Having an overweight teenage daughter is so hard
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
You get an honorable mention for dumb post. One of the top pieces of advice to make sure you don't bring temptation home. Even OP recognized this in her initial post, which is why she talked about her sons. |
Anonymous
so he says that 16years old MAY be too young to diagnose PCOS (but maybe not). He would see your daughter, he does see teens (though not usually younger kids) doesn't have a waiting list, and might also recommend that she see a gyn. Dr. Jerold Share 202-244-0060 |
Anonymous
My DH and DS are both wired for that dopamine hit. It's more subtle in my DH because he's an adult and can do what he wants but it's so completely obvious in my DS and has been since he's been a toddler. I would not have believed the existence of this "drive" if I hadn't seen it in my DS. My other kids aren't wired this way (neither am I) but my youngest is exactly like my DH. It's genetic. |
Anonymous
I’m guessing OP isn’t keep loads of crap. Plenty of people become overweight just by having too many snacks (and doesn’t need to be junk snack food), second helpings of dinner, extra bread, etc. Is OP supposed to ban bread, pasta, rice, cheese, any cereal, anything calorie dense even if heathy? C’mon. Overeaters will overeat just about anything. |
Anonymous
Finally, the honesty! “Pretty, skinny people have it easier in life.” If you cared about her health, you wouldn’t have allowed her to quit travel soccer. You would have helped her adjust her schedule so she wouldn’t be overwhelmed with three to four hours of homework a night. She is eating to cope and also isn’t used to how much less she needs to eat now that she’s not doing soccer everyday. Nothing is going to change unless you help her have time and energy to exercise. |
Anonymous
how do you "not allow a 16 year old to quit travel soccer?" Do you walk them by gun point to the car 5 days per week? restrict food on a fully basis unless they go to practice? really curious how you would plan to force a teenager to play 20 hours of soccer a week against their will. |
Anonymous
This post and the one above it aren't really fair. I'm a new poster, but I can feel the OP's pain. For many reasons, she is concerned about her daughter's rapid weight gain. Nobody wants to look at their daughter and see a lifetime of weight struggles. Be kind, therapy is not going to help OP's daughter's weight gain. |
Anonymous
|
I completely understand why OP is concerned. Word of advice to the judgmental posters: ignore whatever interpretation you have extracted of her "tone", and consider the core issue for which she is asking for advice. Being a parent of 2 teen soccer players, I can see myself being very worried if either of them started gaining weight at this age rapidly while playing soccer or in off-season.
In your daughter's defense OP, there might be a combination of factors keeping her away from exercising - school work, the fact that exercise becomes more difficult as you gain weight, and that many team sport athletes are not into exercising for its own sake. Regular (2-3 times/week + weekend games) hi-intensity soccer practice is enough to keep most kids (very) fit, which means that most of them aren't used to doing additional exercise in a gym that can seem boring and pointless. Why so? because many of us aren't wired to be motivated by our own body image, but get super-motivated when doing it for a shared purpose in a group (like being a good soccer team that wins games). What would I have done if I were in your shoes (as a parent of a current soccer player of similar age)? (a) Have her health checked thoroughly - to assess her current state of health and fitness (% body fat, cardio health, etc.), and identify any underlying medical issues. Such as PCOS, diabetes, and something that is less known - thyroid issues. Hypothyroidism can cause rapid and inexplicable weight gain - onset among teens is rare, but can happen. If she has any of these issues, the other steps below (exercise, eat healthy) can still be important but secondary. (b) If there are no health issues causing weight gain, have her screened for mental health issues, like early signs of depression (including any recent triggers like abuse, stress). I would have her see an experienced therapist. Like (a), this takes precedence above anything else. (c) If everything in (a) and (b) are fine, I'd (strongly) encourage her to take up a team sport in off-season in varsity soccer. This might be applicable even if (a) or (b) were true. If she had been serious about soccer in the past, she might take to a club team that practices no more than 2-3 times a week, is not strict about occasionally missed practice, gives a break during school soccer season, has a positive environment and yet is serious about playing good soccer. Many mid-level club teams that fit this mold. This will also make her a better player for her varsity team next year - an added motivation. If she just doesn't want to play soccer in off-season, I'd find another sport that is fun and intense but not difficult to break into as a newbie. Like ultimate frisbee, or pickleball, squash, racquetball, badminton (many fun options are out there). For any of these, I'd have her join a club that welcomes beginners. (d) I'd encourage her to eat healthy, and suggest ways to be more active in daily life - like taking stairs as much as she can, walking neighbors' dogs, etc etc. If she is doing (c), that might also motivate her to go to the gym to get better at whatever sport she is playing. Of course, all of the above - and esp. (c) and (d) - need to be done in a completely non-judgmental way, with no attention to (monitoring) her weight, except to the extent a doctor might want to. Finally, OP also needs to be aware that it is possible to rapidly gain weight - up to a point - in a healthy way for a teen. Some teens go through changes that make them grow heavier, without necessarily being "fat". Which is why (a) should come first, ahead of everything else. |
Anonymous
+1 I’m not usually surprised by the appalling parenting advice I encounter on DCUM, but this thread is shown me that there is always a worse DCUM parent, even if you think you’ve already hit rock bottom. |
Anonymous
+1,000,000,000 |
Anonymous
|
Man, as the poster who hasn't spoken to my father because he didn't couldn't handle me because I was overweight, reading these posts are wild. I thought he was an outlier, but now I see the majority of parents, (mostly women, no surprise) thought just like him. He DAF about me and why I was eating my way to 300lbs. And the more he pressured me, the more I ate. The more he withheld, the more I took, it was a downward spiral that I never emotionally recovered from.
Please OP, take your child to a doctor and stop read all this internet BS. Your DD may have some other issues going on that have nothing to do with food. Me being overweight peppered ever decision I ever made in my entire life and still does to this day even though I have now lost 140lbs. Please seek professional help, not internet folks who don't know the details of your situation. |
Anonymous
Can pharma exec also get a stupid post shout out? |
Anonymous
I mean, it’s better than a solution that doesn’t work. |
Anonymous
It’s not against her will. She doesn’t have time for it because the parents have her in a school/on a schedule where she is doing 3-4 hours a night of homework. That’s not healthy for anyone despite what DCUM says. |
Anonymous
I am so sorry you went through this. A lot of these moms show their true colors. They only want attractive, show pony kids. I hope OP takes your advice. I never forgave my father's comments on my weight. I used to answer the phone (in my 30s) and hear him say, "How much do you weigh?" No hello, it's dad, nothing. |