Can we talk about parents buying their adult children luxury homes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look at it this way should parents buy it when they are alive and healthy or should they let their children inherit the money when they die either way the children will have the means to purchase property at that price. I am a teacher and the only reason I could buy property is from money passed down from the sale of a house from my grandparents and father who died. If I did not get the money I would be living in a apartment for much longer and now I can make sure my children are home owners also. I am a POC so not much generational
wealth in my family but it’s a start! [/quote

Just FYI: Being a POC doesn’t necessarily mean your family doesn’t have generational wealth. There are tons of rich families of color, and there are actually more poor white Americans than any other race.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think this is a "trend" per se, it's just parents giving their children what they can afford. In your instance, you are hanging out with people whose parents can afford to help with $800+ homes.

This is very common in other parts of the world. The childhood home I grew up in (not here) was given to my dad by his parents.
My DC are preschoolers now, but when the time comes, if I can afford to do it, I will absolutely help with housing.

Sure, I think it's one thing to help with housing, it's another to put them in a home they would never get close to be able to afford. Forgetting even just the principle and interest on these mortgages the property taxes and maintenance alone on these houses would take a chunk out of their salary. There is also the matter of what others in their circle think or know of them. I feel like this is almost a face saving or vanity measure for the parents. Yeah my kid only makes 55K but if I put them in a 800K house nobody will think that, they'll think they're "winners" just like me.

You don't know how much these parents chipped in. When we sold our last house, the parent of one of the buyers chipped in $500,000 in cash. That made the mortgage work for their income level with what balance was left over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would 100 percent buy my child a nice home if I could. Who wouldn't want to create intergenerational wealth for their child or grandchild.

What I find bizzare, however, are people who lead others to believe they are Neiman Marcus achievers when really they earn a Macy's living and got an inheritance or financial help from parents or whatever. Or they behave same but instead of money from parents, they consume as much free stuff as possible and sell lots of used items for under $10 for cash on FB.

Yeah I have known lots of people like this. They don’t really let anyone know about the hundreds of thousands of dollars they get from their family. Instead they represent themselves as great financial successes.

I don’t really think this is true, it’s more that when do you bring up an inheritance? You have to be pretty close to someone to tell them about your finances. Unless they lie about their job, it’s not misrepresenting anything.

If you know someone’s job and it doesn’t seem to match their spending or whatever, you can assume either they inherited it, they hit big on some investment (I have an uncle who’s rich just from his Apple stock), or they got some kind of settlement from an accident or something else bad. But they wouldn’t tell you about any of those unless you were pretty close.

No. Not everyone is super tight-lipped. I have had plenty of acquaintances and coworkers who have mentioned how fortunate they were that they were able to spend money on x, y, or z because of a gift or inheritance. Some people view it as something that is better hidden or kept quiet, but other people don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would 100 percent buy my child a nice home if I could. Who wouldn't want to create intergenerational wealth for their child or grandchild.

What I find bizzare, however, are people who lead others to believe they are Neiman Marcus achievers when really they earn a Macy's living and got an inheritance or financial help from parents or whatever. Or they behave same but instead of money from parents, they consume as much free stuff as possible and sell lots of used items for under $10 for cash on FB.

Yeah I have known lots of people like this. They don’t really let anyone know about the hundreds of thousands of dollars they get from their family. Instead they represent themselves as great financial successes.

When you guys say these people represent themselves in a certain way, what do you mean? Like how does it even come up?

The people who brag at school pick up about spending the summer at "our summer house" when it is really their parents. I could never figure out why my husband and I were such losers that we worked full time at good jobs and could barely afford a weekly rental andall these stay at home moms could afford nannies and owned summer houses.

Vast majority of Americans today have NO ancestors that were in America 100 years ago.merely being in the US in order to buy cheap property, etc 100 years ago is a form of privilege that most of us don't have. How foolish of my in laws not to have had the foresight to "buy a little cabin" while they were in a refugee camp.

Many summer houses are passed through families; especially those from new england/upper midwest. Great grandpa bought a cabin 120 years ago. Family has been slowly upgrading it over the years. The original house was a shack with a separate outhouse.

Agree with the bolded. Being gifted huge assets from your parents is an enormous unearned privilege that puts the rest of us at a tremendous disadvantage. But it’s the type of privilege wealthy families don’t like to talk about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many jealous people on here, starting with OP. My parents have nothing and won't be leaving us anything. But my husband and I have been smart with saving and investing and now own three homes. That is our "nest egg" for leaving to our children and I fully intend to help them when and if they need it and we can afford to.

