Having an overweight teenage daughter is so hard

[Anonymous]

I agree that the lack of any exercise is worrysome and I would focus on that. The heart is a muscle jt needs exercise to be healthy I would focus on that. Anything. Walks, trampoline, peleton?, swimming. At least 30 min a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many of you PPs are insane. Obesity is a problem. I have three cousins who died young due to obesity related diseases. I was overweight as a child and I HATED it. Every minute of it. I wish my parents would’ve helped me with exercise and eating habits, but they were obese, too.

OP, you are right to worry. Obesity is terrible and yet totally preventable. I wish you luck

If it's so preventable why are 40% of Americans obese?

This is one of the dumber comments I’ve read on DCUM, and that’s saying a lot!

[Anonymous]

You’re coming off as a narcissist. In other words, it sounds like you see your children as a reflection of you.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP this is very hard.

I completely understand.

But your dd will have to make the decision to lose weight on her own.

Yes, but that should not stop OP from trying to help her daughter now before she is disabled due to any number of likely serious adverse conditions that will develop.

Purposely having an insurance company send a letter that she is uninsurable isn’t helping. It won’t make her smaller. You really think that’s an effective way to encourage weight loss? Seriously?

This is funny. I'm a PP who has been overweight my entire life. This actually happened to me shortly after college...my parent said I couldn't be on their insurance anymore so I had to get my own plan. I was rejected based on my BMI. I'll give you one guess as to whether that spurred me to lose weight lol. And that was as an adult...any teenager is going to be like "Ummm, okay. Anyway. What's life insurance?" So at best it will be ineffective, at worst it will hurt the DD and the relationship because it's a f***** up thing to do to a person, making an insurance company do your dirty work.

You have independent proof of your condition. How you chose to react to that information was up to you. Because you chose to ignore the warning does not mean that OP's daughter will react in the same manner. You are an adult and it is your life. OP's daughter is a minor and in the care and custody of her parents.

Would you ignore dangerous behavior of your minor child ? Or would you try to help ? And if you try to help, would you seek independent professional advice from a qualified medical practitioner or would you coddle the minor child and act like everything is okay ?

OP hasn’t sought any healthcare (mental or physical) for her daughter at all.

OP here.
How do you seek healthcare for this (mental or physical) without conveying that it is a problem to the kid? Very curious how you would do this.

I have been very careful to not say anything to my kid. We don't talk about weight.


I mentioned my sons in one line (ONE LINE) and people are extrapolating that I love them more. I simply mentioned them because the first advice in any child weight post is always (rightfully so) "remove junk from the house."
We do remove most junk but the context of our family dynamic is that we can't fill the fridge solely with hard-boiled eggs and cheese sticks and cut-up vegetables. I have two kids who are in the midst of trying to put on
20+ pounds of muscle this winter (they are in winter conditioning for spring sports) and eat 4000-5000 calories a day. Anyway, No I don't love them more than my daughter and I don't buy a lot of things they might want out of respect for her.
I meet them all in the middle.

As to weight-she is about 5'2 and was a size 6 and now a size 12-14. So she's not obese but she's medically overweight..BMI is on the high end of the scale of "overweight" or her height. Now go ahead and jump on me for saying that my perfectly healthy daughter is not overweight.

I have to sign off now as I'm headed to an evening event.

Why did you say that she wasn't small before, as a size 6? Size 6 is plenty small.

NP here who is 5’2” and size 6 is not small especially with today’s vanity sizing. Size 2-6 is normal. Size 0 or 00 is small.

Not true. 5'2" and size 6 can be totally normal. I have a muscular build (was a D1 gymnast) and at my lowest weight (sunken cheeks, ribs all visible), I was a 4/6 depending on brand.

Size 6 then and now so very different! I am 5 5, 154 lbs and fit a size 6. I’m not skinny.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:So many of you PPs are insane. Obesity is a problem. I have three cousins who died young due to obesity related diseases. I was overweight as a child and I HATED it. Every minute of it. I wish my parents would’ve helped me with exercise and eating habits, but they were obese, too.

OP, you are right to worry. Obesity is terrible and yet totally preventable. I wish you luck

If it's so preventable why are 40% of Americans obese?

