When can you call yourself a single mother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So all the men with kids who aren’t married are single dads regardless of how often they see their kids?

I think using marital status (single) and procreation (have a child) to equal being a single mother or single father misses the spirit of the word.

What is the “spirit of the word”, oh great arbiter of language?

From the OP it sounds like “single mom” can only be used by those with 1) significant financial hardship and 2) no nights off. By that rendering only poor unmarried mothers with no Nannie’s, relatives, or friends can be single moms.

Ths spirit of the world is that the other parent is not in the picture at all, whether it’s because the father walked out of the child’s life, is imprisoned, on drugs, etc.; or through sperm donation. SMBCs may be wealthy, have help, but they are single moms because there is no dad!!

It’s bizarre how many divorced, successfully coparenting women are trying to die on this hill that they’re single moms. The average person on the street will not see you as a single mom no matter how strongly you identify as such. You may try to control what other people think by manipulating language and playing petty logic games, but at the end of the day you live in a society and a reality that don’t have to conform to your own inner opinions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When the father has minimal custody (like over the summer or a few times per year or less) and doesn't really help financially. Otherwise you are a coparent. Hell, "single parenting" 50% of the time sounds like a freakin' vacation compared to my life. I fantasize about it often.

You have a full other human in your house and you think she has it easier?

Let me guess “mental load”?

Too controlling?
Go to the gym girl and work that out the kids will be fine alone with dad.

Queue the bemoaning … but they won’t get veggies with dinner trooe.

LOL, yes. I do. I am the primary caregiver. I have almost zero time to myself. Having 3 days/week where I only have to feed myself and am not dealing with my SN kid sounds glorious with where I am in my life right now. I would love to be able to piss without my kids starting to scream at each other. I would love to wake up and get ready for work in the morning without feeding 2 kids and making 2 lunches while constantly doing conflict resolution and managing my SN kid's emotions 100% of the time. I would love to be able to go out with a friend at night every once in a while instead of being home because DH has a demanding job. Glorious, I tell you.

You’re jealous of your friend. It’s not her fault you married a husband with a demanding job and have 2 demanding kids. Create a better life for yourself and stop being so envious. It’s not good for your mental health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So all the men with kids who aren’t married are single dads regardless of how often they see their kids?

I think using marital status (single) and procreation (have a child) to equal being a single mother or single father misses the spirit of the word.

What is the “spirit of the word”, oh great arbiter of language?

From the OP it sounds like “single mom” can only be used by those with 1) significant financial hardship and 2) no nights off. By that rendering only poor unmarried mothers with no Nannie’s, relatives, or friends can be single moms.

Ths spirit of the world is that the other parent is not in the picture at all, whether it’s because the father walked out of the child’s life, is imprisoned, on drugs, etc.; or through sperm donation. SMBCs may be wealthy, have help, but they are single moms because there is no dad!!

It’s bizarre how many divorced, successfully coparenting women are trying to die on this hill that they’re single moms. The average person on the street will not see you as a single mom no matter how strongly you identify as such. You may try to control what other people think by manipulating language and playing petty logic games, but at the end of the day you live in a society and a reality that don’t have to conform to your own inner opinions.

Incorrect. That's not what single mom means, and I think you are living in some fantasy where people on the street see things the same way you do. Single mom is a mom who is not married and is raising at least one child. The rest is just variations on single mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So all the men with kids who aren’t married are single dads regardless of how often they see their kids?

I think using marital status (single) and procreation (have a child) to equal being a single mother or single father misses the spirit of the word.

What is the “spirit of the word”, oh great arbiter of language?

From the OP it sounds like “single mom” can only be used by those with 1) significant financial hardship and 2) no nights off. By that rendering only poor unmarried mothers with no Nannie’s, relatives, or friends can be single moms.

Ths spirit of the world is that the other parent is not in the picture at all, whether it’s because the father walked out of the child’s life, is imprisoned, on drugs, etc.; or through sperm donation. SMBCs may be wealthy, have help, but they are single moms because there is no dad!!