That wasn’t her point. It’s the adult kids who get handouts but still look down at her for her place in life and pretend like they made it themselves. Give your kids money, but I hope they don’t pretend like they earned it or begrudge those who have to scrape out their own livings. It’s the façade that gets me!

That point is irrelevant. Anyone who begrudges or looks down on another human being for their position in life is garbage, regardless of how they achieved their own position. Earning your money completely with zero help doesn’t give you the right to look down on others and get a pass from being a garbage individual. Hence why OP comes across as pretty much garbage himself / herself.

The anger here is unbelievable. I’m guessing most of you are not self made but probably like to present yourself as such and this struck a nerve.

I just don't understand this. How on earth would I "present myself" as self-made? If you know my job and where I live, you know the story. Or at least that I had some windfall. If you know my parents, you know even more! I just don't think this "pretending to be self-made" thing exists except in your head. I'm sure there are a lot of people who are your acquaintance who don't immediately explain their finances to you, but that's not at all the same thing. This is a thing you're making up.

+1 - what does this even mean?

I'm a NP who got 400k from her parents towards a 1.2M house. Our house without the help is more than we could comfortably afford but is within reach on our HHI with a bit of stretch... so I don't know what "pretending to be self made" would look like. Is the other PP suggesting I disclose our finances to anyone who sees our house? I don't lie about it, my close friends know that my parents helped us, but I don't talk about money with people who are not close friends (or anon on DCUM!). Period. I'd say we are somewhere in between getting it given to us and being self made - DH and I are products of a lot of intergenerational and systemic privilege, and we also work our tails off to have a nice life.

Anecdotally, many of my friends are in similar situations. Mid 30s, two professionals making 250k+ (in some cases much more), parents helped with downpayment to make life a little easier. We're still paying off a decently-sized mortgage... so we made something ourselves.

[Anonymous]

OP what if I got a t-shirt that detailed my grandfather’s estate? Would that help? I could wear it to school drop off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many jealous people on here, starting with OP. My parents have nothing and won't be leaving us anything. But my husband and I have been smart with saving and investing and now own three homes. That is our "nest egg" for leaving to our children and I fully intend to help them when and if they need it and we can afford to.

That wasn’t her point. It’s the adult kids who get handouts but still look down at her for her place in life and pretend like they made it themselves. Give your kids money, but I hope they don’t pretend like they earned it or begrudge those who have to scrape out their own livings. It’s the façade that gets me!

That point is irrelevant. Anyone who begrudges or looks down on another human being for their position in life is garbage, regardless of how they achieved their own position. Earning your money completely with zero help doesn’t give you the right to look down on others and get a pass from being a garbage individual. Hence why OP comes across as pretty much garbage himself / herself.

The anger here is unbelievable. I’m guessing most of you are not self made but probably like to present yourself as such and this struck a nerve.

I just don't understand this. How on earth would I "present myself" as self-made? If you know my job and where I live, you know the story. Or at least that I had some windfall. If you know my parents, you know even more! I just don't think this "pretending to be self-made" thing exists except in your head. I'm sure there are a lot of people who are your acquaintance who don't immediately explain their finances to you, but that's not at all the same thing. This is a thing you're making up.

+1 - what does this even mean?

I'm a NP who got 400k from her parents towards a 1.2M house. Our house without the help is more than we could comfortably afford but is within reach on our HHI with a bit of stretch... so I don't know what "pretending to be self made" would look like. Is the other PP suggesting I disclose our finances to anyone who sees our house? I don't lie about it, my close friends know that my parents helped us, but I don't talk about money with people who are not close friends (or anon on DCUM!). Period. I'd say we are somewhere in between getting it given to us and being self made - DH and I are products of a lot of intergenerational and systemic privilege, and we also work our tails off to have a nice life.

Anecdotally, many of my friends are in similar situations. Mid 30s, two professionals making 250k+ (in some cases much more), parents helped with downpayment to make life a little easier. We're still paying off a decently-sized mortgage... so we made something ourselves.

I was totally with you until you decided that hard work means you “earned it.” Hard work is almost irrelevant. Being a dishwasher is hard, hard work but it doesn’t get you squat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many jealous people on here, starting with OP. My parents have nothing and won't be leaving us anything. But my husband and I have been smart with saving and investing and now own three homes. That is our "nest egg" for leaving to our children and I fully intend to help them when and if they need it and we can afford to.

