BIL pissed that we won't be at his wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can easily tell from this thread which posters believed that the sun, moon and stars rotated around their weddings.

Exactly, I would not dream that other people would drop everything to come to my wedding. It is not that important - personally I don't give a shit.

I wouldn't dream that anyone would drop everything and come to my wedding either, but if I invited someone and they took the time to tell me they weren't coming to my wedding because they had a dinner reservation at a fancy restaurant, I would certainly feel some kind of way about that.

OP's husband should have just said "so sorry we can't make it, take lots of pictures" and kept it moving. Telling the whole family that none of his family is attending the wedding because she has a birthday party the week before and a fancy dinner reservation the week after is . . . either intentionally rude or simply foolish.

It is NOt a "dinner reservation at a fancy restaurant"! It's "dinner with all of our grown kids in ONe place that we have planned for months to make happen. Most had to fly to get there and arrange their vacation/work schedule to make it happen" dinner to celebrate mom.

OP, how many of the other posts are actually you? I kind of suspected. Take the whole wedding out of the picture--and entire two weekends that simply cannot be changed to celebrate your birthday is the height of self-centeredness and immaturity. Seriously, go volunteer or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can easily tell from this thread which posters believed that the sun, moon and stars rotated around their weddings.

Right? A 2nd wedding for a 50+ sibling. I’ll choose my nuclear family 100% of the time over traveling halfway around the world at the drop of a hat.

And which people expect multiple bday celebrations costing $$.

She’s not demanding that BIL and the entire extended family drop their plans and fly across the world to attend her birthday, dimwit. Thanks for proving my point.

Did I say she was? She is throwing herself a “lavish” party and the special dinner.

Nice name-calling, btw.

DH should go if he wants to. OP should not go if she doesn’t want to.

DH doesn’t seem keen, but to listen to some of you one would think OP had him locked in cage to prevent him from going. And OP can throw herself whatever kind of party she wants. What’s wrong with that? Her nuclear family seems happy to attend and how is that any of other people’s business? Name calling is certainly justified here.

Actually...her nuclear family isn't attending the "lavish" party. They are there for her second party, the next weekend.

Okay, still so what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can easily tell from this thread which posters believed that the sun, moon and stars rotated around their weddings.

Exactly, I would not dream that other people would drop everything to come to my wedding. It is not that important - personally I don't give a shit.

I wouldn't dream that anyone would drop everything and come to my wedding either, but if I invited someone and they took the time to tell me they weren't coming to my wedding because they had a dinner reservation at a fancy restaurant, I would certainly feel some kind of way about that.

OP's husband should have just said "so sorry we can't make it, take lots of pictures" and kept it moving. Telling the whole family that none of his family is attending the wedding because she has a birthday party the week before and a fancy dinner reservation the week after is . . . either intentionally rude or simply foolish.

It is NOt a "dinner reservation at a fancy restaurant"! It's "dinner with all of our grown kids in ONe place that we have planned for months to make happen. Most had to fly to get there and arrange their vacation/work schedule to make it happen" dinner to celebrate mom.

OP, how many of the other posts are actually you? I kind of suspected. Take the whole wedding out of the picture--and entire two weekends that simply cannot be changed to celebrate your birthday is the height of self-centeredness and immaturity. Seriously, go volunteer or something.

Bridezilla got triggered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grown adults who make massive deals of their (aging) birthdays are tiresome.

Grown adults who make massive deals of their second weddings are even more ridiculous.

Nope. A wedding is a much more significant affair. How are adult birthdays even significant at all? Talk about having the mindset of a 12 year old.

Expecting everyone to drop everything on a few weeks notice to travel across the world is the height of immaturity, something you’re obviously familiar with.

[Anonymous]

Chorus from "Garden Party" - Ricky Nelson

Well its all right now.
I've learned my lesson well.
Ya see ya can't please everyone.
So ya got to please yourself.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s insane to expect people to drop their plans 4 weeks in advance to fly ANYWHERE for a wedding. This is a clear “we hope you can make it, but understand if you can’t” situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Chorus from "Garden Party" - Ricky Nelson

Well its all right now.
I've learned my lesson well.
Ya see ya can't please everyone.
So ya got to please yourself.

I wish I’d learned this at 20 instead of 50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can easily tell from this thread which posters believed that the sun, moon and stars rotated around their weddings.

