use a dishwasher out of principle?

Telework is better for kids and it's better for families. But hazing people is more important than either of those to these people.

[Anonymous]

I have an 8yo, 4yo, and 2yo. My 8yo is able to take the bus home, walk a block to our house and let herself in with the keypad. She texts me to let me know she's there (although I know bc I saw her on our security system). She does homework, reads, gets a snack, whatever for 2 hours until I am home. I pick up the 4yo/2yo from daycare on the way. So at worst, this is an 8 year problem if people are starting with a newborn (which many are not). Back to the days of teaching kids to be self sufficient rather than babying them until they are 10-12.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I rode an hour long plus vanpool when I first started in the gov't. There was no telework. You had to figure it out.

Now I see people hopping off the computer and going to school pickup and then resuming work with their young kids in the house and thinking there is nothing wrong with it.

There is nothing wrong with it. Kids are allowed to be present in the home while teleworking. My kid being at home doesn't mean I'm not working.

"While the presence of dependents in the household should not be an absolute bar to teleworking, employees should not be engaging in dependent care activities when performing official duties. While an occasional, brief interruption may occur when a dependent is present in the home, teleworkers must be careful to keep interruptions to a minimum to avoid disruptions in work accomplishment."

https://www.opm.gov/telework/tmo-and-coordinators/dependent-care/

it is wrong moron, you can't care for children and work at the same time hire someone! You will need to follow the laws of your state

Telework and Dependent Care
While telework is not a substitute for dependent care, it can be a very valuable flexibility to employees with caregiving responsibilities, by eliminating time required to commute and expanding employees’ choices as to dependent care. Agencies and managers should recognize that employees use a variety of dependent care options, including agency on-site child care centers to ensure close proximity to young children as well as home-based supervision or child care arrangements (e.g., nanny, in-home babysitting by a family member or friend), which may be more cost effective or convenient. For teleworkers with in-home dependent care arrangements, it is important to remember that telework is official work time and a tool for accomplishing work. Employees are reminded that while teleworking, all workplace policies remain in place, including telework start/end times, rules regarding time and attendance, and employee expectations concerning performance and conduct.


Ages 8 and under: Children should always be under the care of a responsible person and should not be left unsupervised in homes, cars, playgrounds, or yards.

Ages 9 to 10: May be ready to be left unsupervised for up to 1.5 hours during daylight and early evening hours.

Ages 11 to 12: May be ready to be left unsupervised for up to 3 hours during daylight and early evening hours.

Ages 13 to 15: May be ready to be left unsupervised for more than 3 hours but not overnight.

Ages 16 and older: May be ready to be left unsupervised overnight for 1 to 2 days, with a plan in place.

The guidance you state is for children being left home alone entirely. My 8 year old watching a TV show in the basement has no bearing on my ability to complete my work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I rode an hour long plus vanpool when I first started in the gov't. There was no telework. You had to figure it out.

Now I see people hopping off the computer and going to school pickup and then resuming work with their young kids in the house and thinking there is nothing wrong with it.

There is nothing wrong with it. Kids are allowed to be present in the home while teleworking. My kid being at home doesn't mean I'm not working.

"While the presence of dependents in the household should not be an absolute bar to teleworking, employees should not be engaging in dependent care activities when performing official duties. While an occasional, brief interruption may occur when a dependent is present in the home, teleworkers must be careful to keep interruptions to a minimum to avoid disruptions in work accomplishment."

https://www.opm.gov/telework/tmo-and-coordinators/dependent-care/

it is wrong moron, you can't care for children and work at the same time hire someone! You will need to follow the laws of your state

Telework and Dependent Care
While telework is not a substitute for dependent care, it can be a very valuable flexibility to employees with caregiving responsibilities, by eliminating time required to commute and expanding employees’ choices as to dependent care. Agencies and managers should recognize that employees use a variety of dependent care options, including agency on-site child care centers to ensure close proximity to young children as well as home-based supervision or child care arrangements (e.g., nanny, in-home babysitting by a family member or friend), which may be more cost effective or convenient. For teleworkers with in-home dependent care arrangements, it is important to remember that telework is official work time and a tool for accomplishing work. Employees are reminded that while teleworking, all workplace policies remain in place, including telework start/end times, rules regarding time and attendance, and employee expectations concerning performance and conduct.


