Struggling with being intimate with my husband

[Anonymous]

I have a fairly low libido so I don’t think about sex and rarely initiate it. But, crazily, I really enjoy it when we do it. I’m lucky in that my husband is very solicitous about what I like. We’ve been together 37 years and we have sex at least once a week. I’m sure my husband would like it more frequently but I’m pretty good at meeting his needs as well. I guess you just have to find a happy medium.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op’s sexless marriage is primarily her fault because of her psychological issues however her husband is not helping the situation by being so understanding. One of the ways women stop being attracted to their husbands is when husbands are too nice. Op’s husband need to be more assertive and stop being so considerate. He simply needs to TELL her he will be pounding her tonight and let her know the frequency he expects (once or twice a week or whatever works for them). don’t ask just tell her. End of discussion. Her libido will be back; they will be rocking and rolling in no time!

Great advice!
Let me know how that works out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op sounds very emotional and unnecessarily complicates simple things

+10000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn’t this how most marriages are? We don’t even have kids and I’m generally happily married but I’m just not interested in sex. I am too tired and stressed out.

No. I love sex and giving BJs...we are going through a stressful time (just posted here about our issues recently), and we are actually having more sex because it feels good and is good stress relief.

Sex is like dessert without all the negative health consequences. This narrative that women don't/shouldn't like sex is not normal.

[Anonymous]

Too tires and stressed out for sex? Seriously, it's not like your partner is asking you to run a marathon, or even a mile. Hell you don't even have to work up a sweat and sex is a stress reliever. It's realistically 6 minutes of activity. If you can't put in that little effort a a few times a week, your marriage is doomed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Too tires and stressed out for sex? Seriously, it's not like your partner is asking you to run a marathon, or even a mile. Hell you don't even have to work up a sweat and sex is a stress reliever. It's realistically 6 minutes of activity. If you can't put in that little effort a a few times a week, your marriage is doomed.

+1 Twice a YEAR BJs? Let me show you to the door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn’t this how most marriages are? We don’t even have kids and I’m generally happily married but I’m just not interested in sex. I am too tired and stressed out.

No. I love sex and giving BJs...we are going through a stressful time (just posted here about our issues recently), and we are actually having more sex because it feels good and is good stress relief.

Sex is like dessert without all the negative health consequences. This narrative that women don't/shouldn't like sex is not normal.

Good for you! Not having sex due to issues within a marriage is about one of the worst things one can do. It sex makes the situation worse. having regular sex has the potential to improve the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You were never in to him. You wanted kids. Now that you have kids, you are done with him. It's very common.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Too tires and stressed out for sex? Seriously, it's not like your partner is asking you to run a marathon, or even a mile. Hell you don't even have to work up a sweat and sex is a stress reliever. It's realistically 6 minutes of activity. If you can't put in that little effort a a few times a week, your marriage is doomed.

Exactly!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn’t this how most marriages are? We don’t even have kids and I’m generally happily married but I’m just not interested in sex. I am too tired and stressed out.

No. Not how our marriage is at all.
Our marriage is an all priority, and sex/intimacy is a priority within our marriage. How can you be too tired for intimacy?

Because I work full time in a demanding job and do about 90% of the house ‘maintenance’ too - not just cleaning; but paying bills, scheduling people to come clean or fix things, etc.

That is exactly my point. You aren’t prioritizing sex. I work a full time demanding job. So does my husband. We make time or push off other things in order to stay sexually connected.

If you don’t want that type of sexual connection; that is ok. But the only reason you are not having it is that you are not making time for it.

Or maybe her lazy a$$ dh could do more so she isn’t so exhausted and would be a le to “make time”. God it’s so f***ing annoying to see women blamed for everything on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bottom line is that as one of the pp pointed - op needs to see a doctor and/or a psychologist to fix this defect in her.

Or maybe you stop sock puppeting. Child birth and the resulting hormones are not a bodily defect. Maybe care about your partner as a person, not just a hole for you.

Agree child birth is not a defect but not having sex 40 or so days after child birth shows you don’t care about your partner’s needs. Having sex with your spouse doesn’t mean you are using them for just a hole, it’s one of the many important things you do with your spouses in a caring marriage.

Huh? Is this satire? Not having sex 40 days after an extreme medical event means you don’t care about your partner? How about the reverse, where your spouse doesn’t GAF about the major bodily event that took place and can’t wait 40 days? Seriously you are encouraging people to cheat on their spouse after giving birth because you can’t use them as a hole??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op’s sexless marriage is primarily her fault because of her psychological issues however her husband is not helping the situation by being so understanding. One of the ways women stop being attracted to their husbands is when husbands are too nice. Op’s husband need to be more assertive and stop being so considerate. He simply needs to TELL her he will be pounding her tonight and let her know the frequency he expects (once or twice a week or whatever works for them). don’t ask just tell her. End of discussion. Her libido will be back; they will be rocking and rolling in no time!

Or how about we don’t encourage men to rape women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Too tires and stressed out for sex? Seriously, it's not like your partner is asking you to run a marathon, or even a mile. Hell you don't even have to work up a sweat and sex is a stress reliever. It's realistically 6 minutes of activity. If you can't put in that little effort a a few times a week, your marriage is doomed.

Six minutes? If that's all my husband was willing to put into it, it wouldn't happen. I don't use a stop watch but 20-30 minutes including foreplay is pretty normal for us. I need to warm up and get my heart rate going before we get really physical. My husband knows that he will benefit from getting me going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn’t this how most marriages are? We don’t even have kids and I’m generally happily married but I’m just not interested in sex. I am too tired and stressed out.

No. Not how our marriage is at all.
Our marriage is an all priority, and sex/intimacy is a priority within our marriage. How can you be too tired for intimacy?

Because I work full time in a demanding job and do about 90% of the house ‘maintenance’ too - not just cleaning; but paying bills, scheduling people to come clean or fix things, etc.

That is exactly my point. You aren’t prioritizing sex. I work a full time demanding job. So does my husband. We make time or push off other things in order to stay sexually connected.

If you don’t want that type of sexual connection; that is ok. But the only reason you are not having it is that you are not making time for it.

Or maybe her lazy a$$ dh could do more so she isn’t so exhausted and would be a le to “make time”. God it’s so f***ing annoying to see women blamed for everything on here.

Some of the women who claim they'd want sex if only they did less work are even telling the truth. (Actually, I think most who make this assertion aren't actively lying - but I think a lot of women seriously overestimate how much they'd want sex if they had more time on their hands.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Too tires and stressed out for sex? Seriously, it's not like your partner is asking you to run a marathon, or even a mile. Hell you don't even have to work up a sweat and sex is a stress reliever. It's realistically 6 minutes of activity. If you can't put in that little effort a a few times a week, your marriage is doomed.

Six minutes? If that's all my husband was willing to put into it, it wouldn't happen. I don't use a stop watch but 20-30 minutes including foreplay is pretty normal for us. I need to warm up and get my heart rate going before we get really physical. My husband knows that he will benefit from getting me going.

No idea how much effort you're putting in, but usually the DH is doing most of the heavy lifting during the warm-up period. So, PP might not have been counting the period of time when DH is warming things up and DW isn't really being active.