Poor choices. Obesity is not rocket science. We sit around all day and eat bad food with high calories and low nutrition

No one treating an obese population thinks this. Your comment is a prime example of Dunning-Kruger.

this is just not true. Not true at all.
Obesity is not some mysterious disease. It's a pretty clear cause and effect. are some people more prone? Yes. But we know what the base issues are and how to get out of it.
People like you making excuses for obesity and trying to frame it as some random disease like lupus are fooling yourselves. And, frankly, you're a danger to society. You're why we have so many obese people. It is not ok to be obese.

Again, no one in the field says this. Only ignorant people outside of it.

Let me guess. You're in the field and read that in Vogue somewhere, right?
Almost everyone that I know in medicine says otherwise, and they live with me. So nice try.

Do they always opine outside their specialties?

HA! Because the anonymous rantings of a DCUM lunatic is so much more reliable. Get off WebMD and feed your kids something healthy. And while you're at it, go for a walk.

Since we are on an anonymous forum I’ll tell you what I really think about all those “people in medicine” living in your house. In my 20 year career in healthcare, I’ve discovered most practitioners are quite dumb. Incompetent at critical thinking. Really only skilled at memorizing, which was once incredibly helpful and is now mostly replaced by technology. There are very few true experts moving the ball forward in any area of practice but many self-aggrandizing frontline practitioners who couldn’t tell a well-designed study from a WebMD article. They are completely unable to grasp basic details of the validity of research like population size, confounding factors, P-hacking, etc. My only solace as a patient is that I can circumvent them when I need to with my privilege and ability to pay out of pocket. But I feel terrible for everyone else out there, seeing these hacks and getting truly horrible care and advice.

Hopefully OP can find someone actually competent. But it will be hard.

Let me guess, you're in medical sales. Or worse, admin. Not an actual physician or researcher yourself but damn do you know a lot about it.
Like I said, go for a walk.

Pharma executive actually. Thank God we in pharma actually cure disease and save lives because your PA husband and CNA daughter sure aren’t.

OMG. With that comment you lost all credibility!
You think you are a savior pumping people full of weight loss drugs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many of you PPs are insane. Obesity is a problem. I have three cousins who died young due to obesity related diseases. I was overweight as a child and I HATED it. Every minute of it. I wish my parents would’ve helped me with exercise and eating habits, but they were obese, too.

OP, you are right to worry. Obesity is terrible and yet totally preventable. I wish you luck

If it's so preventable why are 40% of Americans obese?

This is one of the dumber comments I’ve read on DCUM, and that’s saying a lot!

Not dumb. People are tend to skew lazy and gluttonous if they have the opportunity, which results in weight gain. Doesn’t mean it isn’t preventable though.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP why the hell can’t your sons just eat more whole healthy foods? I find it really messed up that you won’t even consider getting rid of the calorie dense junk. They can just eat more potatoes at dinner. They don’t need the crap either.

Clearly you don't have teen boys. Come back and comment again when you do.

For real. Athletic teen boys easily eat 5000 calories per day.

That's not easy to do on hard boiled eggs and cucumbers (or whatever healthy snack you are imagining).

If only there were things like protein and healthy carbs for weight gain, and you didn’t need to do it by shoveling in garbage. Oh wait! Good news! There are!

Look, this is hair spilling. OP’s daughter isn’t overweight because of the food OP’s buys. OP’s daughter is overweight because she overeats. She likely is a compulsive overeater and/or uses food as comfort. OP’s daughter would overeat no matter what is in the house, plus buy actually junk food outside of the house. Blaming OP for this because she keeps bags of pretzels and granola bars or whatever is foolish.

This is a health issue and I do think you need to gently address it with her OP. This doesn’t need to be shaming. I’m sure she doesn’t want to be gaining all this weight either. She probably doesn’t realize how to stop it. Start with a dr appt to check hormones, thyroid, etc. Then a dietitian that specializes in teens. Possibly a therapist is she seems incapable of implementing the dietitian’s plan. While you can’t control her body or weight, burying your head in the sand and pretending you don’t notice; for fear you will hurt feelings or give her an eating disorder is wrong too. She needs you to help her gain the knowledge and tools to get this curbed.

Agree with all of this.

And a bit shocked by the poster that gained weight after abuse and then wants to claim others worried about the weight don't love their daughters. The worry is because they DO. Ignoring rapid weigh gain would be far more concerning to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP this is very hard.

I completely understand.

But your dd will have to make the decision to lose weight on her own.

Yes, but that should not stop OP from trying to help her daughter now before she is disabled due to any number of likely serious adverse conditions that will develop.

