Extracurriculars you regret supporting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with riding is barn culture. Horse parents are BSC, way worse than gym parents. To get the training to become a really competent rider you need to be in the academy space and not just rec classes. Then once you’re showing you need to lease or own your horse and it just keeps going.

And some barns take cheating at horse shows to an art form. It's gross, and perpetuates the vicious cycle of ugly people in equestrian arts.

Yes! Ages on kids at shows! It’s insane.

? My dd and I both ride and she showed at a very high level and never did I see or hear of issues with cheating by falsifying age. Everyone would know very easily if a kid is suddenly driving when she’s supposed to be 14 for instance, it’s a very small world. Are you talking about lower level, unrated shows?

No,I’m talking saddlebred nationals for an example

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem with riding is barn culture. Horse parents are BSC, way worse than gym parents. To get the training to become a really competent rider you need to be in the academy space and not just rec classes. Then once you’re showing you need to lease or own your horse and it just keeps going.

If you pick a reasonable barn for fit (much like PP theater parent described) and don't ride at the national level, you avoid this and come within budget for far more families in this area. If our family had done what you describe, I would list as a regret. If competing within reason, absolutely no regrets and lots of wonderful memories and important life lessons learned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with riding is barn culture. Horse parents are BSC, way worse than gym parents. To get the training to become a really competent rider you need to be in the academy space and not just rec classes. Then once you’re showing you need to lease or own your horse and it just keeps going.

And some barns take cheating at horse shows to an art form. It's gross, and perpetuates the vicious cycle of ugly people in equestrian arts.

Yes! Ages on kids at shows! It’s insane.

? My dd and I both ride and she showed at a very high level and never did I see or hear of issues with cheating by falsifying age. Everyone would know very easily if a kid is suddenly driving when she’s supposed to be 14 for instance, it’s a very small world. Are you talking about lower level, unrated shows?

No,I’m talking saddlebred nationals for an example

Ok completely unfamiliar with that aspect of the horse world. We do hunter/eq and ages are strictly monitored and again everyone knew everyone’s age.

[Anonymous]

I don't know if this has been mentioned already, but all-star cheer. And I mean, specific gyms. Some gyms are not as ridiculously over the top but the one that my kid switched to this year is a level that is bat sh*t crazy. Even my daughter cannot wait to leave after this season.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem with riding is barn culture. Horse parents are BSC, way worse than gym parents. To get the training to become a really competent rider you need to be in the academy space and not just rec classes. Then once you’re showing you need to lease or own your horse and it just keeps going.

I would suggest looking for a barn with a pony club riding center. You don’t need to own a horse to be in pony club at the riding centers. All pony club competitions include horsemanship requirements not just riding and every competition is a team competition. Pony club is built on the older kids helping the younger kids. Kids are lovely for the most part and parents are nice and supportive of all kids because it’s a team activity. There are a bunch of disciplines to try eventing, dressage, show jumping, vaulting, games, tetrathlon (riding, running, swimming and target shooting). My 10 year old has friends 3-4 years older than her and they treat her as part of the team regardless of her age. I came up through pony club in a different part of the country and this philosophy is the core of the program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Competitive dance - costumes, makeup, dance moves, etc. Who are they trying to impress? Creeps?

+1. Competition dance is such a waste. We left and found a lively non-competitive team and we are all so much happier.

I would add any sort of dance, including ballet, at a dance school/studio with a poor environment can wind up being a big regret in hindsight.

I disagree. Competition studios are bad. I was a serious dancer and was a double major in college. The key is choosing the right studio.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Competitive dance - costumes, makeup, dance moves, etc. Who are they trying to impress? Creeps?

+1. Competition dance is such a waste. We left and found a lively non-competitive team and we are all so much happier.

I would add any sort of dance, including ballet, at a dance school/studio with a poor environment can wind up being a big regret in hindsight.

I disagree. Competition studios are bad. I was a serious dancer and was a double major in college. The key is choosing the right studio.

Why would you major in dance? What careers are there where you can make a living wage with that degree?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Competitive dance - costumes, makeup, dance moves, etc. Who are they trying to impress? Creeps?

Everyone gets a trophy. The medals and trophies became meaningless after awhile. The awards ceremonies were a joke.

So you want it to be even more competitive?

I think the point is that achievements are meaningless when everyone gets a trophy. Unlike, say, track and field when you are competing for a time or distance, something objective.

Where else can you work with a dance troupe and perform and perfect your routine? Seriously asking. Sometimes the "competition" is the excuse to do that.

But then again, I don't understand all the hand wringing with participation trophy nonsense. if adults simply participated in/executed better eating and exercise routines, we'd be a really healthy nation.

Some dance schools have performance teams/companies that rehearse choreography and then perform periodically throughout the school year in all sorts of different venues (ranging from traditional dance concerts to nursing homes, Christmas tree lightings, local fairs, halftime shows, etc.). These can be a nice alternative to the competition route.

A regular dance studio does not have competitions. They have performances on stage. 100 times better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Competitive dance - costumes, makeup, dance moves, etc. Who are they trying to impress? Creeps?

+1. Competition dance is such a waste. We left and found a lively non-competitive team and we are all so much happier.

I would add any sort of dance, including ballet, at a dance school/studio with a poor environment can wind up being a big regret in hindsight.

I disagree. Competition studios are bad. I was a serious dancer and was a double major in college. The key is choosing the right studio.

Why would you major in dance? What careers are there where you can make a living wage with that degree?

Do you understand what a double major is? I had two majors. I make 200k, thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Competitive dance - costumes, makeup, dance moves, etc. Who are they trying to impress? Creeps?

