How terrible will it be to be away from my 1 year old daughter at Christmas? I am regretting things

[Anonymous]

Eh, I post here when I'm upset so I come off bad of course. Don't care about the disses. I hate threads where the OP disappears so I'll come back and take it

The decision is on hold for now. If it ends up being her working and her mom taking care of the baby, I'll live I guess

Happy Father's day everyone

[Anonymous]

I would suggest you stay home with your wife and infant daughter. Agree with PPs that the baby won't know the difference, but it is the precedent you are setting up by being away from your young family on such an important holiday. When you marry and start a family, they become your priority. Perhaps your wife will say she doesn't care. We've all done this and then privately wondered how our spouse could make that kind of decision.

[Anonymous]

Seems to me you won’t let up until you’ve made your wife so miserable that she just relents, spends a ton of money on traveling to Canada and goes with you because you wore her down. You suck. Let the poor woman be in her cozy home around her parents at Christmas! What the hell is wrong you? Quit trying to make others pay for your decision making.

[Anonymous]

I guarantee you if you guilt your wife into going or resent her for not it will always be a stain on your relationship whether she says it is or not. She will never look at you the same way or respect you.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, I actually defended OP originally. But this latest passive aggressive "I'll live I guess" really pushed me over the edge. You're a man child, OP. Grow up already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, I actually defended OP originally. But this latest passive aggressive "I'll live I guess" really pushed me over the edge. You're a man child, OP. Grow up already.

The situation changed - the original argument about vacation days doesn't apply anymore

[Anonymous]

Even if work wasn't a question here, I don't blame your wife at all for not wanting to haul ass to Canada during the holidays with a toddler...for a week....in a group house...where you will undoubtedly leave her to be the primary parent while you lounge with family and leave for the whole day skiing. Sounds dreadful. Now compare that to waking up in your own bed, in your own home with nearby parents who are happy to see you, make you a meal and watch your child for a while. No contest. It's absurd that you don't see that, OP and now seem to be taking the stand that unless she can prove to you how this is all about work you expect her to go or you'll pout. You sound like a craptastic husband and partner. Your wife has told you "fine" about you being gone for a week (?!) over the holidays. Count your lucky stars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She said we will talk about it more later.. but now I wouldn't really be happy with her using her precious vacation time to just stay home or trying to have her parents watch her, essentially making me look like a giant ass

So I'm fine with going just with the baby or with the whole family....

The scenario of me going by myself and having fun... Doesn't seem possible anymore

Daycare's closed, and you have vacation time both available and approved?

Stay home with your daughter. Enjoy her, revel in who she is now. Free your wife up to go to work without worry for the days she must, and then enjoy Christmas day and the weekends together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She said we will talk about it more later.. but now I wouldn't really be happy with her using her precious vacation time to just stay home or trying to have her parents watch her, essentially making me look like a giant ass

So I'm fine with going just with the baby or with the whole family....

The scenario of me going by myself and having fun... Doesn't seem possible anymore

Daycare's closed, and you have vacation time both available and approved?

Stay home with your daughter. Enjoy her, revel in who she is now. Free your wife up to go to work without worry for the days she must, and then enjoy Christmas day and the weekends together.

But then he wouldn't get to bask in the glory of his super fun relatives! That's more important than building traditions and memories with your nuclear family!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, I actually defended OP originally. But this latest passive aggressive "I'll live I guess" really pushed me over the edge. You're a man child, OP. Grow up already.

The situation changed - the original argument about vacation days doesn't apply anymore

Not that much. It's still not fun and relaxing for her to haul all the way across the continent during Xmas with a toddler and then be cooped up in a large house full of your "fun" family members who'll likely keep the baby up at night and create extra stress. I really thought you'd come around and was recognizing how much you're demand from her. And now this.

And what's wrong with her parents watching the baby while she works? It's low key, it's more relaxing for them. Oh wait, you'll miss you baby. So you lay all the blame on your wife.

Like I said, grow up already.

