Siblings kids not invited to wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My niece has a new born. She is the maid of honor in her sister's no kid wedding.

She and her husband and infant and husbands Dad and Step Mom are flying to California for the wedding. Neice and husband are going to the wedding. The husband's Dad and Step Mom are staying in the hotel to watch the infant.

My nieces two boys (6 and 4) are staying home and being watched by the Dad's Mom and Step Dad.

I find the no children (particularly of immediate family) weddings to be very sad.

Now weddings are all about the instagram. It used to be weddings were about the vows, the family, and the community.

Oh, please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Etiquette is that if your child starts misbehaving and screaming the parent and child step outside of the venue.

No, etiquette is that if you are told no kids you don't bring kids.

Mic drop. End of thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are being unreasonable. Leave the kids with the spouse at home. Or leave the kids at the hotel with the spouse for a few hours. I will never understand people who have no trouble sending their kids to daycare or school or who will go out to dinner and leave their kids with the babysitter but insist that for some reason their kids cannot be apart from them for a few hours for a wedding.

My oldest is 5 and I’ve never spent a night away. That’s often what a wedding like this entails. It’s not really the same.

Oh, dear God. Helicopter mom in training.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You go and the other parent stays home with the kids. Simple. [/quote]

This is what I did 20 years ago when my sister got married. At the time I was *shocked* she didn’t want her only niece and nephew to NOT be in/at the wedding (I really was, thank goodness I evolved over time). But, I went solo and it was a blast and my sister and now husband had the wedding of their dreams. Win-Win[/quote]

I’m always confused by this at a family wedding though. Siblings in law are very much family, at least in our families, with their presence desired at family events.[/quote]

If you're always confused at this again and again, maybe the problem is you? Some parties are adults only. It's very easy to understand after hearing it just once.[/quote]

DP. I guess that I don’t understand the point of having a wedding reception if you don’t care if your family or friends attend. I understand that there is a certain feel that you want everything to have, but what’s it for? What’s the purpose?

[/quote]

Are your family and friends all 5 years old? Plenty of people attend these events and leave the kids at home. You know this. [/quote]

I do. I’m aware that the party isn’t empty, and the couple still gets the vibe that they want.
I just don’t understand what it’s for. Like, why would the vibe be more important than having you sister there, even if she’s kind of weird about leaving her baby. What is it that I’m missing?
I’m not being purposefully obtuse here. I’m an introvert and not big into the social scene. I had a wedding reception because I wanted my friends and family to come to my wedding, and it seemed like we should have a party afterward.
What is the other reason?


[/quote]

As an introvert you should be able to understand that keeping the party small and intimate means your friends and family can't all bring their kids, then the party is 2-3x larger and becomes quite the production. You get to see the people most important to you, the adults, and not necessarily their kids who you may not even know. Some people make exceptions for their nieces and nephews.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's a destination wedding- is it at an all inclusive resort with childcare?

I don't like children to be invited to weddings either. I didn't know any kids when dh and I got married, so it wasn't an issue. I've seen a lot of kids ruin wedding.

That being said, I think siblings' kids should be invited. My kids were hurt they weren't invited to our only sister's wedding (my oldest is girly and wanted to be a flower girl). Looking back it's weird they aren't in any of the family pictures. These were the last times we could have had 4 generations present too. I brought my parents to the wedding weekend and my kids stayed with them at the hotel.

Weird? This was a childfree wedding not a family reunion. I would not to expect to see children in childfree wedding pictures. If the generational pictures with kids was so important to you then why did you not ever arrange to have a large family reunion yourself? Wait…I suppose you want someone else to do all that work/planning. Or better yet just change the childfree wedding to suit your interests. Geeesh…

A wedding at it's core is the joining of two families. No one is asking for a family reunion. Nieces and nephews aren't the same as cousins' kids or random friends' kids.

YOUR definition of a wedding applies to you NOT everybody else. Not everyone does weddings the same way.

Yeah, PP is full of crap. A wedding is a joining of two PEOPLE. The day is about *them* and they are entitled to have the wedding they want. “Waaaah, my kid is girly and wanted to dress up?” Who cares?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Infants in arms are an exception to the “no kids” rule.

I’m sorry though. Both of my siblings did this too. My brother wanted the kids to be in the wedding photos, but not at the wedding. So I had to bring them and get them dressed up, and then send them off to the hotel with the babysitter.