It’s bizarre how many divorced, successfully coparenting women are trying to die on this hill that they’re single moms. The average person on the street will not see you as a single mom no matter how strongly you identify as such. You may try to control what other people think by manipulating language and playing petty logic games, but at the end of the day you live in a society and a reality that don’t have to conform to your own inner opinions.

Incorrect. That's not what single mom means, and I think you are living in some fantasy where people on the street see things the same way you do. Single mom is a mom who is not married and is raising at least one child. The rest is just variations on single mom.

+1

The previous poster who is stuck on the whole single moms term thing, maybe they should consider thinking about other things to keep themselves occupied. They seem to be obsessed with this and they're also not right, so there's that. It can't be good for their mental health to obsess over this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So all the men with kids who aren’t married are single dads regardless of how often they see their kids?

I think using marital status (single) and procreation (have a child) to equal being a single mother or single father misses the spirit of the word.

What is the “spirit of the word”, oh great arbiter of language?

From the OP it sounds like “single mom” can only be used by those with 1) significant financial hardship and 2) no nights off. By that rendering only poor unmarried mothers with no Nannie’s, relatives, or friends can be single moms.

Ths spirit of the world is that the other parent is not in the picture at all, whether it’s because the father walked out of the child’s life, is imprisoned, on drugs, etc.; or through sperm donation. SMBCs may be wealthy, have help, but they are single moms because there is no dad!!

It’s bizarre how many divorced, successfully coparenting women are trying to die on this hill that they’re single moms. The average person on the street will not see you as a single mom no matter how strongly you identify as such. You may try to control what other people think by manipulating language and playing petty logic games, but at the end of the day you live in a society and a reality that don’t have to conform to your own inner opinions.

Incorrect. That's not what single mom means, and I think you are living in some fantasy where people on the street see things the same way you do. Single mom is a mom who is not married and is raising at least one child. The rest is just variations on single mom.

+1

The previous poster who is stuck on the whole single moms term thing, maybe they should consider thinking about other things to keep themselves occupied. They seem to be obsessed with this and they're also not right, so there's that. It can't be good for their mental health to obsess over this.

Discussing “the whole single moms term thing” is *literally* the point of this entire thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So all the men with kids who aren’t married are single dads regardless of how often they see their kids?

I think using marital status (single) and procreation (have a child) to equal being a single mother or single father misses the spirit of the word.

What is the “spirit of the word”, oh great arbiter of language?

From the OP it sounds like “single mom” can only be used by those with 1) significant financial hardship and 2) no nights off. By that rendering only poor unmarried mothers with no Nannie’s, relatives, or friends can be single moms.

Ths spirit of the world is that the other parent is not in the picture at all, whether it’s because the father walked out of the child’s life, is imprisoned, on drugs, etc.; or through sperm donation. SMBCs may be wealthy, have help, but they are single moms because there is no dad!!

It’s bizarre how many divorced, successfully coparenting women are trying to die on this hill that they’re single moms. The average person on the street will not see you as a single mom no matter how strongly you identify as such. You may try to control what other people think by manipulating language and playing petty logic games, but at the end of the day you live in a society and a reality that don’t have to conform to your own inner opinions.

If the Dad is in the picture AT ALL she’s not a single mom to you?

So a woman who has her kids all the time except maybe a week or two during the summer isn’t a single mom? What about a woman who has her kids all the time except every other weekend?

That’s a single mom to me.

Nice that Dad is somewhat involved with the kids, but that’s not really coparenting. Mom is doing all the work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So all the men with kids who aren’t married are single dads regardless of how often they see their kids?

I think using marital status (single) and procreation (have a child) to equal being a single mother or single father misses the spirit of the word.

What is the “spirit of the word”, oh great arbiter of language?

From the OP it sounds like “single mom” can only be used by those with 1) significant financial hardship and 2) no nights off. By that rendering only poor unmarried mothers with no Nannie’s, relatives, or friends can be single moms.

