Extracurriculars you regret supporting

[Anonymous]

The problem with riding is barn culture. Horse parents are BSC, way worse than gym parents. To get the training to become a really competent rider you need to be in the academy space and not just rec classes. Then once you’re showing you need to lease or own your horse and it just keeps going.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I have multiple kids HS and college aged. Here is my list of what I do not regret and what I regretted.

Do not regret: hip hop competition dance, travel soccer, math competitions/classes, robotics competitions/classes, rock climbing, swim

Regret: theater, chess club/competitions, martial arts

Why theater?

Because of the focus on physical cuteness and appearance, the insane parents (who made the travel soccer parents look mellow and laid back), and the intensity of the rehearsal schedules.

Same…. Theater was my child’s passion but really did a number on their confidence. A large part of the parents were absolutely terrible (hyper involved stage parents who would do or say anything to make sure their kids were the leads). Expensive classes that weren’t focused on helping all the kids grow unless you were one of a handful of the favorites who got all the parts. Completely agree with pp, if you didn’t fit a specific physical mold you were out of luck. My child loved theater but the theater programs near us (private, but not academy or supposedly super competitive ones) really dropped the ball with a lot of kids.

Caveat being, our horrible experience with theater really relates to our experience with private outside theater programs, school theater has been great for growing confidence, involving everyone and not crazy parents.

Agree with this. School theater was great. Private children’s theater? A toxic, nasty disaster.

It makes me sad to hear you had a bad experience with private kids theater! I do think there are many different kinds of programs out there and choosing the one that’s a right fit is really important. We are not in the DMV but all through elementary and middle school my DD was involved with a private kids’ theater group that really focused on education, growth and development (this was certainly sometimes at the expense of the most possible polished product because the most talented kids didn’t always get the best parts tho many of the shows were truly excellent) and importantly parents were meant to stay OUT of the entire thing. I don’t think this particular program is all that unique I’m sure there are others out there, but it was wonderful and I actually really appreciated that it was not school theater because it meant that the social dynamics of middle school didn’t impact rehearsal. So I said keep looking for those wonderful programs I do believe they exist in many parts of the country.

Genuine question: how is a naive, inexperienced parent with a kid interested in theater supposed to evaluate “fit”? Clearly based on multiple PPs, there are private theater programs that are focused on physical appearance and that are toxic environments with awful stage parents. But I don’t know how you avoid that, because I don’t know how you’d really figure that out until you were knee-deep in it.

I am the PP and it’s a great question you ask. First I would tap in to of mouth and see what kind of reviews you hear and also what kind of people tend to send their kids. Second I would look at the website and promotional materials for the organizations around you and see how they describe themselves. Some are going to be highlighting the professional quality performance where others will be highlighting the educational and developmental value of theater. Obviously a certain amount of competitiveness is going to be baked into an activity that uses auditions as a way to cast people in roles, but not all kids theater programs are designed to create child stars. One of the absolute best things about the organization by DD did shows with for years is EVERYBODY spent a lot of time in the ensemble, even the most talented kids, and if a kid stuck with it long enough they’d almost certainly get their shot at a bigger part or two. But it was explicitly not a program where the same handful of kids got the big roles every time and that made such a difference. And I’d say my kid was fairly talented and did a beautiful job with her names parts, but I so value all those shows where she was in the ensemble and learned the value of that experience as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have multiple kids HS and college aged. Here is my list of what I do not regret and what I regretted.

Do not regret: hip hop competition dance, travel soccer, math competitions/classes, robotics competitions/classes, rock climbing, swim

Regret: theater, chess club/competitions, martial arts

Why theater?

Because of the focus on physical cuteness and appearance, the insane parents (who made the travel soccer parents look mellow and laid back), and the intensity of the rehearsal schedules.

Same…. Theater was my child’s passion but really did a number on their confidence. A large part of the parents were absolutely terrible (hyper involved stage parents who would do or say anything to make sure their kids were the leads). Expensive classes that weren’t focused on helping all the kids grow unless you were one of a handful of the favorites who got all the parts. Completely agree with pp, if you didn’t fit a specific physical mold you were out of luck. My child loved theater but the theater programs near us (private, but not academy or supposedly super competitive ones) really dropped the ball with a lot of kids.

Caveat being, our horrible experience with theater really relates to our experience with private outside theater programs, school theater has been great for growing confidence, involving everyone and not crazy parents.

