In-laws and their kids eat all our food

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I invite multi-day houseguests to help themselves in the kitchen, but if I invited a family over for an afternoon cookout I’d think they were very rude if they started raiding the fridge and pantry.

Especially if they cleared out all the single serve stuff we use for kid’s lunches and snacks at games. Those single serve chocolate milk, yogurts, applesauce , quinoa cups etc are pricey but packaged in an easy way for lunches. I can see rude teens clearing those out as the serving sizes aren’t large. There is no reason why ribs, fried chicken, burgers, hotdogs, fruit salad and other sides is not enough for everyone.

I have an aunt and uncle, who we no longer invite to our house, that do this as adults. They eat tons at dinner. The uncle loads his plate with three times what everyone else takes of anything high value. They both expect lots of leftovers and bring their own Tupperware. They help themself to whatever is in the fridge. Aunt once said oooh goodie, there’s Brie and shoved the entire round in her bag. They are not poor, in fact they are comfortably UMC and have tons of savings because they are so scammy frugal.

My aunt and uncle are like this too! Plus their two failure to launch sons. They will get out a ziploc bag and start shoveling food in to take home before the party is even over. I made a prime rib with a pound of meat for each person and they ate it all along with all the sides and sniffed through the fridge for more. My aunt laughs and says "you know how hungry boys are" though said boys are on their 30s. Best of all, when we go to their house the food is barebones portions and no alcohol is served though they're happy to drink mine. We have to run to the convenience store to fill out the meal.

This is totally different from OP’s situation.

It’s really not different at all. There is ample food at the party which they are eating but they decide to empty out all the other snack food simply because they want it not because they need it. It’s greedy gross behavior without any sense of manners.

We don’t really know there is ample food. Plenty of people make scant amounts because that’s what they eat and try to feed guests 3 asparagus spears and 1/2 a chicken breast each because that’s “enough” for a 50 yr old woman who is watching her figure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I invite multi-day houseguests to help themselves in the kitchen, but if I invited a family over for an afternoon cookout I’d think they were very rude if they started raiding the fridge and pantry.

Especially if they cleared out all the single serve stuff we use for kid’s lunches and snacks at games. Those single serve chocolate milk, yogurts, applesauce , quinoa cups etc are pricey but packaged in an easy way for lunches. I can see rude teens clearing those out as the serving sizes aren’t large. There is no reason why ribs, fried chicken, burgers, hotdogs, fruit salad and other sides is not enough for everyone.

I have an aunt and uncle, who we no longer invite to our house, that do this as adults. They eat tons at dinner. The uncle loads his plate with three times what everyone else takes of anything high value. They both expect lots of leftovers and bring their own Tupperware. They help themself to whatever is in the fridge. Aunt once said oooh goodie, there’s Brie and shoved the entire round in her bag. They are not poor, in fact they are comfortably UMC and have tons of savings because they are so scammy frugal.

My aunt and uncle are like this too! Plus their two failure to launch sons. They will get out a ziploc bag and start shoveling food in to take home before the party is even over. I made a prime rib with a pound of meat for each person and they ate it all along with all the sides and sniffed through the fridge for more. My aunt laughs and says "you know how hungry boys are" though said boys are on their 30s. Best of all, when we go to their house the food is barebones portions and no alcohol is served though they're happy to drink mine. We have to run to the convenience store to fill out the meal.

This is totally different from OP’s situation.

It’s really not different at all. There is ample food at the party which they are eating but they decide to empty out all the other snack food simply because they want it not because they need it. It’s greedy gross behavior without any sense of manners.

No, those people were taking food home. OP’s nieces and nephews are eating food there.

My family doesn’t clear out our food but I gladly share any food we have. We have a lot of food in our house so it would be hard to clear it. If they eat what I got on the most recent grocery run, good! I will just get more.

[Anonymous]

The host is responsible for providing the food, and yes, kids do eat a lot. If you aren’t willing to do this, then don’t host. It sounds like you are used to eating a smaller amount and aren’t used to the size of your group, but this is on you not your guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team OP!

OP isn’t a good host. That’s ok. It’s not her thing. But hosting involves feeding, so just offer to go to their house next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP!

OP isn’t a good host. That’s ok. It’s not her thing. But hosting involves feeding, so just offer to go to their house next time.

His thing, sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I tend to forget how WASPy this site is until a food/hosting thread. A holiday cookout is not the time to police how much your guests are eating. You're not supposed to guess how much people are going to eat and then make exactly that much food and hide the rest. It's a Memorial Day cookout, you should expect neighbors to wander over and people to tag along. You're supposed to make a huge spread of food, make sure everyone has enough, and send people home with plates. You should be thrilled if people go back for seconds and thirds. If you run out of food you figure out how to fill the gap right now and make a mental note to make much, much more of whatever went fastest next time.