Purposely having an insurance company send a letter that she is uninsurable isn’t helping. It won’t make her smaller. You really think that’s an effective way to encourage weight loss? Seriously?

This is funny. I'm a PP who has been overweight my entire life. This actually happened to me shortly after college...my parent said I couldn't be on their insurance anymore so I had to get my own plan. I was rejected based on my BMI. I'll give you one guess as to whether that spurred me to lose weight lol. And that was as an adult...any teenager is going to be like "Ummm, okay. Anyway. What's life insurance?" So at best it will be ineffective, at worst it will hurt the DD and the relationship because it's a f***** up thing to do to a person, making an insurance company do your dirty work.

This response intrigues me. I am curious - did you ever get a handle on your weight or are you still overweight? What motivated you if so?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many of you PPs are insane. Obesity is a problem. I have three cousins who died young due to obesity related diseases. I was overweight as a child and I HATED it. Every minute of it. I wish my parents would’ve helped me with exercise and eating habits, but they were obese, too.

OP, you are right to worry. Obesity is terrible and yet totally preventable. I wish you luck

If it's so preventable why are 40% of Americans obese?

This is one of the dumber comments I’ve read on DCUM, and that’s saying a lot!

Not dumb. People are tend to skew lazy and gluttonous if they have the opportunity, which results in weight gain. Doesn’t mean it isn’t preventable though.

Right. It’s totally preventable. Retorting with “then why are 40% obese” as a counter is the stupid part. I mean…look around at our society sitting eating whatever is convenient in massive amounts and driving (not walking) everywhere.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP why the hell can’t your sons just eat more whole healthy foods? I find it really messed up that you won’t even consider getting rid of the calorie dense junk. They can just eat more potatoes at dinner. They don’t need the crap either.

Clearly you don't have teen boys. Come back and comment again when you do.

For real. Athletic teen boys easily eat 5000 calories per day.

That's not easy to do on hard boiled eggs and cucumbers (or whatever healthy snack you are imagining).

If only there were things like protein and healthy carbs for weight gain, and you didn’t need to do it by shoveling in garbage. Oh wait! Good news! There are!

Look, this is hair spilling. OP’s daughter isn’t overweight because of the food OP’s buys. OP’s daughter is overweight because she overeats. She likely is a compulsive overeater and/or uses food as comfort. OP’s daughter would overeat no matter what is in the house, plus buy actually junk food outside of the house. Blaming OP for this because she keeps bags of pretzels and granola bars or whatever is foolish.

This is a health issue and I do think you need to gently address it with her OP. This doesn’t need to be shaming. I’m sure she doesn’t want to be gaining all this weight either. She probably doesn’t realize how to stop it. Start with a dr appt to check hormones, thyroid, etc. Then a dietitian that specializes in teens. Possibly a therapist is she seems incapable of implementing the dietitian’s plan. While you can’t control her body or weight, burying your head in the sand and pretending you don’t notice; for fear you will hurt feelings or give her an eating disorder is wrong too. She needs you to help her gain the knowledge and tools to get this curbed.

Truthfully I don’t think OP has given us enough info to support your first paragraph.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP why the hell can’t your sons just eat more whole healthy foods? I find it really messed up that you won’t even consider getting rid of the calorie dense junk. They can just eat more potatoes at dinner. They don’t need the crap either.

Clearly you don't have teen boys. Come back and comment again when you do.

For real. Athletic teen boys easily eat 5000 calories per day.

That's not easy to do on hard boiled eggs and cucumbers (or whatever healthy snack you are imagining).

If only there were things like protein and healthy carbs for weight gain, and you didn’t need to do it by shoveling in garbage. Oh wait! Good news! There are!

Look, this is hair spilling. OP’s daughter isn’t overweight because of the food OP’s buys. OP’s daughter is overweight because she overeats. She likely is a compulsive overeater and/or uses food as comfort. OP’s daughter would overeat no matter what is in the house, plus buy actually junk food outside of the house. Blaming OP for this because she keeps bags of pretzels and granola bars or whatever is foolish.

This is a health issue and I do think you need to gently address it with her OP. This doesn’t need to be shaming. I’m sure she doesn’t want to be gaining all this weight either. She probably doesn’t realize how to stop it. Start with a dr appt to check hormones, thyroid, etc. Then a dietitian that specializes in teens. Possibly a therapist is she seems incapable of implementing the dietitian’s plan. While you can’t control her body or weight, burying your head in the sand and pretending you don’t notice; for fear you will hurt feelings or give her an eating disorder is wrong too. She needs you to help her gain the knowledge and tools to get this curbed.