Exactly, I would not dream that other people would drop everything to come to my wedding. It is not that important - personally I don't give a shit.

I wouldn't dream that anyone would drop everything and come to my wedding either, but if I invited someone and they took the time to tell me they weren't coming to my wedding because they had a dinner reservation at a fancy restaurant, I would certainly feel some kind of way about that.

OP's husband should have just said "so sorry we can't make it, take lots of pictures" and kept it moving. Telling the whole family that none of his family is attending the wedding because she has a birthday party the week before and a fancy dinner reservation the week after is . . . either intentionally rude or simply foolish.

It is NOt a "dinner reservation at a fancy restaurant"! It's "dinner with all of our grown kids in ONe place that we have planned for months to make happen. Most had to fly to get there and arrange their vacation/work schedule to make it happen" dinner to celebrate mom.

OP, how many of the other posts are actually you? I kind of suspected. Take the whole wedding out of the picture--and entire two weekends that simply cannot be changed to celebrate your birthday is the height of self-centeredness and immaturity. Seriously, go volunteer or something.

Not OP but you really sound like the sock puppet who stalks this forum constantly pushing people to attend things regardless of how ridiculous the event is or how obnoxious the hosts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s insane to expect people to drop their plans 4 weeks in advance to fly ANYWHERE for a wedding. This is a clear “we hope you can make it, but understand if you can’t” situation.

I don't think she would drop her plans with more notice. This birthday dinner has been planned for months already and is still a month away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can easily tell from this thread which posters believed that the sun, moon and stars rotated around their weddings.

Exactly, I would not dream that other people would drop everything to come to my wedding. It is not that important - personally I don't give a shit.

I wouldn't dream that anyone would drop everything and come to my wedding either, but if I invited someone and they took the time to tell me they weren't coming to my wedding because they had a dinner reservation at a fancy restaurant, I would certainly feel some kind of way about that.

OP's husband should have just said "so sorry we can't make it, take lots of pictures" and kept it moving. Telling the whole family that none of his family is attending the wedding because she has a birthday party the week before and a fancy dinner reservation the week after is . . . either intentionally rude or simply foolish.

It is NOt a "dinner reservation at a fancy restaurant"! It's "dinner with all of our grown kids in ONe place that we have planned for months to make happen. Most had to fly to get there and arrange their vacation/work schedule to make it happen" dinner to celebrate mom.

OP, how many of the other posts are actually you? I kind of suspected. Take the whole wedding out of the picture--and entire two weekends that simply cannot be changed to celebrate your birthday is the height of self-centeredness and immaturity. Seriously, go volunteer or something.

I know you'll accuse me of being OP but her post says she planned a milestone birthday at a venue, which is a normal thing to do, but one child became unavailable after the party had been booked. They therefore booked another dinner the next week when the child could travel to her. Multiple family members have arranged flights to be at these events and the other child will otherwise be out of the country. These are perfectly reasonable reasons to not be able to travel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can easily tell from this thread which posters believed that the sun, moon and stars rotated around their weddings.

Exactly, I would not dream that other people would drop everything to come to my wedding. It is not that important - personally I don't give a shit.

I wouldn't dream that anyone would drop everything and come to my wedding either, but if I invited someone and they took the time to tell me they weren't coming to my wedding because they had a dinner reservation at a fancy restaurant, I would certainly feel some kind of way about that.

OP's husband should have just said "so sorry we can't make it, take lots of pictures" and kept it moving. Telling the whole family that none of his family is attending the wedding because she has a birthday party the week before and a fancy dinner reservation the week after is . . . either intentionally rude or simply foolish.

It is NOt a "dinner reservation at a fancy restaurant"! It's "dinner with all of our grown kids in ONe place that we have planned for months to make happen. Most had to fly to get there and arrange their vacation/work schedule to make it happen" dinner to celebrate mom.

OP, how many of the other posts are actually you? I kind of suspected. Take the whole wedding out of the picture--and entire two weekends that simply cannot be changed to celebrate your birthday is the height of self-centeredness and immaturity. Seriously, go volunteer or something.

I know you'll accuse me of being OP but her post says she planned a milestone birthday at a venue, which is a normal thing to do, but one child became unavailable after the party had been booked. They therefore booked another dinner the next week when the child could travel to her. Multiple family members have arranged flights to be at these events and the other child will otherwise be out of the country. These are perfectly reasonable reasons to not be able to travel.

