When can you call yourself a single mother?

[Anonymous]

I have full custody and single mother is not something my friends are jealous of me about. It often becomes a derogatory term. I try to pretend I'm not in as many situations as I can get away with. I don't really know why someone would think it would add to their social life to use the term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mom had it worse, but that doesn't mean this friend doesn't struggle. Let go of that resentment.

+1. you don't know what goes on in her house.
My ex has EO weekend, but hasn't nothing for the kids at his apartment. They truly just visit. He doesn't cook, do laundry, help with homework, schedule logistics, have any of their toys, etc. Actually their time with him often causes me more work/cleanup.
My ex abandoning us basically doubled my parenting time and more than doubled my financial planning.
So, yeah, I'm a single mom.

Also, a dad showing up to a sports game isn't full parenting. My kids soccer team thinks my ex is a good dad. Not. That is about all he shows up for all week.

[Anonymous]

50/50 custody isn’t being a single parent IMO. Single parent doesn’t mean dropping your kids off and having 4 days or whatever to yourself. Single parent means one parent left, died, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When the father has minimal custody (like over the summer or a few times per year or less) and doesn't really help financially. Otherwise you are a coparent. Hell, "single parenting" 50% of the time sounds like a freakin' vacation compared to my life. I fantasize about it often.

You have a full other human in your house and you think she has it easier?

Let me guess “mental load”?

Too controlling?
Go to the gym girl and work that out the kids will be fine alone with dad.

Queue the bemoaning … but they won’t get veggies with dinner trooe.

LOL, yes. I do. I am the primary caregiver. I have almost zero time to myself. Having 3 days/week where I only have to feed myself and am not dealing with my SN kid sounds glorious with where I am in my life right now. I would love to be able to piss without my kids starting to scream at each other. I would love to wake up and get ready for work in the morning without feeding 2 kids and making 2 lunches while constantly doing conflict resolution and managing my SN kid's emotions 100% of the time. I would love to be able to go out with a friend at night every once in a while instead of being home because DH has a demanding job. Glorious, I tell you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When the father has minimal custody (like over the summer or a few times per year or less) and doesn't really help financially. Otherwise you are a coparent. Hell, "single parenting" 50% of the time sounds like a freakin' vacation compared to my life. I fantasize about it often.

You have a full other human in your house and you think she has it easier?

Let me guess “mental load”?

Too controlling?
Go to the gym girl and work that out the kids will be fine alone with dad.

Queue the bemoaning … but they won’t get veggies with dinner trooe.

Yeah actually having 3-4 days completely off from parenting would be much easier than being the primary parent all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When the father has minimal custody (like over the summer or a few times per year or less) and doesn't really help financially. Otherwise you are a coparent. Hell, "single parenting" 50% of the time sounds like a freakin' vacation compared to my life. I fantasize about it often.

You have a full other human in your house and you think she has it easier?

Let me guess “mental load”?

Too controlling?
Go to the gym girl and work that out the kids will be fine alone with dad.

Queue the bemoaning … but they won’t get veggies with dinner trooe.

Yeah actually having 3-4 days completely off from parenting would be much easier than being the primary parent all the time.

Some people like their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mom had it worse, but that doesn't mean this friend doesn't struggle. Let go of that resentment.

Yes, This. comparing doesn't do anybody any favors.

[Anonymous]

If we all say she can't call herself a single mom are you going to share the DCUM ruling with her? Will she get fined? What's the second step here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When the father has minimal custody (like over the summer or a few times per year or less) and doesn't really help financially. Otherwise you are a coparent. Hell, "single parenting" 50% of the time sounds like a freakin' vacation compared to my life. I fantasize about it often.

You have a full other human in your house and you think she has it easier?

Let me guess “mental load”?

Too controlling?
Go to the gym girl and work that out the kids will be fine alone with dad.

Queue the bemoaning … but they won’t get veggies with dinner trooe.

Yeah actually having 3-4 days completely off from parenting would be much easier than being the primary parent all the time.

Some people like their kids.

Doesn’t mean someone doesn’t like their kids, could just be they need a break sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If we all say she can't call herself a single mom are you going to share the DCUM ruling with her? Will she get fined? What's the second step here?

She will have to takedown all the posts about hard it has been and give back all the likes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When the father has minimal custody (like over the summer or a few times per year or less) and doesn't really help financially. Otherwise you are a coparent. Hell, "single parenting" 50% of the time sounds like a freakin' vacation compared to my life. I fantasize about it often.

You have a full other human in your house and you think she has it easier?

Let me guess “mental load”?

Too controlling?
Go to the gym girl and work that out the kids will be fine alone with dad.

Queue the bemoaning … but they won’t get veggies with dinner trooe.

Yeah actually having 3-4 days completely off from parenting would be much easier than being the primary parent all the time.

Some people like their kids.

Nobody said they didn't like their kids. It would simply be EASIER. I love my kids. a LOT! But if you think lugging a diaper bag and two children under 5 to the grocery store is easier than going by myself you are wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When the father has minimal custody (like over the summer or a few times per year or less) and doesn't really help financially. Otherwise you are a coparent. Hell, "single parenting" 50% of the time sounds like a freakin' vacation compared to my life. I fantasize about it often.

You have a full other human in your house and you think she has it easier?

Let me guess “mental load”?

Too controlling?
Go to the gym girl and work that out the kids will be fine alone with dad.

Queue the bemoaning … but they won’t get veggies with dinner trooe.

Yeah actually having 3-4 days completely off from parenting would be much easier than being the primary parent all the time.

Some people like their kids.

Nobody said they didn't like their kids. It would simply be EASIER. I love my kids. a LOT! But if you think lugging a diaper bag and two children under 5 to the grocery store is easier than going by myself you are wrong.

Sorry lady, you chose this life. So kindly STFU about situations in which you are not familiar.

[Anonymous]

I think only single women who procreated with absentee deadbeat dads are single mothers. She is engaging in stolen valor for sure. But what can you do about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When the father has minimal custody (like over the summer or a few times per year or less) and doesn't really help financially. Otherwise you are a coparent. Hell, "single parenting" 50% of the time sounds like a freakin' vacation compared to my life. I fantasize about it often.

You have a full other human in your house and you think she has it easier?

Let me guess “mental load”?

Too controlling?
Go to the gym girl and work that out the kids will be fine alone with dad.

Queue the bemoaning … but they won’t get veggies with dinner trooe.

Yeah actually having 3-4 days completely off from parenting would be much easier than being the primary parent all the time.

Some people like their kids.

Nobody said they didn't like their kids. It would simply be EASIER. I love my kids. a LOT! But if you think lugging a diaper bag and two children under 5 to the grocery store is easier than going by myself you are wrong.

I think it would be harder to be separated from my kids. But I guess some errands would be easier, yay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get over it.

Analyze why this matters to you.

I was pretty clear, she gets more free time in a week then I get in two months yet she’s adopted the persona of a beleaguered single mom doing it all on her own. I’ve noticed others do it as well.
I was raised by a single mom, my father removed himself to the other side of the country, I watched her work two jobs and completely forgo a social life to keep a roof over our heads, my mother was a single mother. My friend is a part-timer at best but likes to play the part. that’s what bothers me.

Stop projecting your dissatisfaction with your own life onto your "friend". It isn't your place to say whether or not your single mom friend "qualifies" for support or understanding.

It is absolutely your responsibility to check into why you feel content to criticize her content, take her inventory, and dictate how she can/can't identify, based on your own metrics and level of burnout.

This is 100% a you problem, OP. Mind your own business and work on your own life quality.