Extracurriculars you regret supporting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I ride horses and am waiting for the person who mentioned it to come back and explain why it was cult-like for them. Toxic instructors? That's a thing that definitely happens.

I grew up riding horses and now my daughter rides. I was very surprised to see that listed as a regret on this thread. Yes, it’s costly, there’s no doubt, but it was the most important part of my childhood and teen years. I learned so much about responsibility, kept in shape, fell in love with my horse, kept me out of teenage trouble. I see my daughter falling in love with it now and it’s a great thing for her. It’s really special.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ride horses and am waiting for the person who mentioned it to come back and explain why it was cult-like for them. Toxic instructors? That's a thing that definitely happens.

I grew up riding horses and now my daughter rides. I was very surprised to see that listed as a regret on this thread. Yes, it’s costly, there’s no doubt, but it was the most important part of my childhood and teen years. I learned so much about responsibility, kept in shape, fell in love with my horse, kept me out of teenage trouble. I see my daughter falling in love with it now and it’s a great thing for her. It’s really special.

I loved riding when I was growing up, but I also lived in a more rural area where it was more accessible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ride horses and am waiting for the person who mentioned it to come back and explain why it was cult-like for them. Toxic instructors? That's a thing that definitely happens.

I grew up riding horses and now my daughter rides. I was very surprised to see that listed as a regret on this thread. Yes, it’s costly, there’s no doubt, but it was the most important part of my childhood and teen years. I learned so much about responsibility, kept in shape, fell in love with my horse, kept me out of teenage trouble. I see my daughter falling in love with it now and it’s a great thing for her. It’s really special.

I loved riding when I was growing up, but I also lived in a more rural area where it was more accessible.

I was talking with another dad the other day and it turns out he's from West Texas and essentially said if his kid wanted to ride he'd need to move back home, because it's just too expensive here.

[Anonymous]

I’m the PP from three above and we no longer live in the DC area, which is why it’s prob easier for us to maintain this hobby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Horseback riding, expensive and not sustainable as a hobby.

Why? I’m an adult who rides as a hobby.

Live simply, so that others may simply live!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ride horses and am waiting for the person who mentioned it to come back and explain why it was cult-like for them. Toxic instructors? That's a thing that definitely happens.

I grew up riding horses and now my daughter rides. I was very surprised to see that listed as a regret on this thread. Yes, it’s costly, there’s no doubt, but it was the most important part of my childhood and teen years. I learned so much about responsibility, kept in shape, fell in love with my horse, kept me out of teenage trouble. I see my daughter falling in love with it now and it’s a great thing for her. It’s really special.

I loved riding when I was growing up, but I also lived in a more rural area where it was more accessible.

I was talking with another dad the other day and it turns out he's from West Texas and essentially said if his kid wanted to ride he'd need to move back home, because it's just too expensive here.

That's the thing. When you live in an area that is more rural, horseback riding is less of an elitist thing. We used to live in an area where it was considered a normal after school and weekend activity and the kids all did horse camp in the summers. What a great area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have multiple kids HS and college aged. Here is my list of what I do not regret and what I regretted.

Do not regret: hip hop competition dance, travel soccer, math competitions/classes, robotics competitions/classes, rock climbing, swim

Regret: theater, chess club/competitions, martial arts

Why do you regret chess and martial arts?

Chess because of the bullying and nasty behavior from the kids that was tolerated. Lots of nasty comments about kids who didn’t play as well, or who were just learning. Math competitions and robotics require team cooperation and the kids were much nicer.

Martial arts because of what the other PP identified: it really started to feel a bit like a scam. And frankly the physical workout wasn’t very good compared to some of the other sports my kids did.

We never experienced this with chess. Though we do live outside of, and away from NYC. I did sense an edge of competitiveness, as much with the parents as with some of the kids in the NYC crowd. I guess like every sport, the more money you have, the more you can & will throw at it. If no other reason than Larlo MUST be the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have multiple kids HS and college aged. Here is my list of what I do not regret and what I regretted.

Do not regret: hip hop competition dance, travel soccer, math competitions/classes, robotics competitions/classes, rock climbing, swim

Regret: theater, chess club/competitions, martial arts

Why do you regret chess and martial arts?