Agree with this. School theater was great. Private children’s theater? A toxic, nasty disaster.

It makes me sad to hear you had a bad experience with private kids theater! I do think there are many different kinds of programs out there and choosing the one that’s a right fit is really important. We are not in the DMV but all through elementary and middle school my DD was involved with a private kids’ theater group that really focused on education, growth and development (this was certainly sometimes at the expense of the most possible polished product because the most talented kids didn’t always get the best parts tho many of the shows were truly excellent) and importantly parents were meant to stay OUT of the entire thing. I don’t think this particular program is all that unique I’m sure there are others out there, but it was wonderful and I actually really appreciated that it was not school theater because it meant that the social dynamics of middle school didn’t impact rehearsal. So I said keep looking for those wonderful programs I do believe they exist in many parts of the country.

Genuine question: how is a naive, inexperienced parent with a kid interested in theater supposed to evaluate “fit”? Clearly based on multiple PPs, there are private theater programs that are focused on physical appearance and that are toxic environments with awful stage parents. But I don’t know how you avoid that, because I don’t know how you’d really figure that out until you were knee-deep in it.

I am the PP and it’s a great question you ask. First I would tap in to of mouth and see what kind of reviews you hear and also what kind of people tend to send their kids. Second I would look at the website and promotional materials for the organizations around you and see how they describe themselves. Some are going to be highlighting the professional quality performance where others will be highlighting the educational and developmental value of theater. Obviously a certain amount of competitiveness is going to be baked into an activity that uses auditions as a way to cast people in roles, but not all kids theater programs are designed to create child stars. One of the absolute best things about the organization by DD did shows with for years is EVERYBODY spent a lot of time in the ensemble, even the most talented kids, and if a kid stuck with it long enough they’d almost certainly get their shot at a bigger part or two. But it was explicitly not a program where the same handful of kids got the big roles every time and that made such a difference. And I’d say my kid was fairly talented and did a beautiful job with her names parts, but I so value all those shows where she was in the ensemble and learned the value of that experience as well.

Thank you. That is a good answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have multiple kids HS and college aged. Here is my list of what I do not regret and what I regretted.

Do not regret: hip hop competition dance, travel soccer, math competitions/classes, robotics competitions/classes, rock climbing, swim

Regret: theater, chess club/competitions, martial arts

Why do you regret chess and martial arts?

Chess because of the bullying and nasty behavior from the kids that was tolerated. Lots of nasty comments about kids who didn’t play as well, or who were just learning. Math competitions and robotics require team cooperation and the kids were much nicer.

Martial arts because of what the other PP identified: it really started to feel a bit like a scam. And frankly the physical workout wasn’t very good compared to some of the other sports my kids did.

We never experienced this with chess. Though we do live outside of, and away from NYC. I did sense an edge of competitiveness, as much with the parents as with some of the kids in the NYC crowd. I guess like every sport, the more money you have, the more you can & will throw at it. If no other reason than Larlo MUST be the best.

Online bullying in the chess club (here in NOVA) opened everyone’s eyes to the dangers of the “chat function” right at the start of the Coronavirus pandemic quarantine.

Chess kids were super nasty to each other!

Who woulda guessed?

DP. I was really surprised at the nastiness of chess. Kids were unbelievably mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have multiple kids HS and college aged. Here is my list of what I do not regret and what I regretted.

Do not regret: hip hop competition dance, travel soccer, math competitions/classes, robotics competitions/classes, rock climbing, swim

Regret: theater, chess club/competitions, martial arts

Why do you regret chess and martial arts?

Chess because of the bullying and nasty behavior from the kids that was tolerated. Lots of nasty comments about kids who didn’t play as well, or who were just learning. Math competitions and robotics require team cooperation and the kids were much nicer.

Martial arts because of what the other PP identified: it really started to feel a bit like a scam. And frankly the physical workout wasn’t very good compared to some of the other sports my kids did.

We never experienced this with chess. Though we do live outside of, and away from NYC. I did sense an edge of competitiveness, as much with the parents as with some of the kids in the NYC crowd. I guess like every sport, the more money you have, the more you can & will throw at it. If no other reason than Larlo MUST be the best.

Online bullying in the chess club (here in NOVA) opened everyone’s eyes to the dangers of the “chat function” right at the start of the Coronavirus pandemic quarantine.

Chess kids were super nasty to each other!

Who woulda guessed?

DP. I was really surprised at the nastiness of chess. Kids were unbelievably mean.