That wasn’t her point. It’s the adult kids who get handouts but still look down at her for her place in life and pretend like they made it themselves. Give your kids money, but I hope they don’t pretend like they earned it or begrudge those who have to scrape out their own livings. It’s the façade that gets me!

That point is irrelevant. Anyone who begrudges or looks down on another human being for their position in life is garbage, regardless of how they achieved their own position. Earning your money completely with zero help doesn’t give you the right to look down on others and get a pass from being a garbage individual. Hence why OP comes across as pretty much garbage himself / herself.

The anger here is unbelievable. I’m guessing most of you are not self made but probably like to present yourself as such and this struck a nerve.

I just don't understand this. How on earth would I "present myself" as self-made? If you know my job and where I live, you know the story. Or at least that I had some windfall. If you know my parents, you know even more! I just don't think this "pretending to be self-made" thing exists except in your head. I'm sure there are a lot of people who are your acquaintance who don't immediately explain their finances to you, but that's not at all the same thing. This is a thing you're making up.

+1 - what does this even mean?

I'm a NP who got 400k from her parents towards a 1.2M house. Our house without the help is more than we could comfortably afford but is within reach on our HHI with a bit of stretch... so I don't know what "pretending to be self made" would look like. Is the other PP suggesting I disclose our finances to anyone who sees our house? I don't lie about it, my close friends know that my parents helped us, but I don't talk about money with people who are not close friends (or anon on DCUM!). Period. I'd say we are somewhere in between getting it given to us and being self made - DH and I are products of a lot of intergenerational and systemic privilege, and we also work our tails off to have a nice life.

Anecdotally, many of my friends are in similar situations. Mid 30s, two professionals making 250k+ (in some cases much more), parents helped with downpayment to make life a little easier. We're still paying off a decently-sized mortgage... so we made something ourselves.

Just a “little gift” of 400K? JFC. My husband and I are just like you -late 30s, 2 kids, HHI 240, except no one has given us squat. It’s taken us 15 years to save our $200K down payment for our first family home (and pay off 100K of student loans) which we now cannot buy because of the insanity of this market. The fact that you would say nearly half a million dollars has only made life “a little” easier shows just how ignorant and tone deaf you are to your good fortune. You are not self made, not for a heart beat. Anyone who can literally dismiss what it takes to save 400K doesn’t deserve to have received that incredible
sum of money. I bet you also got out of college debt free as well. Go enjoy your McMansion, Karen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many jealous people on here, starting with OP. My parents have nothing and won't be leaving us anything. But my husband and I have been smart with saving and investing and now own three homes. That is our "nest egg" for leaving to our children and I fully intend to help them when and if they need it and we can afford to.

That wasn’t her point. It’s the adult kids who get handouts but still look down at her for her place in life and pretend like they made it themselves. Give your kids money, but I hope they don’t pretend like they earned it or begrudge those who have to scrape out their own livings. It’s the façade that gets me!

That point is irrelevant. Anyone who begrudges or looks down on another human being for their position in life is garbage, regardless of how they achieved their own position. Earning your money completely with zero help doesn’t give you the right to look down on others and get a pass from being a garbage individual. Hence why OP comes across as pretty much garbage himself / herself.

The anger here is unbelievable. I’m guessing most of you are not self made but probably like to present yourself as such and this struck a nerve.

I just don't understand this. How on earth would I "present myself" as self-made? If you know my job and where I live, you know the story. Or at least that I had some windfall. If you know my parents, you know even more! I just don't think this "pretending to be self-made" thing exists except in your head. I'm sure there are a lot of people who are your acquaintance who don't immediately explain their finances to you, but that's not at all the same thing. This is a thing you're making up.

+1 - what does this even mean?

I'm a NP who got 400k from her parents towards a 1.2M house. Our house without the help is more than we could comfortably afford but is within reach on our HHI with a bit of stretch... so I don't know what "pretending to be self made" would look like. Is the other PP suggesting I disclose our finances to anyone who sees our house? I don't lie about it, my close friends know that my parents helped us, but I don't talk about money with people who are not close friends (or anon on DCUM!). Period. I'd say we are somewhere in between getting it given to us and being self made - DH and I are products of a lot of intergenerational and systemic privilege, and we also work our tails off to have a nice life.

Anecdotally, many of my friends are in similar situations. Mid 30s, two professionals making 250k+ (in some cases much more), parents helped with downpayment to make life a little easier. We're still paying off a decently-sized mortgage... so we made something ourselves.

