Having an overweight teenage daughter is so hard

[Anonymous]

I played travel soccer my entire youth on a very competitive team that trained hard year-round and back when there was serious physical conditioning on top of the regular practices (timed runs, hill sprints, bleacher sprints, plyometrics etc...literally run to you puke).

When I stopped playing club and with hormones--weight started creeping up on me. I wasn't eating horribly, horribly but I no longer was growing or burning insane amounts of calories. My metabolism really went haywire. And then with weight gain comes some self-loathing. My family was not kind (it was the late 80s/early 90s when there was zero body positivity and lots of fat shaming), particularly my older brother.

I saw many girls gain weight from late teens-early 20s and I see it with the now college age girls in our neighborhood. It's a really weird time.

Ironically, right after college the weight began melting off. I had better eating habits and since I knew how to train, I really became a gym rat and decided to train for my first marathon. I never had a weight problem again (even after two pregnancies). I am in my 50s and still a size 4 and very toned, still athletic.

But, I see the girls with the fuller face and 'puffy' bodies and it was me and a lot of my college friends at the time. There is a really whacky sleep schedule during those late teen/early years and I see how when my sleep is really messed up, it messes with my weight. Stress eating with the stress of academics is also common, and in college the calories that come with alcohol and poor eating.

You can be supportive but it is going to be out of your control for awhile. I still harbor some of those comments people made to me back then. The funny thing is I am the fittest in the family now because I had to struggle with my weight while my naturally thin and tall older siblings never did so in adulthood they had the weight creep and roles are reversed. I've been sure to give me brother a jab or two at holidays for pay back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP why the hell can’t your sons just eat more whole healthy foods? I find it really messed up that you won’t even consider getting rid of the calorie dense junk. They can just eat more potatoes at dinner. They don’t need the crap either.

Clearly you don't have teen boys. Come back and comment again when you do.

For real. Athletic teen boys easily eat 5000 calories per day.

That's not easy to do on hard boiled eggs and cucumbers (or whatever healthy snack you are imagining).

I have one teen and one 20 yr old athlete. Both eat around 4-5000 calories a day. Can't be done on cucumbers, but can't be done properly on junk food either. Both of them eat "whole" food as mentioned by a PP in order to get enough calories and build muscle. That generally means a lot of PB on whole wheat bread, rice dishes with protein, fats, and some veg, ditto for pasta. Smoothies with whole milk, protein powder, fruit. Not bags of Doritos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

wow, so important. My DH is endocrinologist and I didn't know this! (I'm sure he does) I sympathize, OP. I have always been super thin, and my DD started gaining weight around age 15 also (when she first got her period, now that I think of it) I can't say a thing to her, ever about weight. She is athletic, and yes, alot of it is muscle. But some of it appears to be overeating, which most (?) of America does very well. I won't say any more, because the discussion here seems to slam on those of us who think its not great to be overweight

does your DH treat teens or know a pediatric endocrinologist with a waiting list under a year?

so he says that 16years old MAY be too young to diagnose PCOS (but maybe not). He would see your daughter, he does see teens (though not usually younger kids) doesn't have a waiting list, and might also recommend that she see a gyn. Dr. Jerold Share 202-244-0060

OP, I took my DS to a pediatric endocrinologist at Johns Hopkins for growth related issues. We liked her very much, and she did not have a waiting list.

Dr. Yasmin Akhtar. There are probably plenty of others, too. Bit of a drive, but very much worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP why the hell can’t your sons just eat more whole healthy foods? I find it really messed up that you won’t even consider getting rid of the calorie dense junk. They can just eat more potatoes at dinner. They don’t need the crap either.

Clearly you don't have teen boys. Come back and comment again when you do.

For real. Athletic teen boys easily eat 5000 calories per day.

That's not easy to do on hard boiled eggs and cucumbers (or whatever healthy snack you are imagining).

I have one teen and one 20 yr old athlete. Both eat around 4-5000 calories a day. Can't be done on cucumbers, but can't be done properly on junk food either. Both of them eat "whole" food as mentioned by a PP in order to get enough calories and build muscle. That generally means a lot of PB on whole wheat bread, rice dishes with protein, fats, and some veg, ditto for pasta. Smoothies with whole milk, protein powder, fruit. Not bags of Doritos.

And if you are a girl sitting in your room majority of the day, eating similar whole foods of enough quantity, you can get fat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Would you guys be fine with a kid who is overweight?
You're saying it wouldn't both you at all?

You wouldn't worry about the health implications?

What is her medical condition that she is overweight? I would be terrified as a parent. If you have weight problems at such young age, imagine how she's gonna look like in her 30s or 50s. Try to do something, I don't know what exactly though.

You would be terrified if your child was a size 12-14?

I am 61 years old, 5'2" tall, and wear a size 12P. I'm medically obese and working to fix that.

