In-laws and their kids eat all our food

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tend to forget how WASPy this site is until a food/hosting thread. A holiday cookout is not the time to police how much your guests are eating. You're not supposed to guess how much people are going to eat and then make exactly that much food and hide the rest. It's a Memorial Day cookout, you should expect neighbors to wander over and people to tag along. You're supposed to make a huge spread of food, make sure everyone has enough, and send people home with plates. You should be thrilled if people go back for seconds and thirds. If you run out of food you figure out how to fill the gap right now and make a mental note to make much, much more of whatever went fastest next time.

I stg my DH would commit seppuku if our guests had to resort to eating cereal to fill up after he shut the grill off. The fact that this has happened in your house and you've decided the guests are the problem is bizarre.

This exactly. I am as WASPy as you can get, but I was raised in the Italian culture of North Jersey. If there aren't leftovers after you have people over, you haven't made enough food. I ALWAYS want to make more than people can eat.

OP, it's very simple. If your guests are raiding your fridge, etc. after the cookout, you aren't preparing enough food. Since it has happened n the past, now you know, and you can make more.

Even if she does not prepare enough food it is not a valid reason to be rude. Learn some manners and thank the host for what you were served. No one is going to starve to death in a few hours.

My focus is on the OP, not the guests. OP claims that he (and it's definitely a he) is making more than enough food. That is demonstrably false. People are still hungry after the food is gone. Yes, it's rude to raid someone's pantry without asking, but OP can avoid the entire problem by making enough.

If you need to eat 3 or 4 burgers you are rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tend to forget how WASPy this site is until a food/hosting thread. A holiday cookout is not the time to police how much your guests are eating. You're not supposed to guess how much people are going to eat and then make exactly that much food and hide the rest. It's a Memorial Day cookout, you should expect neighbors to wander over and people to tag along. You're supposed to make a huge spread of food, make sure everyone has enough, and send people home with plates. You should be thrilled if people go back for seconds and thirds. If you run out of food you figure out how to fill the gap right now and make a mental note to make much, much more of whatever went fastest next time.

I stg my DH would commit seppuku if our guests had to resort to eating cereal to fill up after he shut the grill off. The fact that this has happened in your house and you've decided the guests are the problem is bizarre.

This exactly. I am as WASPy as you can get, but I was raised in the Italian culture of North Jersey. If there aren't leftovers after you have people over, you haven't made enough food. I ALWAYS want to make more than people can eat.

OP, it's very simple. If your guests are raiding your fridge, etc. after the cookout, you aren't preparing enough food. Since it has happened n the past, now you know, and you can make more.

Even if she does not prepare enough food it is not a valid reason to be rude. Learn some manners and thank the host for what you were served. No one is going to starve to death in a few hours.

My focus is on the OP, not the guests. OP claims that he (and it's definitely a he) is making more than enough food. That is demonstrably false. People are still hungry after the food is gone. Yes, it's rude to raid someone's pantry without asking, but OP can avoid the entire problem by making enough.

Or, set out snacks you want the kids to eat. Simple.

[Anonymous]

You don’t properly feed your nephews and niece when they come to visit. And then you have the nerve to complain about them. Km embarrassed for you OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ESH. The nieces and nephews for raiding someone else's pantry without permission, bro and SIL for showing up empty handed to a cookout with a pack of ravenous teens, and OP for being judgmental and inhospitable.

I have teens. I can't imagine showing up to a potluck or cookout without a pretty substantial contribution.

Adults shouldn't need to bring food to a family member's house. Grown ups don't potluck.

Personally if I knew she was stingy I'd stop to eat before going. Or, not go.

Grown ups don't potluck? That's news to me. It's pretty standard at just about every cookout I've ever attended for the host to provide the meat and the guests to provide sides, chips, drinks, etc.

If I had 3 teens who each are eating 3-4 times as much as a regular person, then yes, I'd bring food. It's not reasonable to expect the host to provide 12+ servings of food to feed a family of 5. If members of your party are going to go back for thirds and fourths, then you need to contribute something.

No, parties we go to the host services. Sounds like your family eats too much if they are going for 3/4ths. That's a bit much and you should contribute. The only time we have potlucks is for sports stuff.

"If I had 3 teens who each are eating 3-4 times as much as a regular person, then yes, I'd bring food."

Learn to read. The word "If" makes it a hypothetical and not an actual situation. I'm sorry that you can't understand basic grammar and assume that I'm raising a pack of feral beasts. Showing up empty handed when your group is going to be especially gluttonous is rude. I can't imagine imposing on someone else like that.

Really, though, if OP isn't exaggerating, then what's probably happening is that OP's athlete nieces and nephews don't have access to junk food at home and are pigging out on OP's stuff since they finally have access at OP's place. They're likely ignoring most of the meat and other cookout stuff altogether.

[Anonymous]

Buy the cheapest biggest bulk items you can find. Like massive bags of chips and cereal and 2L bottles of soda (not cans).

Hide the stuff you don’t want them to eat.

