Can we talk about parents buying their adult children luxury homes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs bought BIL (and his wife) a house in an expensive neighborhood in Bethesda. There were no other young families there because no one in their late 20s/early 30s could afford to live there. It is a well to do neighborhood with an aging demographic.
Despite the house being fully paid for, they could not come up with the annual tax bill for it. This cost ate thru his early inheritance instead and in the end 20 years later of a marriage constantly hampered by money problems, came the divorce and the admission that they couldn't even afford to pay the real estate taxes.
One could argue that the ILs wanted to help the young family and give them a nice place to live.
One could also argue that the ILs wanted to brag to their friends and show their son was a "winner" in life with his big fancy house and so crippled him with an unaffordable asset and floated his lifestyle with an early inheritance that was not compounding but eroded.

Parents do buy adult children luxury homes, but outcomes will vary. Wait 20 years to see where the homeowners land.

Wow.

Fake story. Property taxes are low in Bethesda in particular with primary home exemption. If no mortgage that is peanuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs bought BIL (and his wife) a house in an expensive neighborhood in Bethesda. There were no other young families there because no one in their late 20s/early 30s could afford to live there. It is a well to do neighborhood with an aging demographic.
Despite the house being fully paid for, they could not come up with the annual tax bill for it. This cost ate thru his early inheritance instead and in the end 20 years later of a marriage constantly hampered by money problems, came the divorce and the admission that they couldn't even afford to pay the real estate taxes.
One could argue that the ILs wanted to help the young family and give them a nice place to live.
One could also argue that the ILs wanted to brag to their friends and show their son was a "winner" in life with his big fancy house and so crippled him with an unaffordable asset and floated his lifestyle with an early inheritance that was not compounding but eroded.

Parents do buy adult children luxury homes, but outcomes will vary. Wait 20 years to see where the homeowners land.

Wow.

Wow, this is a great lesson learned, and a great example of why you don't create an artificial lifestyle for your kids. I'm the poster who said there is a huge difference between "help" and "float." Helping is giving your kids money for an addition or helping with a down payment for their first house. Floating is pushing them into a life that they would never be able to afford without your help. The latter is always going to be problematic.

This is exactly what I have seen happen. It may look great now, but wait 20 years, when the parents are no longer footing the bills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs bought BIL (and his wife) a house in an expensive neighborhood in Bethesda. There were no other young families there because no one in their late 20s/early 30s could afford to live there. It is a well to do neighborhood with an aging demographic.
Despite the house being fully paid for, they could not come up with the annual tax bill for it. This cost ate thru his early inheritance instead and in the end 20 years later of a marriage constantly hampered by money problems, came the divorce and the admission that they couldn't even afford to pay the real estate taxes.
One could argue that the ILs wanted to help the young family and give them a nice place to live.
One could also argue that the ILs wanted to brag to their friends and show their son was a "winner" in life with his big fancy house and so crippled him with an unaffordable asset and floated his lifestyle with an early inheritance that was not compounding but eroded.

Parents do buy adult children luxury homes, but outcomes will vary. Wait 20 years to see where the homeowners land.

Wow.

Fake story. Property taxes are low in Bethesda in particular with primary home exemption. If no mortgage that is peanuts.

They may be lower than other places especially the Northeast but they are definitely not the lowest. I am moving to Scottsdale AZ and on a 1 million dollar house the property taxes are like $4500 where as in Bethesda it's like $10K

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs bought BIL (and his wife) a house in an expensive neighborhood in Bethesda. There were no other young families there because no one in their late 20s/early 30s could afford to live there. It is a well to do neighborhood with an aging demographic.
Despite the house being fully paid for, they could not come up with the annual tax bill for it. This cost ate thru his early inheritance instead and in the end 20 years later of a marriage constantly hampered by money problems, came the divorce and the admission that they couldn't even afford to pay the real estate taxes.
One could argue that the ILs wanted to help the young family and give them a nice place to live.
One could also argue that the ILs wanted to brag to their friends and show their son was a "winner" in life with his big fancy house and so crippled him with an unaffordable asset and floated his lifestyle with an early inheritance that was not compounding but eroded.

Parents do buy adult children luxury homes, but outcomes will vary. Wait 20 years to see where the homeowners land.

Wow.

Fake story. Property taxes are low in Bethesda in particular with primary home exemption. If no mortgage that is peanuts.