[Anonymous]

Can you get her on Ozempic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP this is very hard.

I completely understand.

But your dd will have to make the decision to lose weight on her own.

Yes, but that should not stop OP from trying to help her daughter now before she is disabled due to any number of likely serious adverse conditions that will develop.

Purposely having an insurance company send a letter that she is uninsurable isn’t helping. It won’t make her smaller. You really think that’s an effective way to encourage weight loss? Seriously?

This is funny. I'm a PP who has been overweight my entire life. This actually happened to me shortly after college...my parent said I couldn't be on their insurance anymore so I had to get my own plan. I was rejected based on my BMI. I'll give you one guess as to whether that spurred me to lose weight lol. And that was as an adult...any teenager is going to be like "Ummm, okay. Anyway. What's life insurance?" So at best it will be ineffective, at worst it will hurt the DD and the relationship because it's a f***** up thing to do to a person, making an insurance company do your dirty work.

You have independent proof of your condition. How you chose to react to that information was up to you. Because you chose to ignore the warning does not mean that OP's daughter will react in the same manner. You are an adult and it is your life. OP's daughter is a minor and in the care and custody of her parents.

Would you ignore dangerous behavior of your minor child ? Or would you try to help ? And if you try to help, would you seek independent professional advice from a qualified medical practitioner or would you coddle the minor child and act like everything is okay ?

As someone who has worked with the life insurance industry for 25 years, it is just beyond cute that you think a rating/coverage decision is "proof" of anything. GMAFB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you get her on Ozempic?

I know a pill seems to be an easy quick fix but there are many more steps OP should try before this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many of you PPs are insane. Obesity is a problem. I have three cousins who died young due to obesity related diseases. I was overweight as a child and I HATED it. Every minute of it. I wish my parents would’ve helped me with exercise and eating habits, but they were obese, too.

OP, you are right to worry. Obesity is terrible and yet totally preventable. I wish you luck

If it's so preventable why are 40% of Americans obese?

Poor choices. Obesity is not rocket science. We sit around all day and eat bad food with high calories and low nutrition

No one treating an obese population thinks this. Your comment is a prime example of Dunning-Kruger.

this is just not true. Not true at all.
Obesity is not some mysterious disease. It's a pretty clear cause and effect. are some people more prone? Yes. But we know what the base issues are and how to get out of it.
People like you making excuses for obesity and trying to frame it as some random disease like lupus are fooling yourselves. And, frankly, you're a danger to society. You're why we have so many obese people. It is not ok to be obese.

Again, no one in the field says this. Only ignorant people outside of it.

Let me guess. You're in the field and read that in Vogue somewhere, right?
Almost everyone that I know in medicine says otherwise, and they live with me. So nice try.

Do they always opine outside their specialties?

HA! Because the anonymous rantings of a DCUM lunatic is so much more reliable. Get off WebMD and feed your kids something healthy. And while you're at it, go for a walk.

Since we are on an anonymous forum I’ll tell you what I really think about all those “people in medicine” living in your house. In my 20 year career in healthcare, I’ve discovered most practitioners are quite dumb. Incompetent at critical thinking. Really only skilled at memorizing, which was once incredibly helpful and is now mostly replaced by technology. There are very few true experts moving the ball forward in any area of practice but many self-aggrandizing frontline practitioners who couldn’t tell a well-designed study from a WebMD article. They are completely unable to grasp basic details of the validity of research like population size, confounding factors, P-hacking, etc. My only solace as a patient is that I can circumvent them when I need to with my privilege and ability to pay out of pocket. But I feel terrible for everyone else out there, seeing these hacks and getting truly horrible care and advice.

Hopefully OP can find someone actually competent. But it will be hard.

Let me guess, you're in medical sales. Or worse, admin. Not an actual physician or researcher yourself but damn do you know a lot about it.
Like I said, go for a walk.

Pharma executive actually. Thank God we in pharma actually cure disease and save lives because your PA husband and CNA daughter sure aren’t.

OMG. With that comment you lost all credibility!
You think you are a savior pumping people full of weight loss drugs?

I mean, it’s better than a solution that doesn’t work.

Go away pharma exec!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP why the hell can’t your sons just eat more whole healthy foods? I find it really messed up that you won’t even consider getting rid of the calorie dense junk. They can just eat more potatoes at dinner. They don’t need the crap either.

Clearly you don't have teen boys. Come back and comment again when you do.

Wrong. He’s 21 now. Recruited for college football. I never filled my home with snacks.

Anyone who lets their kid play football at that level has no business lecturing *anyone* about doing what's best for their kid's health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many of you PPs are insane. Obesity is a problem. I have three cousins who died young due to obesity related diseases. I was overweight as a child and I HATED it. Every minute of it. I wish my parents would’ve helped me with exercise and eating habits, but they were obese, too.