Ages 8 and under: Children should always be under the care of a responsible person and should not be left unsupervised in homes, cars, playgrounds, or yards.

Ages 9 to 10: May be ready to be left unsupervised for up to 1.5 hours during daylight and early evening hours.

Ages 11 to 12: May be ready to be left unsupervised for up to 3 hours during daylight and early evening hours.

Ages 13 to 15: May be ready to be left unsupervised for more than 3 hours but not overnight.

Ages 16 and older: May be ready to be left unsupervised overnight for 1 to 2 days, with a plan in place.

The guidance you state is for children being left home alone entirely. My 8 year old watching a TV show in the basement has no bearing on my ability to complete my work.

You require childcare, we got a nanny until the kids were 15

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gotta do what ya gotta do.

We were spoiled with remote jobs.

But moms have been doing this for decades before.

Put your big girl pants on and learn to juggle a job and kids like the rest of us.

Your kids will get older and it gets easier. They will get more self sufficient.

Np. No moms haven’t been juggling like this. My grandmas were fired in the 50s as soon as they got pregnant. My mom and dhs mom worked part time/nights/weekends and made a lot less than they could have. Is this what society wants for women still?

Stupidly I thought I’d have more choices when I grew up. I should have chosen a major and career that would allow for part time work or had hours that fit schools. Dh and I both had flexible jobs with 1-2 days of telework that allowed both of us to be there for our kids and those are gone now.

Boomer and Genx women definitely juggled like you. Get a grip.

On the other hand, just because they juggled doesn't mean that's the standard of what we should continue to strive for. It's like brushing off the invention of the dishwasher because grandma has always hand washed dishes. Women should always be happy for technical advances that help make life easier for future women.

'

Then quit your job or make your husband stay home. The rest of us dealt with it, you can too.

Again: Misery loves company is not a valid argument.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gotta do what ya gotta do.

We were spoiled with remote jobs.

But moms have been doing this for decades before.

Put your big girl pants on and learn to juggle a job and kids like the rest of us.

Your kids will get older and it gets easier. They will get more self sufficient.

Np. No moms haven’t been juggling like this. My grandmas were fired in the 50s as soon as they got pregnant. My mom and dhs mom worked part time/nights/weekends and made a lot less than they could have. Is this what society wants for women still?

Stupidly I thought I’d have more choices when I grew up. I should have chosen a major and career that would allow for part time work or had hours that fit schools. Dh and I both had flexible jobs with 1-2 days of telework that allowed both of us to be there for our kids and those are gone now.

Boomer and Genx women definitely juggled like you. Get a grip.

On the other hand, just because they juggled doesn't mean that's the standard of what we should continue to strive for. It's like brushing off the invention of the dishwasher because grandma has always hand washed dishes. Women should always be happy for technical advances that help make life easier for future women.

'

Then quit your job or make your husband stay home. The rest of us dealt with it, you can too.

Do you not use a dishwasher out of principle?

Telework is better for kids and it's better for families. But hazing people is more important than either of those to these people.

This.

This is not about anything positive. It's about punishment, plain and simple. OMB Director said it explicitly: he aims to make working so miserable feds will want to leave. Just so we're clear about the "why" here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gotta do what ya gotta do.

We were spoiled with remote jobs.

But moms have been doing this for decades before.

Put your big girl pants on and learn to juggle a job and kids like the rest of us.

Your kids will get older and it gets easier. They will get more self sufficient.

Np. No moms haven’t been juggling like this. My grandmas were fired in the 50s as soon as they got pregnant. My mom and dhs mom worked part time/nights/weekends and made a lot less than they could have. Is this what society wants for women still?

Stupidly I thought I’d have more choices when I grew up. I should have chosen a major and career that would allow for part time work or had hours that fit schools. Dh and I both had flexible jobs with 1-2 days of telework that allowed both of us to be there for our kids and those are gone now.

Boomer and Genx women definitely juggled like you. Get a grip.

On the other hand, just because they juggled doesn't mean that's the standard of what we should continue to strive for. It's like brushing off the invention of the dishwasher because grandma has always hand washed dishes. Women should always be happy for technical advances that help make life easier for future women.

'

Then quit your job or make your husband stay home. The rest of us dealt with it, you can too.

Do you not use a dishwasher out of principle?