Just a “little gift” of 400K? JFC. My husband and I are just like you -late 30s, 2 kids, HHI 240, except no one has given us squat. It’s taken us 15 years to save our $200K down payment for our first family home (and pay off 100K of student loans) which we now cannot buy because of the insanity of this market. The fact that you would say nearly half a million dollars has only made life “a little” easier shows just how ignorant and tone deaf you are to your good fortune. You are not self made, not for a heart beat. Anyone who can literally dismiss what it takes to save 400K doesn’t deserve to have received that incredible
sum of money. I bet you also got out of college debt free as well. Go enjoy your McMansion, Karen.

Such an angry, pathetic woman. Lamenting the fact that you’re not more privileged when in fact you are white and college educated and benefited from all of the privilege that this has conferred to you. Meanwhile black folks such as me, my family, and many of my friends not only have zero generational wealth, but we have to worry about being killed by the police on a daily basis and being discriminated against every time we turn around. How ironic of you to bring up being “tone deaf”, when your privileged white complaining about other white people being more privileged than you completely ignores the millions of minorities who would kill to be in your position. Pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many jealous people on here, starting with OP. My parents have nothing and won't be leaving us anything. But my husband and I have been smart with saving and investing and now own three homes. That is our "nest egg" for leaving to our children and I fully intend to help them when and if they need it and we can afford to.

That wasn’t her point. It’s the adult kids who get handouts but still look down at her for her place in life and pretend like they made it themselves. Give your kids money, but I hope they don’t pretend like they earned it or begrudge those who have to scrape out their own livings. It’s the façade that gets me!

That point is irrelevant. Anyone who begrudges or looks down on another human being for their position in life is garbage, regardless of how they achieved their own position. Earning your money completely with zero help doesn’t give you the right to look down on others and get a pass from being a garbage individual. Hence why OP comes across as pretty much garbage himself / herself.

The anger here is unbelievable. I’m guessing most of you are not self made but probably like to present yourself as such and this struck a nerve.

I just don't understand this. How on earth would I "present myself" as self-made? If you know my job and where I live, you know the story. Or at least that I had some windfall. If you know my parents, you know even more! I just don't think this "pretending to be self-made" thing exists except in your head. I'm sure there are a lot of people who are your acquaintance who don't immediately explain their finances to you, but that's not at all the same thing. This is a thing you're making up.

+1 - what does this even mean?

I'm a NP who got 400k from her parents towards a 1.2M house. Our house without the help is more than we could comfortably afford but is within reach on our HHI with a bit of stretch... so I don't know what "pretending to be self made" would look like. Is the other PP suggesting I disclose our finances to anyone who sees our house? I don't lie about it, my close friends know that my parents helped us, but I don't talk about money with people who are not close friends (or anon on DCUM!). Period. I'd say we are somewhere in between getting it given to us and being self made - DH and I are products of a lot of intergenerational and systemic privilege, and we also work our tails off to have a nice life.

Anecdotally, many of my friends are in similar situations. Mid 30s, two professionals making 250k+ (in some cases much more), parents helped with downpayment to make life a little easier. We're still paying off a decently-sized mortgage... so we made something ourselves.

Just a “little gift” of 400K? JFC. My husband and I are just like you -late 30s, 2 kids, HHI 240, except no one has given us squat. It’s taken us 15 years to save our $200K down payment for our first family home (and pay off 100K of student loans) which we now cannot buy because of the insanity of this market. The fact that you would say nearly half a million dollars has only made life “a little” easier shows just how ignorant and tone deaf you are to your good fortune. You are not self made, not for a heart beat. Anyone who can literally dismiss what it takes to save 400K doesn’t deserve to have received that incredible
sum of money. I bet you also got out of college debt free as well. Go enjoy your McMansion, Karen.

Such an angry, pathetic woman. Lamenting the fact that you’re not more privileged when in fact you are white and college educated and benefited from all of the privilege that this has conferred to you. Meanwhile black folks such as me, my family, and many of my friends not only have zero generational wealth, but we have to worry about being killed by the police on a daily basis and being discriminated against every time we turn around. How ironic of you to bring up being “tone deaf”, when your privileged white complaining about other white people being more privileged than you completely ignores the millions of minorities who would kill to be in your position. Pathetic.

At no point did I state my race or socioeconomic background other than to say my family did not confer money to us to buy a home. You are wrong in your assumptions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many jealous people on here, starting with OP. My parents have nothing and won't be leaving us anything. But my husband and I have been smart with saving and investing and now own three homes. That is our "nest egg" for leaving to our children and I fully intend to help them when and if they need it and we can afford to.

