I hate where we live.

[Anonymous]

Maybe OP is carrying a torch for her high school boyfriend or some other guy she knew back when. Her level of obsession and yearning isn't just because she wants to be near family. She's got a hidden agenda that she's not sharing either with her husband or DCUM because it wouldn't reflect.well on her. That's why she isn't telling where it is she wants to move back to. Because if she did everyone would wonder what's so special about that place? It's because that's where her old boyfriend lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe OP is carrying a torch for her high school boyfriend or some other guy she knew back when. Her level of obsession and yearning isn't just because she wants to be near family. She's got a hidden agenda that she's not sharing either with her husband or DCUM because it wouldn't reflect.well on her. That's why she isn't telling where it is she wants to move back to. Because if she did everyone would wonder what's so special about that place? It's because that's where her old boyfriend lives.

Yeah. I promise you that women think about their mom, sisters, and kids much more than they think about their old boyfriends. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Do they want to uproot their lives for them though?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I love him and my kids so much… but I don’t know how I’m going to keep living in this area with no end in sight."

Have you said this to him? You said a lot of stuff in your OP. Have you said those things to him also? I can understand him being upset, but I think any loving partner would not want their partner to be this miserable. I'm not saying he should have to agree to move away; I'm saying that he should be sympathetic and open to working on a solution with you, something that can make you both happy as much as possible. Someone will probably end up getting the short end of the stick but feeling heard and knowing that the other person really cares can go a long way.

If he's just angry and not willing even to discuss options, I'd be pissed and probably end up resentful. I don't know how long I could live like that.

Good luck!

OP - yes, I have told him this. I told him that I hope he never dislikes living in a place to the extent that I do. One of our issues is that our viewpoints on finding happiness where you live vary quite a bit - my entire family lives within a short drive of each other, and this has been the case since I was a kid. Most of my high school friends still live back home. He moved around a lot as a kid because his parents’ jobs required it. I think that the fact that he never experienced growing up with family nearby — whereas I did — is playing into this.

Again, thank you all who have constructively asked questions and lended support to me. I really am trying to find happiness here but after over a decade of friends coming and going every couple of years, it’s hard. All of the people that I have become close to have removed away from here unfortunately. We keep in touch but it’s not the same as meeting up for coffee or drinks in-person.

As an introvert it’s exhausting to keep putting yourself out there only to have people leave.

OP, if a bunch of your friends and family from back home up and moved to your neighborhood in the DMV, would you still hate it here? Or if in theory DH was ok with moving, but not to somewhere near your home town, would that scratch the itch to leave?

Because I think other posters are on point that it’s not the place, but the lack of proximity to family that is bothering you. And I’m not sure if it’s fair to your DH and kids if there is only one place in the US that you claim you’d be happy living.

If there is something about this area in particular you don’t like that is very different than wanting your DH to adopt a very in-law/hometown high school friends-centric life.

OP here. This is a great question. I would still really dislike it here, but a bit less. If my entire family moved away from back home, I would still like it there and want to be there.

The things I dislike about DC itself: cost of living, weather (I miss snowier winters and less humid summers), traffic, the careerism.

[Anonymous]

OP, you still won't say where it is you would like to move back to. You don't have to give away the exact town but come ON. How is anyone supposed to objectively evaluate whether your desire to move "back home" makes sense if you refuse to say where "home" is? That doesn't make sense. With the way you claim to love it, you should be bragging about it, right?

"I'm from the Florida panhandle.". "I'm from upstate NY ". "I'm from southern Cal." "I'm from the Dallas-Ft. Worth area.". "I'm from Philly". And so forth.

Also, of course D.C. and places with a similar SES profile are filled with careerists. And you knew that when you moved here and benefited from it. You can't just ignore all the benefits of where you have been living.

You don't like the traffic, fine. Can't YOU look for another job that is remote or WFH or a bit more flexible to help address the commute?