Telework is better for kids and it's better for families. But hazing people is more important than either of those to these people.

This.

This is not about anything positive. It's about punishment, plain and simple. OMB Director said it explicitly: he aims to make working so miserable feds will want to leave. Just so we're clear about the "why" here.

Seriously. What’s the counterargument here? “I know he said it’s only to terrorize people and cripple our government, but it seems like a good idea if I ignore all context!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I rode an hour long plus vanpool when I first started in the gov't. There was no telework. You had to figure it out.

Now I see people hopping off the computer and going to school pickup and then resuming work with their young kids in the house and thinking there is nothing wrong with it.

There is nothing wrong with it. Kids are allowed to be present in the home while teleworking. My kid being at home doesn't mean I'm not working.

"While the presence of dependents in the household should not be an absolute bar to teleworking, employees should not be engaging in dependent care activities when performing official duties. While an occasional, brief interruption may occur when a dependent is present in the home, teleworkers must be careful to keep interruptions to a minimum to avoid disruptions in work accomplishment."

https://www.opm.gov/telework/tmo-and-coordinators/dependent-care/

it is wrong moron, you can't care for children and work at the same time hire someone! You will need to follow the laws of your state

Telework and Dependent Care
While telework is not a substitute for dependent care, it can be a very valuable flexibility to employees with caregiving responsibilities, by eliminating time required to commute and expanding employees’ choices as to dependent care. Agencies and managers should recognize that employees use a variety of dependent care options, including agency on-site child care centers to ensure close proximity to young children as well as home-based supervision or child care arrangements (e.g., nanny, in-home babysitting by a family member or friend), which may be more cost effective or convenient. For teleworkers with in-home dependent care arrangements, it is important to remember that telework is official work time and a tool for accomplishing work. Employees are reminded that while teleworking, all workplace policies remain in place, including telework start/end times, rules regarding time and attendance, and employee expectations concerning performance and conduct.


Ages 8 and under: Children should always be under the care of a responsible person and should not be left unsupervised in homes, cars, playgrounds, or yards.

Ages 9 to 10: May be ready to be left unsupervised for up to 1.5 hours during daylight and early evening hours.

Ages 11 to 12: May be ready to be left unsupervised for up to 3 hours during daylight and early evening hours.

Ages 13 to 15: May be ready to be left unsupervised for more than 3 hours but not overnight.

Ages 16 and older: May be ready to be left unsupervised overnight for 1 to 2 days, with a plan in place.

The guidance you state is for children being left home alone entirely. My 8 year old watching a TV show in the basement has no bearing on my ability to complete my work.

You require childcare, we got a nanny until the kids were 15

You have to got to be kidding! The guidelines state is is OK to work with children in the home as long as you are not performing dependent care. So a kid fully occupied in the basement with a TV show for an hour is considered performing dependent care to you? Do you also consider someone working at 5 am or 9 pm while children are sleeping to be performing dependent care?

I actually have no skin in this as I'm part time and my hours fit within the time my kids are at school, but because my office has a lot of people on mommy track, this has been discussed extensively and the above scenarios were OK with management, who tracks work output closely.

[Anonymous]

Before care and after care, that’s how it was before Covid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a mom who managed this problem pre covid. It's not that I want more women to be miserable. I agree that flexibility is priceless for working families and I also agree that RTO will have the largest negative impact on women and that is sad.

But I am also annoyed at how clueless and entitled some of these posts are! This is a common problem that until very recently we all dealt with. It's not a unique attack on you. You can figure it out.

I also agree with the poster who said people used to prioritize commute when buying a home. I recall making a test drive to pick my kids up and drive by our potential new home to see what that would be like before putting in an offer. We didnt put offers in to houses that had more difficult commutes. Even if we loved the space the daily reality of needing to pick up kids and get to from the office was most important.

Sorry it's changing abruptly but not sorry you can't understand that this is life.

So we should all give up are low mortgage rates and buy homes closer in (since there is an abundance of homes on the market and it the COL in DC is so reasonable). Plus uproot our kids from their schools, activities and friends. What a short sighted comment

You made a decision that fit your situation at that time. But it wasn't smart to not plan for a change in situation. The situation has changed so yes you have to pivot. A low mortgage rate on a house located inconveniently isn't a positive thing.

Ohh geese guess I should have used my
Magic 8 ball ten years ago to know this was coming…silly me to think it was smart to have a family and buy a home!