This is eye-opening to me (I have a kid who likes chess but has never done it in any organized way).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So far no one has mentioned they regretted having their kids in club swimming..I have a 9 year old in club swimming so good to hear! Although the time commitment gets pretty brutal by the teen years, no one regrets it?

I enjoyed swimming when I was a kid, but I definitely regret swimming in high school. The time commitment was insane preventing me from trying other clubs and activities, and I found it hard to be a part of other friends groups besides the swim team. Being in a swimsuit daily and a coach who thought he had the right to monitor our weight caused body image problems that lead to an eating disorder. Morning practices meant I was always sleep deprived. My skin was always dry and I smelled like chlorine, and the chlorine fumes would sometimes mess with my lungs and eyes during practices. It all ended up being for nothing because I was so burnt out and decided to pass on a college swimming scholarship.

Another former swimmer who regrets doing it at such a high level. I spent my teen years absurdly sleep deprived and underweight from overtraining and disordered eating. It was also hugely disappointing and demoralizing to realize success was based mostly on genetics and I would never be college scholarship material despite taking it more seriously than anyone else on the team. And despite all the time I put into it, the other girls on the team excluded me quite a bit so I didn’t have good friends from the team. I still think swimming is a great sport, but I would have been a lot better off with 3-4 practices rather than 10. In general, I think it’s a shame that so many kids’ activities are so “serious” and wish there were more opportunities to participate in a more balanced way and that there wasn’t such a culture of extreme levels of participation being treated as morally superior.

Some of this sounds very difficult, but I suspect the “exclusion” was the result of your belief that you took the team more seriously “than anyone else on the team.” Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Either because they were too time consuming, too expensive, too much of a hassle, or otherwise a waste of time or not worth it, or for whatever reason a mistake?

As long as kid enjoyed it, its all good. Every bit of learning helps in life in some way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem with riding is barn culture. Horse parents are BSC, way worse than gym parents. To get the training to become a really competent rider you need to be in the academy space and not just rec classes. Then once you’re showing you need to lease or own your horse and it just keeps going.

What is BSC?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with riding is barn culture. Horse parents are BSC, way worse than gym parents. To get the training to become a really competent rider you need to be in the academy space and not just rec classes. Then once you’re showing you need to lease or own your horse and it just keeps going.

What is BSC?

Baby-sitter's Club?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with riding is barn culture. Horse parents are BSC, way worse than gym parents. To get the training to become a really competent rider you need to be in the academy space and not just rec classes. Then once you’re showing you need to lease or own your horse and it just keeps going.

What is BSC?

Baby-sitter's Club?

Bat sh** crazy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with riding is barn culture. Horse parents are BSC, way worse than gym parents. To get the training to become a really competent rider you need to be in the academy space and not just rec classes. Then once you’re showing you need to lease or own your horse and it just keeps going.

What is BSC?

Baby-sitter's Club?

Bat sh** crazy

I can attest to this

[Anonymous]

“Regret” might be too strong of a word, but I would’ve skipped rec gymnastics and encouraged a team sport.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem with riding is barn culture. Horse parents are BSC, way worse than gym parents. To get the training to become a really competent rider you need to be in the academy space and not just rec classes. Then once you’re showing you need to lease or own your horse and it just keeps going.

And some barns take cheating at horse shows to an art form. It's gross, and perpetuates the vicious cycle of ugly people in equestrian arts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with riding is barn culture. Horse parents are BSC, way worse than gym parents. To get the training to become a really competent rider you need to be in the academy space and not just rec classes. Then once you’re showing you need to lease or own your horse and it just keeps going.

And some barns take cheating at horse shows to an art form. It's gross, and perpetuates the vicious cycle of ugly people in equestrian arts.

Yes! Ages on kids at shows! It’s insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with riding is barn culture. Horse parents are BSC, way worse than gym parents. To get the training to become a really competent rider you need to be in the academy space and not just rec classes. Then once you’re showing you need to lease or own your horse and it just keeps going.

And some barns take cheating at horse shows to an art form. It's gross, and perpetuates the vicious cycle of ugly people in equestrian arts.

Yes! Ages on kids at shows! It’s insane.

? My dd and I both ride and she showed at a very high level and never did I see or hear of issues with cheating by falsifying age. Everyone would know very easily if a kid is suddenly driving when she’s supposed to be 14 for instance, it’s a very small world. Are you talking about lower level, unrated shows?