Boyfriend told me to “shut the F up”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trying again:


You are conflating the use of profanity generally by a person with profanity directed with specificity by a person at his partner. They're not the same thing.

There's still a world of difference between a non-angry "stfu" and "STFU you bleeping bleep!"

Yeah, the difference is weeks to months when he will do the latter because she took the former.

What's the outcome of the recent strikes in Iran gonna be? Will ICE ever leave Los Angeles alone? Or, for something more simple: what are the next winning lotto numbers?

You know, since you've got your crystal ball out...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trying again:


You are conflating the use of profanity generally by a person with profanity directed with specificity by a person at his partner. They're not the same thing.

There's still a world of difference between a non-angry "stfu" and "STFU you bleeping bleep!"

Yeah, the difference is weeks to months when he will do the latter because she took the former.

What's the outcome of the recent strikes in Iran gonna be? Will ICE ever leave Los Angeles alone? Or, for something more simple: what are the next winning lotto numbers?

You know, since you've got your crystal ball out...

Denying abuse escalation is not the flex you think it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trying again:


You are conflating the use of profanity generally by a person with profanity directed with specificity by a person at his partner. They're not the same thing.

There's still a world of difference between a non-angry "stfu" and "STFU you bleeping bleep!"

Yeah, the difference is weeks to months when he will do the latter because she took the former.

What's the outcome of the recent strikes in Iran gonna be? Will ICE ever leave Los Angeles alone? Or, for something more simple: what are the next winning lotto numbers?

You know, since you've got your crystal ball out...

Denying abuse escalation is not the flex you think it is.

Alleging facts not in evidence is not the truth you think it is.

[Anonymous]

YOu were probably drunk and stupid and needed to STFU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trying again:


You are conflating the use of profanity generally by a person with profanity directed with specificity by a person at his partner. They're not the same thing.

There's still a world of difference between a non-angry "stfu" and "STFU you bleeping bleep!"

The STFU followed by lecturing and in the context of how he’s handling the dog is all we needed to know. Btw you’re talking to multiple people who are exactly on the same page.

Yeah, there's a lot of messy people in this thread who can't follow a thread and are projecting, hard, sure. She lectured him about his dog, while he was minding his own business, and got a dismissive, but not violent, STFU.

If she wants to break up with him, she should. But treating this like some sort of nuclear calamity is unhinged and way over the top. That howevermany of you are "exactly on the same page" (on the anon forum, which is full of trolls and sockpuppets) doesn't make you right.

Stop gaslighting her. Be better than the guy who tells people to STFU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trying again:


You are conflating the use of profanity generally by a person with profanity directed with specificity by a person at his partner. They're not the same thing.

There's still a world of difference between a non-angry "stfu" and "STFU you bleeping bleep!"

The STFU followed by lecturing and in the context of how he’s handling the dog is all we needed to know. Btw you’re talking to multiple people who are exactly on the same page.

Yeah, there's a lot of messy people in this thread who can't follow a thread and are projecting, hard, sure. She lectured him about his dog, while he was minding his own business, and got a dismissive, but not violent, STFU.

If she wants to break up with him, she should. But treating this like some sort of nuclear calamity is unhinged and way over the top. That howevermany of you are "exactly on the same page" (on the anon forum, which is full of trolls and sockpuppets) doesn't make you right.

Stop gaslighting her. Be better than the guy who tells people to STFU.

Stop using psychobabble buzzwords you don't understand. Also, stop treating everything as black/white. Also, stop making false equivalencies.

I mean, really, if you need to course correct that much, you could just stop posting, because you're not adding anything useful to the thread, which you seem to have trouble following.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, that's awful.

I've been married to my wife for twenty years and have never, ever said that to her. To me, it's s deep sign of disrespect.

+100

Almost 20 years here and we have never spoke to each other like that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't care for the way he is treating you or the way he is treating his dog. The signs are there, time to exit.

Is it any wonder the two are escalating? He is starting to control his dog more and now he's talking to you like that more?

Honestly, the dog thing concerns me. What kind of a dog is it? I understand and respect the need for a muzzle sometimes, but that plus keeping a tighter leash makes me think that's about to go downhill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was not okay. You should consider if you want a man to treat you that way. I would not.

Counterpoint: everyone makes mistakes. I’ve heard worse from my wife.

No one should be spoken to like that by a loved one. It is abusive.

Glad you’re perfect. But with mere mortals, they make mistakes. The whole picture matters and context matters.

Of course people make mistakes, yet somehow some of us have managed to go our whole lives without talking to someone like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was not okay. You should consider if you want a man to treat you that way. I would not.

Counterpoint: everyone makes mistakes. I’ve heard worse from my wife.

No one should be spoken to like that by a loved one. It is abusive.

Glad you’re perfect. But with mere mortals, they make mistakes. The whole picture matters and context matters.

Not for me. I know that I will never be with a man who speaks to me this way.

