Can we talk about parents buying their adult children luxury homes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I caught a lot of grief in another thread for saying that I bought a house in a highly desirable inner suburb for all cash and with no contingencies so my kid and spouse could rent from me. I did it because they were having trouble finding the perfect rental house (harder to find than apartments/condo rentals) but aren't looking to buy yet for a variety of reasons. I view it as a win/win situation -- a good investment for me, and a nice place with a good landlord for them. I'm not sure why people think people that others with a little bit of money are not supposed to help their kids out when they can. There's this assumption that if you do that you're spoiling the kids and that they don't appreciate it or understand "real life." That's a generalization that certainly doesn't apply to my family.

Simply put, why would parents with plenty of money sitting in the bank and with good relationships with hardworking and responsible adult children want/need to sit back and watch those children struggle to get into good housing when they can easily help without even feeling it? To build "character?" That assumes that the kids don't already have character, which is a very big assumption.

First, you caught a lot of flack because you're completely tond deaf. For example, an extra $1.5m to buy a house is not "a little bit of money."

Second, as for, "they don't appreciate it or understand "real life." That's a generalization that certainly doesn't apply to my family." - Maybe they appreciate it, But they aren't living "real life." They couldn't find "the perfect rental house" - who on earth thinks the are going to get "the perfect" house, particularly a rental? Second, I'm sure such a house exists - they just couldn't afford it. So in you jump.

And you're not helping your kids because they are struggling. You're helping them so, in your words, they don't have to suffer with something less than perfect.

That fact that you can't comprehend that really speaks volumes about you. I think it's fine to give help to your kids, but your attitude about this is so insanely out of touch it's startling. Any assumptions people make about your kids' character are no doubt because of the character you have revealed in your posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Maybe they appreciate it, But they aren't living "real life." They couldn't find "the perfect rental house" - who on earth thinks the are going to get "the perfect" house, particularly a rental? Second, I'm sure such a house exists - they just couldn't afford it. So in you jump.

Are we gatekeeping what "real life" is now? Maybe their real life includes living in nicer housing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Maybe they appreciate it, But they aren't living "real life." They couldn't find "the perfect rental house" - who on earth thinks the are going to get "the perfect" house, particularly a rental? Second, I'm sure such a house exists - they just couldn't afford it. So in you jump.

Are we gatekeeping what "real life" is now? Maybe their real life includes living in nicer housing.

Really? That's what you took away from that post?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs bought BIL (and his wife) a house in an expensive neighborhood in Bethesda. There were no other young families there because no one in their late 20s/early 30s could afford to live there. It is a well to do neighborhood with an aging demographic.
Despite the house being fully paid for, they could not come up with the annual tax bill for it. This cost ate thru his early inheritance instead and in the end 20 years later of a marriage constantly hampered by money problems, came the divorce and the admission that they couldn't even afford to pay the real estate taxes.
One could argue that the ILs wanted to help the young family and give them a nice place to live.
One could also argue that the ILs wanted to brag to their friends and show their son was a "winner" in life with his big fancy house and so crippled him with an unaffordable asset and floated his lifestyle with an early inheritance that was not compounding but eroded.

Parents do buy adult children luxury homes, but outcomes will vary. Wait 20 years to see where the homeowners land.

Wow.

Wow, this is a great lesson learned, and a great example of why you don't create an artificial lifestyle for your kids. I'm the poster who said there is a huge difference between "help" and "float." Helping is giving your kids money for an addition or helping with a down payment for their first house. Floating is pushing them into a life that they would never be able to afford without your help. The latter is always going to be problematic.

This is exactly what I have seen happen. It may look great now, but wait 20 years, when the parents are no longer footing the bills.

I'm watching it happen to my friend less than 5 years later. Not exactly the long-term home for their family they envisioned, nor is it a very positive step on the property ladder. It's just a fail. The parents thought they were doing the right thing, but they just set them up for failure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I suppose the thing is that we are all basically wage slaves, dependent on our jobs, and confined by the things we must do to keep our jobs, even if they're crappy and unfulfilling. We must also force our children to become wage slaves -- majoring in something boring to pay the bills, etc.

And then you hear about someone who has a "fun job", running a museum or being a nanny and who is not a wage slave, who is able to live in a great neighborhood and take fun vacations and who essentially is not bound by the rules that tie the rest of us to society. And it's really as though half of us have to cope with gravity and the other half don't. It's hard not to look at that wondrous life and think how different your own life would have been if you didn't need to worry about grades, or a major or health insurance or earning a living. Sometimes it seems like none of the rulesl apply to these special people. My daughter keeps telling me about a boy she knows who has gotten DWI's, and gotten thrown out of his first job, and where the family has enough money even then to shield him from the consequences. They got him another job, got him an Uber to take him there, etc. I recently read a novel by a woman who had apparently never worked, just travelled around taking painting classes, etc. It's kind of like they're not even human in the same way that the rest of us are.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Being content and seeing the good in life can be very freeing.

