Where do private schools really get you in life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You cannot discount that there also is some learned behavior that is different from public to private. One key difference I’ve seen is the idea that there are constraints, this can be both good and bad. Public school kids are informally taught that there are constraints everywhere. This comes from limited budgets and rationing of services, like art, music, etc. When your mindset is based on the expectation of constraints it can affect the choices you make and conception of what is possible. In contrast, private school kids are informally taught that the world is what you make it, that the only constraint is you. This can lead to higher anxiety and depression. It can also lead to poor choices of major or career paths. Sometimes kids are affluent but not generationally rich enough to make these choices which is where you end up with stories about the dentists kid that went to Brown, majored in Art History and is now living in the basement while applying for unpaid internships at museums after college. But under the right conditions, you get the Gates or Zuckerberg’s or whatever that can take risks with this self belief that they can do it because the world is theirs for the taking all along.

The idea of this is somewhat true. Public school kids informally learn that there exist obstacles in all paths and are able to a degree to assess if they have the capability and even desire to overcome these obstacles. In elite privates, many kids do not see those same obstacles because they are removed for them and thereby never encountered or because they have the means by which to easily remove or overcome said obstacle

For example starting a business. The first set of challenges may be raising capitol or setting up the business from a legal standpoint. A typical middle class kid may need to first find an attorney, determine the cost of the attorney setting up the business, and figure out an array of sources by which to acquire capital. However, a student at an elite private school may have a parent who is a law firm partner or has a family friend lawyer who would be willing to provide the legal services free of charge. Additionally, their parents, or friends, or friends parents may be willing to invest the initial startup capital. In this example, the challenges were the same, however each kids perception of the challenges is going to be different based on their ability and/or amount of work to overcome

[Anonymous]

Your k-12 education matters far more than what college you land at. The sock puppetting public parents who spam this PRIVATE SCHOOL forum all day are so relentless and annoying. Y'all hijack every thread with your fake "I went to private..." and "I have kids at both..." but public is superior crap. There is no chance any private school parents spam the public school forums like you painfully insecure losers spam this one. Get a life.

[Anonymous]

While I am perhaps less annoyed at spammers, pp isn't wrong. My kids are in private. I have never once even opened the public school thread. Not in almost a decade! I was public all the way, but my kids are in private, so why would I ever go to those threads....

[Anonymous]

I went to private. For the kids who had rich parents, it provided them with a similar SES social group. For us poorer, LMC kids, it provided us with a better education (except for stem) and almost a monastic existence devoted only to studying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to private. For the kids who had rich parents, it provided them with a similar SES social group. For us poorer, LMC kids, it provided us with a better education (except for stem) and almost a monastic existence devoted only to studying.

Did you gain anything from your proximity to children of the wealthy? Or was the effect negative?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to private. For the kids who had rich parents, it provided them with a similar SES social group. For us poorer, LMC kids, it provided us with a better education (except for stem) and almost a monastic existence devoted only to studying.

Did you gain anything from your proximity to children of the wealthy? Or was the effect negative?

The positive effects were that most fellow students planned to go to college or trade school, so having education and career goals was normalized. More attention from the teachers with smaller classes, and more diverse classes with Asian and South east Asian students, but black students weren't allowed "unofficially" at that time, which was in the 1990s! (Not in DC.) And, I really didn't have any time to get in trouble-I was on a bus or in class with no off campus time from 7:30 am to 4:00pm. The school was too far away for my parents to take me back for activities or pick me up. Ended up reading a lot for enjoyment, learned how to make dinner and, to my parents' horror, became introverted and independent at an earlier age than they expected.

I learned that the rich are different--they have more money; some of my fellow alums are good people and are now well educated and successful in their own right, but most have inherited their daddy's businesses and are still complete jerks.

If my parents had been better at navigating the public education system, I could have received the same sort of benefit from advanced academic programs, participated in more social activities, had a greater selection of classes and not been ignored by fellow students in school. If you didn't have enough money and did not excel in sports, you were simply not given any attention, so we had our own poor kid groups.

