How to keep the other woman away from my child?

[Anonymous]

My ex-husband had an affair that lasted several years. We recently divorced and I found out he is still with her. I suspect they are going to get married. My question is how do I prevent her from being around my child? Can I somehow go back to court to renegotiate our child custody agreement? My child is 13 Is there any way they can go before a judge and say they don't want to be around her?
Please help!

[Anonymous]

You can’t control him anymore. You’re divorced. Move on.

[Anonymous]

No. Not unless you don't want her to have any relationship with her father and even then - you need proof of something like abuse.

She's not a child. Let her make up her own mind about the woman.

[Anonymous]

No. Find a therapist to talk to so you can get peace about it. You cannot control whether or not the other woman is in your life or in your child’s life, because your child is still also your ex’s child.

I’m sure this is very painful and I’m sorry, but you have to learn to live with it. The more you are at peace with it, the better it will be for your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can’t control him anymore. You’re divorced. Move on.

I don't want to control him, but I should have a say-so who is around my child.

[Anonymous]

Wow, a rare instance of unanimity on DCUM! OP, please take this black swan occurrence as proof that the advice you are getting is accurate. You have got to learn to live with this without putting the burden on your child or anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Find a therapist to talk to so you can get peace about it. You cannot control whether or not the other woman is in your life or in your child’s life, because your child is still also your ex’s child.

I’m sure this is very painful and I’m sorry, but you have to learn to live with it. The more you are at peace with it, the better it will be for your child.

I hear you, but how do I make peace with someone who blew up our whole world for another woman?

[Anonymous]

Op, why would you want to keep the other woman away from the child?

I understand the hurt feelings because she was the affair partner, but unless she is abusive to your child or has other behavioral or psychological issues that put your child’s wellbeing at risk, there is no reason for you to prevent your child from being around her.

How old is your child? Is there conflict? Did the child express any reasons not to want to be around her?

As much as it hurts you, it’s probably now best for child to normalize back relationships including with the dad and his partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t control him anymore. You’re divorced. Move on.

I don't want to control him, but I should have a say-so who is around my child.

You have 50% of a say-so because you are divorced. Unless you believe your child is literally in grave danger, you have 0% of say so about what happens on your ex’s time.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you want her around your child? Is she a source of danger? Drugs, physical abuse, for example? You will need evidence to present to the judge for that.

If you're just resentful of the way things are, that's not reason enough. For all you know, she could be a wonderful step-mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Find a therapist to talk to so you can get peace about it. You cannot control whether or not the other woman is in your life or in your child’s life, because your child is still also your ex’s child.

I’m sure this is very painful and I’m sorry, but you have to learn to live with it. The more you are at peace with it, the better it will be for your child.

+1

As for “how” - therapy for sure.

[Anonymous]

Awful. My sympathies, OP. I wouldn’t want that whore around my kids either. Your daughter will learn who her father is. It’s so tough and I can’t imagine being in your shoes. Being the “adult” in the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Find a therapist to talk to so you can get peace about it. You cannot control whether or not the other woman is in your life or in your child’s life, because your child is still also your ex’s child.

I’m sure this is very painful and I’m sorry, but you have to learn to live with it. The more you are at peace with it, the better it will be for your child.

I hear you, but how do I make peace with someone who blew up our whole world for another woman?

I’m sorry, that is so so hard! All I can tell you is plenty of therapy. And you don’t particularly have to make peace with him – you have to make peace yourself, within your own mind. You owe him civility and nothing more. But you cannot change the other woman’s presence in your child’s life, so you have to learn to accept it without making it awful for your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, why would you want to keep the other woman away from the child?

I understand the hurt feelings because she was the affair partner, but unless she is abusive to your child or has other behavioral or psychological issues that put your child’s wellbeing at risk, there is no reason for you to prevent your child from being around her.

How old is your child? Is there conflict? Did the child express any reasons not to want to be around her?

As much as it hurts you, it’s probably now best for child to normalize back relationships including with the dad and his partner.

My child is 13. She's not abusive from what I hear she's a lovely person even though she's a homewrecker. She doesn't have children and I am worried about her trying to mother my child. My child already has a mother.

[Anonymous]

^^^ ok, missed the child is 13. Did the child say anything about the partner being abusive or treating the child badly? If not, it’s best for the child and you op to move on and accept That this person will be in your ex husband’s and your child’s lives - at least while she and the ex are together.