DS's friend called me a "tiger mom"- should I say something?

[Anonymous]

OP, you're being ridiculous and you need to pace yourself. Sure, talk to the kid's mom about how "racist" her kid is and your son will lose his friend (which is maybe your goal?) and you'll find yourself alienated. But you'll have your point, I guess

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say "That's really rude". And not expect any response.

And I would stop telling him your schedule. Just say "That date doesn't work for us."

+1

[Anonymous]

No way a half Korean puts their kids in tutoring and violin

[Anonymous]

Agree with a previous PP that the kid sounds rude, not racist. You really should be careful about slapping that label on a 12 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with a previous PP that the kid sounds rude, not racist. You really should be careful about slapping that label on a 12 year old.

Why?
You think rude 12 year olds care?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not liking Korean food I don’t think is racist.
I would consider calling out the tiger mom comment, but my kid would probably just get embarrassed.

- Asian mom (but not a “tiger mom”)

I feel like lumping all Asian food together is sort of ignorant, if not racist. Chicken tikka masala is very different from seaweed salad.

Stop getting riled up about sh!t that doesn’t matter.

Nobody calls Indian food Asian food. Asian food (as used by Americans, and FYI we are in America) means Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Thai, etc. And obviously it’s not all the same food. No cuisine in the entire world is comprised of all the same food. Wouldn’t you agree that Haggis is very different from Yorkshire pudding?

I don't like any of the foods you mentioned above. I agree they are different, but I happen to not like any of them. So for shorthand if I'm with friends and we're deciding what to order, I'll say please not Asian food. Is this wrong? Otherwise I'd have to list them all out.

I think do thinks that’s weird. How would you feel if you were trying to order food with a friend who “just doesn’t like European/American food”? Couldn’t do pizza, burgers, pasta, sandwiches, barbecue, or anything else that had origins in Europe or North America. Those foods are all really different but I’d say they have as much in common as “Asian food.” I would find that person kind of annoying and overly prescriptive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not liking Korean food I don’t think is racist.
I would consider calling out the tiger mom comment, but my kid would probably just get embarrassed.

- Asian mom (but not a “tiger mom”)

I feel like lumping all Asian food together is sort of ignorant, if not racist. Chicken tikka masala is very different from seaweed salad.

Stop getting riled up about sh!t that doesn’t matter.

Nobody calls Indian food Asian food. Asian food (as used by Americans, and FYI we are in America) means Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Thai, etc. And obviously it’s not all the same food. No cuisine in the entire world is comprised of all the same food. Wouldn’t you agree that Haggis is very different from Yorkshire pudding?

I don't like any of the foods you mentioned above. I agree they are different, but I happen to not like any of them. So for shorthand if I'm with friends and we're deciding what to order, I'll say please not Asian food. Is this wrong? Otherwise I'd have to list them all out.

I think do thinks that’s weird. How would you feel if you were trying to order food with a friend who “just doesn’t like European/American food”? Couldn’t do pizza, burgers, pasta, sandwiches, barbecue, or anything else that had origins in Europe or North America. Those foods are all really different but I’d say they have as much in common as “Asian food.” I would find that person kind of annoying and overly prescriptive.

If you were hanging out with your friend in the US and said you don’t like American food, that would be weird and unhelpful. If, however, you were hanging out with your friend in China, it’s perfectly valid.

[Anonymous]

Neither comment was rude or racist.

You're just offended b/c the "tiger mom" hit a bit close to home. If you're going to overschedule your kid with-your own words- stereotypical Korean activities, then why are you so offended when you're called out as such?

FWIW, I've been called a tiger mom and I'm white. I don't view that as rude or anything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He made two dumb, rude comments. When something happens like that there is no need to say anything. Just make a mental note of it.

Not even if the comment is racist?

I don't think it's appropriate for me to correct children who are not my own, unless it's a question of safety. I've had a situation in which a friend of dd made fun of what dd calls dh (word for dad in my native language). My dd spoke to her friend about it, and the friend apologized to her and genuinely did feel bad after. In a situation like this, this is my child's peer and the conversation should happen on a peer to peer level if it bothers my child.

Which I think is totally appropriate. It seems like this generation of youth are not allowed to make mistakes when it comes to different cultures. So they don’t learn. I’m Latina and hear all sorts of things. Give kids a chance to learn/do better. I feel like the people most likely to cancel/throw people under the bus vs. teach them, are white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are both half Korean, and Korean culture is a big part of our family life. DS12 has a friend who is not Asian and who, in the past, has made some mildly racist comments in front of me, but not at me. For example, at a sleepover they had a few weeks ago, I had to order pizza because he is "not a fan of Asian food." This kind of thing is annoying but I usually let it slide.

Yesterday, I was dropping off this friend after a playdate at our house when he asked if they could have another playdate on a specific date next weekend. I said no, sorry, DS has a violin recital and then tutoring (yes, I know these are both stereotypically Asian things). This friend, now addressing DS, says, "Your mom is such a tiger mom, bro." (or something similar to that).

This really set me off, although I didn't say anything in the moment. I really want to say something to this kid's mother, but I'm not sure if it's appropriate. I'm sick of this kid's casual racism, even if it's unintentional.

Sigh!

I’d prioritize other friends over this one. I’d put a lot more effort and host fun outings and sports games etc to start pulling in other friends. Clearly this kid’s parents are making comments about you and it’s really rude. If he’s really a friend he wouldn’t be putting you down like that. Time to help look for better people to host!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way a half Korean puts their kids in tutoring and violin

I would hope any good parent does, regardless of race or nationality. We are white. Ours are in tutoring and multiple music and other lessons. That's what good parents do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way a half Korean puts their kids in tutoring and violin

I would hope any good parent does, regardless of race or nationality. We are white. Ours are in tutoring and multiple music and other lessons. That's what good parents do.

My kids don’t need tutoring. Sorry your kids are stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way a half Korean puts their kids in tutoring and violin

I would hope any good parent does, regardless of race or nationality. We are white. Ours are in tutoring and multiple music and other lessons. That's what good parents with dumb kids do.

FTFY

[Anonymous]

Violin recital + tutoring for enrichment on a weekend > playdates on weekends

That basically sums up the definition of a tiger mom. It doesn't matter what race/ethnicity. Not sure why you would be offended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Violin recital + tutoring for enrichment on a weekend > playdates on weekends

That basically sums up the definition of a tiger mom. It doesn't matter what race/ethnicity. Not sure why you would be offended.

Play dates are for suckers