Parents- nix these behaviors in your kids before they go to college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College professor year. I've been a professor for 24 years and every year it's worse! Parents please try to nix these behaviors in your HS kids before they go to college AND teach them a few basic life skills. I promise spending some time on these will ensure your kid has a better experience in college and in life.

Behaviors to nix:
1. Asking a question instead of looking at the syllabus or, frankly, using google. I can't tell you how many times a lazy kid will ask me something in class that is on the syllabus, and/or I've said repeatedly in class, and/or has nothing to do with the class that they could easily figure out on their own. It all comes down to pure LAZINESS.

2. Give your kid consequences for bad behavior like being disrespectful, being late, talking during class, getting up and stomping out of the classroom, anything like that. These kids today are clearly being raised without consequence.

3. Have your kid practice sending you and email, with you being the professor. Make sure they know how to properly address the person. Make sure they know how to type full sentences and make their question clear.

I routinely get emails like this:

Yo, whats on the test and do I need to read the textbook please let me know right away.

Notice that they 1) don't identify what class they are referring to, they don't really have a question I can answer, and they clearly didn't spend much time thinking about or writing the email. I usually just ignore this or send a quick reply to refer to the syllabus.

4) Do NOT, and I mean do NOT, tell them that if they have an issue with a professor that they should call you (the parent) and let you (the parent) contact the professor. I don't care who you are, there's this law called FERPA which means I can't discuss your kid's academic record unless they are present and have given permission to do so. Furthermore, I like to treat your kid as an adult and you probably should too.

I could go on but I won't.

Now for essential life skills:

A. For god's sakes teach them how to do laundry and have basic pride in their personal cleanliness. I can't tell you how many times some kid walks into my office stinking to high heaven and wearing clothes that look like they haven't been washed for weeks. Now I would normally think perhaps they struggle financially but when they whip out their iphone 14 or 15 and talk to with me airpods in, it makes me think they probably can afford to do laundry. They just don't and/or they don't know how.

B. How to set an alarm clock. Every quarter some kid misses an exam because they slept in and then they get mad when I won't let them take a makeup exam.

C. Same thing with how to use a calendar and write down important dates.

D. Finally, tell them to take out their airpods and put their phone down when speaking to someone. It's really disrespectful when a kid comes to my office and won't even lift their head up from their phone.

I'm also a college professor.

It is so easy to just teach some of these skills, instead of berating our students. In some cases, it even takes less time! Email norms, professionalism, time management, and social skills are embedded in my courses. When I began to notice some of the struggles you mention, I devoted some class time each week to explicitly address them. Students share their tips for staying organized, I show them a feature of our LMS, we look at educational research demonstrating ways to study, and we look at examples of school-appropriate emails.We may be teaching math or science or history, but those things are part of their classroom success, and I think it is valuable to include.

I could make a similar list of things that have gotten better in my 20 years of teaching. Students tend to be better self advocates, have a stronger grasp of technology, are more flexible regarding content format, and - most notably - are better classmates. In recent years, my students have been overwhelmingly accommodating and inclusive toward their peers with noticeable learning differences such as ASD. They work well in groups. They share resources. They organize outside of class. They are a joy.

I hope you can shift your focus to helping your students develop in all ways, not just in your subject. Being a parent is tough, being a college student is tough, and being a professor is tough. We could all use some patience and grace.

NP. Absolutely not. This is what high school is for. Are you serious??? If I’m paying top dollar for college it’s not so a COLLEGE PROFESSOR can teach your lazy kid how to send an email.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Instead of parents, I think a lot of this is lax discipline in K-12. Seems like you can retake tests for any made up reason and there are no consequences for anything.

Ding, Ding, Ding!!!!

This is exactly why I, and many other seasoned teachers, have left the profession. Public education is now a joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Prof,

I have been working on these and other skills for years with my ADHD/ASD kid.

He will mess up, despite being explicitly taught these things. He's in contact with the disability office and has already asked you for his extended time.

He had high stats and is an academic, intellectual person, which is why your place of employment accepted him. Sorry, but he's always going to be an absent-minded professor type, and his brain is somewhere in the vicinity of Pluto most of the time.

