New observation: Men now want high earning women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s the ‘20s. Men are absolutely looking for high wage earning women. Women have been seeking out men who earn more for century, it should be no surprise that ultimately men we’re going to do the same.


Welcome to the mid but we’re in the mid 20s, ladies!

The big question is whether or not men are now going to do half the childcare, cooking, and housework. Based on my observations it seems like marriage has less and less to offer women, but we shall see.

Many men actually do the majority of the house work, and looking after the kids. This is not new.

Also, it just makes sense to get a nanny for $20 an hour to look after your children while you are at work making much much more and a housekeeper to clean your house for 100 bucks a week. Many women use the argument that they have to take care of the home and the kids as an excuse to not work and capitalize on there early capacity, but they could be making much earn more money and just using daycare.

Hahahaha. Where do you live? The cornfields of Iowa?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a much younger sister in her early thirties and she and nearly all of her friends are SAHM’s to men working good professional jobs. Looking at the housing turnover in my neighborhood this seems to be the case there too. So I’m not sure if your theory is accurate.

I think it also depends where you live but ultimately, the high earning lawyer plus high earning cardiologist will do better overall financially and have the most resources of their kids. In the end, I can see this being the ideal set up.

You think a kid being raised by a big law partner and a busy specialist doctor is the ideal set up? Those people are going to need a backup nanny for the main nanny, so we are gonna have to agree to disagree there.

Maybe to you its not ideal but not everyone has the same priorities as you. These kids will have infinite resources and also the ability to spring into careers that they'd like. I have plenty of people in medical school class who had parents with exact these careers and they are doing well, close with their parents, and have also these career ambitions. They also felt that their parents were able to have flexibility in their schedules as high earners. I think the idea that these careers never see their kids is outdated.

To me infinite resources plus a total lack of parental oversight is just as likely to result in a coke problem as a high achieving kid

Naw. There’s too much peer pressure in their social group for them to end up as a Coke head. Unless of course they experienced some trauma (rape, abuse) growing up.

lol Sure, you're unsupervised rich kid isn't the target demo for rich kid drugs.

Yes, we know. You’re desperate for any excuse to be a “SAHM” to your 16-17yo instead of getting a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has been known for awhile now, especially to those in these circles already. But people on here, seemingly outside the circle, want to delude themselves into some fantasy that the rich successful guy is going to pick the broke barista because she's kind and cute. No, like marries like.

Assortative dating/mating. It's been around for awhile and isn't going anywhere. The people on DCUM who bring up these baristas (why always baristas?) With cute smiles as male preference are not with the times. Those are real outlier situations now.

They watch too many Hallmark movies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men may want all of that but the’ll settle for a nice pair of bewbs.

Nope. Welcome to 2022. Bewbs plus big paycheck required, unless you want to marry a poor dud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh, yes. I think this observation has been being made for a while now.

Note that men want high-earning women, but they still often want a woman who earns slightly less, and they want her to deal with all of the childcare, cooking, and housekeeping responsibilities too. So while more men are looking for women who don't want to be SAHMs, more women are looking for men who want a situation that is more fair. I think more women now want to be SAHMs than my generation did.

Yes, men want both. Having high earning wife is great when they don't have kids. Once kids come, they want the wife to take care of everything. That is why, if you have a high earning husband, they often will give in and support their wives to become a SAHM, because that takes homecare, eldercare, childcare, petcare from their plates. And the rich husbands also support their SAHM wives in outsourcing the menial jobs.

They will pay whatever it takes so that they don't have to do anything other than their office work. Sorry, but, no sorry.

Are you 12?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has been known for awhile now, especially to those in these circles already. But people on here, seemingly outside the circle, want to delude themselves into some fantasy that the rich successful guy is going to pick the broke barista because she's kind and cute. No, like marries like.

Sure, but men are generally way more willing to "date down" than women are -- they tend to care little about professional success (though they might still care about overall pedigree).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed with group of friends that men now are interested in high income women w/ high earning potential vs being with a traditional idea of a woman who wants to stay home while they earn the money. Many of my physician female friends are in high demand and all engaged or married to other physicians, engineers, lawyers, etc, despite working tons of hours and not being "available". If you think about it, this allows for more resources and a better lifestyle than a single income household. One can easily afford a nanny and housekeeper with these dual income professional salaries while still saving for retirement, college, traveling, paying private school, etc so this trumps the SAHM/breadwinner paradigm financially. It also protects against the potential swings of the economy. I grew up hearing that men wanted a "hot" wife that was attractive and available with no though to their earning potential. I think this has changed...

Lol, I love the rationalizing: "Men don't really want hot women anymore! Now what they really value are degrees and my income. Who needs hot sex when you can say your wife went to Johns Hopkins?!"

Nobody's bragging about Hopkins unless they played lacrosse there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One more thing, if a major factor for your DH marrying you was for your education and your earning potential, I am not sure that’s the flex you think it is. In fact, that is rather sad for you.

