When can you call yourself a single mother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t care too much and get that it’s the terminology, but did find it tacky when my ex-SIL kept posting / saying things about how hard it was to be a single mom when my brother was fighting her for more custody.

So why didn’t the courts allow him more custody?

Parenting is hard, and as someone has pointed out, talked about being hard, even when you both have 100% custody. Why are we grating down women who are doing it alone, even part of the time, but lifting up the fathers who have someone else all the time, but still can’t or won’t participate equally?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL. I'm sure the men who rejected me when I was dating because "they don't date single moms" would totally have bought the explanation that I'm not REALLY a single mom since I have 50/50 custody.

Yes they would have! Which is exactly why you shouldn’t lead with the single mom card if you have split custody. Duh!!!

People don't lead with a single mom card. Duh! If they have kids and are single, they are a single mom. Details of the arrangement come later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL. I'm sure the men who rejected me when I was dating because "they don't date single moms" would totally have bought the explanation that I'm not REALLY a single mom since I have 50/50 custody.

Yes they would have! Which is exactly why you shouldn’t lead with the single mom card if you have split custody. Duh!!!

+1

They kind of have to lead with it as. Many men won’t date someone with kids to start with. Even at 50%, her time will likely be more limited than he would like


People don't lead with a single mom card. Duh! If they have kids and are single, they are a single mom. Details of the arrangement come later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL. I'm sure the men who rejected me when I was dating because "they don't date single moms" would totally have bought the explanation that I'm not REALLY a single mom since I have 50/50 custody.

Yes they would have! Which is exactly why you shouldn’t lead with the single mom card if you have split custody. Duh!!!

People don't lead with a single mom card. Duh! If they have kids and are single, they are a single mom. Details of the arrangement come later.

“I’m single and I’m a mother” isn’t the same as “I’m a single mother.”

“Single mother” has a deeper meaning here in the US. It means that the mom is covering almost all of the financial and parenting burdens of raising a child.

[Anonymous]

If you're a good-looking man with good personality, and financially successful, why would you want to get involved in a long term relationship with a single mom? What is the upside to that man in this relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL. I'm sure the men who rejected me when I was dating because "they don't date single moms" would totally have bought the explanation that I'm not REALLY a single mom since I have 50/50 custody.

Yes they would have! Which is exactly why you shouldn’t lead with the single mom card if you have split custody. Duh!!!

People don't lead with a single mom card. Duh! If they have kids and are single, they are a single mom. Details of the arrangement come later.

“I’m single and I’m a mother” isn’t the same as “I’m a single mother.”

“Single mother” has a deeper meaning here in the US. It means that the mom is covering almost all of the financial and parenting burdens of raising a child.

I’m guessing your social network is pretty affluent and quite small, because in most of the US, these sre pretty much the same thing. There may be legal judgments that say differently, but if you imagine what many homes look like where there isn’t two (and you can even use DCUM, as privileged as people are here as a reference), maybe you can extrapolate to what it looks like when there are actually two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL. I'm sure the men who rejected me when I was dating because "they don't date single moms" would totally have bought the explanation that I'm not REALLY a single mom since I have 50/50 custody.

Yes they would have! Which is exactly why you shouldn’t lead with the single mom card if you have split custody. Duh!!!

People don't lead with a single mom card. Duh! If they have kids and are single, they are a single mom. Details of the arrangement come later.

“I’m single and I’m a mother” isn’t the same as “I’m a single mother.”

“Single mother” has a deeper meaning here in the US. It means that the mom is covering almost all of the financial and parenting burdens of raising a child.

I’m guessing your social network is pretty affluent and quite small, because in most of the US, these sre pretty much the same thing. There may be legal judgments that say differently, but if you imagine what many homes look like where there isn’t two (and you can even use DCUM, as privileged as people are here as a reference), maybe you can extrapolate to what it looks like when there are actually two.

Hint: there’s a lot of media regarding moms burning out, and little about dads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I am a single mom, because I am single and the only parent in my household. My ex-dh is single too so he's a single dad.

I'm not actually interested in permission from the OP or whomever in this thread, as to whether I can say 'single mom'. I say it! OP/whomever gets to not like it, I guess. Too bad. I'm not here to soothe their feels.

Do you say the earth is flat, too?

Listen, say whatever you want. But you’re lying, and other people will absolutely judge you when they realize that you have deliberately misrepresented your life situation to everyone for sympathy.

It’s fine, there are lots of liars in the world.

+1. I’d be rolling my eyes hard at OPs friend. But people who make a big thing of complaining and seeking attention on social media are annoying to me, anyway.

Are you married? If you are, why are you rolling your eyes at OP's friend? You have no idea what it's like to be a divorced mom so you can't even comprehend that perhaps it's hard and not wonderful?