No, they are not.

Yes they are.
If you don’t want your sister to bring her infant to your wedding, then don’t invite her.

Nope. The invite would have said “infants in arms ok” if that is what “no kids” had meant.

And sure, don’t invite the sister with kids. That would go over so well! Would be an epic DCUM thread!

Honestly, it won’t go over awesome if the OP just doesn’t go to her sibling’s wedding.

Why can’t the sibling just take the blame and not invite the siblings with kids?

Because it is more appropriate for the mom to say no than the bride to say no.

What is the bride saying “no” to? There isn’t a question.
Just don’t invite people with babies. Then this doesn’t come up. Problem solved.

Your idea is nonsensical.

It’s not nonsensical.

If you don’t want the possibility of an infant ruining your wedding, then don’t invite people who have infants. What’s nonsense?

If a wedding can be "ruined" by an infant, it wasn't much of a wedding anyway.

Ha! No. Found the lazy, entitled parent.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Infants in arms are an exception to the “no kids” rule.

I’m sorry though. Both of my siblings did this too. My brother wanted the kids to be in the wedding photos, but not at the wedding. So I had to bring them and get them dressed up, and then send them off to the hotel with the babysitter.

No, they are not.

Yes they are.
If you don’t want your sister to bring her infant to your wedding, then don’t invite her.

Nope. The invite would have said “infants in arms ok” if that is what “no kids” had meant.

And sure, don’t invite the sister with kids. That would go over so well! Would be an epic DCUM thread!

Honestly, it won’t go over awesome if the OP just doesn’t go to her sibling’s wedding.

Why can’t the sibling just take the blame and not invite the siblings with kids?

Because it is more appropriate for the mom to say no than the bride to say no.

What is the bride saying “no” to? There isn’t a question.
Just don’t invite people with babies. Then this doesn’t come up. Problem solved.

Your idea is nonsensical.

It’s not nonsensical.

If you don’t want the possibility of an infant ruining your wedding, then don’t invite people who have infants. What’s nonsense?

If a wedding can be "ruined" by an infant, it wasn't much of a wedding anyway.

+1

How would you feel if you could not hear the vows you are supposed to be saying at your own wedding, because Snowflake Parents could not remove Snowflake Kid during Snowflake Kid's meltdown?

You had your wedding day. What went wrong, that you want to impose on someone else's wedding day? Because happily married people don't try to manipulate other people's weddings.

Why is someone else's wedding day all about you? Maybe the bride and groom only want selfless people to attend, who are able to actually be happy for others. If not, stay home. Done and done.

As was said earlier, they should only invite selfless, happily married people to their wedding.

Why even invite people with babies?

Sometimes people who have babies will come without the baby, and sometimes they won't. How do you know until you ask?

+1

PP knows this. PP is just trying to play ignorant.

+2. They think they’re being clever and cute, when really, they’re just failing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't do kid-free destination weddings. No hard feelings - people can have the wedding they want and I'll still send a nice gift.

Happy to leave kids with spouse or a sitter for a local wedding, but not spending money on airfare or hotel to go solo, or for the whole family to fly in and then wait at the hotel. Maybe if I had an unlimited travel budget and PTO, but I don't.

See, you come off sounding like one of those crazy mommies who expect the whole world to open their arms to your entire family for every event and blur the distinction between adult and family friendly social events at all times. You became a mother and checked your individual self at the door. It’s not healthy.

DP. That’s an insane take on what that poster wrote.

It’s a correct take. DP.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’ll still be nursing the littlest so my preference is to bring the kids with ILs to watch them or pay for a trusted friend to come on the trip with us as a nanny. I’m not in the wedding. I have a small family so really only have family weddings every 10 years, so I don’t want my spouse to miss. Maybe I should be more specific and ask my sibling if we can baby wear the child under 1 since they won’t need a seat/plate and won’t be running around? The ceremony will be 30 mins and the breakfast reception will be 3 hours max since it’s non-traditional. Just not sure if I’m being unreasonable to ask.

I don’t think it is reasonable to ask if you can wear the baby. You can be apart from the baby for 3 1/2 hours.

That leave our travel time from accommodations to venue and back. That would have been too long of a window for me when nursing (3.5 hours would have been pushing it).

She isn’t in the wedding. She wants her spouse to go too. She asked if we think it’s reasonable for her to ask to wear the baby, and my answer is that it isn’t. The wedding is not about the OP but wearing a baby to a child-free wedding will certainly make it so.