Exactly. Without a mortgage in Montgomery County, I’m paying $1200/month on property tax and homeowners insurance on a 1.1 million dollar house. They must have had other issues if they couldn’t come up with the annual tax bill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs bought BIL (and his wife) a house in an expensive neighborhood in Bethesda. There were no other young families there because no one in their late 20s/early 30s could afford to live there. It is a well to do neighborhood with an aging demographic.
Despite the house being fully paid for, they could not come up with the annual tax bill for it. This cost ate thru his early inheritance instead and in the end 20 years later of a marriage constantly hampered by money problems, came the divorce and the admission that they couldn't even afford to pay the real estate taxes.
One could argue that the ILs wanted to help the young family and give them a nice place to live.
One could also argue that the ILs wanted to brag to their friends and show their son was a "winner" in life with his big fancy house and so crippled him with an unaffordable asset and floated his lifestyle with an early inheritance that was not compounding but eroded.

Parents do buy adult children luxury homes, but outcomes will vary. Wait 20 years to see where the homeowners land.

Wow.

Wow, this is a great lesson learned, and a great example of why you don't create an artificial lifestyle for your kids. I'm the poster who said there is a huge difference between "help" and "float." Helping is giving your kids money for an addition or helping with a down payment for their first house. Floating is pushing them into a life that they would never be able to afford without your help. The latter is always going to be problematic.

This is exactly what I have seen happen. It may look great now, but wait 20 years, when the parents are no longer footing the bills.

The "parents" foot the bills forever, especially if it's not the parents at all but the grandparents, etc. It's not like a loan from one working couple to another. My family has something called a Dynasty Trust, it literally goes on forever from generation to generation with no one paying taxes on the transfers, which is insane and shouldn't be allowed in America but there you are. I get a lot of income from family wealth but it's not like a check from my parents. It's dividends, trust distributions, etc.

If this guy really ran out of money the obvious solution would be to sell the house and move to a cheaper one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs bought BIL (and his wife) a house in an expensive neighborhood in Bethesda. There were no other young families there because no one in their late 20s/early 30s could afford to live there. It is a well to do neighborhood with an aging demographic.
Despite the house being fully paid for, they could not come up with the annual tax bill for it. This cost ate thru his early inheritance instead and in the end 20 years later of a marriage constantly hampered by money problems, came the divorce and the admission that they couldn't even afford to pay the real estate taxes.
One could argue that the ILs wanted to help the young family and give them a nice place to live.
One could also argue that the ILs wanted to brag to their friends and show their son was a "winner" in life with his big fancy house and so crippled him with an unaffordable asset and floated his lifestyle with an early inheritance that was not compounding but eroded.

Parents do buy adult children luxury homes, but outcomes will vary. Wait 20 years to see where the homeowners land.

Wow.

Fake story. Property taxes are low in Bethesda in particular with primary home exemption. If no mortgage that is peanuts.

Exactly. Without a mortgage in Montgomery County, I’m paying $1200/month on property tax and homeowners insurance on a 1.1 million dollar house. They must have had other issues if they couldn’t come up with the annual tax bill.

Maybe they couldn't pay the tax bill because they were trying to keep up with the life style of their neighbors. If they don't have a mortgage they aren't forced to set aside money every month for the annual tax bill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny and my parents bought me a $750k 3br condo. I’m single and childless. I would have never been able to afford to be a homeowner on my salary, and now I can have a home while working a job I love. If I had to buy it on my own, I wouldn’t have been able to work as a nanny and I love the kids in my care.

My parents did the same for my brother, but his home was 1million+. My parents put their beach home in my name to even things out. I never asked for the home and I’m really grateful to have this security.

You could have worked as a nanny, but you would not have liked the housing the salary affords. Many millions of low paid workers afford housing on their salaries. It’s just housing you would like.

Yes I could have, but I wouldn’t have since I have a teaching degree. I love working with kids, but I don’t love teaching. I would have continued to be miserable and do it, to pay for my home. Thankfully I didn’t have to. Working as a nanny makes me happy, and I’m really grateful that my parents also wanted me to be happy and not just live to work.

[Anonymous]

Nanny who posted above- My grandparents helped my Mum buy her first home, and my great grandparents did the same for their kids and so on. In my family that’s kind of what people do, and I hope someday to do the same. My Dad came from absolutely nothing and my Mum’s family had what I guess you call generational wealth. My Mum always says that money is meant to be saved and passed down, to give security to the next generation. My family has always been really frugal. It might seem spoiled to have your parents buy you a home, but with that comes the understanding that you are expected to do the same for the next generation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny who posted above- My grandparents helped my Mum buy her first home, and my great grandparents did the same for their kids and so on. In my family that’s kind of what people do, and I hope someday to do the same. My Dad came from absolutely nothing and my Mum’s family had what I guess you call generational wealth. My Mum always says that money is meant to be saved and passed down, to give security to the next generation. My family has always been really frugal. It might seem spoiled to have your parents buy you a home, but with that comes the understanding that you are expected to do the same for the next generation.