I think most social media posts are excessively stupid and rarely go on there anymore because of this (I didn't like feeling annoyed by people basically all the time). But setting that aside, how are you in a position to judge what a single mom is when you're not one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been raising kids solo since my husband died when my youngest was still in diapers. I'm ok with single, solo, whatever and know that everyone is on the path they're on. However, my eyes rolled so hard when a fellow mom at a soccer game told me she was a single parent *this week* because her husband was working in Dallas. I really felt for struggle...poor thing was a SAHP of one 7 year old. Imagine the horror.

I'm sorry for your loss.

The other woman should have said she was solo parenting and not a single mom but she did say it was only for a week.

That you people get your panties in a twist over other people saying they're a single mom or a single mom for a week is ridiculous. Other people are allowed to have a hard time even if you think you have it harder. And the dig about being a SAHM to a single 7-year old is rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a hilarious facebook group called something like "single mom is not a coupon code." People post screen grabs of all the women who are asking for a business referral or wanting to buy used stuff on marketplace, always throwing out the fact that they "need help" because they're a single mom.

So in other words, because you were a ho when single, or because you did a crap job choosing a mate and your marriage failed, the rest of us somehow owe you a discount.

Nice. So we are just going full misogyny.

Yes, that’s right. Any criticism of any woman anywhere for anything is misogyny.

Calling single moms ho's and saying they are the sole reason a marriage failed is....yes....misogyny.

[Anonymous]

I'm a single mom. I have 100% custody with no help from my ex and shoulder the vast majority of the financial burden. I couldn't care less if anyone else chooses to call herself a single mom. I have more important things to worry about. I also don't envy them the freedom because I like having my kid around all the time. We need to stop being nasty to each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a hilarious facebook group called something like "single mom is not a coupon code." People post screen grabs of all the women who are asking for a business referral or wanting to buy used stuff on marketplace, always throwing out the fact that they "need help" because they're a single mom.

So in other words, because you were a ho when single, or because you did a crap job choosing a mate and your marriage failed, the rest of us somehow owe you a discount.

Nice. So we are just going full misogyny.

Yes, that’s right. Any criticism of any woman anywhere for anything is misogyny.

Calling single moms ho's and saying they are the sole reason a marriage failed is....yes....misogyny.

No it's not. A person's history of failures says a lot about who they are. Some people seriously just have bad luck. Other people make bad choices. Totally apples and oranges.

I once came across a "solos" single adult support group and it was advertised as supporting people who had been "widowed or divorced". I didn't really like the idea of lumping widows in with divorcees. I consider that to be very insulting to widows.

Life's losers often throw around the word "judgmental" and hide behind it as a shield to all critiques. True, it's not appropriate to judge in a way that says "I'm inherently a better person than you", but it is appropriate and important to go through life using discernment.

Picture it like a Venn diagram. Not all people in a bad situation (work, home, financial, etc.) are self-destructive duds. HOWEVER, all self-destructive duds like to hide behind the shield of moral relativism to make themselves out to be the victim rather than the root cause of their failures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a hilarious facebook group called something like "single mom is not a coupon code." People post screen grabs of all the women who are asking for a business referral or wanting to buy used stuff on marketplace, always throwing out the fact that they "need help" because they're a single mom.

So in other words, because you were a ho when single, or because you did a crap job choosing a mate and your marriage failed, the rest of us somehow owe you a discount.

Nice. So we are just going full misogyny.

Yes, that’s right. Any criticism of any woman anywhere for anything is misogyny.

Calling single moms ho's and saying they are the sole reason a marriage failed is....yes....misogyny.

Disagree. Calling all women ho’s or saying that it’s always the woman’s fault when a marriage fails would be misogyny.

But some women are/were indeed promiscuous and/or chose terrible partners to reproduce with despite undoubtedly ample red flags. They are not above criticism just because they are women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a hilarious facebook group called something like "single mom is not a coupon code." People post screen grabs of all the women who are asking for a business referral or wanting to buy used stuff on marketplace, always throwing out the fact that they "need help" because they're a single mom.

So in other words, because you were a ho when single, or because you did a crap job choosing a mate and your marriage failed, the rest of us somehow owe you a discount.

Nice. So we are just going full misogyny.

Yes, that’s right. Any criticism of any woman anywhere for anything is misogyny.

Calling single moms ho's and saying they are the sole reason a marriage failed is....yes....misogyny.

Disagree. Calling all women ho’s or saying that it’s always the woman’s fault when a marriage fails would be misogyny.

But some women are/were indeed promiscuous and/or chose terrible partners to reproduce with despite undoubtedly ample red flags. They are not above criticism just because they are women.

But we’re not going to blame the men that hoodwinked them and were also promiscuous? Who didn’t do their part and continue to not do so?

And why do you feel to weigh in so heavily in the language and decisions of women?

[Anonymous]

A neighbor used to call it single parenting when her husband would go on a business trip.

She was a “full time” mom even when child was in school, so she had more time than anyone I knew.

I was working, commuting, dealing with elderly parents, and coming home exhausted to be a parent where I would get little to no sleep from a high needs child. I was definitely jealous of neighbor’s situation at the time.