DS's friend called me a "tiger mom"- should I say something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not liking Korean food I don’t think is racist.
I would consider calling out the tiger mom comment, but my kid would probably just get embarrassed.

- Asian mom (but not a “tiger mom”)

I feel like lumping all Asian food together is sort of ignorant, if not racist. Chicken tikka masala is very different from seaweed salad.

Stop getting riled up about sh!t that doesn’t matter.

Nobody calls Indian food Asian food. Asian food (as used by Americans, and FYI we are in America) means Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Thai, etc. And obviously it’s not all the same food. No cuisine in the entire world is comprised of all the same food. Wouldn’t you agree that Haggis is very different from Yorkshire pudding?

I don't like any of the foods you mentioned above. I agree they are different, but I happen to not like any of them. So for shorthand if I'm with friends and we're deciding what to order, I'll say please not Asian food. Is this wrong? Otherwise I'd have to list them all out.

It’s wrong because they’re all so different that it makes you sound racist. Do you not like vegetables? Rice? Noodles? Specific sauces or flavors? We are a mixed Japanese family and we don’t like all Japanese food because some of it isn’t from the regions our family is from and it tastes much richer than what we grew up with. But we would never say we dislike all Japanese food or all Asian food because of thise specific dishes.

It doesn’t seem possible that there isn’t at least one aspect of Asian cuisine that you find tolerable. Therefore making a blanket statement that you dislike all Asian food makes you sound narrow minded, ignorant, inexperienced with food, or racist.

[Anonymous]

He made two dumb, rude comments. When something happens like that there is no need to say anything. Just make a mental note of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not liking Korean food I don’t think is racist.
I would consider calling out the tiger mom comment, but my kid would probably just get embarrassed.

- Asian mom (but not a “tiger mom”)

I feel like lumping all Asian food together is sort of ignorant, if not racist. Chicken tikka masala is very different from seaweed salad.

Stop getting riled up about sh!t that doesn’t matter.

Nobody calls Indian food Asian food. Asian food (as used by Americans, and FYI we are in America) means Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Thai, etc. And obviously it’s not all the same food. No cuisine in the entire world is comprised of all the same food. Wouldn’t you agree that Haggis is very different from Yorkshire pudding?

I don't like any of the foods you mentioned above. I agree they are different, but I happen to not like any of them. So for shorthand if I'm with friends and we're deciding what to order, I'll say please not Asian food. Is this wrong? Otherwise I'd have to list them all out.

It’s wrong because they’re all so different that it makes you sound racist. Do you not like vegetables? Rice? Noodles? Specific sauces or flavors? We are a mixed Japanese family and we don’t like all Japanese food because some of it isn’t from the regions our family is from and it tastes much richer than what we grew up with. But we would never say we dislike all Japanese food or all Asian food because of thise specific dishes.

It doesn’t seem possible that there isn’t at least one aspect of Asian cuisine that you find tolerable. Therefore making a blanket statement that you dislike all Asian food makes you sound narrow minded, ignorant, inexperienced with food, or racist.

I’m not that PP but you more or less know what there is on the menu of a Japanese, Chinese or Korean restaurant in the US. So if you’ve been you’ll know if you like it or not. I can always find something I like but I don’t love this for group dining b/c then it’s a “let’s order for the table and share!” And as a vegetarian there is a bunch of food ordered that I won’t eat and everyone takes all of the one or two dishes I will eat. I prefer a restaurant that isn’t as much about sharing where I can just order my own thing so I don’t leave hungry.

[Anonymous]

12 year-old boys are dumb and rude. Please don't let this child take up one more square inch of your well-being and energy.

[Anonymous]

If the child were Asian (or other BIPOC) then it would be totally fine to call you that. But not OK for a white kid.

Is the kid white?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it was my kid I'd want to know. I think that a lot of these kids don't know where the lines are on comments about differences in looks/culture/family rules and need more guidance than they're getting.

This. It would have been completely ok to say that this is not ok to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it was my kid I'd want to know. I think that a lot of these kids don't know where the lines are on comments about differences in looks/culture/family rules and need more guidance than they're getting.

This. It would have been completely ok to say that this is not ok to say.

In the moment, maybe. Calling a parent over it? No.

[Anonymous]

This kid is rude but probably doesn't yet understand the racist undertones to what they are saying.

My kids have been taught that if they are offered food, as long as they are not allergic to it they will eat it with a smile and a thank you. There is nothing they can't tolerate for one meal. If they are offered a choice, of course they can share their preferences. But we don't yuck other people's yum.

If a child visiting my house is openly rude (but not in an intentionally mean manner), I will gently point it out to them in the same way I would my own children. Teaching them the right way to handle the situation and moving on. No need to tell the parent.

If they were being mean or racist for the sake of being so, I would definitely tell the other parent and I would likely not invite the child over for a bit.

[Anonymous]

Could you inform the school guidance counselor and see if she can do anything, OP ?

[Anonymous]

We need to know the skin-color of the offending child. Was he white?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could you inform the school guidance counselor and see if she can do anything, OP ?

About an incident that happened in your house or car? Really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the child were Asian (or other BIPOC) then it would be totally fine to call you that. But not OK for a white kid.

Is the kid white?

Really? Why do you say that? Not saying you're wrong, just wondering what your reasoning is.

Not OP, btw.

[Anonymous]

Lady, you need a thicker skin. He was rude, but you just need to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could you inform the school guidance counselor and see if she can do anything, OP ?

About an incident that happened in your house or car? Really?

Lol!

[Anonymous]

I thought I didn't like Japanese food for decades because I didn't know it consisted of anything other than sushi, which I don't like. I'm not racist against Japanese people - I'd just never heard of all the other foods within the category of "Japanese food"!

Yes, he was wrong to say that. You could have said "Hey, you know that could be interpreted as racist, but I'm sure you're WAY too nice to actually be racist so maybe you don't want to say that lest people get the wrong impression of you."

But also, don't give a CHILD a reason WHY you are saying no. Especially when he's not your own child. No is a complete sentence. And you never have to justify yourself to a child.