DS's friend called me a "tiger mom"- should I say something?
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Anonymous
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DH and I are both half Korean, and Korean culture is a big part of our family life. DS12 has a friend who is not Asian and who, in the past, has made some mildly racist comments in front of me, but not at me. For example, at a sleepover they had a few weeks ago, I had to order pizza because he is "not a fan of Asian food." This kind of thing is annoying but I usually let it slide.
Yesterday, I was dropping off this friend after a playdate at our house when he asked if they could have another playdate on a specific date next weekend. I said no, sorry, DS has a violin recital and then tutoring (yes, I know these are both stereotypically Asian things). This friend, now addressing DS, says, "Your mom is such a tiger mom, bro." (or something similar to that). This really set me off, although I didn't say anything in the moment. I really want to say something to this kid's mother, but I'm not sure if it's appropriate. I'm sick of this kid's casual racism, even if it's unintentional. Sigh! |
Anonymous
| If it was my kid I'd want to know. I think that a lot of these kids don't know where the lines are on comments about differences in looks/culture/family rules and need more guidance than they're getting. |
Anonymous
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Why did you answer when the kid asked whether your son could meet? Your son is 12 and can answer the question posed to him without mommy answering.
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Anonymous
| He’s 12. Do not let anything a 12 year old says get to you. |
Anonymous
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Not liking Korean food I don’t think is racist.
I would consider calling out the tiger mom comment, but my kid would probably just get embarrassed. - Asian mom (but not a “tiger mom”) |
Anonymous
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I would say "That's really rude". And not expect any response.
And I would stop telling him your schedule. Just say "That date doesn't work for us." |
Anonymous
| I mean, is he wrong? |
Anonymous
+1 Is it because he said Asian rather than Korean? Because I think it's perfectly fine to dislike particular cuisines. One of my kids doesn't like Japanese food, for example. I don't care for Spanish. As for the tiger mom comment, having a kid fully scheduled so that he doesn't have any free time on the weekend fits. I hear tiger mom used generically these days, not with reference to race. Just the type A+ moms gunning for Ivy admissions. |
Anonymous
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I think tiger mom refers to any mom scheduling nonsporty/academic activities for kids now, just like bro dads have their kids in lacrosse. I call my sister a tiger mom and she’s not asian. To be honest though when talking to 12 year olds I wouldn’t give them ammunition to use against your kid. Just say, sorry, he’s busy. They will find a way to tease eachother over anything.
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Anonymous
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I'd just stop facilitating meet ups outside of school.
Regardless of race, etc., my kids know better than to ask for different food at someone else's house or to comment (at least in front of the other parent) about how that parent has scheduled their child. This kid is rude, whatever else he may be. |
Anonymous
White mom in an Asian family whose Asian DH is the only person who can call me a Tiger Mom: this kid is rude and the above advice is good. My daughter has encountered ignorant but continued racism from a couple of girls who are no longer her friends. She was the one who noticed it first and then I overheard it, too. We get enough casual crap from strangers that we don’t need it from friends. With my help, DD has slowly shifted to a different friend group after doing a slow fade on her worst frenemy. The first step was that we quietly stopped inviting the girl over or on outings and stopped carpooling. That way the door was still open for the friendship to continue at school in case the girl matured and changed. She did not, unfortunately. |
Anonymous
I feel like lumping all Asian food together is sort of ignorant, if not racist. Chicken tikka masala is very different from seaweed salad. |
Anonymous
| You seem too emotional. |
Anonymous
| Kid is disrespectful for sure but I think racist is a leap. |
Anonymous
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The mainstream teen culture, especially boy culture, is very racist against Asians.
Strange that our schools and culture allow this (or even encourage it). Now you know what everyone is saying behind your back. |