And you know who it hurts most? Not you. HIM. He is destined to go through life with ADHD and ASD and all his social quirks. You've only got to suffer him for your class. He has to suffer himself for life.

Best regards,

Mom.

This. I have two SN kids - yes working with Disability Services at both schools - Professor needs to realize that not every child can measure up to his expectations. Learn some charity

If your kid can't meet expectations, he or she should not be there.

Do you say that to the blind students too? Or just certain disabilities?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College professor year. I've been a professor for 24 years and every year it's worse! Parents please try to nix these behaviors in your HS kids before they go to college AND teach them a few basic life skills. I promise spending some time on these will ensure your kid has a better experience in college and in life.

Behaviors to nix:
1. Asking a question instead of looking at the syllabus or, frankly, using google. I can't tell you how many times a lazy kid will ask me something in class that is on the syllabus, and/or I've said repeatedly in class, and/or has nothing to do with the class that they could easily figure out on their own. It all comes down to pure LAZINESS.

2. Give your kid consequences for bad behavior like being disrespectful, being late, talking during class, getting up and stomping out of the classroom, anything like that. These kids today are clearly being raised without consequence.

3. Have your kid practice sending you and email, with you being the professor. Make sure they know how to properly address the person. Make sure they know how to type full sentences and make their question clear.

I routinely get emails like this:

Yo, whats on the test and do I need to read the textbook please let me know right away.

Notice that they 1) don't identify what class they are referring to, they don't really have a question I can answer, and they clearly didn't spend much time thinking about or writing the email. I usually just ignore this or send a quick reply to refer to the syllabus.

4) Do NOT, and I mean do NOT, tell them that if they have an issue with a professor that they should call you (the parent) and let you (the parent) contact the professor. I don't care who you are, there's this law called FERPA which means I can't discuss your kid's academic record unless they are present and have given permission to do so. Furthermore, I like to treat your kid as an adult and you probably should too.

I could go on but I won't.

Now for essential life skills:

A. For god's sakes teach them how to do laundry and have basic pride in their personal cleanliness. I can't tell you how many times some kid walks into my office stinking to high heaven and wearing clothes that look like they haven't been washed for weeks. Now I would normally think perhaps they struggle financially but when they whip out their iphone 14 or 15 and talk to with me airpods in, it makes me think they probably can afford to do laundry. They just don't and/or they don't know how.

B. How to set an alarm clock. Every quarter some kid misses an exam because they slept in and then they get mad when I won't let them take a makeup exam.

C. Same thing with how to use a calendar and write down important dates.

D. Finally, tell them to take out their airpods and put their phone down when speaking to someone. It's really disrespectful when a kid comes to my office and won't even lift their head up from their phone.

I'm also a college professor.

It is so easy to just teach some of these skills, instead of berating our students. In some cases, it even takes less time! Email norms, professionalism, time management, and social skills are embedded in my courses. When I began to notice some of the struggles you mention, I devoted some class time each week to explicitly address them. Students share their tips for staying organized, I show them a feature of our LMS, we look at educational research demonstrating ways to study, and we look at examples of school-appropriate emails.We may be teaching math or science or history, but those things are part of their classroom success, and I think it is valuable to include.

I could make a similar list of things that have gotten better in my 20 years of teaching. Students tend to be better self advocates, have a stronger grasp of technology, are more flexible regarding content format, and - most notably - are better classmates. In recent years, my students have been overwhelmingly accommodating and inclusive toward their peers with noticeable learning differences such as ASD. They work well in groups. They share resources. They organize outside of class. They are a joy.

I hope you can shift your focus to helping your students develop in all ways, not just in your subject. Being a parent is tough, being a college student is tough, and being a professor is tough. We could all use some patience and grace.

NP. Absolutely not. This is what high school is for. Are you serious??? If I’m paying top dollar for college it’s not so a COLLEGE PROFESSOR can teach your lazy kid how to send an email.

