My son brought a friend on vacation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, stop taking taking the 19 year olds to more expensive places. Give them some money and send them to a pizza place, or a buffet or a taco place where the dude can gourge himself until they run out of money.

You and everyone else can go to the nice seafood restaurant.

Good advice. And take them somewhere where they can pick up snacks in bulk. And SPEAK UP ffs.

What the EFF makes you think we didn't buy a ton of food when there's 6 people. I don't know how many times I can say it. It's not a scarcity issue. If we bought 3 dozen donuts he would eat 30 of them. If it's there, it's eaten, period.

And I'm not sending my son, who is on family vacation before going back to college, to a separate dinner because he happened to invite a bottomless pit to join. I suck it up and pay the extra dinner because my family wants to spend time together especially since our son is away at school now.

This place truly has zero redeeming factors. No matter how common and unarguable an issue you a-holes are like piranhas jumping in with wild fantasies of 1%ers too cheap to buy more than a loaf of bread and simultaneously telling me I am a bad person/awful host who has made him feel awful but also haven't made him feel bad enough because I've just sucked it up and vented here rather than shame him. Throw in some nonsense about spray sunscreen and an eating disorder and it's Yahtzee.

OP, best to quit while you are ahead.

Op is most definitely NOT ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good god it's still going on?? I 100% stand by my glutton comment. We had our last dinner out last night. He ordered a fish special and eyed my son's plate like a vulture and the SECOND my son took a break from eating he asked "YOU'RE DONE!?" My son said no and kept eating. When he DID finish and place his napkin in his plate to clean up the friend barked at him "HUSHPUPPIES!!!" and snatched them off the plate.

We ordered an appetizer and what does he do? Grab the dipping sauce it came with, pulled it right over to himself and started eating directly over it dipping each bite.

We brought in shells from the balcony and my son asked what to do with them. I said the younger girls would want them. This a**hole went over and TOOK ALL THE GOOD ONES OUT FOR HIMSELF. I saw him looking but didn't realize til this morning that he had actually taken them.

He is the absolute WORST guest we have ever brought on a trip for any of my kids. Ever. Never thanked us for a thing. Just consumed consumed whined and consumed. I'm so pissed I had to spend my vacation with him and I'm pissed my son even invited him knowing he's like this.

Next time do not invite a kid that you clearly Do Not Know. This was your family vacation for goodness sake.

I don't know....I love me a good hushpuppy, but no one messes with the dip. I make everyone use a little spoon and put the dip on their plate if they can't control themselves. It's kind of sweet that he took the seashells-- you've spent all of this energy secretly hating on him and he probably gathered treasured souvenirs from a wonderful vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry your vacation was ruined, OP. He sounds absolutely horrendous. If there is anymore follow-up (will the parents reach out to thank you? Reimburse you? How bad will the car ride going home be?) please let us know!

You have my sympathies. I guess this friendship is over?

Nah, my son is freakishly easygoing and evidently isn't bothered by a lot of this. Even if something annoys him he can shake it off. They will stay friends. He's just never, ever invited to go anywhere with us ever again.

Your son sounds like a good kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did your son bring a friend on vacation at their ages? I can see if your son is 6, but 19??

Because the younger two are girls and we don't want our son to be stuck inside all night once the younger ones get tired or stuck doing only activities they can do. Ideally, the friend is so they can go out at night or do stuff like jet skiing and just keep him company. However, this kid also doesn't happen to want to go out in the evening, won't parasail or jetski, and hates walking or physical activity so it's been entirely pointless having him join. He goes along on group activities but has mostly complained about heat, water temp, fun level etc. Trust me, I regret the invite.

He's your son's friend, though, right? As in, your son invited him? So, it seems REALLY unlikely your son would invite someone on a trip who didn't want to participate in the things your son wanted to do on the trip. Perjaps the message is actually coming from your son, and it is saying, "Mom, I do not want to be on this family beach trip, so I am going to ruin it."

Or alternatively, the friend is actually more fun than the uptight mom would care to admit and OP's son actually likes him.

Lol. You guys and your fairy tales. His other, more close friends all couldn't come due to work and other vacations. This is basically a 3rd tier friend from high school who my son thinks is okay but also now wishes he hadn't brought since he's gotten lectured at various points for what he orders, what he won't eat , using a plate for spaghetti instead of a bowl, what towel he chose to use, wanting to go out at night, etc.

Lady, you sound horrible. Lecturing the kid for using a plate instead of a bowl for spaghetti? Seriously? I too had mY son invite a kid who was a nightmare to our beach house, but I tried to get him in line and then encouraged my son to invite his other friends who are great

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good god it's still going on?? I 100% stand by my glutton comment. We had our last dinner out last night. He ordered a fish special and eyed my son's plate like a vulture and the SECOND my son took a break from eating he asked "YOU'RE DONE!?" My son said no and kept eating. When he DID finish and place his napkin in his plate to clean up the friend barked at him "HUSHPUPPIES!!!" and snatched them off the plate.