Truthfully I don’t think OP has given us enough info to support your first paragraph.

Completely disagree with you. Look this is a child heading off to college in a couple years (assumption there). OP’s child needs to learn other strategies than removing food from the house because that’s clearly not a possibility in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP why the hell can’t your sons just eat more whole healthy foods? I find it really messed up that you won’t even consider getting rid of the calorie dense junk. They can just eat more potatoes at dinner. They don’t need the crap either.

Clearly you don't have teen boys. Come back and comment again when you do.

For real. Athletic teen boys easily eat 5000 calories per day.

That's not easy to do on hard boiled eggs and cucumbers (or whatever healthy snack you are imagining).

If only there were things like protein and healthy carbs for weight gain, and you didn’t need to do it by shoveling in garbage. Oh wait! Good news! There are!

Look, this is hair spilling. OP’s daughter isn’t overweight because of the food OP’s buys. OP’s daughter is overweight because she overeats. She likely is a compulsive overeater and/or uses food as comfort. OP’s daughter would overeat no matter what is in the house, plus buy actually junk food outside of the house. Blaming OP for this because she keeps bags of pretzels and granola bars or whatever is foolish.

This is a health issue and I do think you need to gently address it with her OP. This doesn’t need to be shaming. I’m sure she doesn’t want to be gaining all this weight either. She probably doesn’t realize how to stop it. Start with a dr appt to check hormones, thyroid, etc. Then a dietitian that specializes in teens. Possibly a therapist is she seems incapable of implementing the dietitian’s plan. While you can’t control her body or weight, burying your head in the sand and pretending you don’t notice; for fear you will hurt feelings or give her an eating disorder is wrong too. She needs you to help her gain the knowledge and tools to get this curbed.

Truthfully I don’t think OP has given us enough info to support your first paragraph.

Unless OP doesn’t buy any heathy foods and only stocks the house with coco puffs, Cheetos, ice cream, pop tarts, and chicken nuggets, you cannot blame this on food in the house. OP made it clear her house is full of heathy options and she cooks nutritious meals. OP’s daughter is 16, not 6. It isn’t realistic to expect OP to not keep a single refined carb or added sugar item in the house- in any form. No one lives like that. Her daughter would still overeat and buy junk other places, probably more so. “Other” foods will ALWAYS be accessible now and when she goes to college, if that is what she is seeking. OP’s daughter needs to able to make the decision herself to put heathy foods in her body, learn what her body actually needs, and to move more. Mom can’t do this by banning cookies entering the house won’t move the needle if DD doesn’t want to change

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP why the hell can’t your sons just eat more whole healthy foods? I find it really messed up that you won’t even consider getting rid of the calorie dense junk. They can just eat more potatoes at dinner. They don’t need the crap either.

Clearly you don't have teen boys. Come back and comment again when you do.

For real. Athletic teen boys easily eat 5000 calories per day.

That's not easy to do on hard boiled eggs and cucumbers (or whatever healthy snack you are imagining).

If only there were things like protein and healthy carbs for weight gain, and you didn’t need to do it by shoveling in garbage. Oh wait! Good news! There are!

Look, this is hair spilling. OP’s daughter isn’t overweight because of the food OP’s buys. OP’s daughter is overweight because she overeats. She likely is a compulsive overeater and/or uses food as comfort. OP’s daughter would overeat no matter what is in the house, plus buy actually junk food outside of the house. Blaming OP for this because she keeps bags of pretzels and granola bars or whatever is foolish.

This is a health issue and I do think you need to gently address it with her OP. This doesn’t need to be shaming. I’m sure she doesn’t want to be gaining all this weight either. She probably doesn’t realize how to stop it. Start with a dr appt to check hormones, thyroid, etc. Then a dietitian that specializes in teens. Possibly a therapist is she seems incapable of implementing the dietitian’s plan. While you can’t control her body or weight, burying your head in the sand and pretending you don’t notice; for fear you will hurt feelings or give her an eating disorder is wrong too. She needs you to help her gain the knowledge and tools to get this curbed.

Truthfully I don’t think OP has given us enough info to support your first paragraph.

