No Kids at Wedding - Why So Much Anger?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll attend local (within an hour) childfree weddings. I won’t use leave or fly for them.

If you’re looking for my participation in a weekend extravaganza with rehearsal and brunch then my family is in the package.

But I have no problem sending regrets if that’s not your vision.

+1

Yep. Pretty much the same.

+1 A sane reply. The “you don’t like your family” poster is crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll attend local (within an hour) childfree weddings. I won’t use leave or fly for them.

If you’re looking for my participation in a weekend extravaganza with rehearsal and brunch then my family is in the package.

But I have no problem sending regrets if that’s not your vision.

+1

Yep. Pretty much the same.

+1 A sane reply. The “you don’t like your family” poster is crazy.

Yes thank you! This is the only sane response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

Really ask yourselves if the bride/groom (or bride/bride, or groom/groom, people…I’m the first to mention those possibilities in a dozen page) care, or if their parents care. When I wasn’t able to go to my cousin’s destination wedding, she understood completely but her mother called my mother and was worked up in a right froth over it. (My parents weren’t able to go, either, which is rather the point of many a destination wedding.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

bride/groomzillas?
As has been pointed out, THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU DECLINE. Why do you think you're so special? Just send a gift and decline. Done.

[Anonymous]

So back to the thread title- why so angry? I do agree that the angriest people seem to be the people whose children are not invited and that is puzzling.

From what I can tell, BG accept the declines graciously.

Has anyone actually been harangued by a BG for declining a wedding invite? I certainly have not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

bride/groomzillas?
As has been pointed out, THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU DECLINE. Why do you think you're so special? Just send a gift and decline. Done.

so why invite someone if you don’t actually care if they’ll be there? Are they props for you photos?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So back to the thread title- why so angry? I do agree that the angriest people seem to be the people whose children are not invited and that is puzzling.

From what I can tell, BG accept the declines graciously.

Has anyone actually been harangued by a BG for declining a wedding invite? I certainly have not.

Agree. The angry ones are those that can’t bring their kids to ruin the first dance. They have convinced themselves that their kid is the life of the party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

bride/groomzillas?
As has been pointed out, THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU DECLINE. Why do you think you're so special? Just send a gift and decline. Done.

so why invite someone if you don’t actually care if they’ll be there? Are they props for you photos?

Probably because they are a cousin and their parents wanted it. There are always obligation invites. But if not, they understand not everyone can come. Do you want a tantrum to prove ghat you are very special? Accepting a decline graciously is the norm.

[Anonymous]

It’s bizarre to me. The people getting married decide the guest list. The guests making up stories as to why xyz wasn’t invited is the problem.

We did no young kids AND no random plus ones. Provided a sitter to the one family member who traveled with their 2 year old. Some of DH’a cousins didn’t end up coming and we understood. It was money and space driven. As far as I know a friend of DH’s family were the only people who got angry when they called my MIL and asked if their teenaged son could bring his girlfriend. Um, no. Our adult friends were coming solo and we literally had no more space.

Both my sister and my SIL got married when I had a nursing infant. I was in both weddings. I did not bring my baby to either wedding or reception and I figured out my own childcare. I realize it takes a certain degree of connections/money to make that happen and we’re lucky it worked out, but outside of something totally egregious I can’t imagine being mad at someone because their plans for their wedding don’t match yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

bride/groomzillas?
As has been pointed out, THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU DECLINE. Why do you think you're so special? Just send a gift and decline. Done.

Lol I'm not sending a gift but thanks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

bride/groomzillas?
As has been pointed out, THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU DECLINE. Why do you think you're so special? Just send a gift and decline. Done.

Lol I'm not sending a gift but thanks

I will bet you don't actually get invited to that many weddings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

bride/groomzillas?
As has been pointed out, THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU DECLINE. Why do you think you're so special? Just send a gift and decline. Done.

so why invite someone if you don’t actually care if they’ll be there? Are they props for you photos?

Not being invited to a wedding is more offensive in the vast majority of cases then declining an invite because of childcare or other personal reasons.

[Anonymous]

Ahhh...weddings and kids. So much fun.

When I was married, we were explicitly told that kids would be at the wedding by both my Mother and my Mother-in-Law. Big families on both sides and I get it's hard to draw the line. It just really inflated the guest list quite a bit and put some venues that we liked out.

The venue we ended up with was good though at not including minors in the count for the open bar.

I have also attended many weddings that were no kids and sitters were provided for the kids which most always included dinner (Pizza) for the kids as well.

I also have attended my first cousin cousin once removed wedding and my kids weren't invited. The aunt of the bride had hers there even though they were the same age as mine. Was I bent about it - no, not at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

bride/groomzillas?
As has been pointed out, THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU DECLINE. Why do you think you're so special? Just send a gift and decline. Done.

so why invite someone if you don’t actually care if they’ll be there? Are they props for you photos?

Not being invited to a wedding is more offensive in the vast majority of cases then declining an invite because of childcare or other personal reasons.

To put a fine point on it - You may not care if a cousin attends your wedding, but you need to send an invite to keep family harmony.