You don't like the weather. You miss the snow (I guess that's a hint but not a really specific one.). You can't take a week of PTO and visit the slopes or something? Although you don't say you miss skiing. Yes it can get humid, that's what air conditioners are for.

Your "reasons" are so vague and generic that it trivializes what is going to be a huge traumatic life change for your family. No wonder you're not getting any buy in from your spouse. You sound childish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you still won't say where it is you would like to move back to. You don't have to give away the exact town but come ON. How is anyone supposed to objectively evaluate whether your desire to move "back home" makes sense if you refuse to say where "home" is? That doesn't make sense. With the way you claim to love it, you should be bragging about it, right?

"I'm from the Florida panhandle.". "I'm from upstate NY ". "I'm from southern Cal." "I'm from the Dallas-Ft. Worth area.". "I'm from Philly". And so forth.

Also, of course D.C. and places with a similar SES profile are filled with careerists. And you knew that when you moved here and benefited from it. You can't just ignore all the benefits of where you have been living.

You don't like the traffic, fine. Can't YOU look for another job that is remote or WFH or a bit more flexible to help address the commute?

You don't like the weather. You miss the snow (I guess that's a hint but not a really specific one.). You can't take a week of PTO and visit the slopes or something? Although you don't say you miss skiing. Yes it can get humid, that's what air conditioners are for.

Your "reasons" are so vague and generic that it trivializes what is going to be a huge traumatic life change for your family. No wonder you're not getting any buy in from your spouse. You sound childish.

I’m pretty familiar with everything north of DC in PA, NY, MD, DE, NJ, and New England: I doubt OP could name a place in that arc where DCUMers would not instantly man/woman-splain to her how craptastic it is or how it’s afflicted at least as badly by DMV-like problems, albeit with less summer heat/humidity.

The only places in that arc where I would rather raise a family than in the DMV are a few well-located college towns like Princeton, NJ. Huge swaths of the northeast away from the eastern seaboard are straight-up Appalachia, and don’t get me started on how many cloudy days Pittsburgh has, how screwed up is Hartford, the special concentrated insanity of the Boston area, etc.

So I’m guessing OP has no interest in reading those kinds of responses, but for the rest of us it might be fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you still won't say where it is you would like to move back to. You don't have to give away the exact town but come ON. How is anyone supposed to objectively evaluate whether your desire to move "back home" makes sense if you refuse to say where "home" is? That doesn't make sense. With the way you claim to love it, you should be bragging about it, right?

"I'm from the Florida panhandle.". "I'm from upstate NY ". "I'm from southern Cal." "I'm from the Dallas-Ft. Worth area.". "I'm from Philly". And so forth.

Also, of course D.C. and places with a similar SES profile are filled with careerists. And you knew that when you moved here and benefited from it. You can't just ignore all the benefits of where you have been living.

You don't like the traffic, fine. Can't YOU look for another job that is remote or WFH or a bit more flexible to help address the commute?

You don't like the weather. You miss the snow (I guess that's a hint but not a really specific one.). You can't take a week of PTO and visit the slopes or something? Although you don't say you miss skiing. Yes it can get humid, that's what air conditioners are for.

Your "reasons" are so vague and generic that it trivializes what is going to be a huge traumatic life change for your family. No wonder you're not getting any buy in from your spouse. You sound childish.

I’m pretty familiar with everything north of DC in PA, NY, MD, DE, NJ, and New England: I doubt OP could name a place in that arc where DCUMers would not instantly man/woman-splain to her how craptastic it is or how it’s afflicted at least as badly by DMV-like problems, albeit with less summer heat/humidity.

The only places in that arc where I would rather raise a family than in the DMV are a few well-located college towns like Princeton, NJ. Huge swaths of the northeast away from the eastern seaboard are straight-up Appalachia, and don’t get me started on how many cloudy days Pittsburgh has, how screwed up is Hartford, the special concentrated insanity of the Boston area, etc.

