get over name brand / prestige obsession

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid ignored the rankings and went to a CTCL college. It was the best decision ever for confidence building and nurturing interest in a field.

Did your kid really "ignore" the rankings, or did your kid select a CTCL school because s/he couldn't get into a highly ranked school and/or because s/he was offered a lot of merit aid?

I am not the PP, but this questions keeps coming up. It is like the status-driven just cannot believe that others don't share their world view.

MY CHILD TURNED DOWN six other higher ranked schools, all of which offered merit aid, because she preferred a CTCL. You don't get it. I understand. But for God's sake, let people who choose differently go about their business unharassed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid ignored the rankings and went to a CTCL college. It was the best decision ever for confidence building and nurturing interest in a field.

Did your kid really "ignore" the rankings, or did your kid select a CTCL school because s/he couldn't get into a highly ranked school and/or because s/he was offered a lot of merit aid?

I am not the PP, but this questions keeps coming up. It is like the status-driven just cannot believe that others don't share their world view.

MY CHILD TURNED DOWN six other higher ranked schools, all of which offered merit aid, because she preferred a CTCL. You don't get it. I understand. But for God's sake, let people who choose differently go about their business unharassed.

aren't you harassing others who prefer higher ranked schools? who cares what your child chose to do with college.

[Anonymous]

Did your kid really "ignore" the rankings, or did your kid select a CTCL school because s/he couldn't get into a highly ranked school and/or because s/he was offered a lot of merit aid?

aren't you harassing others who prefer higher ranked schools? who cares what your child chose to do with college.

New poster. Can we keep the conversation helpful and civil? We are all trying to learn from each other here. I just don't feel like comments like the ones above ^^ help advance the conversation in any productive way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am telling my kids to steer clear of people who care about where you went to school or what job you have. Find people who care about work ethic, creativity, kindness, and growth as a human. They'll be fine and I'm guessing less stressed than people who put their self worth on whether they got a certain degree or make a certain amount of money.

I was not offered a job b/c the boss didn't feel comfortable offering it to someone who attended a LAC she had never heard of even though I had more direct experience than the person hired for the post. I was subsequently offered a job in another division and the person who was hired for the other role told me what her boss said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I graduated from college 30 years ago, yet my college still matters to some people. It irks me because it's so unimportant and irrelevant to my life now, but people still care where you went to college!! I can't understand why those 4 years matter so much??!! But they do.

Good friend as well as SIL both graduated from highly regarded LACs over 35 years ago and they wield it as the most important achievement in their lives. SIL clearly thinks I am substandard as a no-name LAC grad even though I met DH - her brother - when in grad school @ an Ivy.

Both the friend and SIL have had some degree of career success, yet still cleave onto the alma mater.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid ignored the rankings and went to a CTCL college. It was the best decision ever for confidence building and nurturing interest in a field.

Did your kid really "ignore" the rankings, or did your kid select a CTCL school because s/he couldn't get into a highly ranked school and/or because s/he was offered a lot of merit aid?

I am not the PP, but this questions keeps coming up. It is like the status-driven just cannot believe that others don't share their world view.

MY CHILD TURNED DOWN six other higher ranked schools, all of which offered merit aid, because she preferred a CTCL. You don't get it. I understand. But for God's sake, let people who choose differently go about their business unharassed.

aren't you harassing others who prefer higher ranked schools? who cares what your child chose to do with college.

The person who posted this cares:

<<Did your kid really "ignore" the rankings, or did your kid select a CTCL school because s/he couldn't get into a highly ranked school and/or because s/he was offered a lot of merit aid?>>

You don't know the constant anti-CTCL poster who stalks this site. It gets old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am telling my kids to steer clear of people who care about where you went to school or what job you have. Find people who care about work ethic, creativity, kindness, and growth as a human. They'll be fine and I'm guessing less stressed than people who put their self worth on whether they got a certain degree or make a certain amount of money.

I was not offered a job b/c the boss didn't feel comfortable offering it to someone who attended a LAC she had never heard of even though I had more direct experience than the person hired for the post. I was subsequently offered a job in another division and the person who was hired for the other role told me what her boss said.

There are, of course, some people like this (refer to DCUM). But they are not necessarily the majority, nor do they come across as confident, well adjusted colleagues.

[Anonymous]

what is a ctcl

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking back, one of my biggest regrets/missteps as a parent was putting way too much pressure on my kids to excel in school with the goal of getting into top colleges. The pressure worked, and they did do well and go "name brand," but fast forward a few years and it really didn't make much of a difference. They're all happy and successful, but so are their friends who didn't do as well as they did and didn't end up at top schools. Time is proving to be the great equalizer.

Just something for parents to keep in mind when they're still in the midst of things. I realize I'm probably preaching to the wrong crowd.

You are preaching to the wrong crowd because there are plenty of folks here who DID attend the top schools and know first hand the myriad advantages to having done so.

Also as you have clearly not attended a top school yourself, your children are also less likely to do so because the apple does not fall far from the tree. Despite the occasional genius outlier, it ain't happening for you regardless of the pressure you did or did not put on your kids.

Now stop wasting everyone's time and go away.