OP, you are right to worry. Obesity is terrible and yet totally preventable. I wish you luck

If it's so preventable why are 40% of Americans obese?

Poor choices. Obesity is not rocket science. We sit around all day and eat bad food with high calories and low nutrition

No one treating an obese population thinks this. Your comment is a prime example of Dunning-Kruger.

this is just not true. Not true at all.
Obesity is not some mysterious disease. It's a pretty clear cause and effect. are some people more prone? Yes. But we know what the base issues are and how to get out of it.
People like you making excuses for obesity and trying to frame it as some random disease like lupus are fooling yourselves. And, frankly, you're a danger to society. You're why we have so many obese people. It is not ok to be obese.

Again, no one in the field says this. Only ignorant people outside of it.

Let me guess. You're in the field and read that in Vogue somewhere, right?
Almost everyone that I know in medicine says otherwise, and they live with me. So nice try.

Do they always opine outside their specialties?

HA! Because the anonymous rantings of a DCUM lunatic is so much more reliable. Get off WebMD and feed your kids something healthy. And while you're at it, go for a walk.

Since we are on an anonymous forum I’ll tell you what I really think about all those “people in medicine” living in your house. In my 20 year career in healthcare, I’ve discovered most practitioners are quite dumb. Incompetent at critical thinking. Really only skilled at memorizing, which was once incredibly helpful and is now mostly replaced by technology. There are very few true experts moving the ball forward in any area of practice but many self-aggrandizing frontline practitioners who couldn’t tell a well-designed study from a WebMD article. They are completely unable to grasp basic details of the validity of research like population size, confounding factors, P-hacking, etc. My only solace as a patient is that I can circumvent them when I need to with my privilege and ability to pay out of pocket. But I feel terrible for everyone else out there, seeing these hacks and getting truly horrible care and advice.

Hopefully OP can find someone actually competent. But it will be hard.

Let me guess, you're in medical sales. Or worse, admin. Not an actual physician or researcher yourself but damn do you know a lot about it.
Like I said, go for a walk.

Pharma executive actually. Thank God we in pharma actually cure disease and save lives because your PA husband and CNA daughter sure aren’t.

OMG. With that comment you lost all credibility!
You think you are a savior pumping people full of weight loss drugs?

I mean, it’s better than a solution that doesn’t work.

Go away pharma exec!

I'm not a pharma exec and I won't go away. But I can see and acknowledge the reality that nothing has worked so far for obesity on a population level and the injectables look incredibly promising so far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many of you PPs are insane. Obesity is a problem. I have three cousins who died young due to obesity related diseases. I was overweight as a child and I HATED it. Every minute of it. I wish my parents would’ve helped me with exercise and eating habits, but they were obese, too.

OP, you are right to worry. Obesity is terrible and yet totally preventable. I wish you luck

If it's so preventable why are 40% of Americans obese?

Poor choices. Obesity is not rocket science. We sit around all day and eat bad food with high calories and low nutrition

No one treating an obese population thinks this. Your comment is a prime example of Dunning-Kruger.

this is just not true. Not true at all.
Obesity is not some mysterious disease. It's a pretty clear cause and effect. are some people more prone? Yes. But we know what the base issues are and how to get out of it.
People like you making excuses for obesity and trying to frame it as some random disease like lupus are fooling yourselves. And, frankly, you're a danger to society. You're why we have so many obese people. It is not ok to be obese.

Again, no one in the field says this. Only ignorant people outside of it.

Let me guess. You're in the field and read that in Vogue somewhere, right?
Almost everyone that I know in medicine says otherwise, and they live with me. So nice try.

Do they always opine outside their specialties?

HA! Because the anonymous rantings of a DCUM lunatic is so much more reliable. Get off WebMD and feed your kids something healthy. And while you're at it, go for a walk.

Since we are on an anonymous forum I’ll tell you what I really think about all those “people in medicine” living in your house. In my 20 year career in healthcare, I’ve discovered most practitioners are quite dumb. Incompetent at critical thinking. Really only skilled at memorizing, which was once incredibly helpful and is now mostly replaced by technology. There are very few true experts moving the ball forward in any area of practice but many self-aggrandizing frontline practitioners who couldn’t tell a well-designed study from a WebMD article. They are completely unable to grasp basic details of the validity of research like population size, confounding factors, P-hacking, etc. My only solace as a patient is that I can circumvent them when I need to with my privilege and ability to pay out of pocket. But I feel terrible for everyone else out there, seeing these hacks and getting truly horrible care and advice.

Hopefully OP can find someone actually competent. But it will be hard.

Let me guess, you're in medical sales. Or worse, admin. Not an actual physician or researcher yourself but damn do you know a lot about it.
Like I said, go for a walk.