So I’m guessing OP has no interest in reading those kinds of responses, but for the rest of us it might be fun.

OP here. The Princeton area is actually where home is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you still won't say where it is you would like to move back to. You don't have to give away the exact town but come ON. How is anyone supposed to objectively evaluate whether your desire to move "back home" makes sense if you refuse to say where "home" is? That doesn't make sense. With the way you claim to love it, you should be bragging about it, right?

"I'm from the Florida panhandle.". "I'm from upstate NY ". "I'm from southern Cal." "I'm from the Dallas-Ft. Worth area.". "I'm from Philly". And so forth.

Also, of course D.C. and places with a similar SES profile are filled with careerists. And you knew that when you moved here and benefited from it. You can't just ignore all the benefits of where you have been living.

You don't like the traffic, fine. Can't YOU look for another job that is remote or WFH or a bit more flexible to help address the commute?

You don't like the weather. You miss the snow (I guess that's a hint but not a really specific one.). You can't take a week of PTO and visit the slopes or something? Although you don't say you miss skiing. Yes it can get humid, that's what air conditioners are for.

Your "reasons" are so vague and generic that it trivializes what is going to be a huge traumatic life change for your family. No wonder you're not getting any buy in from your spouse. You sound childish.

I’m pretty familiar with everything north of DC in PA, NY, MD, DE, NJ, and New England: I doubt OP could name a place in that arc where DCUMers would not instantly man/woman-splain to her how craptastic it is or how it’s afflicted at least as badly by DMV-like problems, albeit with less summer heat/humidity.

The only places in that arc where I would rather raise a family than in the DMV are a few well-located college towns like Princeton, NJ. Huge swaths of the northeast away from the eastern seaboard are straight-up Appalachia, and don’t get me started on how many cloudy days Pittsburgh has, how screwed up is Hartford, the special concentrated insanity of the Boston area, etc.

So I’m guessing OP has no interest in reading those kinds of responses, but for the rest of us it might be fun.

I agree that the Princeton area is nice. But OP might say it's "too expensive ". She wants all the benefits of living in a "careerist" UMC SES area but is unwilling to accept the things that go with it, like traffic, crowded, higher cost of living, maybe weather not to her liking at times of the year.

In the absence of a more specific explanation, OP is just being immature and unrealistic.

She even finally admitted it really has nothing to do with missing her family when she said even if her extended family moved to be near her, she still wouldn't be happy.

It's her.

OP is the problem.

Not her husband,not where she lives,not the traffic,not the cost of living,not the weather.

She is just another DCUM narcissist who thinks it's all about her and her childish whims and will likely age to become the kind of MIL who rearranges her DILs kitchen without permission.

Folks, the kind of wife that OP is matures into the kind of MIL that stains your floors and paints your living room while you're at work without bothering to find out if you're down with it first.

Op is a larval nightmare MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you still won't say where it is you would like to move back to. You don't have to give away the exact town but come ON. How is anyone supposed to objectively evaluate whether your desire to move "back home" makes sense if you refuse to say where "home" is? That doesn't make sense. With the way you claim to love it, you should be bragging about it, right?

"I'm from the Florida panhandle.". "I'm from upstate NY ". "I'm from southern Cal." "I'm from the Dallas-Ft. Worth area.". "I'm from Philly". And so forth.

Also, of course D.C. and places with a similar SES profile are filled with careerists. And you knew that when you moved here and benefited from it. You can't just ignore all the benefits of where you have been living.

You don't like the traffic, fine. Can't YOU look for another job that is remote or WFH or a bit more flexible to help address the commute?

You don't like the weather. You miss the snow (I guess that's a hint but not a really specific one.). You can't take a week of PTO and visit the slopes or something? Although you don't say you miss skiing. Yes it can get humid, that's what air conditioners are for.

Your "reasons" are so vague and generic that it trivializes what is going to be a huge traumatic life change for your family. No wonder you're not getting any buy in from your spouse. You sound childish.