Ths spirit of the world is that the other parent is not in the picture at all, whether it’s because the father walked out of the child’s life, is imprisoned, on drugs, etc.; or through sperm donation. SMBCs may be wealthy, have help, but they are single moms because there is no dad!!

It’s bizarre how many divorced, successfully coparenting women are trying to die on this hill that they’re single moms. The average person on the street will not see you as a single mom no matter how strongly you identify as such. You may try to control what other people think by manipulating language and playing petty logic games, but at the end of the day you live in a society and a reality that don’t have to conform to your own inner opinions.

What's your marital situation? Because unless you're widowed, SMBC, or whatever else you think qualifies as a single mom, STFU. My guess is you're a bitter married woman with a useless husband and you're jealous of the women who say they're single because you want people to feel even more sorry for you.

[Anonymous]

It’s so weird to me how much effort some women put into trying to tear other women down. It’s not enough that governments are trying to police our bodies- other women have to police how we look, speak, and feel.

She is a single person who is a mother. I guess she could call herself a divorced coparent or something else. Maybe you should suggest she do that for your satisfaction and comfort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So all the men with kids who aren’t married are single dads regardless of how often they see their kids?

I think using marital status (single) and procreation (have a child) to equal being a single mother or single father misses the spirit of the word.

What is the “spirit of the word”, oh great arbiter of language?

From the OP it sounds like “single mom” can only be used by those with 1) significant financial hardship and 2) no nights off. By that rendering only poor unmarried mothers with no Nannie’s, relatives, or friends can be single moms.

Ths spirit of the world is that the other parent is not in the picture at all, whether it’s because the father walked out of the child’s life, is imprisoned, on drugs, etc.; or through sperm donation. SMBCs may be wealthy, have help, but they are single moms because there is no dad!!

It’s bizarre how many divorced, successfully coparenting women are trying to die on this hill that they’re single moms. The average person on the street will not see you as a single mom no matter how strongly you identify as such. You may try to control what other people think by manipulating language and playing petty logic games, but at the end of the day you live in a society and a reality that don’t have to conform to your own inner opinions.

What's absolutely crazy is that you're on page 16 of this thread dying on a hill over who qualifies as a single mom! It's really not worth this much thought or effort (signed, no longer single mom cause now I'm married to my kids step dad...).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s so weird to me how much effort some women put into trying to tear other women down. It’s not enough that governments are trying to police our bodies- other women have to police how we look, speak, and feel.

She is a single person who is a mother. I guess she could call herself a divorced coparent or something else. Maybe you should suggest she do that for your satisfaction and comfort.

Seriously, drama llama? It’s “tearing women down” to not agree with them on everything they say and think?

Getting called out on your BS isn’t the same thing as being “policed” BTW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s so weird to me how much effort some women put into trying to tear other women down. It’s not enough that governments are trying to police our bodies- other women have to police how we look, speak, and feel.

She is a single person who is a mother. I guess she could call herself a divorced coparent or something else. Maybe you should suggest she do that for your satisfaction and comfort.

Seriously, drama llama? It’s “tearing women down” to not agree with them on everything they say and think?

Getting called out on your BS isn’t the same thing as being “policed” BTW.

Sure it’s policing. So worried over the semantics of what a women calls herself that have nothing to do with you. Tearing down because it’s another form of mom shaming cloaked in something else by someone who calls you “friend”. Because at the suffering Olympics, no one can have it easier than you in your perception, or pinpoint anything hard that you can’t compete with.

The complaint here is that now this divorced woman has all this luxury time as though she probably isn’t suffering the financial implications of divorce and missing her kids like crazy. Holidays that were once all together get spent apart, and possibly completely alone. As hard as always being “on” as a parent, I can’t even imagine how that feels. That to me is what earns the “single” title as well as the ones slogging 100% - when you are alone, you are missing *everything*.

And this fight seems to be woman specific. I don’t think men are sitting around worried about who is calling themselves a single dad. Women also aren’t worried about the ones calling themselves single dads. It’s only other women they want to complain about. And it’s hateful and weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So all the men with kids who aren’t married are single dads regardless of how often they see their kids?

