How to keep the other woman away from my child?

[Anonymous]

OP this is so hard.... but you need to think about what’s the best for your daughter. A good friend of mine is in exactly the same position except her daughter is younger. She took the high road and now thinks her ex’s gf is better for her child than her ex DH. Both women did something horrible, but 99% of the fault is with the husbands that strayed. She is not your rival in your DD’s life and unless you want your DD to not have a father anymore, you should learn to accept the gf for your daughter’s sake

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I am a child of multiple divorces spurned by infidelity. Please get a therapist and get over your ex. Growing up stewed in parental resentment was hell.

Multiple divorces??? Yikes. How did that happen? How many parents cheated?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP, your daughter is a teen and won't want to spend her weekends with a traitorous father and and his moral-free mistress.

Sign her up for a bunch of weekend activities. ALso, since he is the typical male, he won't really want to take up his weekends with his kid.

My bet is 1 year from now, visits with dad and the vapid woman will be few and far between.

No. How childish.

New poster here who is divorced with older kids who did well. This advice is SPOT ON. Her daughter needs to be kept busy with friends and role models and activities and support so she can feel normal and be shielded from broken-hearted/fragile moms, cheating dads, and mistresses.

I have no idea how the father will react, but this is very good advice.

No it is not good advice it is using your child as a pawn to get back at your ex You can dress it up and call it a million different things , but when it comes down to it, it's an attempt to alienate the child from her father because you ( rightfully) have hurt feelings.

It is very good advice. The child needs to be kept busy to feel normal and maintain social contacts and stay as far away from grieving mothers and cheating fathers.

And I'm not the person who originally gave her this advice. I'm a divorced mother who is 100 percent against parental alienation. (And by the way, this isn't parental alienation at all. Please do not throw around that term unless you know what it means legally. You sound like an idiot.)

It's terrible advice signing DD up for a bunch of activities, she's not already in on the weekends so she can't see her da, because gf might be there has nothing to do with the well being of a child. I might be an idiot ,but you're a witch who is messing up her kids because she's angry. You being angry at your ex no matter how justified doesn't give you the right to try to destroy the relationship with the father.. It's the kid that will suffer. and you'll suffer in the future once your kid figures out what you did. See a therapist, bitch to your friends and stop messing up your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP this is so hard.... but you need to think about what’s the best for your daughter. A good friend of mine is in exactly the same position except her daughter is younger. She took the high road and now thinks her ex’s gf is better for her child than her ex DH. Both women did something horrible, but 99% of the fault is with the husbands that strayed. She is not your rival in your DD’s life and unless you want your DD to not have a father anymore, you should learn to accept the gf for your daughter’s sake

I beg you OP listen to this advice and the advice of everyone who is urging you to take the high road. These are the people who have the best interest of your daughter in mind. These are the people who want to see you both thriving, and eventually, be able to move past the hurt and into healing. These are the people who truly want to help minimize the impact on your daughter not exacerbate her pain by playing manipulative games.

BTDT as the daughter in the situation and all I can say is I'm very glad my mom didn't choose to make my life worse because she was hurt.

I also know people with mothers who did what OP plans to do, and what those without her best interest at heart are encouraging her to do, and as adults, they have zero or very strained relationships with the parent or taken the side of dad because they grew tired of all of moms tricks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ One question for PP - do you realize that this is an anonymous forum and you may be attributing posts to OP that she did not actually make??

OK. OP, did you say that about her infertility being karma? I assumed, because it was very close to something else you had said earlier about her needing to “steal” your kids. But if it wasn’t you, please tell.

I'm op I said it. If she could steal a husband my child isn't that far of a stretch. I called her earlier to talk she hung up on me. I'm not going to get too much about it. Maybe she will get a dog.

So i'm done coddling you. You need a big-time reality check.
You lost OP. You lost a long time ago when your ex decided to keep her as a girlfriend. You have been a denial for 13 years, but he's been carrying on ith this woman your daughter's entire life it cannot be a shock that they are moving into together.

This is you not wanting to deal with reality.

Your post is you not wanting to deal with reality.


The reality is your marriage is over. Your ex chose the other woman. Maybe ( though not likely since it hasn't happened in 13 years) you'll be able to chase this woman off, by trying to keep your daughter away..

But he still isn't going to come back to you, he will find another woman.

And if you keep acting as crazy as you are he will go to cort get custody of daughter and it will be a wtap for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I am a child of multiple divorces spurned by infidelity. Please get a therapist and get over your ex. Growing up stewed in parental resentment was hell.

It only takes one divorce like that to ruin your life as a kid. My mom still hates, hates, hates my dad 50 years later. To this day she has no clue that her rage negatively affected her kids, and indeed, herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ One question for PP - do you realize that this is an anonymous forum and you may be attributing posts to OP that she did not actually make??

OK. OP, did you say that about her infertility being karma? I assumed, because it was very close to something else you had said earlier about her needing to “steal” your kids. But if it wasn’t you, please tell.

I'm op I said it. If she could steal a husband my child isn't that far of a stretch. I called her earlier to talk she hung up on me. I'm not going to get too much about it. Maybe she will get a dog.

OK, thanks, confirmed! You’re a terrible person.

I guess getting dumped for the OW is your karma.