I have been a many childfree weddings where someone was wearing an infant.
It really isn’t a big deal. It’s not anything I’ve ever heard of anyone being offended about either.

There is no way that bringing the baby is going to be more annoying than the brides sister pumping in the bathroom.

Yes, it is going to be more annoying. And most nice wedding venues (unless they’re getting married on a beach or something) have an individual bathroom or small private room somewhere in the facility that can be arranged in advance for the sister to pump.

Next excuse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's a destination wedding- is it at an all inclusive resort with childcare?

I don't like children to be invited to weddings either. I didn't know any kids when dh and I got married, so it wasn't an issue. I've seen a lot of kids ruin wedding.

That being said, I think siblings' kids should be invited. My kids were hurt they weren't invited to our only sister's wedding (my oldest is girly and wanted to be a flower girl). Looking back it's weird they aren't in any of the family pictures. These were the last times we could have had 4 generations present too. I brought my parents to the wedding weekend and my kids stayed with them at the hotel.

+1

I have also seen kids ruin weddings because the moms (and dads) refuse to step outside when the kid starts inevitably screaming.

I think the issue is that the bride or groom (for example) may have family that they consider as close as siblings (possibly cousins that are closer than certain siblings), and if those kids are not invited, then it would be offensive to those who were not allowed (if the bride and groom made other exceptions).

Interesting. Some of my favorite memories of my own wedding were of my cousins' little kids dancing. They were adorable and the photos are great. Also my SIL's 3 year old yelling out "mommy!" during the ceremony when she got up to do a reading. I guess some people would think that "ruined" the ceremony, but DH and I thought it was a riot.

We are Catholic and maybe that is a cultural difference.

No, you are just the people who center children and make everything about them. They can be soooooo adooooorable somewhere other than the sister’s wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’ll still be nursing the littlest so my preference is to bring the kids with ILs to watch them or pay for a trusted friend to come on the trip with us as a nanny. I’m not in the wedding. I have a small family so really only have family weddings every 10 years, so I don’t want my spouse to miss. Maybe I should be more specific and ask my sibling if we can baby wear the child under 1 since they won’t need a seat/plate and won’t be running around? The ceremony will be 30 mins and the breakfast reception will be 3 hours max since it’s non-traditional. Just not sure if I’m being unreasonable to ask.

I don’t think it is reasonable to ask if you can wear the baby. You can be apart from the baby for 3 1/2 hours.

That leave our travel time from accommodations to venue and back. That would have been too long of a window for me when nursing (3.5 hours would have been pushing it).

She isn’t in the wedding. She wants her spouse to go too. She asked if we think it’s reasonable for her to ask to wear the baby, and my answer is that it isn’t. The wedding is not about the OP but wearing a baby to a child-free wedding will certainly make it so.

I have been a many childfree weddings where someone was wearing an infant.
It really isn’t a big deal. It’s not anything I’ve ever heard of anyone being offended about either.

There is no way that bringing the baby is going to be more annoying than the brides sister pumping in the bathroom.

Yes, OP, if you have to pump at the reception, be sure to set yourself up in the lovely lounge area where ladies redo their makeup. That'll show 'em! I love this idea.

God, you’re all SO ridiculous. You’re not mature enough to raise children.

[Anonymous]

PP, give it a rest. The thread is over. OP admitted that the “infant” is 11 mos and the wedding is a 1-hour flight away/not a destination wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You go and the other parent stays home with the kids. Simple.

This is what I did 20 years ago when my sister got married. At the time I was *shocked* she didn’t want her only niece and nephew to NOT be in/at the wedding (I really was, thank goodness I evolved over time). But, I went solo and it was a blast and my sister and now husband had the wedding of their dreams. Win-Win

I’m always confused by this at a family wedding though. Siblings in law are very much family, at least in our families, with their presence desired at family events.

If that is the case the kids are likely welcome as well because if both parents are expected at an event you can’t just ignore that they have kids.

Nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. Your sibling is getting married 4 hours away, and your in-laws are available to watch your kids. This is honestly about as easy as it gets to go to a wedding as a mother of three young kids.

THIS. Good lord.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, give it a rest. The thread is over. OP admitted that the “infant” is 11 mos and the wedding is a 1-hour flight away/not a destination wedding.

Is your name Jeff? No? Then take a seat.