Niece called me hysterical. Teen pregnancy, brother kicked her out
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Anonymous
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She and her baby are very lucky to have you & your DH. What you're doing is hard, but the best for everyone in the long run.
You should definitely get her teamed up with local supports. Call your local family support center- it's through family services but very different from being involved with CPS. I did my social work internship with the one in Annapolis so I can speak to how it was in ours. Services were voluntary (ie, parents came to us for support and could stop whenever they wanted.) Many (but not all) of our clients were teen moms. We had an educational center for them to finish their diploma/GED on site with a teacher/peers. They provided child care during the day in the center while the parents were there learning. Parents were expected to interact with and help with their children during that time- it enabled staff to help guide the parents and teach appropriate parenting skills and reinforced parental responsibility. They took parenting classes and they had opportunities to practice skills surrounding interviews to get a job/etc. They also received some home visiting services which was mainly to teach parenting skills/provide resources for the family. Also occasionally included some conflict resolution amongst family members if needed. Once baby is born we did developmental assessments of the baby & made referrals to infants & toddlers for support services if needed. You can work with a social worker there to determine what services would be helpful. Definitely sign her up for classes at the local hospital as well to learn baby care/etc. In light of her experiences this one might seem insensitive but I'd also encourage her to consider finding a church locally. I'm sure you're well aware her parents are not Christians and do not reflect the majority. Maybe a UU church. If not a church then some other group she can find support in and be surrounded by people who will be a good influence. |
Anonymous
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Pp here:
There are also some public schools that have similar educational programs in place where parents attend classes while child care is provided for the baby. A social worker through the family support center should be able to provide guidance on what the options are after this school year. Obviously she can continue with online learning- but then you or someone else has to watch the baby. Getting this setup sooner than later is a good idea to make ure everything is squared away. Lastly, don't give up on her. I have a cousin who purposely (!!!!) had a baby as a 15/16 year old. She finished high school and went on to marry (not the dad of the first.). She will be turning 21 & has 3 now. I'd never encourage it or suggest it as ideal, but I am really proud of how seriously he takes her role as mom and learns about child care / safety / etc. She's truly doing a great job even though I feel many of her decisions were probably not the best. She plans to take classes at the community college soon to slowly get into the nursing field. Probably start as a CNA. My point here is for many- the reality of a baby can be a very sobering event hat causes these girls to grow up & mature. Family support makes the most difference in outcomes from everything I personally have seen and experienced. She will likely do much better with your support and rules/expectations then she ever would on her own in a group home or just her own place. |
Anonymous
This author died at age 22. Seizure due to drugs. |
Anonymous
oh you lier. my husbands family is the religious kind mentioned in this post and after the initial shock, the baby was welcomed as was the mother. It takes a lot for people to throw their children away.I am sure her parents miss her already |
Anonymous
| What about foster care? Children can also be fostered |
Anonymous
Do you mean the teen should be put into foster care or her unborn baby? Fostercare is temporary. It's a holding place while either parental rights are terminated and the child is cleared for adoption, or the parent is working to be allowed to get back their child. |
Anonymous
Yeah, it must have hurt them so much to see her stuff around the house - which is why they packed it up and shipped it to OP. I'm sure they miss her much less now that they've gotten rid of her thing that remind them of her. |
Anonymous
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OP, you are clearly a bigger person than me, and I applaud your efforts! OMG, I would do everything to help the girl get situated, but I doubt I would invite her into my home. Who cares that she "doesn't want" to live in a group home? I think it's time for your niece to realize she will not be getting what she wants for quite a while. A bit early for such a life lesson, but her actions have clear consequences.
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Anonymous
Exactly Who cares about her anyway. The race is on to grab her fetus. That is what matters. Not her |
Anonymous
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What happened to the phrase "you do for family"? What is wrong with you people. The girl made a mistake but she is a person in need and half of you want to throw her to the wolves to teach her a lesson. Honestly I am appalled but some of what I am reading.