That wasn’t her point. It’s the adult kids who get handouts but still look down at her for her place in life and pretend like they made it themselves. Give your kids money, but I hope they don’t pretend like they earned it or begrudge those who have to scrape out their own livings. It’s the façade that gets me!

That point is irrelevant. Anyone who begrudges or looks down on another human being for their position in life is garbage, regardless of how they achieved their own position. Earning your money completely with zero help doesn’t give you the right to look down on others and get a pass from being a garbage individual. Hence why OP comes across as pretty much garbage himself / herself.

The anger here is unbelievable. I’m guessing most of you are not self made but probably like to present yourself as such and this struck a nerve.

I just don't understand this. How on earth would I "present myself" as self-made? If you know my job and where I live, you know the story. Or at least that I had some windfall. If you know my parents, you know even more! I just don't think this "pretending to be self-made" thing exists except in your head. I'm sure there are a lot of people who are your acquaintance who don't immediately explain their finances to you, but that's not at all the same thing. This is a thing you're making up.

+1 - what does this even mean?

I'm a NP who got 400k from her parents towards a 1.2M house. Our house without the help is more than we could comfortably afford but is within reach on our HHI with a bit of stretch... so I don't know what "pretending to be self made" would look like. Is the other PP suggesting I disclose our finances to anyone who sees our house? I don't lie about it, my close friends know that my parents helped us, but I don't talk about money with people who are not close friends (or anon on DCUM!). Period. I'd say we are somewhere in between getting it given to us and being self made - DH and I are products of a lot of intergenerational and systemic privilege, and we also work our tails off to have a nice life.

Anecdotally, many of my friends are in similar situations. Mid 30s, two professionals making 250k+ (in some cases much more), parents helped with downpayment to make life a little easier. We're still paying off a decently-sized mortgage... so we made something ourselves.

Just a “little gift” of 400K? JFC. My husband and I are just like you -late 30s, 2 kids, HHI 240, except no one has given us squat. It’s taken us 15 years to save our $200K down payment for our first family home (and pay off 100K of student loans) which we now cannot buy because of the insanity of this market. The fact that you would say nearly half a million dollars has only made life “a little” easier shows just how ignorant and tone deaf you are to your good fortune. You are not self made, not for a heart beat. Anyone who can literally dismiss what it takes to save 400K doesn’t deserve to have received that incredible
sum of money. I bet you also got out of college debt free as well. Go enjoy your McMansion, Karen.

Such an angry, pathetic woman. Lamenting the fact that you’re not more privileged when in fact you are white and college educated and benefited from all of the privilege that this has conferred to you. Meanwhile black folks such as me, my family, and many of my friends not only have zero generational wealth, but we have to worry about being killed by the police on a daily basis and being discriminated against every time we turn around. How ironic of you to bring up being “tone deaf”, when your privileged white complaining about other white people being more privileged than you completely ignores the millions of minorities who would kill to be in your position. Pathetic.

At no point did I state my race or socioeconomic background other than to say my family did not confer money to us to buy a home. You are wrong in your assumptions.

Shameful. You clearly care more about people who are more privileged than you than you do about people who are far less privileged. Rather than focusing on being spiteful towards other white people who have more than you and you feel that you need to compete with, do some research on what millions of minorities in this country have to go through on a day to day basis and start caring about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many jealous people on here, starting with OP. My parents have nothing and won't be leaving us anything. But my husband and I have been smart with saving and investing and now own three homes. That is our "nest egg" for leaving to our children and I fully intend to help them when and if they need it and we can afford to.

That wasn’t her point. It’s the adult kids who get handouts but still look down at her for her place in life and pretend like they made it themselves. Give your kids money, but I hope they don’t pretend like they earned it or begrudge those who have to scrape out their own livings. It’s the façade that gets me!

That point is irrelevant. Anyone who begrudges or looks down on another human being for their position in life is garbage, regardless of how they achieved their own position. Earning your money completely with zero help doesn’t give you the right to look down on others and get a pass from being a garbage individual. Hence why OP comes across as pretty much garbage himself / herself.

The anger here is unbelievable. I’m guessing most of you are not self made but probably like to present yourself as such and this struck a nerve.

I just don't understand this. How on earth would I "present myself" as self-made? If you know my job and where I live, you know the story. Or at least that I had some windfall. If you know my parents, you know even more! I just don't think this "pretending to be self-made" thing exists except in your head. I'm sure there are a lot of people who are your acquaintance who don't immediately explain their finances to you, but that's not at all the same thing. This is a thing you're making up.