So when dating partners did, I left until I found one who does not have temper tantrums like a child.

Temper tantrums is adding context that hasn’t been shared.

Context matters. Was it said in anger/maliciously? Was it said in an exasperated way while rolling eyes? The degree matters here. The literal words aren’t great but context very much matters. Some people are liberal with their profanity but the intent behind it isn’t as meaningful. Others can be spitting acid.

There is no context in which this is acceptable.

I am someone who has said I would never tolerate someone speaking to me like that (nor would I do it to them), but I can see myself saying "shut the f up" while laughing with friends if someone was ribbing me good naturedly. However, in no way was that the context of the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was not okay. You should consider if you want a man to treat you that way. I would not.

Counterpoint: everyone makes mistakes. I’ve heard worse from my wife.

No one should be spoken to like that by a loved one. It is abusive.

Glad you’re perfect. But with mere mortals, they make mistakes. The whole picture matters and context matters.

Not for me. I know that I will never be with a man who speaks to me this way.

So when dating partners did, I left until I found one who does not have temper tantrums like a child.

Says you, having a snit over the mere discussion of it on DCUM? What exactly do you think you bring to the table, sweetie?

Not the PP, but it doesn't matter what that poster brings to the table - NO ONE deserves to be talked to like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a raised voice?

That’s not how have an important discussion.

If his dog is out of control, neighbors are complaining about noise or attacks, and he is t doing anything or even talking about id be done. He has no conflict resolution or communication skills.

Offering a person unsolicited advice about something that isn't even your business while they're minding theirs and having a drink isn't how to have an important conversation either.

Nitpick and nag me while I'm enjoying my peace and I'll swear at you, too! Y'all need to take responsibility for the energy you bring to a space. You can't just jump into someone's space and business, mind it like it's your own, and then expect to be treated with civility and boundaries you yourself didn't respect.

"Would you like some feedback about that?" "Would outside advice be useful to you?" "Would you like my thoughts on the subject?"

A lot of y'all seem to think you have all the right answers, but NOBODY ASKED. All unsolicited advice is criticism. You started it, and now you want to be mad that he swore? Don't start with disrespect and then act surprised you're met with disrespect.

Nope. Your response is gross. I hope someday you'll see that, and I hope you're single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Wow this got a
Lot of responses. I will answer some of the questions asked.

He said it in a way where he was annoyed. He wasn’t yelling. I think he was upset that I wasn’t treating the dog the same way he does, when I have her by myself.

The dog bit someone a few weeks back and thus the muzzle and his tight leash. He is very serious about dog training. We were in an area though that has light traffic, so I was just suggesting maybe the dog good get a moment of freedom since no one was around.

He said that he wasn’t saying it in a way to hurt me. I think as another poster said he is more liberal with words and the alcohol definitely aided that. I just don’t ever want to talk like that with each other. I’ve never seen any signs of him speaking poorly to me before this instance.

The dog bit someone and what did he do about it? He's very serious about dog training...himself? Or he has a legitimate trainer? This guy sounds like a loser for so many reasons, but keep defending him I guess. There's a lid for every trash can and all that.

I'd hope you'd listen to the people explaining what the future with this guy could look like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trying again:


You are conflating the use of profanity generally by a person with profanity directed with specificity by a person at his partner. They're not the same thing.

There's still a world of difference between a non-angry "stfu" and "STFU you bleeping bleep!"

The STFU followed by lecturing and in the context of how he’s handling the dog is all we needed to know. Btw you’re talking to multiple people who are exactly on the same page.

Yeah, there's a lot of messy people in this thread who can't follow a thread and are projecting, hard, sure. She lectured him about his dog, while he was minding his own business, and got a dismissive, but not violent, STFU.

If she wants to break up with him, she should. But treating this like some sort of nuclear calamity is unhinged and way over the top. That howevermany of you are "exactly on the same page" (on the anon forum, which is full of trolls and sockpuppets) doesn't make you right.

Stop gaslighting her. Be better than the guy who tells people to STFU.

Stop using psychobabble buzzwords you don't understand. Also, stop treating everything as black/white. Also, stop making false equivalencies.

I mean, really, if you need to course correct that much, you could just stop posting, because you're not adding anything useful to the thread, which you seem to have trouble following.

Stop excusing abusive behavior.

The only people who think this language is ok to use with a bf/gf either use it on their own spouse or their spouse uses it on them. Either way not healthy, and not the people you want to be taking advice from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was not okay. You should consider if you want a man to treat you that way. I would not.

Counterpoint: everyone makes mistakes. I’ve heard worse from my wife.

No one should be spoken to like that by a loved one. It is abusive.

Glad you’re perfect. But with mere mortals, they make mistakes. The whole picture matters and context matters.

Of course people make mistakes, yet somehow some of us have managed to go our whole lives without talking to someone like that.

Right, because being a smug ah on an anon board makes you better somehow...