We ordered an appetizer and what does he do? Grab the dipping sauce it came with, pulled it right over to himself and started eating directly over it dipping each bite.

We brought in shells from the balcony and my son asked what to do with them. I said the younger girls would want them. This a**hole went over and TOOK ALL THE GOOD ONES OUT FOR HIMSELF. I saw him looking but didn't realize til this morning that he had actually taken them.

He is the absolute WORST guest we have ever brought on a trip for any of my kids. Ever. Never thanked us for a thing. Just consumed consumed whined and consumed. I'm so pissed I had to spend my vacation with him and I'm pissed my son even invited him knowing he's like this.

Next time do not invite a kid that you clearly Do Not Know. This was your family vacation for goodness sake.

I don't know....I love me a good hushpuppy, but no one messes with the dip. I make everyone use a little spoon and put the dip on their plate if they can't control themselves. It's kind of sweet that he took the seashells-- you've spent all of this energy secretly hating on him and he probably gathered treasured souvenirs from a wonderful vacation.

NP here. Snatching those shells away from little girls makes it decidedly less sweet. Seriously, this is a grown man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did your son bring a friend on vacation at their ages? I can see if your son is 6, but 19??

Because the younger two are girls and we don't want our son to be stuck inside all night once the younger ones get tired or stuck doing only activities they can do. Ideally, the friend is so they can go out at night or do stuff like jet skiing and just keep him company. However, this kid also doesn't happen to want to go out in the evening, won't parasail or jetski, and hates walking or physical activity so it's been entirely pointless having him join. He goes along on group activities but has mostly complained about heat, water temp, fun level etc. Trust me, I regret the invite.

He's your son's friend, though, right? As in, your son invited him? So, it seems REALLY unlikely your son would invite someone on a trip who didn't want to participate in the things your son wanted to do on the trip. Perjaps the message is actually coming from your son, and it is saying, "Mom, I do not want to be on this family beach trip, so I am going to ruin it."

Or alternatively, the friend is actually more fun than the uptight mom would care to admit and OP's son actually likes him.

Lol. You guys and your fairy tales. His other, more close friends all couldn't come due to work and other vacations. This is basically a 3rd tier friend from high school who my son thinks is okay but also now wishes he hadn't brought since he's gotten lectured at various points for what he orders, what he won't eat , using a plate for spaghetti instead of a bowl, what towel he chose to use, wanting to go out at night, etc.

Lady, you sound horrible. Lecturing the kid for using a plate instead of a bowl for spaghetti? Seriously? I too had mY son invite a kid who was a nightmare to our beach house, but I tried to get him in line and then encouraged my son to invite his other friends who are great

The obnoxious guest was the one lecturing OP’s son about using a plate for spaghetti instead of a bowl, among other things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave OP alone. Every one of you would get annoyed to no end if your child invited a similar guest to your family vacation.

But the rest of us would go into the vacation with a guest with an understanding of who is paying for what.

The rest of us know better than to allow a family member to invite a “third tier guest”. If that’s how we think of them, it will end badly.

The rest of us would follow some of the advice here, stock up on cheap food, let the boys eat some of the meals out on their own, and quit mentally tallying everything the kid eats and orders. He is probably obsessed with food because Op is trying to micromanage and control what he eats.

The rest of us would speak up and ask for help if needed the same as we would with our own kids. I know with some families, I will rinse off dishes after dinner when we are visiting and put them in the dishwasher, and then the husband or wife comes behind me a re-does it the “right way,” because bowl don’t go on the top. Or I will discover that “we compost,” and there is a rule about how every item is disposed of and hosts going through the trash to rescue composting or recycling. Or strip the bed when I leave and start the sheets only to discover the host wanted to make the bed and not deal with it. If people are anal control freaks (see also, OP) I’m glad to help, but I need some directions. That is triply true for 19 year olds.

The rest of us would not focus so much on the obese “glutton” consuming “resources” (which is a weird way to but it). OP’s primary issue is the quantity of food eaten by a fat person. And people have suggested easy ways to keep the kid fed without busting her budget. She dowsn’t Want to control the budget. She wants to control the fat persons eating.

The rest of us would not micromanage the schedule of a college kid and his friend on vacation. And expect them to spend all day and all their meals doing exactly what OP wants with her and the younger kids. But, when the clock strikes 8, expect the will go out on their own for exactly 4 hours of activities on their own from a preapproved list that includes parasailing and jet skis.

The rest of us wouldn’t invite a third tier friend if what we really wanted was quality time with our college aged kid and him to eat every meal with us.