I think using marital status (single) and procreation (have a child) to equal being a single mother or single father misses the spirit of the word.

What is the “spirit of the word”, oh great arbiter of language?

From the OP it sounds like “single mom” can only be used by those with 1) significant financial hardship and 2) no nights off. By that rendering only poor unmarried mothers with no Nannie’s, relatives, or friends can be single moms.

Ths spirit of the world is that the other parent is not in the picture at all, whether it’s because the father walked out of the child’s life, is imprisoned, on drugs, etc.; or through sperm donation. SMBCs may be wealthy, have help, but they are single moms because there is no dad!!

It’s bizarre how many divorced, successfully coparenting women are trying to die on this hill that they’re single moms. The average person on the street will not see you as a single mom no matter how strongly you identify as such. You may try to control what other people think by manipulating language and playing petty logic games, but at the end of the day you live in a society and a reality that don’t have to conform to your own inner opinions.

Incorrect. That's not what single mom means, and I think you are living in some fantasy where people on the street see things the same way you do. Single mom is a mom who is not married and is raising at least one child. The rest is just variations on single mom.

+1

The previous poster who is stuck on the whole single moms term thing, maybe they should consider thinking about other things to keep themselves occupied. They seem to be obsessed with this and they're also not right, so there's that. It can't be good for their mental health to obsess over this.

Discussing “the whole single moms term thing” is *literally* the point of this entire thread.

And you are STUCK on it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I am a single mom, because I am single and the only parent in my household. My ex-dh is single too so he's a single dad.

I'm not actually interested in permission from the OP or whomever in this thread, as to whether I can say 'single mom'. I say it! OP/whomever gets to not like it, I guess. Too bad. I'm not here to soothe their feels.

Do you say the earth is flat, too?

Listen, say whatever you want. But you’re lying, and other people will absolutely judge you when they realize that you have deliberately misrepresented your life situation to everyone for sympathy.

It’s fine, there are lots of liars in the world.

+1. I’d be rolling my eyes hard at OPs friend. But people who make a big thing of complaining and seeking attention on social media are annoying to me, anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s so weird to me how much effort some women put into trying to tear other women down. It’s not enough that governments are trying to police our bodies- other women have to police how we look, speak, and feel.

She is a single person who is a mother. I guess she could call herself a divorced coparent or something else. Maybe you should suggest she do that for your satisfaction and comfort.

Seriously, drama llama? It’s “tearing women down” to not agree with them on everything they say and think?

Getting called out on your BS isn’t the same thing as being “policed” BTW.

Sure it’s policing. So worried over the semantics of what a women calls herself that have nothing to do with you. Tearing down because it’s another form of mom shaming cloaked in something else by someone who calls you “friend”. Because at the suffering Olympics, no one can have it easier than you in your perception, or pinpoint anything hard that you can’t compete with.

The complaint here is that now this divorced woman has all this luxury time as though she probably isn’t suffering the financial implications of divorce and missing her kids like crazy. Holidays that were once all together get spent apart, and possibly completely alone. As hard as always being “on” as a parent, I can’t even imagine how that feels. That to me is what earns the “single” title as well as the ones slogging 100% - when you are alone, you are missing *everything*.

And this fight seems to be woman specific. I don’t think men are sitting around worried about who is calling themselves a single dad. Women also aren’t worried about the ones calling themselves single dads. It’s only other women they want to complain about. And it’s hateful and weird.

I’ll bet there’s never been a divorced Dad who shares custody with his ex wife who goes around calling himself a single dad unless he is deliberately lying for sympathy. Whether or not the situation is tough or whether or not OP’s buddy is “suffering” has absolutely no bearing on the absolute FACT that she is not actually a single mom.

[Anonymous]

LOL. I'm sure the men who rejected me when I was dating because "they don't date single moms" would totally have bought the explanation that I'm not REALLY a single mom since I have 50/50 custody.