Pharma executive actually. Thank God we in pharma actually cure disease and save lives because your PA husband and CNA daughter sure aren’t.

OMG. With that comment you lost all credibility!
You think you are a savior pumping people full of weight loss drugs?

I mean, it’s better than a solution that doesn’t work.

Go away pharma exec!

I'm not a pharma exec and I won't go away. But I can see and acknowledge the reality that nothing has worked so far for obesity on a population level and the injectables look incredibly promising so far.

It’s such an inappropriate suggestion since OPs child hasn’t tried anything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Would you guys be fine with a kid who is overweight?
You're saying it wouldn't both you at all?

You wouldn't worry about the health implications?

What is her medical condition that she is overweight? I would be terrified as a parent. If you have weight problems at such young age, imagine how she's gonna look like in her 30s or 50s. Try to do something, I don't know what exactly though.

You would be terrified if your child was a size 12-14?

I am 61 years old, 5'2" tall, and wear a size 12P. I'm medically obese and working to fix that.

NP

I am 5' 9" and literally been at least a size 12 my whole life.

No health issues. I am 61 as well. No diabetes, no high blood pressure, no high cholesterol, no meds.

The issue here is that OP isn't getting to the bottom of this issue. Not saying anything is ridiculous. Are you the parent or not?

OP should be addressing the possible mental and physical issues, and cutting way back on the homework. Something is off here. And focusing solely on her daughter's appearance is sickening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many of you PPs are insane. Obesity is a problem. I have three cousins who died young due to obesity related diseases. I was overweight as a child and I HATED it. Every minute of it. I wish my parents would’ve helped me with exercise and eating habits, but they were obese, too.

OP, you are right to worry. Obesity is terrible and yet totally preventable. I wish you luck

If it's so preventable why are 40% of Americans obese?

Poor choices. Obesity is not rocket science. We sit around all day and eat bad food with high calories and low nutrition

No one treating an obese population thinks this. Your comment is a prime example of Dunning-Kruger.

this is just not true. Not true at all.
Obesity is not some mysterious disease. It's a pretty clear cause and effect. are some people more prone? Yes. But we know what the base issues are and how to get out of it.
People like you making excuses for obesity and trying to frame it as some random disease like lupus are fooling yourselves. And, frankly, you're a danger to society. You're why we have so many obese people. It is not ok to be obese.

Again, no one in the field says this. Only ignorant people outside of it.

Let me guess. You're in the field and read that in Vogue somewhere, right?
Almost everyone that I know in medicine says otherwise, and they live with me. So nice try.

Do they always opine outside their specialties?

HA! Because the anonymous rantings of a DCUM lunatic is so much more reliable. Get off WebMD and feed your kids something healthy. And while you're at it, go for a walk.

Since we are on an anonymous forum I’ll tell you what I really think about all those “people in medicine” living in your house. In my 20 year career in healthcare, I’ve discovered most practitioners are quite dumb. Incompetent at critical thinking. Really only skilled at memorizing, which was once incredibly helpful and is now mostly replaced by technology. There are very few true experts moving the ball forward in any area of practice but many self-aggrandizing frontline practitioners who couldn’t tell a well-designed study from a WebMD article. They are completely unable to grasp basic details of the validity of research like population size, confounding factors, P-hacking, etc. My only solace as a patient is that I can circumvent them when I need to with my privilege and ability to pay out of pocket. But I feel terrible for everyone else out there, seeing these hacks and getting truly horrible care and advice.

Hopefully OP can find someone actually competent. But it will be hard.

Let me guess, you're in medical sales. Or worse, admin. Not an actual physician or researcher yourself but damn do you know a lot about it.
Like I said, go for a walk.

Pharma executive actually. Thank God we in pharma actually cure disease and save lives because your PA husband and CNA daughter sure aren’t.

OMG. With that comment you lost all credibility!
You think you are a savior pumping people full of weight loss drugs?

I mean, it’s better than a solution that doesn’t work.

Go away pharma exec!

I'm not a pharma exec and I won't go away. But I can see and acknowledge the reality that nothing has worked so far for obesity on a population level and the injectables look incredibly promising so far.

It’s such an inappropriate suggestion since OPs child hasn’t tried anything else.

I don’t disagree. Nobody suggested pharmaceutical options in this particular comment thread, so I wasn’t responding to that. I was just defending the pharma executive because she is right, they are the ones with the most promising solution at this point in time in this particular arena.

[Anonymous]

Women get so hysterical about weight. My coworker (a man) just told me today that he needs to shed some pounds because he’s borderline overweight. He literally just laughed and said he was going to cut back some and stop eating fast food for two months. It was like a non-event, a thing he wanted to address, so he is. Women attach so much intensity and shame and fear to fat. No wonder no one can breathe the word around family.