When can you call yourself a single mother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who often talks about how hard it is to be a single mom, her Instagram and Facebook posts talk about the work involved in raising a child on her own.
However, she has her child no more than three or four days a week, she has 50-50 custody with her ex who is very involved in the child’s life and often has him four or five days a week due to sports logistics etc.
She is single, she is a mom, but she has more free time in a week then I get in two months.

Just a rant.

So...you are married but don't share childcare duties equally with your spouse? And this is this other woman's (your "friend") problem?

Np. You are being willfully dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL. I'm sure the men who rejected me when I was dating because "they don't date single moms" would totally have bought the explanation that I'm not REALLY a single mom since I have 50/50 custody.

Yes they would have! Which is exactly why you shouldn’t lead with the single mom card if you have split custody. Duh!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I am a single mom, because I am single and the only parent in my household. My ex-dh is single too so he's a single dad.

I'm not actually interested in permission from the OP or whomever in this thread, as to whether I can say 'single mom'. I say it! OP/whomever gets to not like it, I guess. Too bad. I'm not here to soothe their feels.

Do you say the earth is flat, too?

Listen, say whatever you want. But you’re lying, and other people will absolutely judge you when they realize that you have deliberately misrepresented your life situation to everyone for sympathy.

It’s fine, there are lots of liars in the world.

+1. I’d be rolling my eyes hard at OPs friend. But people who make a big thing of complaining and seeking attention on social media are annoying to me, anyway.

1. Men have never really defined themselves by their parenting status in general anyway. Women constantly have to defend theirs, even if they choose to be childless cat ladies.

2. You have clearly not dated on OLD or as an older person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s so weird to me how much effort some women put into trying to tear other women down. It’s not enough that governments are trying to police our bodies- other women have to police how we look, speak, and feel.

She is a single person who is a mother. I guess she could call herself a divorced coparent or something else. Maybe you should suggest she do that for your satisfaction and comfort.

Seriously, drama llama? It’s “tearing women down” to not agree with them on everything they say and think?

Getting called out on your BS isn’t the same thing as being “policed” BTW.

Sure it’s policing. So worried over the semantics of what a women calls herself that have nothing to do with you. Tearing down because it’s another form of mom shaming cloaked in something else by someone who calls you “friend”. Because at the suffering Olympics, no one can have it easier than you in your perception, or pinpoint anything hard that you can’t compete with.

The complaint here is that now this divorced woman has all this luxury time as though she probably isn’t suffering the financial implications of divorce and missing her kids like crazy. Holidays that were once all together get spent apart, and possibly completely alone. As hard as always being “on” as a parent, I can’t even imagine how that feels. That to me is what earns the “single” title as well as the ones slogging 100% - when you are alone, you are missing *everything*.

And this fight seems to be woman specific. I don’t think men are sitting around worried about who is calling themselves a single dad. Women also aren’t worried about the ones calling themselves single dads. It’s only other women they want to complain about. And it’s hateful and weird.

This. There seems to be one, maybe two, women on this thread who are are very stuck in this form of misogyny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL. I'm sure the men who rejected me when I was dating because "they don't date single moms" would totally have bought the explanation that I'm not REALLY a single mom since I have 50/50 custody.

Yes they would have! Which is exactly why you shouldn’t lead with the single mom card if you have split custody. Duh!!!

Shhhh....shhhhh.....it's going to be ok.

[Anonymous]

There's a hilarious facebook group called something like "single mom is not a coupon code." People post screen grabs of all the women who are asking for a business referral or wanting to buy used stuff on marketplace, always throwing out the fact that they "need help" because they're a single mom.

So in other words, because you were a ho when single, or because you did a crap job choosing a mate and your marriage failed, the rest of us somehow owe you a discount.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a hilarious facebook group called something like "single mom is not a coupon code." People post screen grabs of all the women who are asking for a business referral or wanting to buy used stuff on marketplace, always throwing out the fact that they "need help" because they're a single mom.

So in other words, because you were a ho when single, or because you did a crap job choosing a mate and your marriage failed, the rest of us somehow owe you a discount.

Nice. So we are just going full misogyny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a hilarious facebook group called something like "single mom is not a coupon code." People post screen grabs of all the women who are asking for a business referral or wanting to buy used stuff on marketplace, always throwing out the fact that they "need help" because they're a single mom.