Literally this is real life! You dont need to know what the change may be but you need to anticipate that family and work obligations shift with time. Assuming what you had at time of home purchase was a life long guarantee is very short sighted. Adults understand contingency plans. It's not fun or pleasant but it is real life. If you chose to have kids you should have expected that to alter your commuting or working abilities in some ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I rode an hour long plus vanpool when I first started in the gov't. There was no telework. You had to figure it out.

Now I see people hopping off the computer and going to school pickup and then resuming work with their young kids in the house and thinking there is nothing wrong with it.

There is nothing wrong with it. Kids are allowed to be present in the home while teleworking. My kid being at home doesn't mean I'm not working.

"While the presence of dependents in the household should not be an absolute bar to teleworking, employees should not be engaging in dependent care activities when performing official duties. While an occasional, brief interruption may occur when a dependent is present in the home, teleworkers must be careful to keep interruptions to a minimum to avoid disruptions in work accomplishment."

https://www.opm.gov/telework/tmo-and-coordinators/dependent-care/

it is wrong moron, you can't care for children and work at the same time hire someone! You will need to follow the laws of your state

Telework and Dependent Care
While telework is not a substitute for dependent care, it can be a very valuable flexibility to employees with caregiving responsibilities, by eliminating time required to commute and expanding employees’ choices as to dependent care. Agencies and managers should recognize that employees use a variety of dependent care options, including agency on-site child care centers to ensure close proximity to young children as well as home-based supervision or child care arrangements (e.g., nanny, in-home babysitting by a family member or friend), which may be more cost effective or convenient. For teleworkers with in-home dependent care arrangements, it is important to remember that telework is official work time and a tool for accomplishing work. Employees are reminded that while teleworking, all workplace policies remain in place, including telework start/end times, rules regarding time and attendance, and employee expectations concerning performance and conduct.


Ages 8 and under: Children should always be under the care of a responsible person and should not be left unsupervised in homes, cars, playgrounds, or yards.

Ages 9 to 10: May be ready to be left unsupervised for up to 1.5 hours during daylight and early evening hours.

Ages 11 to 12: May be ready to be left unsupervised for up to 3 hours during daylight and early evening hours.

Ages 13 to 15: May be ready to be left unsupervised for more than 3 hours but not overnight.

Ages 16 and older: May be ready to be left unsupervised overnight for 1 to 2 days, with a plan in place.

The guidance you state is for children being left home alone entirely. My 8 year old watching a TV show in the basement has no bearing on my ability to complete my work.

You require childcare, we got a nanny until the kids were 15

Lol! 15 year olds are nannys in some situations! Your poor helpless kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a mom who managed this problem pre covid. It's not that I want more women to be miserable. I agree that flexibility is priceless for working families and I also agree that RTO will have the largest negative impact on women and that is sad.

But I am also annoyed at how clueless and entitled some of these posts are! This is a common problem that until very recently we all dealt with. It's not a unique attack on you. You can figure it out.

I also agree with the poster who said people used to prioritize commute when buying a home. I recall making a test drive to pick my kids up and drive by our potential new home to see what that would be like before putting in an offer. We didnt put offers in to houses that had more difficult commutes. Even if we loved the space the daily reality of needing to pick up kids and get to from the office was most important.

Sorry it's changing abruptly but not sorry you can't understand that this is life.

So we should all give up are low mortgage rates and buy homes closer in (since there is an abundance of homes on the market and it the COL in DC is so reasonable). Plus uproot our kids from their schools, activities and friends. What a short sighted comment

You made a decision that fit your situation at that time. But it wasn't smart to not plan for a change in situation. The situation has changed so yes you have to pivot. A low mortgage rate on a house located inconveniently isn't a positive thing.

Ohh geese guess I should have used my
Magic 8 ball ten years ago to know this was coming…silly me to think it was smart to have a family and buy a home!

Literally this is real life! You dont need to know what the change may be but you need to anticipate that family and work obligations shift with time. Assuming what you had at time of home purchase was a life long guarantee is very short sighted. Adults understand contingency plans. It's not fun or pleasant but it is real life. If you chose to have kids you should have expected that to alter your commuting or working abilities in some ways.

And now the real DCUM lunatics come out.

I guess it's clear why Trump is POTUS again.