Why American teens are so sad - four main takeaways

[Anonymous]

I grew up UMC and the main cause of my unhappiness was parental involvement. They wouldn’t leave me alone. My mom was a SAHM who made parenting me her main job and focus in life. It was crushing and I feel as though I was practically harassed. Completely unhealthy and only possible because of wealth and time that allowed her to focus so much on unimportant details of a child’s life.

I live in an affluent community and notice the same thing going on. I’m probably considered a bad mom because I don’t belong to the PTA and go away for the weekend without kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Best thing I did was send my daughter to a private school that does not allow cell phones.

They have limited computer time as well


I have heard parents rationalize kids have to have cell phones for school shootings. Just wow

Curious as to how old your daugther is? A boy in my kid's class that did not get a phone until high school is now on every bad site out there.

What does that have to do with anything? You don’t think staring at a screen all day from K-12th has repercussions? So the boy is on all the “bad sites” at age 15 instead of 8? How is that a bad thing? LOL

Not the PP, but my daughter’s school they must be locked in the lockers. If seen (not even being used) they get AM detention, meaning the parents have to drive them in an hour before school starts. It works amazingly well.

Which school is this? My child will be heading to middle school soon, and we want one that is strict on enforcing the no phones during the day. Hard to find. It’s the one thing I don’t like about our current k-8 and am thinking of using 6th to move for this reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, the teen birth rate is at a record low, re: teens moving in a positive direction.

Hmm also likely means less sex and relationships which may be contributing to sadness

By relationships do you only mean dating? I personally prefer that my child not date or be sexually active as a teen. I can’t prevent it of course, but I would prefer that.

No dating at all?

I said “prefer.” Of course they will likely date and I won’t be a roadblock to that. But I’d still prefer if they didn’t in high school.

Don't do this. You want your child's first experiences dating to be in your home, under your watch. My parents didn't let me date and I got to college fairly clueless about relationships and dating and how to navigate them and all the freedom that comes with college. I think if I had been able to test the waters in a controlled and safe environment while at home with my parents who could also guide me, I would have been better prepared for or might even have avoided some of the emotional and other situations I encountered in college.

I’m not really sure what “navigating” you expect to be doing if they date in high school, but it will likely be setting a curfew and that’s it. I dated in high school and pretty much never asked my parents about anything regarding my relationship.

[Anonymous]

It’s 99% social media. The other explanations only contribute slightly.

[Anonymous]

Lack of third spaces for kids to gather. When I was a teen, we all hung out at the park, the arcade, the mall, or the local diner. Now teens get chased out of those places. Kids out in public alone are regarded with suspicion. Cops hassle them for loitering. In our small town, there’s constant tension over MS and HS kids walking into town on early release days and going into the convenience store, the drugstore, and the coffee shop.

Granted, the kids aren’t the best about watching out for traffic, and there have been issues with shoplifting, rude behavior, etc., but it’s so important for them to have those spaces to congregate. At some point, they need to learn how to be out in the community without adult supervision.

Even going to each other’s houses is complicated, at least before they get their driver’s licenses. When we were kids, we could spontaneously hop on the bus with a friend after school and then walk home or get picked up. These days, play dates have to be negotiated days in advance and agreed on by mutual treaty with parents.

[Anonymous]

It all funnels back to phones/computers/social media.

1) they aren’t interacting bc of these things.
They would rather be on phone/computer

2) public parks are empty bc kids are at home on computers

3) parents are forced to be over involved and over parent, because if they didn’t, teens would be on their computer/phone all day long. Parents have to schedule things in order to get them off computer/phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It all funnels back to phones/computers/social media.

1) they aren’t interacting bc of these things.
They would rather be on phone/computer

2) public parks are empty bc kids are at home on computers

3) parents are forced to be over involved and over parent, because if they didn’t, teens would be on their computer/phone all day long. Parents have to schedule things in order to get them off computer/phone.

I only feel overinvolved academically, and I don't want to be. My kids in the 80s would have gotten into Ivies. Now they have so much pressure to just get into a random college. Even our state flagship is too hard to get into.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lack of third spaces for kids to gather. When I was a teen, we all hung out at the park, the arcade, the mall, or the local diner. Now teens get chased out of those places. Kids out in public alone are regarded with suspicion. Cops hassle them for loitering. In our small town, there’s constant tension over MS and HS kids walking into town on early release days and going into the convenience store, the drugstore, and the coffee shop.

Granted, the kids aren’t the best about watching out for traffic, and there have been issues with shoplifting, rude behavior, etc., but it’s so important for them to have those spaces to congregate. At some point, they need to learn how to be out in the community without adult supervision.