[Anonymous]

We always have a ton of food. It's our culture (Hawaii). Guests bring food too so you always have plenty of leftovers for people to take home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tend to forget how WASPy this site is until a food/hosting thread. A holiday cookout is not the time to police how much your guests are eating. You're not supposed to guess how much people are going to eat and then make exactly that much food and hide the rest. It's a Memorial Day cookout, you should expect neighbors to wander over and people to tag along. You're supposed to make a huge spread of food, make sure everyone has enough, and send people home with plates. You should be thrilled if people go back for seconds and thirds. If you run out of food you figure out how to fill the gap right now and make a mental note to make much, much more of whatever went fastest next time.

I stg my DH would commit seppuku if our guests had to resort to eating cereal to fill up after he shut the grill off. The fact that this has happened in your house and you've decided the guests are the problem is bizarre.

This exactly. I am as WASPy as you can get, but I was raised in the Italian culture of North Jersey. If there aren't leftovers after you have people over, you haven't made enough food. I ALWAYS want to make more than people can eat.

OP, it's very simple. If your guests are raiding your fridge, etc. after the cookout, you aren't preparing enough food. Since it has happened n the past, now you know, and you can make more.

Even if she does not prepare enough food it is not a valid reason to be rude. Learn some manners and thank the host for what you were served. No one is going to starve to death in a few hours.

My focus is on the OP, not the guests. OP claims that he (and it's definitely a he) is making more than enough food. That is demonstrably false. People are still hungry after the food is gone. Yes, it's rude to raid someone's pantry without asking, but OP can avoid the entire problem by making enough.

DP. Is the food actually gone, or are the kids bypassing the cookout food because they’d rather pig out on the other stuff?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, it is Memorial Day (almost) and my bro and sis in law and their three kids are coming over. It should be called "Memorial Day" because by the team they leave I have a vague memory of when we used to have food in the house. Of course, we are planning ( prob gonna rain) to make burgers and dogs and all, and that's cool . We expect them to eat that. But you have never seen anything like their kids. They are big boys 9 16 year old twins) and a younger girl who is a gymnast, and they are RAVENOUS. Every time they come over, they leave our house more barren than the surface of the moon. The cereal is gone, the candy is gone, the soda is gone, the chips are gone, any baked good is gone, hell even our dog gets nervous. The thing is- they never offer to pay for their children's assaults on our pantry.
I know this sounds trivial to some, but we aren't rich and their visits seriously wipe out an entire grocery run. Is there a tactful way to say "Hey, can you help replace the stuff your children devour?" or do you think we are just stuck ?

Only have on hand what you're willing to feed them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here! I am enjoying this, even for those who are slamming me. Believe me, we have more than enough food: six racks of ribs, 6 pounds of 80/20 burger meat, packs of Nathan's hot dogs, fruit salad ( well we will have it) , potato salad, beer, wine, soda, juice, Fried chicken, watermelon, the works. I am telling you though, these kids are bottomless pits and what generally happens is that they start eating like cups of applesauce or yogurts, or fruits, chips, etc that we don't even put out and are meant for school lunches. We also have one kid who is an athlete in training and likes to have certain things around- rice cakes, quinoa in cups, peanut butter, chocolate milk etc, and all of that gets annihilated too. I just think it is kind of rude to watch your kids sack someone else's pantry family or not .

I agree it's rude. My teenage athletes go places all the time where food is served and they learn to eat what is provided (which is typically is a fine amount) and if they are still hungry later they get a snack at home. Do people who disagree that it's rude allow their teens to buy 3 meals at restaurants? I doubt it - they eat what they are served. It's not like these kids are being starved. As long as you have a reasonable amount of food, and it sounds like you do, then they shouldn't have any reason to raid your cupboards.

The difference is people are at a restaurant for 1-2 hrs. OP has not said how long this event lasts, could be most of the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We always have a ton of food. It's our culture (Hawaii). Guests bring food too so you always have plenty of leftovers for people to take home.

I live here, too! Maybe we are friends IRL. And no one (no one!) in Hawaii would go to someone’s house empty-handed or eat up all of their non-party food. That is crazy.

[Anonymous]

“The party food is out on the kitchen island; please stay out of the pantry.” Assuming you aren’t running out of party food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“The party food is out on the kitchen island; please stay out of the pantry.” Assuming you aren’t running out of party food.

Maybe OP is a lousy cook.

[Anonymous]

Don't do any pre-shopping. If it's not there, they won't eat it. Serve what you said you would. If they say 'what can we bring?', tell them. If they don't, tell them what to bring.

[Anonymous]

Do a pot luck?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ESH. The nieces and nephews for raiding someone else's pantry without permission, bro and SIL for showing up empty handed to a cookout with a pack of ravenous teens, and OP for being judgmental and inhospitable.

I have teens. I can't imagine showing up to a potluck or cookout without a pretty substantial contribution.

Adults shouldn't need to bring food to a family member's house. Grown ups don't potluck.

Personally if I knew she was stingy I'd stop to eat before going. Or, not go.

Fairly confident our HHI is in the top 5% as are many of our friends. And we all potluck.