I stg my DH would commit seppuku if our guests had to resort to eating cereal to fill up after he shut the grill off. The fact that this has happened in your house and you've decided the guests are the problem is bizarre.

This exactly. I am as WASPy as you can get, but I was raised in the Italian culture of North Jersey. If there aren't leftovers after you have people over, you haven't made enough food. I ALWAYS want to make more than people can eat.

OP, it's very simple. If your guests are raiding your fridge, etc. after the cookout, you aren't preparing enough food. Since it has happened n the past, now you know, and you can make more.

Even if she does not prepare enough food it is not a valid reason to be rude. Learn some manners and thank the host for what you were served. No one is going to starve to death in a few hours.

My focus is on the OP, not the guests. OP claims that he (and it's definitely a he) is making more than enough food. That is demonstrably false. People are still hungry after the food is gone. Yes, it's rude to raid someone's pantry without asking, but OP can avoid the entire problem by making enough.

If you need to eat 3 or 4 burgers you are rude.

Not true for 16 year old male athletes!

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP, anything you say on DCUM that implies you have a budget that you actually need to follow gets you slammed as too poor to exist.
Like, when we hosted Easter last month, it affected our monthly food budget to the point that we were unable to make our extra principal payment on our mortgage. There were plenty of leftovers and everyone had a good time and raved about the menu but it was a stretch for us. Our monthly food budget has doubled since 2020 and we aren't rich. If the guests had also been raiding our pantry and eating the items for the kids' school lunches ... omg.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, anything you say on DCUM that implies you have a budget that you actually need to follow gets you slammed as too poor to exist.
Like, when we hosted Easter last month, it affected our monthly food budget to the point that we were unable to make our extra principal payment on our mortgage. There were plenty of leftovers and everyone had a good time and raved about the menu but it was a stretch for us. Our monthly food budget has doubled since 2020 and we aren't rich. If the guests had also been raiding our pantry and eating the items for the kids' school lunches ... omg.

No one has to host.

You can meet at a restaurant and split the bill.

You can organize a potluck.

But hosting people without providing enough food isn’t ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I invite multi-day houseguests to help themselves in the kitchen, but if I invited a family over for an afternoon cookout I’d think they were very rude if they started raiding the fridge and pantry.

Especially if they cleared out all the single serve stuff we use for kid’s lunches and snacks at games. Those single serve chocolate milk, yogurts, applesauce , quinoa cups etc are pricey but packaged in an easy way for lunches. I can see rude teens clearing those out as the serving sizes aren’t large. There is no reason why ribs, fried chicken, burgers, hotdogs, fruit salad and other sides is not enough for everyone.

I have an aunt and uncle, who we no longer invite to our house, that do this as adults. They eat tons at dinner. The uncle loads his plate with three times what everyone else takes of anything high value. They both expect lots of leftovers and bring their own Tupperware. They help themself to whatever is in the fridge. Aunt once said oooh goodie, there’s Brie and shoved the entire round in her bag. They are not poor, in fact they are comfortably UMC and have tons of savings because they are so scammy frugal.

My aunt and uncle are like this too! Plus their two failure to launch sons. They will get out a ziploc bag and start shoveling food in to take home before the party is even over. I made a prime rib with a pound of meat for each person and they ate it all along with all the sides and sniffed through the fridge for more. My aunt laughs and says "you know how hungry boys are" though said boys are on their 30s. Best of all, when we go to their house the food is barebones portions and no alcohol is served though they're happy to drink mine. We have to run to the convenience store to fill out the meal.

This is totally different from OP’s situation.

It’s really not different at all. There is ample food at the party which they are eating but they decide to empty out all the other snack food simply because they want it not because they need it. It’s greedy gross behavior without any sense of manners.

We don’t really know there is ample food. Plenty of people make scant amounts because that’s what they eat and try to feed guests 3 asparagus spears and 1/2 a chicken breast each because that’s “enough” for a 50 yr old woman who is watching her figure.

He listed out the food and the amounts. It’s a huge spread! The stuff they are clearing out is junk food, those single serve snack and lunch things etc. If they are hungry go trap another burger, hot dog, ribs, piece of fried chicken , bowl of fruit etc. Don’t run to the pantry and slurp down all the squeezable applesauce and yogurts that aren’t very filling anyway. If you are thirsty after drinking several sodas don’t run into the pantry and gulp down all the single serve chocolate milks. This is really piggish rude behavior.