The rest of us know that if we post an issue like this in DCUM, we are going to get six pages of advice and opinions. And not all the opinions will be in line with ours.

OP has a lot of issues— with food, with obesity, with”resources,” with anger, with being a snob, with being a control freak. The rest of us are not OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Lol. You guys and your fairy tales. His other, more close friends all couldn't come due to work and other vacations. This is basically a 3rd tier friend from high school who my son thinks is okay but also now wishes he hadn't brought since he's gotten lectured at various points for what he orders, what he won't eat , using a plate for spaghetti instead of a bowl, what towel he chose to use, wanting to go out at night, etc.

Lady, you sound horrible. Lecturing the kid for using a plate instead of a bowl for spaghetti? Seriously? I too had mY son invite a kid who was a nightmare to our beach house, but I tried to get him in line and then encouraged my son to invite his other friends who are great

The obnoxious guest was the one lecturing OP’s son about using a plate for spaghetti instead of a bowl, among other things.

NP. The passive voice phrasing and confusing pronouns have me puzzled. "... since he's gotten lectured at various points for what he orders [etc]..." I thought OP had been saying that her son was unhappy that SHE had been lecturing her son about the failings of his friend. Who has been doing the lecturing? Are all of the "he" statements referring to the son, or are some of them referring to the friend?

If the friend has been so unpleasant in his eating and has also been lecturing the son for what the friend perceives to be the son's shortcomings, then that is really beyond tolerating. But OP should not be lecturing her son for the friend's shortcomings at this point, because what is the son supposed to do about it? It's very awkward all around.

This guest is so unpleasant that honestly, I would be tempted to just call it off and tell the friend, "Sorry, this is really not working out for us. I will drive you home now." And then do it, and come back and finish the week in peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave OP alone. Every one of you would get annoyed to no end if your child invited a similar guest to your family vacation.

But the rest of us would go into the vacation with a guest with an understanding of who is paying for what.

The rest of us know better than to allow a family member to invite a “third tier guest”. If that’s how we think of them, it will end badly.

The rest of us would follow some of the advice here, stock up on cheap food, let the boys eat some of the meals out on their own, and quit mentally tallying everything the kid eats and orders. He is probably obsessed with food because Op is trying to micromanage and control what he eats.

The rest of us would speak up and ask for help if needed the same as we would with our own kids. I know with some families, I will rinse off dishes after dinner when we are visiting and put them in the dishwasher, and then the husband or wife comes behind me a re-does it the “right way,” because bowl don’t go on the top. Or I will discover that “we compost,” and there is a rule about how every item is disposed of and hosts going through the trash to rescue composting or recycling. Or strip the bed when I leave and start the sheets only to discover the host wanted to make the bed and not deal with it. If people are anal control freaks (see also, OP) I’m glad to help, but I need some directions. That is triply true for 19 year olds.

The rest of us would not focus so much on the obese “glutton” consuming “resources” (which is a weird way to but it). OP’s primary issue is the quantity of food eaten by a fat person. And people have suggested easy ways to keep the kid fed without busting her budget. She dowsn’t Want to control the budget. She wants to control the fat persons eating.

The rest of us would not micromanage the schedule of a college kid and his friend on vacation. And expect them to spend all day and all their meals doing exactly what OP wants with her and the younger kids. But, when the clock strikes 8, expect the will go out on their own for exactly 4 hours of activities on their own from a preapproved list that includes parasailing and jet skis.

The rest of us wouldn’t invite a third tier friend if what we really wanted was quality time with our college aged kid and him to eat every meal with us.

The rest of us know that if we post an issue like this in DCUM, we are going to get six pages of advice and opinions. And not all the opinions will be in line with ours.

OP has a lot of issues— with food, with obesity, with”resources,” with anger, with being a snob, with being a control freak. The rest of us are not OP.

TL;DR: You have a kid exactly like OP is describing. Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave OP alone. Every one of you would get annoyed to no end if your child invited a similar guest to your family vacation.

But the rest of us would go into the vacation with a guest with an understanding of who is paying for what.

The rest of us know better than to allow a family member to invite a “third tier guest”. If that’s how we think of them, it will end badly.

The rest of us would follow some of the advice here, stock up on cheap food, let the boys eat some of the meals out on their own, and quit mentally tallying everything the kid eats and orders. He is probably obsessed with food because Op is trying to micromanage and control what he eats.

The rest of us would speak up and ask for help if needed the same as we would with our own kids. I know with some families, I will rinse off dishes after dinner when we are visiting and put them in the dishwasher, and then the husband or wife comes behind me a re-does it the “right way,” because bowl don’t go on the top. Or I will discover that “we compost,” and there is a rule about how every item is disposed of and hosts going through the trash to rescue composting or recycling. Or strip the bed when I leave and start the sheets only to discover the host wanted to make the bed and not deal with it. If people are anal control freaks (see also, OP) I’m glad to help, but I need some directions. That is triply true for 19 year olds.

