No Kids at Wedding - Why So Much Anger?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's fine for random friends' kids, but my 12 year old would be sad if she was not invited to her uncle's wedding.

And it's alright for her to be sad. Not everything is about her. 12 is a fine age to learn that.

A 12 year old should be invited. Or, she learns she isn't family. Hope this uncle doesn't expect the 12 year old to babysit his kids or have a relationship.

Is she not family if a dinner is hosted at a bar? Or if you attend an 18+ comedy show? There is no rule that "12 year olds should be invited".

Not inviting a 12 year old to an 18+ comedy show: normal.
Not inviting a 12 year old to an immediate (or near immediate) family members church wedding and dinner/ dancing reception: not normal.

See that is where you are wrong. It is normal for the B/G to decide how they want their reception and wedding to be. If they chose adults only, that is normal. Or they can choose infants to 100+, once again their choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My cousin had an absolute hissy fit that I opted not to come to her adults-only destination wedding when my baby was 9 months old. "I can't believe you're doing this, I came to your wedding!" She's refused to speak to me ever since and spent in inordinate amount of time badmouthing me to the rest of the family. Whatever.

So the issue there is definately your cousin. She got to choose her wedding format, and you as an invited guest get to choose to attend or not. She is the idiot in this case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is very unusual not to have your own family at the wedding. Even at adult only weddings, the nieces and nephews are flower girls and ring bearers. Family is always invited; other guests should not bring uninvited kids.

No what is unusual is to not follow the wishes of the bride and groom. If they want your kids to attend, they will invite them. Otherwise enjoy a nice night out without them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

bride/groomzillas?
As has been pointed out, THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU DECLINE. Why do you think you're so special? Just send a gift and decline. Done.

There have been examples in this very thread of bride/groomzillas getting very angry and having tantrums because people politely declined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin had an absolute hissy fit that I opted not to come to her adults-only destination wedding when my baby was 9 months old. "I can't believe you're doing this, I came to your wedding!" She's refused to speak to me ever since and spent in inordinate amount of time badmouthing me to the rest of the family. Whatever.

+1

I’m fine with kid free weddings but it does work both ways. DH’s brother also had a kid free destination wedding at an adult only resort- we had infant twins at the time. DH went to the wedding alone (with a very quick turnaround- was there for under 48hrs). ILs were miffed but oh well.

Yeah the ILs are the issue here. They should have expected that. Even if it was at a destination where you could bring the infants, I wouldn't leave a 9 month old (let alone twins) with a stranger in a strange location). But your BIL should have realized this when they planned the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

bride/groomzillas?
As has been pointed out, THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU DECLINE. Why do you think you're so special? Just send a gift and decline. Done.

There have been examples in this very thread of bride/groomzillas getting very angry and having tantrums because people politely declined.

There are far more of people getting mad their own kids aren't invited. Curiously all those examples are second hand so may be very exaggerated. Not a single poster has said they were mad someone didn't attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll attend local (within an hour) childfree weddings. I won’t use leave or fly for them.

If you’re looking for my participation in a weekend extravaganza with rehearsal and brunch then my family is in the package.

But I have no problem sending regrets if that’s not your vision.

And that is how it's done! Totally your choice to send regrets. And totally good choice for the B/G to want 18+ wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So back to the thread title- why so angry? I do agree that the angriest people seem to be the people whose children are not invited and that is puzzling.

From what I can tell, BG accept the declines graciously.

Has anyone actually been harangued by a BG for declining a wedding invite? I certainly have not.

Yes, I have. I didn’t decline because of kids but because of the expense of the travel involved, which was prohibitively expensive at the time. Bride was very angry, relationship never recovered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

Really ask yourselves if the bride/groom (or bride/bride, or groom/groom, people…I’m the first to mention those possibilities in a dozen page) care, or if their parents care. When I wasn’t able to go to my cousin’s destination wedding, she understood completely but her mother called my mother and was worked up in a right froth over it. (My parents weren’t able to go, either, which is rather the point of many a destination wedding.)

If you truly want a large group of family/friends to attend your wedding, you do not do a destination wedding, or if you do, you must offer to pay airfare, meals, hotel for all.
Otherwise, the entire point of a "destination wedding" IMO is to cull the guest list and get rid of people/family who you don't care if they attend...it's an easy way to to get your 40 person wedding when you have a large extended family (half of whom the B/G may not have met more than once or at all).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

bride/groomzillas?
As has been pointed out, THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU DECLINE. Why do you think you're so special? Just send a gift and decline. Done.

Exactly!

And if they truly care, they would call you and discuss "hey I know it's 18+ and you have two cute toddlers. We'd love for both of you to attend and I've gotten a list of amazing sitters from my friend/sfamily/coworkers and would love to help arrange sitters for you if you are able to come".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

bride/groomzillas?
As has been pointed out, THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU DECLINE. Why do you think you're so special? Just send a gift and decline. Done.

There have been examples in this very thread of bride/groomzillas getting very angry and having tantrums because people politely declined.

There are far more of people getting mad their own kids aren't invited. Curiously all those examples are second hand so may be very exaggerated. Not a single poster has said they were mad someone didn't attend.

Nobody believes they are a groom/bridezilla so they aren’t going to post about the tantrum they threw because people declined their wedding invitation. That doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, and there have been multiple posters who have talked about very angry brides/grooms who threw tantrums and worse when the poster declined.

If you believe no bride is a bridezilla, you may need to look at your own behavior.

[Anonymous]

Brides who want to control their wedding like that are narcissists so of course they’ll be upset if you don’t go. They’d prefer more people there to give them complete attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So back to the thread title- why so angry? I do agree that the angriest people seem to be the people whose children are not invited and that is puzzling.

From what I can tell, BG accept the declines graciously.

Has anyone actually been harangued by a BG for declining a wedding invite? I certainly have not.

Yes, I have. I didn’t decline because of kids but because of the expense of the travel involved, which was prohibitively expensive at the time. Bride was very angry, relationship never recovered.

The only time I've heard of this is after the bride shelled out $$$ to host an expensive bachelorette party, bought a $500 dress to be a bridesmaid, and flew to some rural place to attend the decliner's wedding. They are pissed the favor wasn't returned after all they did for that person. So, PP did you get married before your friend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

bride/groomzillas?
As has been pointed out, THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU DECLINE. Why do you think you're so special? Just send a gift and decline. Done.

so why invite someone if you don’t actually care if they’ll be there? Are they props for you photos?

They "care" and would love to have you come, but they are not idiots and understand that not everyone will be able to attend. SO they graciously accept declines, like a normal adult does with RSVP'd events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

bride/groomzillas?
As has been pointed out, THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU DECLINE. Why do you think you're so special? Just send a gift and decline. Done.

There have been examples in this very thread of bride/groomzillas getting very angry and having tantrums because people politely declined.

There are far more of people getting mad their own kids aren't invited. Curiously all those examples are second hand so may be very exaggerated. Not a single poster has said they were mad someone didn't attend.

Nobody believes they are a groom/bridezilla so they aren’t going to post about the tantrum they threw because people declined their wedding invitation. That doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, and there have been multiple posters who have talked about very angry brides/grooms who threw tantrums and worse when the poster declined.

If you believe no bride is a bridezilla, you may need to look at your own behavior.

My own behavior? Or maybe I and everyone I know is normal. People who know bridezillas probably have a lot of drama in their lives. Look at your own behavior, friend.