Unless OP doesn’t buy any heathy foods and only stocks the house with coco puffs, Cheetos, ice cream, pop tarts, and chicken nuggets, you cannot blame this on food in the house. OP made it clear her house is full of heathy options and she cooks nutritious meals. OP’s daughter is 16, not 6. It isn’t realistic to expect OP to not keep a single refined carb or added sugar item in the house- in any form. No one lives like that. Her daughter would still overeat and buy junk other places, probably more so. “Other” foods will ALWAYS be accessible now and when she goes to college, if that is what she is seeking. OP’s daughter needs to able to make the decision herself to put heathy foods in her body, learn what her body actually needs, and to move more. Mom can’t do this by banning cookies entering the house won’t move the needle if DD doesn’t want to change

I disagree. I have 3 out of 4 people in my house who cannot control their eating IF too many temptations are here. We have treats on special occasions, but you misunderstand how some people just are. Some overeaters are more like alcoholics with food than others. I didn't believe it until I married into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP why the hell can’t your sons just eat more whole healthy foods? I find it really messed up that you won’t even consider getting rid of the calorie dense junk. They can just eat more potatoes at dinner. They don’t need the crap either.

Clearly you don't have teen boys. Come back and comment again when you do.

For real. Athletic teen boys easily eat 5000 calories per day.

That's not easy to do on hard boiled eggs and cucumbers (or whatever healthy snack you are imagining).

If only there were things like protein and healthy carbs for weight gain, and you didn’t need to do it by shoveling in garbage. Oh wait! Good news! There are!

Look, this is hair spilling. OP’s daughter isn’t overweight because of the food OP’s buys. OP’s daughter is overweight because she overeats. She likely is a compulsive overeater and/or uses food as comfort. OP’s daughter would overeat no matter what is in the house, plus buy actually junk food outside of the house. Blaming OP for this because she keeps bags of pretzels and granola bars or whatever is foolish.

This is a health issue and I do think you need to gently address it with her OP. This doesn’t need to be shaming. I’m sure she doesn’t want to be gaining all this weight either. She probably doesn’t realize how to stop it. Start with a dr appt to check hormones, thyroid, etc. Then a dietitian that specializes in teens. Possibly a therapist is she seems incapable of implementing the dietitian’s plan. While you can’t control her body or weight, burying your head in the sand and pretending you don’t notice; for fear you will hurt feelings or give her an eating disorder is wrong too. She needs you to help her gain the knowledge and tools to get this curbed.

Truthfully I don’t think OP has given us enough info to support your first paragraph.

Unless OP doesn’t buy any heathy foods and only stocks the house with coco puffs, Cheetos, ice cream, pop tarts, and chicken nuggets, you cannot blame this on food in the house. OP made it clear her house is full of heathy options and she cooks nutritious meals. OP’s daughter is 16, not 6. It isn’t realistic to expect OP to not keep a single refined carb or added sugar item in the house- in any form. No one lives like that. Her daughter would still overeat and buy junk other places, probably more so. “Other” foods will ALWAYS be accessible now and when she goes to college, if that is what she is seeking. OP’s daughter needs to able to make the decision herself to put heathy foods in her body, learn what her body actually needs, and to move more. Mom can’t do this by banning cookies entering the house won’t move the needle if DD doesn’t want to change

I disagree. I have 3 out of 4 people in my house who cannot control their eating IF too many temptations are here. We have treats on special occasions, but you misunderstand how some people just are. Some overeaters are more like alcoholics with food than others. I didn't believe it until I married into it.

I've been battling my weight my entire life and the above is true. I think naturally thin people don't understand that some people are wired for a dopamine hit when they eat something they enjoy, that has sugar etc. Many of us also have insulin resistance, not because we are overweight, but for other reasons, probably genetic, that then cause obesity. Is it a question of what people "choose" to put in their mouths? Yes, but you have to recognize the powerful metabolic, chemical, and psychological influences that cause people to overeat without them understanding it, which makes it very very hard to control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Would you guys be fine with a kid who is overweight?
You're saying it wouldn't both you at all?

You wouldn't worry about the health implications?

I would be MUCH more worried about the emotional side of things. If she's healthy emotionally, that is SO MUCH MORE important than having a small body. Just read a few memoirs of women who've had eating disorders. Even if they LOOK healthy to you, often they are not healthy at all. Women of all sizes can have seriously messed up relationships with food that result in lifelong challenges. These are often kicked off in their teens. You are in a vulnerable stage.

Small does not mean healthy. Big does not mean unhealthy.

It's time to let this go. She is in charge of her body and what goes into it. Her weight is not a reflection of you. And yes, therapy to help you navigate your feelings.