Seriously! I'd be unhappy if I paid all that money for my kid to learn how to write a "school-appropriate email" instead of, ya know, the academic subject matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know someone who thinks their kid will figure out all this stuff on their own once it matters to them. They'll shower daily when they meet someone they want to impress. (Kid walks around the house with greasy hair and stinky after soccer practice while they do homework and eat dinner with the family.) They'll learn to use good table manners when they've been invited to meet their boyfriend's family instead of chewing with their mouth open and picking up food with their hands. I feel bad for the kids of parents like this. If they lived in a low-income area people would assume their parents were out all night and neglecting them. But wealthy white parents can get away with this.

For the life of my husband and me, we can not get our 12 yo daughter to use good table manners, even though we try every time we sit down at dinner. We remind her that bad table manners reflect poorly on her and that she will be embarrassed when all her friends have better manners (and of course reflects poorly on us, but we don't tell her that). And how hard is it to keep your elbows off the table and put your napkin in your lap? So it is not for lack of trying but it does not work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know someone who thinks their kid will figure out all this stuff on their own once it matters to them. They'll shower daily when they meet someone they want to impress. (Kid walks around the house with greasy hair and stinky after soccer practice while they do homework and eat dinner with the family.) They'll learn to use good table manners when they've been invited to meet their boyfriend's family instead of chewing with their mouth open and picking up food with their hands. I feel bad for the kids of parents like this. If they lived in a low-income area people would assume their parents were out all night and neglecting them. But wealthy white parents can get away with this.

For the life of my husband and me, we can not get our 12 yo daughter to use good table manners, even though we try every time we sit down at dinner. We remind her that bad table manners reflect poorly on her and that she will be embarrassed when all her friends have better manners (and of course reflects poorly on us, but we don't tell her that). And how hard is it to keep your elbows off the table and put your napkin in your lap? So it is not for lack of trying but it does not work.

Well she is 12. This thread is about college (so 18-22 year olds). That is pretty developmentally appropriate for a 12 year old. If she's still struggling at 18 I might be concerned, but she's not even a teenager yet! That's not the subject of this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College professor year. I've been a professor for 24 years and every year it's worse! Parents please try to nix these behaviors in your HS kids before they go to college AND teach them a few basic life skills. I promise spending some time on these will ensure your kid has a better experience in college and in life.

Behaviors to nix:
1. Asking a question instead of looking at the syllabus or, frankly, using google. I can't tell you how many times a lazy kid will ask me something in class that is on the syllabus, and/or I've said repeatedly in class, and/or has nothing to do with the class that they could easily figure out on their own. It all comes down to pure LAZINESS.

2. Give your kid consequences for bad behavior like being disrespectful, being late, talking during class, getting up and stomping out of the classroom, anything like that. These kids today are clearly being raised without consequence.

3. Have your kid practice sending you and email, with you being the professor. Make sure they know how to properly address the person. Make sure they know how to type full sentences and make their question clear.

I routinely get emails like this:

Yo, whats on the test and do I need to read the textbook please let me know right away.

Notice that they 1) don't identify what class they are referring to, they don't really have a question I can answer, and they clearly didn't spend much time thinking about or writing the email. I usually just ignore this or send a quick reply to refer to the syllabus.

4) Do NOT, and I mean do NOT, tell them that if they have an issue with a professor that they should call you (the parent) and let you (the parent) contact the professor. I don't care who you are, there's this law called FERPA which means I can't discuss your kid's academic record unless they are present and have given permission to do so. Furthermore, I like to treat your kid as an adult and you probably should too.

I could go on but I won't.

Now for essential life skills:

A. For god's sakes teach them how to do laundry and have basic pride in their personal cleanliness. I can't tell you how many times some kid walks into my office stinking to high heaven and wearing clothes that look like they haven't been washed for weeks. Now I would normally think perhaps they struggle financially but when they whip out their iphone 14 or 15 and talk to with me airpods in, it makes me think they probably can afford to do laundry. They just don't and/or they don't know how.

B. How to set an alarm clock. Every quarter some kid misses an exam because they slept in and then they get mad when I won't let them take a makeup exam.