(Said as someone who used to feel jealous constantly comparing myself to others.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I suppose the thing is that we are all basically wage slaves, dependent on our jobs, and confined by the things we must do to keep our jobs, even if they're crappy and unfulfilling. We must also force our children to become wage slaves -- majoring in something boring to pay the bills, etc.

And then you hear about someone who has a "fun job", running a museum or being a nanny and who is not a wage slave, who is able to live in a great neighborhood and take fun vacations and who essentially is not bound by the rules that tie the rest of us to society. And it's really as though half of us have to cope with gravity and the other half don't. It's hard not to look at that wondrous life and think how different your own life would have been if you didn't need to worry about grades, or a major or health insurance or earning a living. Sometimes it seems like none of the rulesl apply to these special people. My daughter keeps telling me about a boy she knows who has gotten DWI's, and gotten thrown out of his first job, and where the family has enough money even then to shield him from the consequences. They got him another job, got him an Uber to take him there, etc. I recently read a novel by a woman who had apparently never worked, just travelled around taking painting classes, etc. It's kind of like they're not even human in the same way that the rest of us are.

Why would you pick the thing you don't like to define who is human?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Maybe they appreciate it, But they aren't living "real life." They couldn't find "the perfect rental house" - who on earth thinks the are going to get "the perfect" house, particularly a rental? Second, I'm sure such a house exists - they just couldn't afford it. So in you jump.

Are we gatekeeping what "real life" is now? Maybe their real life includes living in nicer housing.

Really? That's what you took away from that post?

NP. I mean, I think it's pretty clear that for whoever this kid is, his "real life" equates his parents being very involved in his life. And thats fine, but the poster who kicked all this off is making the situation sound as absurd as possible. I'm starting to think he or she is a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suppose the thing is that we are all basically wage slaves, dependent on our jobs, and confined by the things we must do to keep our jobs, even if they're crappy and unfulfilling. We must also force our children to become wage slaves -- majoring in something boring to pay the bills, etc.

And then you hear about someone who has a "fun job", running a museum or being a nanny and who is not a wage slave, who is able to live in a great neighborhood and take fun vacations and who essentially is not bound by the rules that tie the rest of us to society. And it's really as though half of us have to cope with gravity and the other half don't. It's hard not to look at that wondrous life and think how different your own life would have been if you didn't need to worry about grades, or a major or health insurance or earning a living. Sometimes it seems like none of the rulesl apply to these special people. My daughter keeps telling me about a boy she knows who has gotten DWI's, and gotten thrown out of his first job, and where the family has enough money even then to shield him from the consequences. They got him another job, got him an Uber to take him there, etc. I recently read a novel by a woman who had apparently never worked, just travelled around taking painting classes, etc. It's kind of like they're not even human in the same way that the rest of us are.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Being content and seeing the good in life can be very freeing.

(Said as someone who used to feel jealous constantly comparing myself to others.)

+1000. Learning that the lives of others has zero bearing on your own life is incredibly liberating. Be happy with what you have and try to help those who have less than you, have a disability or an illness, or just need a helping hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suppose the thing is that we are all basically wage slaves, dependent on our jobs, and confined by the things we must do to keep our jobs, even if they're crappy and unfulfilling. We must also force our children to become wage slaves -- majoring in something boring to pay the bills, etc.

And then you hear about someone who has a "fun job", running a museum or being a nanny and who is not a wage slave, who is able to live in a great neighborhood and take fun vacations and who essentially is not bound by the rules that tie the rest of us to society. And it's really as though half of us have to cope with gravity and the other half don't. It's hard not to look at that wondrous life and think how different your own life would have been if you didn't need to worry about grades, or a major or health insurance or earning a living. Sometimes it seems like none of the rulesl apply to these special people. My daughter keeps telling me about a boy she knows who has gotten DWI's, and gotten thrown out of his first job, and where the family has enough money even then to shield him from the consequences. They got him another job, got him an Uber to take him there, etc. I recently read a novel by a woman who had apparently never worked, just travelled around taking painting classes, etc. It's kind of like they're not even human in the same way that the rest of us are.

Why would you pick the thing you don't like to define who is human?

All the human stuff happens no matter how much money you have. Sickness, health, joy and despair, etc etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suppose the thing is that we are all basically wage slaves, dependent on our jobs, and confined by the things we must do to keep our jobs, even if they're crappy and unfulfilling. We must also force our children to become wage slaves -- majoring in something boring to pay the bills, etc.

And then you hear about someone who has a "fun job", running a museum or being a nanny and who is not a wage slave, who is able to live in a great neighborhood and take fun vacations and who essentially is not bound by the rules that tie the rest of us to society. And it's really as though half of us have to cope with gravity and the other half don't. It's hard not to look at that wondrous life and think how different your own life would have been if you didn't need to worry about grades, or a major or health insurance or earning a living. Sometimes it seems like none of the rulesl apply to these special people. My daughter keeps telling me about a boy she knows who has gotten DWI's, and gotten thrown out of his first job, and where the family has enough money even then to shield him from the consequences. They got him another job, got him an Uber to take him there, etc. I recently read a novel by a woman who had apparently never worked, just travelled around taking painting classes, etc. It's kind of like they're not even human in the same way that the rest of us are.