Chess because of the bullying and nasty behavior from the kids that was tolerated. Lots of nasty comments about kids who didn’t play as well, or who were just learning. Math competitions and robotics require team cooperation and the kids were much nicer.

Martial arts because of what the other PP identified: it really started to feel a bit like a scam. And frankly the physical workout wasn’t very good compared to some of the other sports my kids did.

We never experienced this with chess. Though we do live outside of, and away from NYC. I did sense an edge of competitiveness, as much with the parents as with some of the kids in the NYC crowd. I guess like every sport, the more money you have, the more you can & will throw at it. If no other reason than Larlo MUST be the best.

Online bullying in the chess club (here in NOVA) opened everyone’s eyes to the dangers of the “chat function” right at the start of the Coronavirus pandemic quarantine.

Chess kids were super nasty to each other!

Who woulda guessed?

[Anonymous]

15 pages and only one hockey, lol. Hockey families are hard core; we have a great team with lots of work ethic and physical skill-building. I just regret it for the time commitment and expense. Most of the families have $$$,
and that can be exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have multiple kids HS and college aged. Here is my list of what I do not regret and what I regretted.

Do not regret: hip hop competition dance, travel soccer, math competitions/classes, robotics competitions/classes, rock climbing, swim

Regret: theater, chess club/competitions, martial arts

Why theater?

Because of the focus on physical cuteness and appearance, the insane parents (who made the travel soccer parents look mellow and laid back), and the intensity of the rehearsal schedules.

Same…. Theater was my child’s passion but really did a number on their confidence. A large part of the parents were absolutely terrible (hyper involved stage parents who would do or say anything to make sure their kids were the leads). Expensive classes that weren’t focused on helping all the kids grow unless you were one of a handful of the favorites who got all the parts. Completely agree with pp, if you didn’t fit a specific physical mold you were out of luck. My child loved theater but the theater programs near us (private, but not academy or supposedly super competitive ones) really dropped the ball with a lot of kids.

Caveat being, our horrible experience with theater really relates to our experience with private outside theater programs, school theater has been great for growing confidence, involving everyone and not crazy parents.

Agree with this. School theater was great. Private children’s theater? A toxic, nasty disaster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have multiple kids HS and college aged. Here is my list of what I do not regret and what I regretted.

Do not regret: hip hop competition dance, travel soccer, math competitions/classes, robotics competitions/classes, rock climbing, swim

Regret: theater, chess club/competitions, martial arts

Why do you regret chess and martial arts?

Chess because of the bullying and nasty behavior from the kids that was tolerated. Lots of nasty comments about kids who didn’t play as well, or who were just learning. Math competitions and robotics require team cooperation and the kids were much nicer.

Martial arts because of what the other PP identified: it really started to feel a bit like a scam. And frankly the physical workout wasn’t very good compared to some of the other sports my kids did.

We never experienced this with chess. Though we do live outside of, and away from NYC. I did sense an edge of competitiveness, as much with the parents as with some of the kids in the NYC crowd. I guess like every sport, the more money you have, the more you can & will throw at it. If no other reason than Larlo MUST be the best.

I’m the PP who wrote about chess being nasty and we don’t live anywhere near NYC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ride horses and am waiting for the person who mentioned it to come back and explain why it was cult-like for them. Toxic instructors? That's a thing that definitely happens.

I grew up riding horses and now my daughter rides. I was very surprised to see that listed as a regret on this thread. Yes, it’s costly, there’s no doubt, but it was the most important part of my childhood and teen years. I learned so much about responsibility, kept in shape, fell in love with my horse, kept me out of teenage trouble. I see my daughter falling in love with it now and it’s a great thing for her. It’s really special.

Genuine question. How does riding a horse keep you in shape?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ride horses and am waiting for the person who mentioned it to come back and explain why it was cult-like for them. Toxic instructors? That's a thing that definitely happens.

I grew up riding horses and now my daughter rides. I was very surprised to see that listed as a regret on this thread. Yes, it’s costly, there’s no doubt, but it was the most important part of my childhood and teen years. I learned so much about responsibility, kept in shape, fell in love with my horse, kept me out of teenage trouble. I see my daughter falling in love with it now and it’s a great thing for her. It’s really special.

Genuine question. How does riding a horse keep you in shape?