C. Same thing with how to use a calendar and write down important dates.

D. Finally, tell them to take out their airpods and put their phone down when speaking to someone. It's really disrespectful when a kid comes to my office and won't even lift their head up from their phone.

I'm also a college professor.

It is so easy to just teach some of these skills, instead of berating our students. In some cases, it even takes less time! Email norms, professionalism, time management, and social skills are embedded in my courses. When I began to notice some of the struggles you mention, I devoted some class time each week to explicitly address them. Students share their tips for staying organized, I show them a feature of our LMS, we look at educational research demonstrating ways to study, and we look at examples of school-appropriate emails.We may be teaching math or science or history, but those things are part of their classroom success, and I think it is valuable to include.

I could make a similar list of things that have gotten better in my 20 years of teaching. Students tend to be better self advocates, have a stronger grasp of technology, are more flexible regarding content format, and - most notably - are better classmates. In recent years, my students have been overwhelmingly accommodating and inclusive toward their peers with noticeable learning differences such as ASD. They work well in groups. They share resources. They organize outside of class. They are a joy.

I hope you can shift your focus to helping your students develop in all ways, not just in your subject. Being a parent is tough, being a college student is tough, and being a professor is tough. We could all use some patience and grace.

NP. Absolutely not. This is what high school is for. Are you serious??? If I’m paying top dollar for college it’s not so a COLLEGE PROFESSOR can teach your lazy kid how to send an email.

Seriously! I'd be unhappy if I paid all that money for my kid to learn how to write a "school-appropriate email" instead of, ya know, the academic subject matter.

+1
Professors earn their positions by being experts in their subject area. Don't expect them to do everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know someone who thinks their kid will figure out all this stuff on their own once it matters to them. They'll shower daily when they meet someone they want to impress. (Kid walks around the house with greasy hair and stinky after soccer practice while they do homework and eat dinner with the family.) They'll learn to use good table manners when they've been invited to meet their boyfriend's family instead of chewing with their mouth open and picking up food with their hands. I feel bad for the kids of parents like this. If they lived in a low-income area people would assume their parents were out all night and neglecting them. But wealthy white parents can get away with this.

For the life of my husband and me, we can not get our 12 yo daughter to use good table manners, even though we try every time we sit down at dinner. We remind her that bad table manners reflect poorly on her and that she will be embarrassed when all her friends have better manners (and of course reflects poorly on us, but we don't tell her that). And how hard is it to keep your elbows off the table and put your napkin in your lap? So it is not for lack of trying but it does not work.

I think unfortunately, some people need to learn the hard way, like people will kind of shame her about it when she's older. I know as a parent, you would not want that for her, but if you've tried everything, and she still won't, then this is one of those "natural consequences" scenarios.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know someone who thinks their kid will figure out all this stuff on their own once it matters to them. They'll shower daily when they meet someone they want to impress. (Kid walks around the house with greasy hair and stinky after soccer practice while they do homework and eat dinner with the family.) They'll learn to use good table manners when they've been invited to meet their boyfriend's family instead of chewing with their mouth open and picking up food with their hands. I feel bad for the kids of parents like this. If they lived in a low-income area people would assume their parents were out all night and neglecting them. But wealthy white parents can get away with this.

For the life of my husband and me, we can not get our 12 yo daughter to use good table manners, even though we try every time we sit down at dinner. We remind her that bad table manners reflect poorly on her and that she will be embarrassed when all her friends have better manners (and of course reflects poorly on us, but we don't tell her that). And how hard is it to keep your elbows off the table and put your napkin in your lap? So it is not for lack of trying but it does not work.

Well she is 12. This thread is about college (so 18-22 year olds). That is pretty developmentally appropriate for a 12 year old. If she's still struggling at 18 I might be concerned, but she's not even a teenager yet! That's not the subject of this thread.

? but this thread is to parents to teach them all this BEFORE they are 18. So, the ^PP is doing the right thing now, while their DC is 12. Hang in there, ^PP. At some point, it may click.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fine and agreed with most of these things (though your tone is a bit much)

-mom of 2 college students (including one new freshman)

In exchange, please

do not cancel office hours without letting students know
respond to student's emails in a timely manner, even if the answer is no or you don't know
timely grade work so students can learn from mistakes

And maybe give new kids time to settle in - despite doing laundry and being a good high school student, new freshman are learning to live alone and navigate academic and social realities and a little grace wouldn't hurt, especially at the end of the year.