To the OP, you are a good person. I wish you the best of luck. Though these are different situations, I am rasing my 5 year old nephew as my son. He was dealt crappy parents, this is not his fault. While getting pregnant is a direct consequence of your nieces actions, having parents who can help but refuse to is not her fault. Best of luck to you and your family. I hope that adding this extra member to your household, short-term or not, turns out to be a blessing in disguise. Raising a son as a single parent was not on my list of things to do but it has been a wonderful experience and now that I am living it, it truly one of the best experiences of my life. |
Anonymous
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OP - It sounds like within your family structure you and DH are realistic and doing the VERY best you can for you children and your niece. Here are some questions: - Have you looked into how she can gain emancipated minor status in terms of seeing if that will help establish her eligibility for any government benefits? Most importantly for health care probably through Medicaid in time? - Who is going to be paying for her doctor and hospital bills as it should be her parents whether they want to or not? - Has she been connected to the local Department of Social Services to see what benefits she may qualify for? Or the baby? Actually to see if the DSS or other agencies have a Case Manager who she would meet the criteria to be served by? The CM could help her and you/DH navigate the local and/or state system to see what supports might be out there for her and baby: #1 A plan needs to be put in place for her to return to school in the fall to keep her life and education moving forward. #2 A place for safe child care needs to be looked into and to see if any daycare scholarships to help pay. Baby needs to be cared for so the Mom can move forward for the benefit of all of you. Would your parents be willing to help their great grandchild in this regard financially? - Have you been in contact with local mental health or children and teen family services to see if she qualifies for any kind of therapy? If there are any on-going support groups? - Are there any other services in your area that might be of benefit to her now to help her deal with her sudden pregnancy, LOSS - of nuclear family, of friends, of community etc. and ADJUSTMENT to your family and rules? Or just services to teens? - Is there a new parent class she could attend? Parenting classes? You and DH have taken on an awful lot - soon to be two children - and you deserve and your niece will need any outside support that she is due. Now that I think of it there is WIC for food for her now and till child is five, FAMIS will probably cover child's health care, etc. I would say that it is important that she have a daily routine because as you note pregnancy is not a sickness or disability. With summer here, she does need to have a daily routine established which perhaps a volunteer connection might help to be out of the house. And she can also with your guidance start to make any contacts noted. Sad all around, and hopefully she will consider adoption. |
Anonymous
| Perhaps she will miscarry |
Anonymous
This. Time a million. |
Anonymous
You sorry excuse for a human being. |
Anonymous
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OP - Here are some benefits that would be available to your niece if she did go for emancipation in terms of financial supports to help her complete her high school degree and then go onto college. It is not without its issues, however, so here is also a pretty good article to weigh the pros and cons at
http://www.coyotecommunications.com/stuff/emancipate.shtml It is information that may be important for you and your husband to have if despite your best intentions things do not work out for niece and her child to remain in our home. And, of course, perhaps if her folks can see she is doing well, they will consider reconnecting with her. You two are awesome for taking her in, but just be wise enough to learn of the supports that are there because this teen will need structure and a routine to keep her going. And as you know, the day-to-day routine of a newborn is going to be a real awakening for her. Here is some specific information on the financial supports which you can find in more detail with a Google search under Emancipated Minor and benefits If I get welfare, will I have to go to school? If you are between 16 and 19, unmarried and have not graduated from high school, you will probably have to return to school or enter a GED program in order to receive public assistance. If I get welfare, will I have to work? Yes, unless one of these exceptions applies to you: • You are under age 19 and in secondary, vocational or technical school full time • You are ill or disabled • You have a child under 3 months old • You are a caretaker of an ill or disabled member of the household • You have no available childcare • You are more than 8 months pregnant Will welfare support me if I go to college? Generally, you may count up to 15 hours a week in an approved school program, such as a two-year college or vocational school, toward the work requirement. Work /study and internships may satisfy the rest of your 35-hour work requirement. As a result of a recent lawsuit, it is now easier for single parents on welfare to attend college. attend college What if I can’t afford to pay for childcare or transportation to attend school or work? When welfare assigns you to work and school activities, you are entitled to money for transportation to comply with work assignments, including transportation to and from childcare. You will also be given options for appropriate childcare if you cannot find your own. |