+1

The old hen incessantly rambling on about what men really want has no idea what she is talking about. Men want women with a good personality and pleasant demeanor, which is something she will never have.

[Anonymous]

My cousin, a good looking surgeon was super picky. He ended up with a pretty doctor from a high profile family. Like marries like.

[Anonymous]

Not sure why you’ve just come to this realization.

It’s called assortative mating and it’s also one of the reasons why inequality has gotten worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My cousin, a good looking surgeon was super picky. He ended up with a pretty doctor from a high profile family. Like marries like.

Ah yes, the one story proving to us the universal truth. Thanks PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure why you’ve just come to this realization.

It’s called assortative mating and it’s also one of the reasons why inequality has gotten worse.

It’s not surgeons marrying baristas. But it might be consultants making 309k marrying a woman with a white collar job in govt or at a nonprofit making 80k. They still are likely have a lot more in common, especially their backgrounds, than a consultant and a retail employee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Uh, yes. I think this observation has been being made for a while now.

Note that men want high-earning women, but they still often want a woman who earns slightly less, and they want her to deal with all of the childcare, cooking, and housekeeping responsibilities too. So while more men are looking for women who don't want to be SAHMs, more women are looking for men who want a situation that is more fair. I think more women now want to be SAHMs than my generation did.

Yes, men want both. Having high earning wife is great when they don't have kids. Once kids come, they want the wife to take care of everything. That is why, if you have a high earning husband, they often will give in and support their wives to become a SAHM, because that takes homecare, eldercare, childcare, petcare from their plates. And the rich husbands also support their SAHM wives in outsourcing the menial jobs.

They will pay whatever it takes so that they don't have to do anything other than their office work. Sorry, but, no sorry.

This. The problems come when they don't earn enough to outsource his share or have the mom stay home. I've seen this over and over. The happiest couples seem to be the high earner husband with the SAHM. Anything else sucks for either the wife or the kids. Or both. I wish I understood this 20 years ago.

NP. This hasn’t been my experience at all. My kids are almost grown and I would say the happiest and longest-lasting couples/families were the ones where both parents worked steady but not overwhelming jobs. They tended to be the most equitable marriages, with what looks like true deep affection between them. They may not have had the wealth of other couples, and the baby years were hard and draining, but they are by far the happiest group once the kids reach age seven or so going forward. Nothing is more valuable than time together, and that group has the most of it together as a family.

The high earner husband/SAHM marriages are more polarized. Sometimes they are happy. But often, there is a grim and bitter power dynamic that grows as the couple ages. Plus, from what I’ve seen there are more affairs in that group (on both sides).

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a much younger sister in her early thirties and she and nearly all of her friends are SAHM’s to men working good professional jobs. Looking at the housing turnover in my neighborhood this seems to be the case there too. So I’m not sure if your theory is accurate.

+1. A man making really good money doesn't care if his wife makes money. He is looking for a woman who will be a great mother to his children and build a legacy. A tale as old as time.

The lies are real in this comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s the ‘20s. Men are absolutely looking for high wage earning women. Women have been seeking out men who earn more for century, it should be no surprise that ultimately men we’re going to do the same.


Welcome to the mid but we’re in the mid 20s, ladies!

The big question is whether or not men are now going to do half the childcare, cooking, and housework. Based on my observations it seems like marriage has less and less to offer women, but we shall see.

Many men actually do the majority of the house work, and looking after the kids. This is not new.

Also, it just makes sense to get a nanny for $20 an hour to look after your children while you are at work making much much more and a housekeeper to clean your house for 100 bucks a week. Many women use the argument that they have to take care of the home and the kids as an excuse to not work and capitalize on there early capacity, but they could be making much earn more money and just using daycare.

“Just using daycare”. I wanted to actually be with my children. *I* want to raise them, not outsource that. It’s not always about money. I couldn’t bare leaving them to go to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s the ‘20s. Men are absolutely looking for high wage earning women. Women have been seeking out men who earn more for century, it should be no surprise that ultimately men we’re going to do the same.


Welcome to the mid but we’re in the mid 20s, ladies!

The big question is whether or not men are now going to do half the childcare, cooking, and housework. Based on my observations it seems like marriage has less and less to offer women, but we shall see.

Many men actually do the majority of the house work, and looking after the kids. This is not new.

Also, it just makes sense to get a nanny for $20 an hour to look after your children while you are at work making much much more and a housekeeper to clean your house for 100 bucks a week. Many women use the argument that they have to take care of the home and the kids as an excuse to not work and capitalize on there early capacity, but they could be making much earn more money and just using daycare.

“Just using daycare”. I wanted to actually be with my children. *I* want to raise them, not outsource that. It’s not always about money. I couldn’t bare leaving them to go to work.

You are not that smart. It’s “bear.”