YES!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fine and agreed with most of these things (though your tone is a bit much)

-mom of 2 college students (including one new freshman)

In exchange, please

do not cancel office hours without letting students know
respond to student's emails in a timely manner, even if the answer is no or you don't know
timely grade work so students can learn from mistakes

And maybe give new kids time to settle in - despite doing laundry and being a good high school student, new freshman are learning to live alone and navigate academic and social realities and a little grace wouldn't hurt, especially at the beginning of the year.

Totally agree. College kids need to show up with some of these basic skills but the OP sounds incredibly jaded and maybe a little entitled themselves.

A lot of these sounds like the kinds of things professors complained about when I went to school in the 90s, especially the stuff about not dressing appropriately for class and being bad at communication (a lot of us got our FIRST email account ever while attending college, so it was an extremely new thing and no one knew how to use it).

I am certain I made a lot of boneheaded mistakes in college and yet I became I an upstanding citizen who communicates very well both at work in my private life, is appropriately dressed for all events, is punctual, etc. Some of this is just kids learning through failure and college is the appropriate place to do that because they are no longer living in their parents' homes. You can teach your child so much, but once you are no longer there to reinforce, it's sink or swim.

Been teaching 30+ years.

It's much much much worse now. I put the students in groups day one and ask them to set up group chat so they can ask each other about assignments if they miss class (even though it is on the syllabus). They can also ask me, but I am just one person, and they can get an answer from the group faster. I still get questions like "what's on the test?" and "what is the assignment?" and like OP said, they don't identify what class.

They also e-mail me for IT questions when they have problems with Zoom, Canvas, and Blackboard and I have to explain to them that they need to contact the help desk.

Another thing is coming in 4-6 weeks after class started and expecting that they can just make up for all the classes they never attended and they don't have medical reasons. If it's an online class many will say "I thought it was asynchronous" when it is clearly labelled as synchronous and has a set schedule. The class requires participation and cameras on.

What colleges are these? My DC is a junior in college at a good SLAC and this type of stuff does not happen. Kids are not missing class and nobody is emailing professors such stupid questions.

You have read all the emails sent by SLAC students, is there an app for that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College professor year. I've been a professor for 24 years and every year it's worse! Parents please try to nix these behaviors in your HS kids before they go to college AND teach them a few basic life skills. I promise spending some time on these will ensure your kid has a better experience in college and in life.

Behaviors to nix:
1. Asking a question instead of looking at the syllabus or, frankly, using google. I can't tell you how many times a lazy kid will ask me something in class that is on the syllabus, and/or I've said repeatedly in class, and/or has nothing to do with the class that they could easily figure out on their own. It all comes down to pure LAZINESS.

2. Give your kid consequences for bad behavior like being disrespectful, being late, talking during class, getting up and stomping out of the classroom, anything like that. These kids today are clearly being raised without consequence.

3. Have your kid practice sending you and email, with you being the professor. Make sure they know how to properly address the person. Make sure they know how to type full sentences and make their question clear.

I routinely get emails like this:

Yo, whats on the test and do I need to read the textbook please let me know right away.

Notice that they 1) don't identify what class they are referring to, they don't really have a question I can answer, and they clearly didn't spend much time thinking about or writing the email. I usually just ignore this or send a quick reply to refer to the syllabus.

4) Do NOT, and I mean do NOT, tell them that if they have an issue with a professor that they should call you (the parent) and let you (the parent) contact the professor. I don't care who you are, there's this law called FERPA which means I can't discuss your kid's academic record unless they are present and have given permission to do so. Furthermore, I like to treat your kid as an adult and you probably should too.

I could go on but I won't.