Why would you pick the thing you don't like to define who is human?

All the human stuff happens no matter how much money you have. Sickness, health, joy and despair, etc etc.

Why it’s cringe to see the strivers of this forum envious of richer people, whether inherited or not. When you look at someone with more material things than you, you don’t know what goes on in their life — what illnesses they’ve dealt with, family problems, loss of loved ones etc. Growing up I knew a kid who was from a notable family worth hundreds of millions. Nice right? He also didn’t have working legs and was in a wheel chair since birth. Some sad idiot on here would still probably rag on him for “having it easy” because of “mommy and daddy” as they say, completely ignoring the other hardships he’s gone through. This is a digression, but it underscores why these nasty DCUM’ers should stop focusing on material stuff, mind their own business, and let the universe or God judge others.

[Jstme]

Anonymous wrote:Oh please.

My parents did this, and it helped us build equity in a good investment. After a while we sold our first home and bought our second without any additional help.

It’s not different than any other advantages the well off have.

Ummmm- you did have help. You would t have been able to do it without the first home, which your parents paid for......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suppose the thing is that we are all basically wage slaves, dependent on our jobs, and confined by the things we must do to keep our jobs, even if they're crappy and unfulfilling. We must also force our children to become wage slaves -- majoring in something boring to pay the bills, etc.

And then you hear about someone who has a "fun job", running a museum or being a nanny and who is not a wage slave, who is able to live in a great neighborhood and take fun vacations and who essentially is not bound by the rules that tie the rest of us to society. And it's really as though half of us have to cope with gravity and the other half don't. It's hard not to look at that wondrous life and think how different your own life would have been if you didn't need to worry about grades, or a major or health insurance or earning a living. Sometimes it seems like none of the rulesl apply to these special people. My daughter keeps telling me about a boy she knows who has gotten DWI's, and gotten thrown out of his first job, and where the family has enough money even then to shield him from the consequences. They got him another job, got him an Uber to take him there, etc. I recently read a novel by a woman who had apparently never worked, just travelled around taking painting classes, etc. It's kind of like they're not even human in the same way that the rest of us are.

Why would you pick the thing you don't like to define who is human?

All the human stuff happens no matter how much money you have. Sickness, health, joy and despair, etc etc.

Why it’s cringe to see the strivers of this forum envious of richer people, whether inherited or not. When you look at someone with more material things than you, you don’t know what goes on in their life — what illnesses they’ve dealt with, family problems, loss of loved ones etc. Growing up I knew a kid who was from a notable family worth hundreds of millions. Nice right? He also didn’t have working legs and was in a wheel chair since birth. Some sad idiot on here would still probably rag on him for “having it easy” because of “mommy and daddy” as they say, completely ignoring the other hardships he’s gone through. This is a digression, but it underscores why these nasty DCUM’ers should stop focusing on material stuff, mind their own business, and let the universe or God judge others.

This forum is a constant swirling storm of insecurity and fear. I just read it with that caveat in mind. It feels like we are transitioning into a resource-scarce society and people feel their middle class children are going to live like feudal serfs while their rich friends live the lifestyles of the rich and famous.

If it bothers you that much, people, vote accordingly!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please.

My parents did this, and it helped us build equity in a good investment. After a while we sold our first home and bought our second without any additional help.

It’s not different than any other advantages the well off have.

Did you pay your parents back the initial sum they gave you from the equity? I can’t imagine just keeping such a large sum of ‘help’ if I was able to pay it back. Dh and I did the normal scrimp and save for our first starter home and built our own equity. It’s much more satisfying knowing mommy and daddy didn’t do it for us.

My parents gave me $10,000 toward a down payment on my first condo 15 years ago, which I didn’t pay them back for. They also loaned us $90,000 for a down payment on the house we bought two moves after that, because we bought it before we sold the other house; that, we did pay them back for as soon as we closed on the sale of the house. It has never occurred to me that they would buy me an entire house, the help they gave us has been more than generous enough.

[Anonymous]

Pay for college, let live at home rent free, early inheritance. Sounds about right. They are a privileged minority but most of the ones I know will swear “blah blah blah lives matter, equity, vote Democrat, live in well to do all white neighborhoods (or buildings), and the how socialism works”. I guess when your life is the epitome of socialism, and the state (parents) give you everything, yea, it works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Maybe they appreciate it, But they aren't living "real life." They couldn't find "the perfect rental house" - who on earth thinks the are going to get "the perfect" house, particularly a rental? Second, I'm sure such a house exists - they just couldn't afford it. So in you jump.

Are we gatekeeping what "real life" is now? Maybe their real life includes living in nicer housing.

Really? That's what you took away from that post?

There are about a billion people in India, China, and Africa who would read this thread and think: none of these posters have any idea what “real life” is like.