+1 - what does this even mean?

I'm a NP who got 400k from her parents towards a 1.2M house. Our house without the help is more than we could comfortably afford but is within reach on our HHI with a bit of stretch... so I don't know what "pretending to be self made" would look like. Is the other PP suggesting I disclose our finances to anyone who sees our house? I don't lie about it, my close friends know that my parents helped us, but I don't talk about money with people who are not close friends (or anon on DCUM!). Period. I'd say we are somewhere in between getting it given to us and being self made - DH and I are products of a lot of intergenerational and systemic privilege, and we also work our tails off to have a nice life.

Anecdotally, many of my friends are in similar situations. Mid 30s, two professionals making 250k+ (in some cases much more), parents helped with downpayment to make life a little easier. We're still paying off a decently-sized mortgage... so we made something ourselves.

Just a “little gift” of 400K? JFC. My husband and I are just like you -late 30s, 2 kids, HHI 240, except no one has given us squat. It’s taken us 15 years to save our $200K down payment for our first family home (and pay off 100K of student loans) which we now cannot buy because of the insanity of this market. The fact that you would say nearly half a million dollars has only made life “a little” easier shows just how ignorant and tone deaf you are to your good fortune. You are not self made, not for a heart beat. Anyone who can literally dismiss what it takes to save 400K doesn’t deserve to have received that incredible
sum of money. I bet you also got out of college debt free as well. Go enjoy your McMansion, Karen.

Such an angry, pathetic woman. Lamenting the fact that you’re not more privileged when in fact you are white and college educated and benefited from all of the privilege that this has conferred to you. Meanwhile black folks such as me, my family, and many of my friends not only have zero generational wealth, but we have to worry about being killed by the police on a daily basis and being discriminated against every time we turn around. How ironic of you to bring up being “tone deaf”, when your privileged white complaining about other white people being more privileged than you completely ignores the millions of minorities who would kill to be in your position. Pathetic.

DP. You sound very angry yourself. You also sound paranoid (people are around every corner discriminating against you?); it might be worth looking into treatment for that because it isn’t healthy for you. How do you know PP is white? Also, FYI, only around 14 unarmed black people were killed by police in 2019. I think the number is pretty similar for white people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many jealous people on here, starting with OP. My parents have nothing and won't be leaving us anything. But my husband and I have been smart with saving and investing and now own three homes. That is our "nest egg" for leaving to our children and I fully intend to help them when and if they need it and we can afford to.

That wasn’t her point. It’s the adult kids who get handouts but still look down at her for her place in life and pretend like they made it themselves. Give your kids money, but I hope they don’t pretend like they earned it or begrudge those who have to scrape out their own livings. It’s the façade that gets me!

That point is irrelevant. Anyone who begrudges or looks down on another human being for their position in life is garbage, regardless of how they achieved their own position. Earning your money completely with zero help doesn’t give you the right to look down on others and get a pass from being a garbage individual. Hence why OP comes across as pretty much garbage himself / herself.

The anger here is unbelievable. I’m guessing most of you are not self made but probably like to present yourself as such and this struck a nerve.

I just don't understand this. How on earth would I "present myself" as self-made? If you know my job and where I live, you know the story. Or at least that I had some windfall. If you know my parents, you know even more! I just don't think this "pretending to be self-made" thing exists except in your head. I'm sure there are a lot of people who are your acquaintance who don't immediately explain their finances to you, but that's not at all the same thing. This is a thing you're making up.

+1 - what does this even mean?

I'm a NP who got 400k from her parents towards a 1.2M house. Our house without the help is more than we could comfortably afford but is within reach on our HHI with a bit of stretch... so I don't know what "pretending to be self made" would look like. Is the other PP suggesting I disclose our finances to anyone who sees our house? I don't lie about it, my close friends know that my parents helped us, but I don't talk about money with people who are not close friends (or anon on DCUM!). Period. I'd say we are somewhere in between getting it given to us and being self made - DH and I are products of a lot of intergenerational and systemic privilege, and we also work our tails off to have a nice life.

Anecdotally, many of my friends are in similar situations. Mid 30s, two professionals making 250k+ (in some cases much more), parents helped with downpayment to make life a little easier. We're still paying off a decently-sized mortgage... so we made something ourselves.