It is know by most men that horse woman have great thighs, a tight but and a nice toned core. You are controlling an animal that is significantly larger than you, and you if you just sit and let the horse bump you along, you will be miserable. You have to move with the horse, a lot of leg & core engagement for an extended period of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have multiple kids HS and college aged. Here is my list of what I do not regret and what I regretted.

Do not regret: hip hop competition dance, travel soccer, math competitions/classes, robotics competitions/classes, rock climbing, swim

Regret: theater, chess club/competitions, martial arts

Why theater?

Because of the focus on physical cuteness and appearance, the insane parents (who made the travel soccer parents look mellow and laid back), and the intensity of the rehearsal schedules.

Same…. Theater was my child’s passion but really did a number on their confidence. A large part of the parents were absolutely terrible (hyper involved stage parents who would do or say anything to make sure their kids were the leads). Expensive classes that weren’t focused on helping all the kids grow unless you were one of a handful of the favorites who got all the parts. Completely agree with pp, if you didn’t fit a specific physical mold you were out of luck. My child loved theater but the theater programs near us (private, but not academy or supposedly super competitive ones) really dropped the ball with a lot of kids.

Caveat being, our horrible experience with theater really relates to our experience with private outside theater programs, school theater has been great for growing confidence, involving everyone and not crazy parents.

Agree with this. School theater was great. Private children’s theater? A toxic, nasty disaster.

It makes me sad to hear you had a bad experience with private kids theater! I do think there are many different kinds of programs out there and choosing the one that’s a right fit is really important. We are not in the DMV but all through elementary and middle school my DD was involved with a private kids’ theater group that really focused on education, growth and development (this was certainly sometimes at the expense of the most possible polished product because the most talented kids didn’t always get the best parts tho many of the shows were truly excellent) and importantly parents were meant to stay OUT of the entire thing. I don’t think this particular program is all that unique I’m sure there are others out there, but it was wonderful and I actually really appreciated that it was not school theater because it meant that the social dynamics of middle school didn’t impact rehearsal. So I said keep looking for those wonderful programs I do believe they exist in many parts of the country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have multiple kids HS and college aged. Here is my list of what I do not regret and what I regretted.

Do not regret: hip hop competition dance, travel soccer, math competitions/classes, robotics competitions/classes, rock climbing, swim

Regret: theater, chess club/competitions, martial arts

Why theater?

Because of the focus on physical cuteness and appearance, the insane parents (who made the travel soccer parents look mellow and laid back), and the intensity of the rehearsal schedules.

Same…. Theater was my child’s passion but really did a number on their confidence. A large part of the parents were absolutely terrible (hyper involved stage parents who would do or say anything to make sure their kids were the leads). Expensive classes that weren’t focused on helping all the kids grow unless you were one of a handful of the favorites who got all the parts. Completely agree with pp, if you didn’t fit a specific physical mold you were out of luck. My child loved theater but the theater programs near us (private, but not academy or supposedly super competitive ones) really dropped the ball with a lot of kids.

Caveat being, our horrible experience with theater really relates to our experience with private outside theater programs, school theater has been great for growing confidence, involving everyone and not crazy parents.

Agree with this. School theater was great. Private children’s theater? A toxic, nasty disaster.

It makes me sad to hear you had a bad experience with private kids theater! I do think there are many different kinds of programs out there and choosing the one that’s a right fit is really important. We are not in the DMV but all through elementary and middle school my DD was involved with a private kids’ theater group that really focused on education, growth and development (this was certainly sometimes at the expense of the most possible polished product because the most talented kids didn’t always get the best parts tho many of the shows were truly excellent) and importantly parents were meant to stay OUT of the entire thing. I don’t think this particular program is all that unique I’m sure there are others out there, but it was wonderful and I actually really appreciated that it was not school theater because it meant that the social dynamics of middle school didn’t impact rehearsal. So I said keep looking for those wonderful programs I do believe they exist in many parts of the country.

Genuine question: how is a naive, inexperienced parent with a kid interested in theater supposed to evaluate “fit”? Clearly based on multiple PPs, there are private theater programs that are focused on physical appearance and that are toxic environments with awful stage parents. But I don’t know how you avoid that, because I don’t know how you’d really figure that out until you were knee-deep in it.