+1

It can (not does, but can) matter a lot from a networking perspective - for jobs, fundraising, even knowledge sharing. I'm in the middle of starting a company at age 37 and the incredible advice and pledged capital from the network of my "top" undergrad is far, far surpassing the support my co-founder is receiving from his lower ranked university. I also met my high-earner wife through a mutual friend thanks to said network, and she's able to support us fully while I pursue starting my company.

This is more specific to my own circumstance, and one's school choice has 100% *no* impact on general happiness. But there are nuanced and powerful differences that you might not fully appreciate, or even be aware of yet, with kids who are only a few years out - and depending on how life unfolds!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These posts that say you just HAVE to go to a top school because that’s where the I-banks and consulting companies and corporate law firms recruit are really cracking me up.

Raise your hand if, like me, you would be terribly disappointed if your child became one of those things.

+1.

+1.

+10000

I say this as a former investment banker on Wall Street. I think anyone who aspires to that for their kids is all sorts of f*cked up.

Sure, but it's understandable for parents to not want doors to close on their kids if there is a career path they want to explore. And it's not just consulting firms or banks that tier recruiting.

An anecdotal aside, but I was an investment banker after business school and it was really fun. I learned a ton, got to travel 1-2x / month, had incredible direct exposure to C-Suite execs from all over the country, honed my analytical skills, made a lot of money to build a small $ cushion to allow for flexibility later, and met my husband. I miss it at times, but the hours didn't work with the type of family life I wanted. I wouldn't be too upset, though, if my kid wanted to work in finance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:what is a ctcl

https://ctcl.org/category/college-profiles/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking back, one of my biggest regrets/missteps as a parent was putting way too much pressure on my kids to excel in school with the goal of getting into top colleges. The pressure worked, and they did do well and go "name brand," but fast forward a few years and it really didn't make much of a difference. They're all happy and successful, but so are their friends who didn't do as well as they did and didn't end up at top schools. Time is proving to be the great equalizer.

Just something for parents to keep in mind when they're still in the midst of things. I realize I'm probably preaching to the wrong crowd.

You are preaching to the wrong crowd because there are plenty of folks here who DID attend the top schools and know first hand the myriad advantages to having done so.

Also as you have clearly not attended a top school yourself, your children are also less likely to do so because the apple does not fall far from the tree. Despite the occasional genius outlier, it ain't happening for you regardless of the pressure you did or did not put on your kids.

Now stop wasting everyone's time and go away.

But I just don't look around at my friends and value them based upon whether they are "high earners" who can bankroll my business ideas.

It sounds like you see dollar signs over everyone's heads when you met them. Even your wife.

It can (not does, but can) matter a lot from a networking perspective - for jobs, fundraising, even knowledge sharing. I'm in the middle of starting a company at age 37 and the incredible advice and pledged capital from the network of my "top" undergrad is far, far surpassing the support my co-founder is receiving from his lower ranked university. I also met my high-earner wife through a mutual friend thanks to said network, and she's able to support us fully while I pursue starting my company.

This is more specific to my own circumstance, and one's school choice has 100% *no* impact on general happiness. But there are nuanced and powerful differences that you might not fully appreciate, or even be aware of yet, with kids who are only a few years out - and depending on how life unfolds!

[Anonymous]

But I just don't look around at my friends and value them based upon whether they are "high earners" who can bankroll my business ideas.

It sounds like you see dollar signs over everyone's heads when you met them. Even your wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking back, one of my biggest regrets/missteps as a parent was putting way too much pressure on my kids to excel in school with the goal of getting into top colleges. The pressure worked, and they did do well and go "name brand," but fast forward a few years and it really didn't make much of a difference. They're all happy and successful, but so are their friends who didn't do as well as they did and didn't end up at top schools. Time is proving to be the great equalizer.

Just something for parents to keep in mind when they're still in the midst of things. I realize I'm probably preaching to the wrong crowd.

Yep. Smart motivated kids are fine no matter where they go. Parents are obsessed with elite colleges because of the "elite" dating pool. Nobody wants to admit that but it's the truth. It's just human nature. You don't want your daughter falling for some frat boy idiot who takes 5 years to graduate with a communications degree. You want your daughter at an Ivy and falling for some rich well-mannered super motivated pre-med or Wall Street boy.

That said, the top end of the dating pool at state flagships is just an impressive as the overall pool at an elite college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking back, one of my biggest regrets/missteps as a parent was putting way too much pressure on my kids to excel in school with the goal of getting into top colleges. The pressure worked, and they did do well and go "name brand," but fast forward a few years and it really didn't make much of a difference. They're all happy and successful, but so are their friends who didn't do as well as they did and didn't end up at top schools. Time is proving to be the great equalizer.

Just something for parents to keep in mind when they're still in the midst of things. I realize I'm probably preaching to the wrong crowd.

Yep. Smart motivated kids are fine no matter where they go. Parents are obsessed with elite colleges because of the "elite" dating pool. Nobody wants to admit that but it's the truth. It's just human nature. You don't want your daughter falling for some frat boy idiot who takes 5 years to graduate with a communications degree. You want your daughter at an Ivy and falling for some rich well-mannered super motivated pre-med or Wall Street boy.

That said, the top end of the dating pool at state flagships is just an impressive as the overall pool at an elite college.

I didn’t think this thread could get any dumber. Way to go DCUM!