Just a “little gift” of 400K? JFC. My husband and I are just like you -late 30s, 2 kids, HHI 240, except no one has given us squat. It’s taken us 15 years to save our $200K down payment for our first family home (and pay off 100K of student loans) which we now cannot buy because of the insanity of this market. The fact that you would say nearly half a million dollars has only made life “a little” easier shows just how ignorant and tone deaf you are to your good fortune. You are not self made, not for a heart beat. Anyone who can literally dismiss what it takes to save 400K doesn’t deserve to have received that incredible
sum of money. I bet you also got out of college debt free as well. Go enjoy your McMansion, Karen.

Such an angry, pathetic woman. Lamenting the fact that you’re not more privileged when in fact you are white and college educated and benefited from all of the privilege that this has conferred to you. Meanwhile black folks such as me, my family, and many of my friends not only have zero generational wealth, but we have to worry about being killed by the police on a daily basis and being discriminated against every time we turn around. How ironic of you to bring up being “tone deaf”, when your privileged white complaining about other white people being more privileged than you completely ignores the millions of minorities who would kill to be in your position. Pathetic.

At no point did I state my race or socioeconomic background other than to say my family did not confer money to us to buy a home. You are wrong in your assumptions.

Shameful. You clearly care more about people who are more privileged than you than you do about people who are far less privileged. Rather than focusing on being spiteful towards other white people who have more than you and you feel that you need to compete with, do some research on what millions of minorities in this country have to go through on a day to day basis and start caring about them.

I don't see the PP as "shameful." I think it is good to call out people who have no clue how absurdly privileged they are to get a gift of $400k and call it a "little gift." I won't even go into how that gift compounds, which should be obvious. But it is important that people who get that kind of money realize how much that separates them from the rest of the world, even those who have some privilege by way of education or race.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many jealous people on here, starting with OP. My parents have nothing and won't be leaving us anything. But my husband and I have been smart with saving and investing and now own three homes. That is our "nest egg" for leaving to our children and I fully intend to help them when and if they need it and we can afford to.

That wasn’t her point. It’s the adult kids who get handouts but still look down at her for her place in life and pretend like they made it themselves. Give your kids money, but I hope they don’t pretend like they earned it or begrudge those who have to scrape out their own livings. It’s the façade that gets me!

That point is irrelevant. Anyone who begrudges or looks down on another human being for their position in life is garbage, regardless of how they achieved their own position. Earning your money completely with zero help doesn’t give you the right to look down on others and get a pass from being a garbage individual. Hence why OP comes across as pretty much garbage himself / herself.

The anger here is unbelievable. I’m guessing most of you are not self made but probably like to present yourself as such and this struck a nerve.

I just don't understand this. How on earth would I "present myself" as self-made? If you know my job and where I live, you know the story. Or at least that I had some windfall. If you know my parents, you know even more! I just don't think this "pretending to be self-made" thing exists except in your head. I'm sure there are a lot of people who are your acquaintance who don't immediately explain their finances to you, but that's not at all the same thing. This is a thing you're making up.

+1 - what does this even mean?

I'm a NP who got 400k from her parents towards a 1.2M house. Our house without the help is more than we could comfortably afford but is within reach on our HHI with a bit of stretch... so I don't know what "pretending to be self made" would look like. Is the other PP suggesting I disclose our finances to anyone who sees our house? I don't lie about it, my close friends know that my parents helped us, but I don't talk about money with people who are not close friends (or anon on DCUM!). Period. I'd say we are somewhere in between getting it given to us and being self made - DH and I are products of a lot of intergenerational and systemic privilege, and we also work our tails off to have a nice life.

Anecdotally, many of my friends are in similar situations. Mid 30s, two professionals making 250k+ (in some cases much more), parents helped with downpayment to make life a little easier. We're still paying off a decently-sized mortgage... so we made something ourselves.

Just a “little gift” of 400K? JFC. My husband and I are just like you -late 30s, 2 kids, HHI 240, except no one has given us squat. It’s taken us 15 years to save our $200K down payment for our first family home (and pay off 100K of student loans) which we now cannot buy because of the insanity of this market. The fact that you would say nearly half a million dollars has only made life “a little” easier shows just how ignorant and tone deaf you are to your good fortune. You are not self made, not for a heart beat. Anyone who can literally dismiss what it takes to save 400K doesn’t deserve to have received that incredible
sum of money. I bet you also got out of college debt free as well. Go enjoy your McMansion, Karen.