Now for essential life skills:

A. For god's sakes teach them how to do laundry and have basic pride in their personal cleanliness. I can't tell you how many times some kid walks into my office stinking to high heaven and wearing clothes that look like they haven't been washed for weeks. Now I would normally think perhaps they struggle financially but when they whip out their iphone 14 or 15 and talk to with me airpods in, it makes me think they probably can afford to do laundry. They just don't and/or they don't know how.

B. How to set an alarm clock. Every quarter some kid misses an exam because they slept in and then they get mad when I won't let them take a makeup exam.

C. Same thing with how to use a calendar and write down important dates.

D. Finally, tell them to take out their airpods and put their phone down when speaking to someone. It's really disrespectful when a kid comes to my office and won't even lift their head up from their phone.

I'm also a college professor.

It is so easy to just teach some of these skills, instead of berating our students. In some cases, it even takes less time! Email norms, professionalism, time management, and social skills are embedded in my courses. When I began to notice some of the struggles you mention, I devoted some class time each week to explicitly address them. Students share their tips for staying organized, I show them a feature of our LMS, we look at educational research demonstrating ways to study, and we look at examples of school-appropriate emails.We may be teaching math or science or history, but those things are part of their classroom success, and I think it is valuable to include.

I could make a similar list of things that have gotten better in my 20 years of teaching. Students tend to be better self advocates, have a stronger grasp of technology, are more flexible regarding content format, and - most notably - are better classmates. In recent years, my students have been overwhelmingly accommodating and inclusive toward their peers with noticeable learning differences such as ASD. They work well in groups. They share resources. They organize outside of class. They are a joy.

I hope you can shift your focus to helping your students develop in all ways, not just in your subject. Being a parent is tough, being a college student is tough, and being a professor is tough. We could all use some patience and grace.

NP. Absolutely not. This is what high school is for. Are you serious??? If I’m paying top dollar for college it’s not so a COLLEGE PROFESSOR can teach your lazy kid how to send an email.

Seriously! I'd be unhappy if I paid all that money for my kid to learn how to write a "school-appropriate email" instead of, ya know, the academic subject matter.

+1
Professors earn their positions by being experts in their subject area. Don't expect them to do everything.

Well they are educating people that are experts in nothing and professors might be expert in their subject area but they are not experts at teaching that subject area, or even talking to people or dressing for that matter.

What's up with their clothes and hygeine and why do they shuffle their feet when they walk. Their english is aberrant and have you read their emails lately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Professors are exhausting.

Sorry you have to teach in addition to your research nobody will ever read.

If they need to learn something, guess what.., you’re a teacher, teach them.

I think professors should have to work in the real world instead of being in their lame academia bubble.

If professors took the time to talk to every student about every breach of common courtesy/common sense, they would have no time left for doing what they're being paid to do.

Maybe there ought to be a remedial one-credit 'how to be a college student' class that college instructors can mandate for students who consistently show that they don't have the skills they need.

Sorry the job is hard, they can always dig ditches, that's so much easier. FFS. Are you kidding me. It's an f'ing email. Did you understand the context, move on. Again professors are so exhausting. We really need to hire teachers for college I am so sick of these full of themselves blow hard "researchers" who never learned how to teach or to live in the real world. We pay them all this money, they do a 1/2 arsed job at teaching and conduct "research" nobody cares about.

Tell me again how the students are the problem.

You sound like a foot stomping adolescent.

The "professor" is a foot stomping adolescent.

[Anonymous]

Thank god for Rate my Professor.

My nephew was starting freshman year this year and a bunch of recent graduates had 1 piece of advice for him at his going away party ... do not take a class from a professor like OP.

1. Check Rate my Professor before registering
2. The 1st class, feel the professor out, if he is like OP DROP.THE.CLASS. You can't out IQ a bad professor, you can't teach yourself the class, drop.the.class. There is no getting around a bad arrogant professor, just drop the class and take an elective that is open. It gets better when you are in your last 2 years, ask friends who can teach, who is good.. take their classes.

Hey Professor care to share your name so we can look you up in Rate My Professor?

[Anonymous]

The OP was very restrained & respectful. If his students are anything like mine, he could have been much more critical. He was trying to do his part in turning back the unfortunate trend towards rudeness & irresponsibility.