Yeah OP really did herself as disservice going into the dinner reservation thing. If the kids are flying out to come home it’s that they are having their adult kids back home for the weekend, not just a dinner…right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s insane to expect people to drop their plans 4 weeks in advance to fly ANYWHERE for a wedding. This is a clear “we hope you can make it, but understand if you can’t” situation.

Seriously. I’d be miffed if I were asked to fly to Boston on 4 weeks notice, unless it were for a funeral or for a true emergency. Let alone on the other side of the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the BIL was that concerned about having family present at the wedding then he could have arranged a date that would suitably accommodate everyone. It’s not like he’s shipping out to war the day after. In the words of Elaine Benes this is an unvitation.

Absolutely this. There is no extenuating circumstance like deployment or a family medical diagnosis or something compelling this wedding to suddenly happen. People who value others being able to attend provide notice, especially for travel. If the BIL wants to randomly do this, he is entitled to do so but no one else needs to bend their life around it.

BIL picked the date suddenly to coordinate with the other brother’s previously-planned trip.

People complaining about the big birthday party for OP sound jealous. Some people celebrate milestones in this way, and she also said her husband was the driver behind it. I agree with the PP who said we need more reasons to celebrate!

If it wasn’t her birthday and instead she had already planned a weekend for all her kids to get together, and the kids bought plane tickets and arranged things, would people be answering differently?

BIL sounds like he has main character syndrome. Adults plan in advance. Adults who expect people to travel around the world for a wedding plan in advance.

Oh, OP, if only you could go back and edit your original post. In fact, it's quite clear YOU and DH planned the party. It says nowhere that DH is "the driver." And yes, if OP (you) had her whole family on flights because THEY wanted to celebrate her birthday and there was no other time, and the weekend was well-planned, etc. the answer would be different. But OP's reason is that she needs an ENTIRE WEEK for her birthday. It's like people completely missed that part.

You must have missed the part where OP said she was sad for her DH who “relished” planning the party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are focusing on the wrong thing, OP. Or rather, there are more issues here. Yes, I suppose you could cancel the party and he dinner and go to the wedding. If the wedding was in Baltimore, that would be the right discussion to have.

But it's in Australia. They expect you to fly to Australia on 4 weeks notice (apparently, because it worked with the schedule of another family member?). That's lunacy. The party/dinner is the icing on the cake.

Also, if it was so important to them to have you there, they should have (i) given more notice, and (ii) asked if you have any immovable conflicts on the proposed date.

I would have so little tolerance for this pressure I'd have to let someone else handle it, because I'd say something I'd regret.

Me too !
They can kick rocks , in Australia!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the BIL was that concerned about having family present at the wedding then he could have arranged a date that would suitably accommodate everyone. It’s not like he’s shipping out to war the day after. In the words of Elaine Benes this is an unvitation.

Absolutely this. There is no extenuating circumstance like deployment or a family medical diagnosis or something compelling this wedding to suddenly happen. People who value others being able to attend provide notice, especially for travel. If the BIL wants to randomly do this, he is entitled to do so but no one else needs to bend their life around it.

BIL picked the date suddenly to coordinate with the other brother’s previously-planned trip.

People complaining about the big birthday party for OP sound jealous. Some people celebrate milestones in this way, and she also said her husband was the driver behind it. I agree with the PP who said we need more reasons to celebrate!

If it wasn’t her birthday and instead she had already planned a weekend for all her kids to get together, and the kids bought plane tickets and arranged things, would people be answering differently?

BIL sounds like he has main character syndrome. Adults plan in advance. Adults who expect people to travel around the world for a wedding plan in advance.

Oh, OP, if only you could go back and edit your original post. In fact, it's quite clear YOU and DH planned the party. It says nowhere that DH is "the driver." And yes, if OP (you) had her whole family on flights because THEY wanted to celebrate her birthday and there was no other time, and the weekend was well-planned, etc. the answer would be different. But OP's reason is that she needs an ENTIRE WEEK for her birthday. It's like people completely missed that part.

You must have missed the part where OP said she was sad for her DH who “relished” planning the party.

So? That doesn't make BIL’s request reasonable.