[Anonymous]

You host, you pay. Or you ask people to bring food. Stop expecting them to offer something to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I invite multi-day houseguests to help themselves in the kitchen, but if I invited a family over for an afternoon cookout I’d think they were very rude if they started raiding the fridge and pantry.

Especially if they cleared out all the single serve stuff we use for kid’s lunches and snacks at games. Those single serve chocolate milk, yogurts, applesauce , quinoa cups etc are pricey but packaged in an easy way for lunches. I can see rude teens clearing those out as the serving sizes aren’t large. There is no reason why ribs, fried chicken, burgers, hotdogs, fruit salad and other sides is not enough for everyone.

I have an aunt and uncle, who we no longer invite to our house, that do this as adults. They eat tons at dinner. The uncle loads his plate with three times what everyone else takes of anything high value. They both expect lots of leftovers and bring their own Tupperware. They help themself to whatever is in the fridge. Aunt once said oooh goodie, there’s Brie and shoved the entire round in her bag. They are not poor, in fact they are comfortably UMC and have tons of savings because they are so scammy frugal.

My aunt and uncle are like this too! Plus their two failure to launch sons. They will get out a ziploc bag and start shoveling food in to take home before the party is even over. I made a prime rib with a pound of meat for each person and they ate it all along with all the sides and sniffed through the fridge for more. My aunt laughs and says "you know how hungry boys are" though said boys are on their 30s. Best of all, when we go to their house the food is barebones portions and no alcohol is served though they're happy to drink mine. We have to run to the convenience store to fill out the meal.

This is totally different from OP’s situation.

It’s really not different at all. There is ample food at the party which they are eating but they decide to empty out all the other snack food simply because they want it not because they need it. It’s greedy gross behavior without any sense of manners.

We don’t really know there is ample food. Plenty of people make scant amounts because that’s what they eat and try to feed guests 3 asparagus spears and 1/2 a chicken breast each because that’s “enough” for a 50 yr old woman who is watching her figure.

He listed out the food and the amounts. It’s a huge spread! The stuff they are clearing out is junk food, those single serve snack and lunch things etc. If they are hungry go trap another burger, hot dog, ribs, piece of fried chicken , bowl of fruit etc. Don’t run to the pantry and slurp down all the squeezable applesauce and yogurts that aren’t very filling anyway. If you are thirsty after drinking several sodas don’t run into the pantry and gulp down all the single serve chocolate milks. This is really piggish rude behavior.

No, OP didn't clarify, see below. No clear amounts other than ground beef We also don't know ho many people this was to serve. I highly doubt OP is not greatly exaggerating how much food is being served and how much is being eaten. This whole story sounds suspect.

OP here! I am enjoying this, even for those who are slamming me. Believe me, we have more than enough food: six racks of ribs, 6 pounds of 80/20 burger meat, packs of Nathan's hot dogs, fruit salad ( well we will have it) , potato salad, beer, wine, soda, juice, Fried chicken, watermelon, the works. I am telling you though, these kids are bottomless pits and what generally happens is that they start eating like cups of applesauce or yogurts, or fruits, chips, etc that we don't even put out and are meant for school lunches. We also have one kid who is an athlete in training and likes to have certain things around- rice cakes, quinoa in cups, peanut butter, chocolate milk etc, and all of that gets annihilated too. I just think it is kind of rude to watch your kids sack someone else's pantry family or not .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I invite multi-day houseguests to help themselves in the kitchen, but if I invited a family over for an afternoon cookout I’d think they were very rude if they started raiding the fridge and pantry.

Especially if they cleared out all the single serve stuff we use for kid’s lunches and snacks at games. Those single serve chocolate milk, yogurts, applesauce , quinoa cups etc are pricey but packaged in an easy way for lunches. I can see rude teens clearing those out as the serving sizes aren’t large. There is no reason why ribs, fried chicken, burgers, hotdogs, fruit salad and other sides is not enough for everyone.

I have an aunt and uncle, who we no longer invite to our house, that do this as adults. They eat tons at dinner. The uncle loads his plate with three times what everyone else takes of anything high value. They both expect lots of leftovers and bring their own Tupperware. They help themself to whatever is in the fridge. Aunt once said oooh goodie, there’s Brie and shoved the entire round in her bag. They are not poor, in fact they are comfortably UMC and have tons of savings because they are so scammy frugal.

My aunt and uncle are like this too! Plus their two failure to launch sons. They will get out a ziploc bag and start shoveling food in to take home before the party is even over. I made a prime rib with a pound of meat for each person and they ate it all along with all the sides and sniffed through the fridge for more. My aunt laughs and says "you know how hungry boys are" though said boys are on their 30s. Best of all, when we go to their house the food is barebones portions and no alcohol is served though they're happy to drink mine. We have to run to the convenience store to fill out the meal.