+1. Competition dance is such a waste. We left and found a lively non-competitive team and we are all so much happier.

I would add any sort of dance, including ballet, at a dance school/studio with a poor environment can wind up being a big regret in hindsight.

I disagree. Competition studios are bad. I was a serious dancer and was a double major in college. The key is choosing the right studio.

Why would you major in dance? What careers are there where you can make a living wage with that degree?

Because I like $$$. I don't think you understand how much dancers *non-ballet) and dance teachers make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ride horses and am waiting for the person who mentioned it to come back and explain why it was cult-like for them. Toxic instructors? That's a thing that definitely happens.

I grew up riding horses and now my daughter rides. I was very surprised to see that listed as a regret on this thread. Yes, it’s costly, there’s no doubt, but it was the most important part of my childhood and teen years. I learned so much about responsibility, kept in shape, fell in love with my horse, kept me out of teenage trouble. I see my daughter falling in love with it now and it’s a great thing for her. It’s really special.

I loved riding when I was growing up, but I also lived in a more rural area where it was more accessible.

I was talking with another dad the other day and it turns out he's from West Texas and essentially said if his kid wanted to ride he'd need to move back home, because it's just too expensive here.

How much does riding cost? I think the items above are great, but wonder about the actual costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ride horses and am waiting for the person who mentioned it to come back and explain why it was cult-like for them. Toxic instructors? That's a thing that definitely happens.

I grew up riding horses and now my daughter rides. I was very surprised to see that listed as a regret on this thread. Yes, it’s costly, there’s no doubt, but it was the most important part of my childhood and teen years. I learned so much about responsibility, kept in shape, fell in love with my horse, kept me out of teenage trouble. I see my daughter falling in love with it now and it’s a great thing for her. It’s really special.

I loved riding when I was growing up, but I also lived in a more rural area where it was more accessible.

I was talking with another dad the other day and it turns out he's from West Texas and essentially said if his kid wanted to ride he'd need to move back home, because it's just too expensive here.

How much does riding cost? I think the items above are great, but wonder about the actual costs.

It really depends what discipline and how far into it you get. My dd competed against kids whose parents literally spent well into the six figures for a horse (sometimes even more) and also spent probably six figures on travel, training and competing nationally. Many even had two or three such horses. That said, if the kid just wants to ride and have fun, not compete at a National level, or not have your own horse, it would not be expensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have multiple kids HS and college aged. Here is my list of what I do not regret and what I regretted.

Do not regret: hip hop competition dance, travel soccer, math competitions/classes, robotics competitions/classes, rock climbing, swim

Regret: theater, chess club/competitions, martial arts

Why theater?

Because of the focus on physical cuteness and appearance, the insane parents (who made the travel soccer parents look mellow and laid back), and the intensity of the rehearsal schedules.

Rehearsal schedules are intense but the rest I don’t agree. Theater is by far the most inclusive and diverse group of people we and our kids interacted with.

Just goes to show maybe the activity isn’t the problem. It’s the organization you happen to pick.

That's been our experience too. I really haven't seen any emphasis on physical cuteness or appearance, and generally parents aren't involved at all. I feel like maybe that poster found a particularly toxic theater program. In general, community theater is an awesome, inclusive group of people of all ages and backgrounds. It's one of the most awesome things about community theater.
Yeah, rehearsal schedules can be super-intense. I like that it's for a clearly defined period of time though, rather than never-ending sports practices that roll from one season into another.

Variable experience for us too. Public school and community theater was lovely. Private seemed to be based on kids with decent skill but whose families were bigger donors - It makes sense that more time was spent on the kids whose families donated more as the program had to keep running.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:baseball. My son likes it but doesn't practice outside of scheduled practices. he is on a rec team and games are long and boring and kids don't get exercise, also games are at different times so hard for family to have a consistent schedule.

Activity I most don't regret (so far) is music. Kids can practice On.Their.Own. in their room without me having to drive them anywhere!!!!! I take them to orchestra rehearsal once a week and private lessons once a week - much less work than baseball and they are getting more out of it (of course for a kid who is good at baseball and works hard at it, I'm sure situation would be different).

Yes about music!! We have the same situation with orchestra and private lessons, and I agree completely! If you have musically inclined kids who don’t mind practicing, music can work out great so far as activities go.

Agree with music as a great activity! Once our child was in high school and committed to his instrument, he did priva lessons almost weekly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ride horses and am waiting for the person who mentioned it to come back and explain why it was cult-like for them. Toxic instructors? That's a thing that definitely happens.

I grew up riding horses and now my daughter rides. I was very surprised to see that listed as a regret on this thread. Yes, it’s costly, there’s no doubt, but it was the most important part of my childhood and teen years. I learned so much about responsibility, kept in shape, fell in love with my horse, kept me out of teenage trouble. I see my daughter falling in love with it now and it’s a great thing for her. It’s really special.

I loved riding when I was growing up, but I also lived in a more rural area where it was more accessible.

I was talking with another dad the other day and it turns out he's from West Texas and essentially said if his kid wanted to ride he'd need to move back home, because it's just too expensive here.

How much does riding cost? I think the items above are great, but wonder about the actual costs.

It really depends what discipline and how far into it you get. My dd competed against kids whose parents literally spent well into the six figures for a horse (sometimes even more) and also spent probably six figures on travel, training and competing nationally. Many even had two or three such horses. That said, if the kid just wants to ride and have fun, not compete at a National level, or not have your own horse, it would not be expensive.

Thanks for the info! The lifelong aspect is appealing.