Even going to each other’s houses is complicated, at least before they get their driver’s licenses. When we were kids, we could spontaneously hop on the bus with a friend after school and then walk home or get picked up. These days, play dates have to be negotiated days in advance and agreed on by mutual treaty with parents.

I think this might be an UMC thing. My kids do all those things (mall, park, cheapo local golf course, athletic field, stores, movies...) all the time and it's not been an issue. It helps that most kids do drive at 16 which I read is not a thing a lot of places anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It all funnels back to phones/computers/social media.

1) they aren’t interacting bc of these things.
They would rather be on phone/computer

2) public parks are empty bc kids are at home on computers

3) parents are forced to be over involved and over parent, because if they didn’t, teens would be on their computer/phone all day long. Parents have to schedule things in order to get them off computer/phone.

Which ultimately boils down to

1) we know these devices and apps are addictive, but we as parents gave them to our kids anyway, and

2) we don’t really trust our kids to make good decisions for themselves and we are terrified of them having to face actual consequences (probably because we fear it will just reflect poorly on us?).

So they have no sense of agency, gobs of entitlement and devices in their hands that are designed to prey on their deepest insecurities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It all funnels back to phones/computers/social media.

1) they aren’t interacting bc of these things.
They would rather be on phone/computer

2) public parks are empty bc kids are at home on computers

3) parents are forced to be over involved and over parent, because if they didn’t, teens would be on their computer/phone all day long. Parents have to schedule things in order to get them off computer/phone.

Which ultimately boils down to

1) we know these devices and apps are addictive, but we as parents gave them to our kids anyway, and

2) we don’t really trust our kids to make good decisions for themselves and we are terrified of them having to face actual consequences (probably because we fear it will just reflect poorly on us?).

So they have no sense of agency, gobs of entitlement and devices in their hands that are designed to prey on their deepest insecurities.

Most teens are incapable of setting heathy limits with their devices. Same as most adults, to be honest.

Devices and computers are here to stay. Having your kid being the only teenager without one isn’t the solution.

[Anonymous]

I really do think delaying phones as long as possible would help. I understand parents need to know where their kids are, so a watch or a dumb phone would fill that role.

[Anonymous]

A lot of parents are as crazy and vain as teenagers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It all funnels back to phones/computers/social media.

1) they aren’t interacting bc of these things.
They would rather be on phone/computer

2) public parks are empty bc kids are at home on computers

3) parents are forced to be over involved and over parent, because if they didn’t, teens would be on their computer/phone all day long. Parents have to schedule things in order to get them off computer/phone.

Which ultimately boils down to

1) we know these devices and apps are addictive, but we as parents gave them to our kids anyway, and

2) we don’t really trust our kids to make good decisions for themselves and we are terrified of them having to face actual consequences (probably because we fear it will just reflect poorly on us?).

So they have no sense of agency, gobs of entitlement and devices in their hands that are designed to prey on their deepest insecurities.

Most teens are incapable of setting heathy limits with their devices. Same as most adults, to be honest.

Devices and computers are here to stay. Having your kid being the only teenager without one isn’t the solution.

So you agree with #1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lack of third spaces for kids to gather. When I was a teen, we all hung out at the park, the arcade, the mall, or the local diner. Now teens get chased out of those places. Kids out in public alone are regarded with suspicion. Cops hassle them for loitering. In our small town, there’s constant tension over MS and HS kids walking into town on early release days and going into the convenience store, the drugstore, and the coffee shop.

Granted, the kids aren’t the best about watching out for traffic, and there have been issues with shoplifting, rude behavior, etc., but it’s so important for them to have those spaces to congregate. At some point, they need to learn how to be out in the community without adult supervision.

Even going to each other’s houses is complicated, at least before they get their driver’s licenses. When we were kids, we could spontaneously hop on the bus with a friend after school and then walk home or get picked up. These days, play dates have to be negotiated days in advance and agreed on by mutual treaty with parents.

Maybe they don’t want teens or kids free roaming because parents don’t care about their behavior. And, no one wants your kids just showing up to have to feed and care for them because you don’t want to. Invite them to your house and supervise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. This is controversial but I think part of the issue has been the multigenerational lack of large families, meaning that kids don’t have large extended families. There is nothing quite like close cousin relationships especially if they are lucky to be geographically near each other. And siblings may fight like rabid puppies between themselves but they often back each other up outside of the house. I think part of the distress is the breakdown of essentially family clans, something we literally evolved with.

+1

This theory is dumb. You can have close friends that are just as close or closer than family.