I’m pretty familiar with everything north of DC in PA, NY, MD, DE, NJ, and New England: I doubt OP could name a place in that arc where DCUMers would not instantly man/woman-splain to her how craptastic it is or how it’s afflicted at least as badly by DMV-like problems, albeit with less summer heat/humidity.

The only places in that arc where I would rather raise a family than in the DMV are a few well-located college towns like Princeton, NJ. Huge swaths of the northeast away from the eastern seaboard are straight-up Appalachia, and don’t get me started on how many cloudy days Pittsburgh has, how screwed up is Hartford, the special concentrated insanity of the Boston area, etc.

So I’m guessing OP has no interest in reading those kinds of responses, but for the rest of us it might be fun.

OP here. The Princeton area is actually where home is.

Are you serious? That like only a 4 or 5 hour drive from D.C. You could visit every weekend if you missed it so much.

[Anonymous]

Now I understand why your husband doesn't want to move. It's not with it. It's so close. It's pointless.

Is Princeton really "cheaper" than wherever you are living right now? Are you serious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you still won't say where it is you would like to move back to. You don't have to give away the exact town but come ON. How is anyone supposed to objectively evaluate whether your desire to move "back home" makes sense if you refuse to say where "home" is? That doesn't make sense. With the way you claim to love it, you should be bragging about it, right?

"I'm from the Florida panhandle.". "I'm from upstate NY ". "I'm from southern Cal." "I'm from the Dallas-Ft. Worth area.". "I'm from Philly". And so forth.

Also, of course D.C. and places with a similar SES profile are filled with careerists. And you knew that when you moved here and benefited from it. You can't just ignore all the benefits of where you have been living.

You don't like the traffic, fine. Can't YOU look for another job that is remote or WFH or a bit more flexible to help address the commute?

You don't like the weather. You miss the snow (I guess that's a hint but not a really specific one.). You can't take a week of PTO and visit the slopes or something? Although you don't say you miss skiing. Yes it can get humid, that's what air conditioners are for.

Your "reasons" are so vague and generic that it trivializes what is going to be a huge traumatic life change for your family. No wonder you're not getting any buy in from your spouse. You sound childish.

I’m pretty familiar with everything north of DC in PA, NY, MD, DE, NJ, and New England: I doubt OP could name a place in that arc where DCUMers would not instantly man/woman-splain to her how craptastic it is or how it’s afflicted at least as badly by DMV-like problems, albeit with less summer heat/humidity.

The only places in that arc where I would rather raise a family than in the DMV are a few well-located college towns like Princeton, NJ. Huge swaths of the northeast away from the eastern seaboard are straight-up Appalachia, and don’t get me started on how many cloudy days Pittsburgh has, how screwed up is Hartford, the special concentrated insanity of the Boston area, etc.

So I’m guessing OP has no interest in reading those kinds of responses, but for the rest of us it might be fun.

I agree that the Princeton area is nice. But OP might say it's "too expensive ". She wants all the benefits of living in a "careerist" UMC SES area but is unwilling to accept the things that go with it, like traffic, crowded, higher cost of living, maybe weather not to her liking at times of the year.

In the absence of a more specific explanation, OP is just being immature and unrealistic.

She even finally admitted it really has nothing to do with missing her family when she said even if her extended family moved to be near her, she still wouldn't be happy.

It's her.

OP is the problem.

Not her husband,not where she lives,not the traffic,not the cost of living,not the weather.

She is just another DCUM narcissist who thinks it's all about her and her childish whims and will likely age to become the kind of MIL who rearranges her DILs kitchen without permission.

Folks, the kind of wife that OP is matures into the kind of MIL that stains your floors and paints your living room while you're at work without bothering to find out if you're down with it first.

Op is a larval nightmare MIL.