Such an angry, pathetic woman. Lamenting the fact that you’re not more privileged when in fact you are white and college educated and benefited from all of the privilege that this has conferred to you. Meanwhile black folks such as me, my family, and many of my friends not only have zero generational wealth, but we have to worry about being killed by the police on a daily basis and being discriminated against every time we turn around. How ironic of you to bring up being “tone deaf”, when your privileged white complaining about other white people being more privileged than you completely ignores the millions of minorities who would kill to be in your position. Pathetic.

DP. You sound very angry yourself. You also sound paranoid (people are around every corner discriminating against you?); it might be worth looking into treatment for that because it isn’t healthy for you. How do you know PP is white? Also, FYI, only around 14 unarmed black people were killed by police in 2019. I think the number is pretty similar for white people.

Not only are you minimizing the history of discrimination against black people in this county, but you are also telling a black person to seek treatment for being “paranoid” about it. I would laugh at the ridiculousness of your post if it wasn’t so dark.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many jealous people on here, starting with OP. My parents have nothing and won't be leaving us anything. But my husband and I have been smart with saving and investing and now own three homes. That is our "nest egg" for leaving to our children and I fully intend to help them when and if they need it and we can afford to.

That wasn’t her point. It’s the adult kids who get handouts but still look down at her for her place in life and pretend like they made it themselves. Give your kids money, but I hope they don’t pretend like they earned it or begrudge those who have to scrape out their own livings. It’s the façade that gets me!

That point is irrelevant. Anyone who begrudges or looks down on another human being for their position in life is garbage, regardless of how they achieved their own position. Earning your money completely with zero help doesn’t give you the right to look down on others and get a pass from being a garbage individual. Hence why OP comes across as pretty much garbage himself / herself.

The anger here is unbelievable. I’m guessing most of you are not self made but probably like to present yourself as such and this struck a nerve.

I just don't understand this. How on earth would I "present myself" as self-made? If you know my job and where I live, you know the story. Or at least that I had some windfall. If you know my parents, you know even more! I just don't think this "pretending to be self-made" thing exists except in your head. I'm sure there are a lot of people who are your acquaintance who don't immediately explain their finances to you, but that's not at all the same thing. This is a thing you're making up.

+1 - what does this even mean?

I'm a NP who got 400k from her parents towards a 1.2M house. Our house without the help is more than we could comfortably afford but is within reach on our HHI with a bit of stretch... so I don't know what "pretending to be self made" would look like. Is the other PP suggesting I disclose our finances to anyone who sees our house? I don't lie about it, my close friends know that my parents helped us, but I don't talk about money with people who are not close friends (or anon on DCUM!). Period. I'd say we are somewhere in between getting it given to us and being self made - DH and I are products of a lot of intergenerational and systemic privilege, and we also work our tails off to have a nice life.

Anecdotally, many of my friends are in similar situations. Mid 30s, two professionals making 250k+ (in some cases much more), parents helped with downpayment to make life a little easier. We're still paying off a decently-sized mortgage... so we made something ourselves.

Just a “little gift” of 400K? JFC. My husband and I are just like you -late 30s, 2 kids, HHI 240, except no one has given us squat. It’s taken us 15 years to save our $200K down payment for our first family home (and pay off 100K of student loans) which we now cannot buy because of the insanity of this market. The fact that you would say nearly half a million dollars has only made life “a little” easier shows just how ignorant and tone deaf you are to your good fortune. You are not self made, not for a heart beat. Anyone who can literally dismiss what it takes to save 400K doesn’t deserve to have received that incredible
sum of money. I bet you also got out of college debt free as well. Go enjoy your McMansion, Karen.

Such an angry, pathetic woman. Lamenting the fact that you’re not more privileged when in fact you are white and college educated and benefited from all of the privilege that this has conferred to you. Meanwhile black folks such as me, my family, and many of my friends not only have zero generational wealth, but we have to worry about being killed by the police on a daily basis and being discriminated against every time we turn around. How ironic of you to bring up being “tone deaf”, when your privileged white complaining about other white people being more privileged than you completely ignores the millions of minorities who would kill to be in your position. Pathetic.

DP. You sound very angry yourself. You also sound paranoid (people are around every corner discriminating against you?); it might be worth looking into treatment for that because it isn’t healthy for you. How do you know PP is white? Also, FYI, only around 14 unarmed black people were killed by police in 2019. I think the number is pretty similar for white people.

Not only are you minimizing the history of discrimination against black people in this county, but you are also telling a black person to seek treatment for being “paranoid” about it. I would laugh at the ridiculousness of your post if it wasn’t so dark.

Racist.