[Anonymous]

One more plus: I knew most of the guys were out of my league, and mostly were not interested in me socially; if they had been, it would have mostly been for sex only. This put me ahead of some of my public school female peers who thought they had a chance with these guys, other than being used.
I was successfully able to navigate the frat scene in college without being raped, because I already knew their tricks.

[Anonymous]

There’s an exaggeration on this thread about entrepreneurship. The vast majority of my private school classmates are in the professional classes, working as lawyers, doctors, C-suite executives, professors, etc. A small handful started their own businesses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s an exaggeration on this thread about entrepreneurship. The vast majority of my private school classmates are in the professional classes, working as lawyers, doctors, C-suite executives, professors, etc. A small handful started their own businesses.

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to private. For the kids who had rich parents, it provided them with a similar SES social group. For us poorer, LMC kids, it provided us with a better education (except for stem) and almost a monastic existence devoted only to studying.

Did you gain anything from your proximity to children of the wealthy? Or was the effect negative?

The positive effects were that most fellow students planned to go to college or trade school, so having education and career goals was normalized. More attention from the teachers with smaller classes, and more diverse classes with Asian and South east Asian students, but black students weren't allowed "unofficially" at that time, which was in the 1990s! (Not in DC.) And, I really didn't have any time to get in trouble-I was on a bus or in class with no off campus time from 7:30 am to 4:00pm. The school was too far away for my parents to take me back for activities or pick me up. Ended up reading a lot for enjoyment, learned how to make dinner and, to my parents' horror, became introverted and independent at an earlier age than they expected.

I learned that the rich are different--they have more money; some of my fellow alums are good people and are now well educated and successful in their own right, but most have inherited their daddy's businesses and are still complete jerks.

If my parents had been better at navigating the public education system, I could have received the same sort of benefit from advanced academic programs, participated in more social activities, had a greater selection of classes and not been ignored by fellow students in school. If you didn't have enough money and did not excel in sports, you were simply not given any attention, so we had our own poor kid groups.

Are you from a minority group PP?

[Anonymous]

There is just something about a friendship that is formed in grade school and continues through HS. In K, it doesn’t matter to Mary that Malia’s dad is the POTUS. If Mary were to have a play date with Malia and meet her dad at 5 she would probably refer to him as Malia’s dad. Maybe Mary and Malia remain friends through HS. As a senior Mary finds herself wanting to apply to the Naval Academy and she needs a recommendation. On night during dinner Mary asks Malia’s dad if he will write it on her behalf. Malia’s dad has watched Mary grow up with his daughter. He can write a true testament to her character and abilities. Do you really think that if Mary is on the bubble for admission, a recommendation from a former POTUS wouldn’t push her into the admit category?


That’s what elite private schools get you in life—access to people that have influence long before it ever can be construed as any other than a true friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s an exaggeration on this thread about entrepreneurship. The vast majority of my private school classmates are in the professional classes, working as lawyers, doctors, C-suite executives, professors, etc. A small handful started their own businesses.

+2

+3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is just something about a friendship that is formed in grade school and continues through HS. In K, it doesn’t matter to Mary that Malia’s dad is the POTUS. If Mary were to have a play date with Malia and meet her dad at 5 she would probably refer to him as Malia’s dad. Maybe Mary and Malia remain friends through HS. As a senior Mary finds herself wanting to apply to the Naval Academy and she needs a recommendation. On night during dinner Mary asks Malia’s dad if he will write it on her behalf. Malia’s dad has watched Mary grow up with his daughter. He can write a true testament to her character and abilities. Do you really think that if Mary is on the bubble for admission, a recommendation from a former POTUS wouldn’t push her into the admit category?


That’s what elite private schools get you in life—access to people that have influence long before it ever can be construed as any other than a true friendship.

This statement assumes that the truest friendships in life are formed in grade school, which isn’t true for most people. Also, it reinforces the concept that elite private schools are about connections and influence, which is the idea that this board keeps trying to downplay in favor of saying its about education.

[Anonymous]

To answer OP's original question: They certainly help to lighten your wallet.

[Anonymous]

So much of what some are describing account for access to wealth not private education.