Good on you guys. Despite what a lot of the unhappy posters on here will say, nanny’s are valued contributors to society, and it’s amazing that you found a career that you really enjoy. I’m happy that you and your family have been able to do this. Don’t let the angry posters here make you feel bad about yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a nanny and my parents bought me a $750k 3br condo. I’m single and childless. I would have never been able to afford to be a homeowner on my salary, and now I can have a home while working a job I love. If I had to buy it on my own, I wouldn’t have been able to work as a nanny and I love the kids in my care.

My parents did the same for my brother, but his home was 1million+. My parents put their beach home in my name to even things out. I never asked for the home and I’m really grateful to have this security.

Yeah, you are the person the rest of us are allowed to hate.

To clarify, what exactly is the reason here for permitted hate? That she received good fortune and generosity from her loved ones?

Is this “hateful” behavior, or is this projected jealousy?

I'm not jealous of a nanny living in her daddy's 3 bedroom condo, LOL. That's just sad.
I absolutely hate the mentality, and the parent who is enabling their kid.
So, you are right, I shouldn't hate the nanny, but I do kind of hate her parents for enabling bad life choices.

Why do you care? As long as they are not asking you for money, why do you care? Focus on your family and try to build inter-generational wealth there.

[Anonymous]

Question for OP -- Where is the law that says that houses must be paid for with W-2 wages?

[Anonymous]

I suppose the thing is that we are all basically wage slaves, dependent on our jobs, and confined by the things we must do to keep our jobs, even if they're crappy and unfulfilling. We must also force our children to become wage slaves -- majoring in something boring to pay the bills, etc.

And then you hear about someone who has a "fun job", running a museum or being a nanny and who is not a wage slave, who is able to live in a great neighborhood and take fun vacations and who essentially is not bound by the rules that tie the rest of us to society. And it's really as though half of us have to cope with gravity and the other half don't. It's hard not to look at that wondrous life and think how different your own life would have been if you didn't need to worry about grades, or a major or health insurance or earning a living. Sometimes it seems like none of the rulesl apply to these special people. My daughter keeps telling me about a boy she knows who has gotten DWI's, and gotten thrown out of his first job, and where the family has enough money even then to shield him from the consequences. They got him another job, got him an Uber to take him there, etc. I recently read a novel by a woman who had apparently never worked, just travelled around taking painting classes, etc. It's kind of like they're not even human in the same way that the rest of us are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole thread would be irrelevant if people could just mind their own business, focus on their own life rather than others, and seek happiness outside of material things.

Do you also not realize how privileged you are to be able to criticize other well off people for not being well off in the “right way”?

90% of you need to look into therapy.

Weirdly defensive response addressed to no one, bro.

+1. I suspect this thread touched on a sore spot for PP.

-1. I’m the PP you’re referring to and I would love if my parents bought me a house but sadly they are poor, so I don’t really have anything to be sore about. I’m just sick of the general awful attitude of people on this forum, clearly you included. It has become nothing but bickering and the constant theme is judging others based on money and neighborhoods and career, etc. Yeah yeah if I don’t like it I can leave — I know. But I use this forum to get insight on a few topics, mostly real estate related.

You sound whiny and negative. No one is forcing you to read or respond to posts or threads you don’t like.

NP here. In your opinion, the poster who thinks people should not worry about that others have, and "seek happiness outside of material things" is "whiny and negative," but the OP anbd others like her who are moaning about people getting gifts from their parents aren't?

OK.

[Anonymous]

My parents helped us buy a much nicer home than we could otherwise afford in this area. I don't have anything to say to justify it but we sure as shit appreciate it. I have other friends in the area trying to buy in this market without parents who can help and it's awful - they're looking in Loudoun and further west and getting beat out again and again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would 100 percent buy my child a nice home if I could. Who wouldn't want to create intergenerational wealth for their child or grandchild.

What I find bizzare, however, are people who lead others to believe they are Neiman Marcus achievers when really they earn a Macy's living and got an inheritance or financial help from parents or whatever. Or they behave same but instead of money from parents, they consume as much free stuff as possible and sell lots of used items for under $10 for cash on FB.

Yeah I have known lots of people like this. They don’t really let anyone know about the hundreds of thousands of dollars they get from their family. Instead they represent themselves as great financial successes.

When you guys say these people represent themselves in a certain way, what do you mean? Like how does it even come up?

In my opinion, if you celebrate your expensive homes and vacations irl and online, but you don’t acknowledge that you really didn’t pay for those things, then you’re misrepresenting your circumstances in a self-serving way that’s harmful to others. It’s kinda similar to women online who post beauty pics of themselves but pretend they never had plastic surgery.

So when someone posts a picture of their family and says, "We had a great time skiing in Aspen!" you think they are obligated to say, each and every time, "Thanks to my parents for footing the bill!"

That's pretty absurd.

Also, "harmful to others?" How?