The rest of us would not focus so much on the obese “glutton” consuming “resources” (which is a weird way to but it). OP’s primary issue is the quantity of food eaten by a fat person. And people have suggested easy ways to keep the kid fed without busting her budget. She dowsn’t Want to control the budget. She wants to control the fat persons eating.

The rest of us would not micromanage the schedule of a college kid and his friend on vacation. And expect them to spend all day and all their meals doing exactly what OP wants with her and the younger kids. But, when the clock strikes 8, expect the will go out on their own for exactly 4 hours of activities on their own from a preapproved list that includes parasailing and jet skis.

The rest of us wouldn’t invite a third tier friend if what we really wanted was quality time with our college aged kid and him to eat every meal with us.

The rest of us know that if we post an issue like this in DCUM, we are going to get six pages of advice and opinions. And not all the opinions will be in line with ours.

OP has a lot of issues— with food, with obesity, with”resources,” with anger, with being a snob, with being a control freak. The rest of us are not OP.

TL;DR: You have a kid exactly like OP is describing. Got it.

LOL. Exactly the opposite. My DD is 14, 5’1’’, just got 70 pounds (yes, that’s correct) and has BMI below the 5th percentile. Not an eating disorder. She was a premie and has always been tiny and always been a picky eater. So much so that they did a couple of days worth of work ups, physical and psych, at CMC when she was in 6. She’s healthy. But she eats very little. Mostly heathy. But loves iice cream. Right now, she drinking Ensure and trying to GAIN weight on her doctors advice. She is on track to get her first period on the 3rd of never and she can’t stay on her ADHD meds if she doesn’t gain some weight. Plus, she is also a Go, Go, Go, Go machine.

I just don’t happen to like passive aggressive control freaks, who silently seeth, rather than politely using their words. Or people who make stupid decisions, like nightingale a third tier friend, and then refuse to accept consequences.

[Anonymous]

ANYONE with a 19 year old who just arrived home???

Please. Fill us in.

[Anonymous]

This is 100% because OP hates fat people.

[Anonymous]

If this is all true, I feel sorry for the young man. If he’s truly that socially clueless and has a compulsive eating problem and obesity, he’s in for a very hard life. Likely he has medical problems, is not totally neurotypical, or his parents majorly failed in raising him, given these anecdotes. OP gets to go back to her normal life now; this kid is stuck behaving in ways that will make everyone hate him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is 100% because OP hates fat people.

No it's not, it's because I hate inconsiderate people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did your son bring a friend on vacation at their ages? I can see if your son is 6, but 19??

Because the younger two are girls and we don't want our son to be stuck inside all night once the younger ones get tired or stuck doing only activities they can do. Ideally, the friend is so they can go out at night or do stuff like jet skiing and just keep him company. However, this kid also doesn't happen to want to go out in the evening, won't parasail or jetski, and hates walking or physical activity so it's been entirely pointless having him join. He goes along on group activities but has mostly complained about heat, water temp, fun level etc. Trust me, I regret the invite.

He's your son's friend, though, right? As in, your son invited him? So, it seems REALLY unlikely your son would invite someone on a trip who didn't want to participate in the things your son wanted to do on the trip. Perjaps the message is actually coming from your son, and it is saying, "Mom, I do not want to be on this family beach trip, so I am going to ruin it."

Or alternatively, the friend is actually more fun than the uptight mom would care to admit and OP's son actually likes him.

Lol. You guys and your fairy tales. His other, more close friends all couldn't come due to work and other vacations. This is basically a 3rd tier friend from high school who my son thinks is okay but also now wishes he hadn't brought since he's gotten lectured at various points for what he orders, what he won't eat , using a plate for spaghetti instead of a bowl, what towel he chose to use, wanting to go out at night, etc.

Lady, you sound horrible. Lecturing the kid for using a plate instead of a bowl for spaghetti? Seriously? I too had mY son invite a kid who was a nightmare to our beach house, but I tried to get him in line and then encouraged my son to invite his other friends who are great

The obnoxious guest was the one lecturing OP’s son about using a plate for spaghetti instead of a bowl, among other things.

Yes. We had spaghetti one night. My son got down played and handed one to friend. Friend went on for 5 minutes about why would someone use a plate not a bowl for spaghetti. He did the same damn thing when my son chose a certain towel for a shower, to wear certain shoes, and to not eat some smoked tuna dip. Just on and on nattering at my son because he did something different than friend. My husband had to tell him to knock it off when he took them golfing because Jack Nicklaus here kept critiquing every single hit.