[Anonymous]

OP,
I side eyed your passive aggressive statements from the start but as a DW who honestly wouldn't mind the situation you described (you going to this reunion out of state over DD first Xmas) I gave you a pass. I get not everything plays out perfectly schedule wise.
However, the more you post and reveal your true disdain for your wife's autonomy is pushing me to no longer be 'team you'.

You have a family reunion over a major holiday (and out of state no less). It doesn't seem your DW fussed or guilted you into staying with your DD. You state she said she was 'fine' with you going. See, she is being the bigger person here.
You seem to think that she was only staying because of work when she stated she does NOT want to travel at Christmas with a small child who will likely be very mobile or wanting to be.

Now that Daycare is closed is a complete non issue to everyone except you who seems to think this is your way into bullying your wife to doing what you and only you want.
What about her? What about your DD? What about your DW family who thinks and may have already planned for her to be home this year and scheduled holiday plans based on that.
She MAY be able to still work if her family watches your daughter.

If this daycare being closed is such an issue for you then stay home and be with your child so your wife doesnt need to take unpaid leave (which i am sure she is not thrilled about doing but may be too big of person to ask you to step up and parent your own child to help).

Listen,
I get it. You likely miss your family, they are fun and great and the best thing ever. But do you really want to hold your wife and DD hostage just to prove that you can over this? Seriously. Be the bigger person. Tell DW you will support her no matter what she decides and then do just that.
That may be you going alone and having a blast, or staying home and enjoying your sweet DD because you will blink and she will be 18.

Just own your decisions and don't be 'that' guy who has to get his way or pouts, pitches a fit and guilts people into doing things his way

[Anonymous]

So by OP logic,
1. He could have a good time if he knew his wife was stuck working and DD stuck in Daycare all day.
2. He can no longer have a good time knowing his wife will be at home watching his DD and (gasp) may be enjoying themselves.

MMM. Okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So by OP logic,
1. He could have a good time if he knew his wife was stuck working and DD stuck in Daycare all day.
2. He can no longer have a good time knowing his wife will be at home watching his DD and (gasp) may be enjoying themselves.

MMM. Okay.

Excellent point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,
I side eyed your passive aggressive statements from the start but as a DW who honestly wouldn't mind the situation you described (you going to this reunion out of state over DD first Xmas) I gave you a pass. I get not everything plays out perfectly schedule wise.
However, the more you post and reveal your true disdain for your wife's autonomy is pushing me to no longer be 'team you'.

You have a family reunion over a major holiday (and out of state no less). It doesn't seem your DW fussed or guilted you into staying with your DD. You state she said she was 'fine' with you going. See, she is being the bigger person here.
You seem to think that she was only staying because of work when she stated she does NOT want to travel at Christmas with a small child who will likely be very mobile or wanting to be.

Now that Daycare is closed is a complete non issue to everyone except you who seems to think this is your way into bullying your wife to doing what you and only you want.
What about her? What about your DD? What about your DW family who thinks and may have already planned for her to be home this year and scheduled holiday plans based on that.
She MAY be able to still work if her family watches your daughter.

If this daycare being closed is such an issue for you then stay home and be with your child so your wife doesnt need to take unpaid leave (which i am sure she is not thrilled about doing but may be too big of person to ask you to step up and parent your own child to help).

Listen,
I get it. You likely miss your family, they are fun and great and the best thing ever. But do you really want to hold your wife and DD hostage just to prove that you can over this? Seriously. Be the bigger person. Tell DW you will support her no matter what she decides and then do just that.
That may be you going alone and having a blast, or staying home and enjoying your sweet DD because you will blink and she will be 18.

Just own your decisions and don't be 'that' guy who has to get his way or pouts, pitches a fit and guilts people into doing things his way

Op here. Fair enough.. I'll go back to what I said before. Won't pressure her into coming and won't fuss if she wants to work and get her mom to help out with the baby

[Anonymous]

You sound like a petulant man child.