OP - you oversimplified my responses and are clearly basing your own insecurities onto me, but thanks anyway!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you still won't say where it is you would like to move back to. You don't have to give away the exact town but come ON. How is anyone supposed to objectively evaluate whether your desire to move "back home" makes sense if you refuse to say where "home" is? That doesn't make sense. With the way you claim to love it, you should be bragging about it, right?

"I'm from the Florida panhandle.". "I'm from upstate NY ". "I'm from southern Cal." "I'm from the Dallas-Ft. Worth area.". "I'm from Philly". And so forth.

Also, of course D.C. and places with a similar SES profile are filled with careerists. And you knew that when you moved here and benefited from it. You can't just ignore all the benefits of where you have been living.

You don't like the traffic, fine. Can't YOU look for another job that is remote or WFH or a bit more flexible to help address the commute?

You don't like the weather. You miss the snow (I guess that's a hint but not a really specific one.). You can't take a week of PTO and visit the slopes or something? Although you don't say you miss skiing. Yes it can get humid, that's what air conditioners are for.

Your "reasons" are so vague and generic that it trivializes what is going to be a huge traumatic life change for your family. No wonder you're not getting any buy in from your spouse. You sound childish.

I’m pretty familiar with everything north of DC in PA, NY, MD, DE, NJ, and New England: I doubt OP could name a place in that arc where DCUMers would not instantly man/woman-splain to her how craptastic it is or how it’s afflicted at least as badly by DMV-like problems, albeit with less summer heat/humidity.

The only places in that arc where I would rather raise a family than in the DMV are a few well-located college towns like Princeton, NJ. Huge swaths of the northeast away from the eastern seaboard are straight-up Appalachia, and don’t get me started on how many cloudy days Pittsburgh has, how screwed up is Hartford, the special concentrated insanity of the Boston area, etc.

So I’m guessing OP has no interest in reading those kinds of responses, but for the rest of us it might be fun.

I agree that the Princeton area is nice. But OP might say it's "too expensive ". She wants all the benefits of living in a "careerist" UMC SES area but is unwilling to accept the things that go with it, like traffic, crowded, higher cost of living, maybe weather not to her liking at times of the year.

In the absence of a more specific explanation, OP is just being immature and unrealistic.

She even finally admitted it really has nothing to do with missing her family when she said even if her extended family moved to be near her, she still wouldn't be happy.

It's her.

OP is the problem.

Not her husband,not where she lives,not the traffic,not the cost of living,not the weather.

She is just another DCUM narcissist who thinks it's all about her and her childish whims and will likely age to become the kind of MIL who rearranges her DILs kitchen without permission.

Folks, the kind of wife that OP is matures into the kind of MIL that stains your floors and paints your living room while you're at work without bothering to find out if you're down with it first.

Op is a larval nightmare MIL.

OP - you oversimplified my responses and are clearly basing your own insecurities onto me, but thanks anyway!

not basing, projecting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you still won't say where it is you would like to move back to. You don't have to give away the exact town but come ON. How is anyone supposed to objectively evaluate whether your desire to move "back home" makes sense if you refuse to say where "home" is? That doesn't make sense. With the way you claim to love it, you should be bragging about it, right?

"I'm from the Florida panhandle.". "I'm from upstate NY ". "I'm from southern Cal." "I'm from the Dallas-Ft. Worth area.". "I'm from Philly". And so forth.

Also, of course D.C. and places with a similar SES profile are filled with careerists. And you knew that when you moved here and benefited from it. You can't just ignore all the benefits of where you have been living.

You don't like the traffic, fine. Can't YOU look for another job that is remote or WFH or a bit more flexible to help address the commute?

You don't like the weather. You miss the snow (I guess that's a hint but not a really specific one.). You can't take a week of PTO and visit the slopes or something? Although you don't say you miss skiing. Yes it can get humid, that's what air conditioners are for.

Your "reasons" are so vague and generic that it trivializes what is going to be a huge traumatic life change for your family. No wonder you're not getting any buy in from your spouse. You sound childish.