So in other words, because you were a ho when single, or because you did a crap job choosing a mate and your marriage failed, the rest of us somehow owe you a discount.

Nice. So we are just going full misogyny.

Yes, that’s right. Any criticism of any woman anywhere for anything is misogyny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL. I'm sure the men who rejected me when I was dating because "they don't date single moms" would totally have bought the explanation that I'm not REALLY a single mom since I have 50/50 custody.

Yes they would have! Which is exactly why you shouldn’t lead with the single mom card if you have split custody. Duh!!!

I mean, a dating profile just has your marital status (married, divorced, single) and whether or not you have kids. It doesn't have a drop down for "dad is involved has 50/50 custody, I'm not a single mom just a mom who is single" option.

When men are OK with dating a woman who has kids, they'll date you whether or not the other parent is involved.

[Anonymous]

I've been raising kids solo since my husband died when my youngest was still in diapers. I'm ok with single, solo, whatever and know that everyone is on the path they're on. However, my eyes rolled so hard when a fellow mom at a soccer game told me she was a single parent *this week* because her husband was working in Dallas. I really felt for struggle...poor thing was a SAHP of one 7 year old. Imagine the horror.

[Anonymous]

I don’t care too much and get that it’s the terminology, but did find it tacky when my ex-SIL kept posting / saying things about how hard it was to be a single mom when my brother was fighting her for more custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t care too much and get that it’s the terminology, but did find it tacky when my ex-SIL kept posting / saying things about how hard it was to be a single mom when my brother was fighting her for more custody.

People can find parenting hard, and also want to see their kids.

This thread was started by someone who wanted to complain about how her life is so hard, and how awful it is to have to parent her kids. But, presumably, if she actually she could walk away from them and let her DH have them. Which she hasn't done, which makes me suspect that she is finding parenting hard, and also wants to have them and care for them.

Your ex-SIL probably feels the same way. Parenting is really hard. We see people, mostly married women, complaining about it nonstop on this board. If we aren't going to judge married people who complain about how hard it is and yet still want to keep their kids, then why should we judge single people who complain and also still want to keep their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been raising kids solo since my husband died when my youngest was still in diapers. I'm ok with single, solo, whatever and know that everyone is on the path they're on. However, my eyes rolled so hard when a fellow mom at a soccer game told me she was a single parent *this week* because her husband was working in Dallas. I really felt for struggle...poor thing was a SAHP of one 7 year old. Imagine the horror.

OP, I’m so sorry for your loss and I appreciate how hard it must be for you.

I’m not trying to be ironic, bur some people are more resilient than others. Some petiole have better access to resources, knowledge to those resources, employment and community support, etc.

Soccer mom may have never been alone with her children and juggling life ever. Depending on her life before children, she may have never really had huge adversity and not been taught a lot of skills to manage this one week. It sounds ridiculous, but this week may have been hard for her. She may admire you for doing it all, and have been looking for a way to connect, or commiserate. awkward as it seem(ed)(s). This may have been her way of trying to figure out how you don’t all the time, because she is overwhelmed or whatever in only a week.

Don’t always assume the worst in people, which is classic DCUM.

I get it, it’s frustrating to hear about these “single moms” who are cornering, but their issues may be bigger. They’re lonely part of the time, and doing it alone the rest. They’re lonely part may have been doing it 80% before but they felt they had someone else, even if it financial burden or occasional hours.

You did what you had to do, and these women are also doing what they have to do, unplanned and often unwanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t care too much and get that it’s the terminology, but did find it tacky when my ex-SIL kept posting / saying things about how hard it was to be a single mom when my brother was fighting her for more custody.

So why didn’t the courts allow him more custody?

Parenting is hard, and as someone has pointed out, talked about being hard, even when you both have 100% custody. Why are we grating down women who are doing it alone, even part of the time, but lifting up the fathers who have someone else all the time, but still can’t or won’t participate equally?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t care too much and get that it’s the terminology, but did find it tacky when my ex-SIL kept posting / saying things about how hard it was to be a single mom when my brother was fighting her for more custody.

It is hard...so what if he wanted more custody? It is hard regardless.