And if you sounded half as unhinged on that phone call as you do on this board, no wonder she hung up on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am a child of multiple divorces spurned by infidelity. Please get a therapist and get over your ex. Growing up stewed in parental resentment was hell.

It only takes one divorce like that to ruin your life as a kid. My mom still hates, hates, hates my dad 50 years later. To this day she has no clue that her rage negatively affected her kids, and indeed, herself.

Dad has no idea his lying, cheating and betrayal is responsible.

As a kid, you likely don’t know the half of it. He probably gave her an STD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am a child of multiple divorces spurned by infidelity. Please get a therapist and get over your ex. Growing up stewed in parental resentment was hell.

Multiple divorces??? Yikes. How did that happen? How many parents cheated?

Both bio parents cheated at some point but my dad cheated on every wife.

[Anonymous]

You don’t. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

I have had some sleep and put the wine down and reread your messages. I hear you, I hear you. I'm going to take the high road and Hope that this woman will be good to my child. The infertility remarks will really mean and unnecessary I'm just hurt. I thought I was over all of this when the divorce was final, but hearing they were moving in together opened up new wounds. I didn't know he was still with her. I knew he was seeing someone but all my energy has been thrown into work and my child because I've read books about the effects of divorce on young children. It's not a good feeling when your husband leaves you for someone else. The fact that he's been with her for more than a decade means that there's probably some kind of substance to the relationship and I can't just pretend she was one of the many that he would run through in the past. I love my child very much and the last thing I want to do is hurt them. I've made an emergency therapy appointment that I am thankfully able to do via video chat. I'm trying really hard not to feel like this man stole my life I don't recognize myself I wasn't always this bitter..... I appreciate all the advice.

[Anonymous]

No apologies necessary, OP. Yours is a very normal reaction to events that normal women have.

In fact, your comments are not nearly as bad or mean of what I think of my husband’s married AP. But, having read every book out there on infidelity, every blog and therapy, fantasies of her untimely painful death and fantasies of publicly humiliating her are VERY normal the first few months.

Hang in there. Anger is part of grief. End of a marriage, leading of betrayal are all “grief”.

[Anonymous]

*learning

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP, your daughter is a teen and won't want to spend her weekends with a traitorous father and and his moral-free mistress.

Sign her up for a bunch of weekend activities. ALso, since he is the typical male, he won't really want to take up his weekends with his kid.

My bet is 1 year from now, visits with dad and the vapid woman will be few and far between.

No. How childish.

New poster here who is divorced with older kids who did well. This advice is SPOT ON. Her daughter needs to be kept busy with friends and role models and activities and support so she can feel normal and be shielded from broken-hearted/fragile moms, cheating dads, and mistresses.

I have no idea how the father will react, but this is very good advice.

No it is not good advice it is using your child as a pawn to get back at your ex You can dress it up and call it a million different things , but when it comes down to it, it's an attempt to alienate the child from her father because you ( rightfully) have hurt feelings.

It is very good advice. The child needs to be kept busy to feel normal and maintain social contacts and stay as far away from grieving mothers and cheating fathers.

And I'm not the person who originally gave her this advice. I'm a divorced mother who is 100 percent against parental alienation. (And by the way, this isn't parental alienation at all. Please do not throw around that term unless you know what it means legally. You sound like an idiot.)

It's terrible advice signing DD up for a bunch of activities, she's not already in on the weekends so she can't see her da, because gf might be there has nothing to do with the well being of a child. I might be an idiot ,but you're a witch who is messing up her kids because she's angry. You being angry at your ex no matter how justified doesn't give you the right to try to destroy the relationship with the father.. It's the kid that will suffer. and you'll suffer in the future once your kid figures out what you did. See a therapist, bitch to your friends and stop messing up your kids.

Well, how about dad and DD sign her up for activities that dad accompanies near his home? Teens want and need to be with peers. Teen daughter won't be bouncing on dad's knees to connect, right? OW can go along or not (if she respects DDs need to have one-on-one time she won't of her own accord).

I'm a divorced mom. Ex cheated but never ended up with OW. He has DD every weekend and I encouraged him to sign her up for things. It has a positive effect on their relationship. He really has to be a father now. Before he didn't go to girls stuff. Horseback riding - he didn't like the poo. Now he's going around with a trailer and braiding hair (horse and DD). He packs healthy snacks, has learnt to plan in more time for girls getting ready, chit-chatting and finally he has a healthy tan. Before just stuck in the office or drunk on the couch. (Maybe I should hire him as an au pair now).

Give it some time and OP can go along to these activities once in a while. Trust me, it's great to be in the comfy dad's around the arena position. You get to float in when the games begin, cheer your kid on and leave before the odd parent's jobs are handed out.

Yay OP,take the high road. Fake it til you make it and you will find that you can enjoy a position you feared. You already won: cheater-free, every weekend to gain a great life and no bad conscience that makes you throw your presence at a teenager. You got this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am a child of multiple divorces spurned by infidelity. Please get a therapist and get over your ex. Growing up stewed in parental resentment was hell.

Multiple divorces??? Yikes. How did that happen? How many parents cheated?

Both bio parents cheated at some point but my dad cheated on every wife.

That's horrible. What kind of people are your parents????

I think that parental resentment was only part of the problem there. Cheating was the problem. What was wrong with your father that he cheated on every wife? how many wives did he have?

Crazy.