This is totally different from OP’s situation.

It’s really not different at all. There is ample food at the party which they are eating but they decide to empty out all the other snack food simply because they want it not because they need it. It’s greedy gross behavior without any sense of manners.

We don’t really know there is ample food. Plenty of people make scant amounts because that’s what they eat and try to feed guests 3 asparagus spears and 1/2 a chicken breast each because that’s “enough” for a 50 yr old woman who is watching her figure.

He listed out the food and the amounts. It’s a huge spread! The stuff they are clearing out is junk food, those single serve snack and lunch things etc. If they are hungry go trap another burger, hot dog, ribs, piece of fried chicken , bowl of fruit etc. Don’t run to the pantry and slurp down all the squeezable applesauce and yogurts that aren’t very filling anyway. If you are thirsty after drinking several sodas don’t run into the pantry and gulp down all the single serve chocolate milks. This is really piggish rude behavior.

No, OP didn't clarify, see below. No clear amounts other than ground beef We also don't know ho many people this was to serve. I highly doubt OP is not greatly exaggerating how much food is being served and how much is being eaten. This whole story sounds suspect.

OP here! I am enjoying this, even for those who are slamming me. Believe me, we have more than enough food: six racks of ribs, 6 pounds of 80/20 burger meat, packs of Nathan's hot dogs, fruit salad ( well we will have it) , potato salad, beer, wine, soda, juice, Fried chicken, watermelon, the works. I am telling you though, these kids are bottomless pits and what generally happens is that they start eating like cups of applesauce or yogurts, or fruits, chips, etc that we don't even put out and are meant for school lunches. We also have one kid who is an athlete in training and likes to have certain things around- rice cakes, quinoa in cups, peanut butter, chocolate milk etc, and all of that gets annihilated too. I just think it is kind of rude to watch your kids sack someone else's pantry family or not .

BTW - I don't see any apps listed in OPs menu. What if they invited people at noon and didn't eat until 6? I can see people raiding the snack pantry waiting for this meat buffet.

[Anonymous]

I am really curious about the poster or posters who think this behavior is fine and a good host wouldn’t be bothered by it. Do you allow your kids to do this at other peoples houses?

I would be mortified and profusely apologetic if my kids acted this way. I just don’t understand how some people have no shame and don’t mind their kids acting like horrible pigs and greedy little monsters. It’s disrespectful of the host but it’s also disrespectful to yourself! So gross!

Is it that you do know on some level it’s wrong and wouldn’t do it at a neighbors or friends house but you see family as a place where you can be a pig and as rude as you like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, anything you say on DCUM that implies you have a budget that you actually need to follow gets you slammed as too poor to exist.
Like, when we hosted Easter last month, it affected our monthly food budget to the point that we were unable to make our extra principal payment on our mortgage. There were plenty of leftovers and everyone had a good time and raved about the menu but it was a stretch for us. Our monthly food budget has doubled since 2020 and we aren't rich. If the guests had also been raiding our pantry and eating the items for the kids' school lunches ... omg.

Omg then don’t host!

I’d love to buy a fancy yacht/ourse/jewelry but not at the expense of my bills.

And if you can’t pay an extra principal payment, you aren’t hurting. Enjoy the mortgage interest tax deduction and hush!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am really curious about the poster or posters who think this behavior is fine and a good host wouldn’t be bothered by it. Do you allow your kids to do this at other peoples houses?

I would be mortified and profusely apologetic if my kids acted this way. I just don’t understand how some people have no shame and don’t mind their kids acting like horrible pigs and greedy little monsters. It’s disrespectful of the host but it’s also disrespectful to yourself! So gross!

Is it that you do know on some level it’s wrong and wouldn’t do it at a neighbors or friends house but you see family as a place where you can be a pig and as rude as you like?

Agreed. This thread is bizarre. I've hosted plenty of groups of teens, and not a single one has just opened the pantry and raided it. My kids would never just raid someone else's pantry, even if the host is a family member. If my kids were absolutely starving at someone else's house, I'd either politely ask if there's something they can eat, or we'd duck out for food without causing a scene. Even if my kids were given permission to raid the pantry, they would understand that single serving things are for lunchboxes, and at most they'd eat one.

It wouldn't occur to me that if I'm hosting, anything present in my house but not set out for guests is fair game for guests. Apparently it hasn't occurred to anyone I've ever hosted, since no one has raided my pantries, aside from young children who have not yet been taught manners.