I’m pretty familiar with everything north of DC in PA, NY, MD, DE, NJ, and New England: I doubt OP could name a place in that arc where DCUMers would not instantly man/woman-splain to her how craptastic it is or how it’s afflicted at least as badly by DMV-like problems, albeit with less summer heat/humidity.

The only places in that arc where I would rather raise a family than in the DMV are a few well-located college towns like Princeton, NJ. Huge swaths of the northeast away from the eastern seaboard are straight-up Appalachia, and don’t get me started on how many cloudy days Pittsburgh has, how screwed up is Hartford, the special concentrated insanity of the Boston area, etc.

So I’m guessing OP has no interest in reading those kinds of responses, but for the rest of us it might be fun.

OP here. The Princeton area is actually where home is.

Holy smokes! PP here. I feel like I got Wordle right on zero tries! And I’m totally team OP now! Also, DCUM detectives, please show me some love about guessing right with zero clues. Although do I even believe OP — what’s better about Princeton winters?

[Anonymous]

Ok now that you've finally admitted where home is, OP, what is this really all about?

Princeton is 180 miles straight shot on I 95 to D.C. 3 hrs 16 minutes of you stay in the speed limit.

If you missed the fam that much you could leave RIGHT NOW and get there in time for lunch, easy.


Time to fess up. It's an old boyfriend or affair partner that you want to be closer to isn't it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you still won't say where it is you would like to move back to. You don't have to give away the exact town but come ON. How is anyone supposed to objectively evaluate whether your desire to move "back home" makes sense if you refuse to say where "home" is? That doesn't make sense. With the way you claim to love it, you should be bragging about it, right?

"I'm from the Florida panhandle.". "I'm from upstate NY ". "I'm from southern Cal." "I'm from the Dallas-Ft. Worth area.". "I'm from Philly". And so forth.

Also, of course D.C. and places with a similar SES profile are filled with careerists. And you knew that when you moved here and benefited from it. You can't just ignore all the benefits of where you have been living.

You don't like the traffic, fine. Can't YOU look for another job that is remote or WFH or a bit more flexible to help address the commute?

You don't like the weather. You miss the snow (I guess that's a hint but not a really specific one.). You can't take a week of PTO and visit the slopes or something? Although you don't say you miss skiing. Yes it can get humid, that's what air conditioners are for.

Your "reasons" are so vague and generic that it trivializes what is going to be a huge traumatic life change for your family. No wonder you're not getting any buy in from your spouse. You sound childish.

I’m pretty familiar with everything north of DC in PA, NY, MD, DE, NJ, and New England: I doubt OP could name a place in that arc where DCUMers would not instantly man/woman-splain to her how craptastic it is or how it’s afflicted at least as badly by DMV-like problems, albeit with less summer heat/humidity.

The only places in that arc where I would rather raise a family than in the DMV are a few well-located college towns like Princeton, NJ. Huge swaths of the northeast away from the eastern seaboard are straight-up Appalachia, and don’t get me started on how many cloudy days Pittsburgh has, how screwed up is Hartford, the special concentrated insanity of the Boston area, etc.

So I’m guessing OP has no interest in reading those kinds of responses, but for the rest of us it might be fun.

OP here. The Princeton area is actually where home is.

Holy smokes! PP here. I feel like I got Wordle right on zero tries! And I’m totally team OP now! Also, DCUM detectives, please show me some love about guessing right with zero clues. Although do I even believe OP — what’s better about Princeton winters?

Yes you nailed it PP. But everyone goes to Princeton for the snowy winters and ski slopes/s.

This HAS to be about an old flame or an affair partner. There is no other reason it took so long for OP to say where "home" was because it just doesn't make sense to move lock stock and barrel from d.c. to Princeton for the reasons she has claimed.

I would bet maybe something like her college or high school boyfriend got divorced and OP thinks she might have a chance with him but needs to be in the same town to make it happen.

There is no other explanation.