So are we to never have a husband-wife trip without kids for another 14 years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I seriously have never understood why parents feel the need to have kid-free vacations. Yes, they should be over pretty much. Kids are 14 and 11. No, there have not been kid-free vacations nor will there be.

You are being a baby. You can reconnect if you have weekend date nights. You don’t need an entire vacations. This was not a thing in previous generations.

-1

[Anonymous]

Huh? So find someone other than your MIL to watch the kids. It's not rocket science. My husband and I have 11-year-old twins and we've been away from them multiple times since they were born and we don't have local family who can help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Couple of things:

I have an almost 16 year old, and I would not take a trip and leave them home alone. 16 seems like an adult when you have tiny kids: 16 is NOT an adult.

If you have the funds to take a trip, you can hire a sitter, right? Or you can find another family that you trust and perhaps even trade off with them for the weekend on occasion. Also, he may change his mind about his mom. Do you have siblings? If they come to visit, perhaps they can extend their visit for a few days for you an DH to get away.

Which sitters watch your kids all weekend? Vast majority of sitters in this area are HS girls and college students who can barely text back their availability in a punctual manner...let alone watch your kids for an entire weekend.

We live in MoCo and I don't know of any other families using overnight sitters. Or at least they are not advertising it publicly!

I'll bet money that you know families who have nannies, correct? Or know someone who has a nanny? Either that or you don't actually live in MoCo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We never felt the need to have parent-only trips during our kids' childhoods, OP, so I guess everyone's different. We enjoyed our family vacations. Having kids never felt like a sacrifice. Oldest is in college now.

Your medal is in the mail. Thank you so much for your contribution to this discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents never took a weekend away just them. That is a newer trend among the affluent and those with young local family. We took one vacation without our kids and our younger one cried for us. Didn’t vacation without the kids for another 15 years.

Mine did. I'm 46. This isn't a "trend."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t need adult only trips: I did not do it, my parents did not, his parents did not, grandparents did not. Most people don’t do this. Grow up.

Most people in your circle, maybe. Most people in my circle do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re being very dramatic.

The most obvious solution is to hire a weekend nanny. It sounds like that’s cost prohibitive for you.

Okay. Next option:

Once your kids are in elementary school, it’s fairly easy to arrange sleepovers with friends. Yes, you’ll have to start with one night and work your way up to a weekend, but it’s doable. Obviously, you’ll have to reciprocate too so keep it in mind.

Realistically, there’s a period of roughly 4 or 5 years where it’s logistically difficult. After that, it’s just a matter of setting up sleepovers.

An entire weekend is different than a sleepover.

Is it? Leave Saturday morning, come back Sunday afternoon?

That’s a hell of a long sleepover.

How difficult is it for you to have another kid in your house for 36 hours? I'd do this for my friends in a heartbeat. I'd do two nights as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are teens/tweens now, and no, we have never taken a trip alone.

My mother, who is perfectly capable of watching our kids, isn’t interested (yet tells me stories of her friends who “have to” watch their grandchildren because otherwise the couple couldn’t take a vacation - whatever).

My MIL was much older and couldn’t walk on her own without a walker, so couldn’t do it.

I’m an only child, DH’s siblings just wouldn’t do it. It would never even occur to them.

I never had a sitter that I would trust with my kids multiple days while out of town.

Yes, kids went to sleep away camps at various times, but never really all at the same time.

So no, we have never been away for a couple couples getaway. Although it does sound lovely, it is luxury, not an entitlement. We signed up to be parents, and so we are parents.

It does sting a little that my mother isn’t more help, she was excited to have grandkids and always talked as if she wanted to be involved, but I think she liked the idea more than the reality. I also don’t have the type of relationship with DH’s siblings where I could ask them. DH is able to get away himself solo when he wants to, so I don’t think they realize how difficult it is.

At some point in a few years, kids will launch, and we will be living our best life, but until then, we are a family unit.

Are you saying people who do vacation without their children aren't being parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We never felt the need to have parent-only trips during our kids' childhoods, OP, so I guess everyone's different. We enjoyed our family vacations. Having kids never felt like a sacrifice. Oldest is in college now.

Same

+1

Mostly the same. We left them overnight here and there but usually out of necessity (attending a wedding or other event). We’ve never both (at the same time) been a plane ride away from our kids- but our oldest hasn’t graduated HS yet. We’ll have plenty of time for that in a few years. It goes by so fast.

Attending a wedding isn't a necessity, but ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents never took a weekend away just them. That is a newer trend among the affluent and those with young local family. We took one vacation without our kids and our younger one cried for us. Didn’t vacation without the kids for another 15 years.

Mine did. I'm 46. This isn't a "trend."

One anecdote doesn’t change things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re being a baby.

+1.

OMG. I cannot roll my eyes enough at this post. First of all, OP is clearly a dude. By wanting to "reconnect" he means he's not getting enough sex, so he thinks of one thing: a weekend away while his elderly MIL takes care of his young children. HIs wife points out why that is not realistic and, instead of problem solving, he immediately pouts and talks about marriages "fading out".

OP, grow the F up. It sounds like your wife is busy taking care of your family while you are thinking about yourself. If you all aren't getting enough time together, actually solve the problem. A good way to start will be you spending some solo evenings with your kids while your wife goes to a hotel for a massage and some sleep. That way you'll actually understand what needs to be done when you guys go away on vacation together and help you hire the right person.

+100 and it will probably backfire anyway. When my kids were very small, organizing childcare and prepping everything etc for a weekend away left me MORE tired. Not less. And then I’d worry when we were gone. If I’d had a “wonderful capable grandma” available that would obviously lessen or eliminate many of those concerns but we didn’t.

A date night (or try a date DAY when you both aren’t tired) is a far superior choice IMHO.

Why didn't your husband assist with that? If you're both going away, it's on both of you to figure that stuff out. Otherwise why would you even want to go away with a useless manchild?

[Anonymous]

Not surprised there are martyrs on here who say they never spend a night away from their kids.

Sleepaway camp
Kids stays with friends
Pay a young 20-something (a trusted sitter, an older child of a friend, etc)
Family if you have it, which many many people don't

It's very healthy to do this don't worry about the people saying they really like their kids and you don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We never felt the need to have parent-only trips during our kids' childhoods, OP, so I guess everyone's different. We enjoyed our family vacations. Having kids never felt like a sacrifice. Oldest is in college now.

Same

+1

Mostly the same. We left them overnight here and there but usually out of necessity (attending a wedding or other event). We’ve never both (at the same time) been a plane ride away from our kids- but our oldest hasn’t graduated HS yet. We’ll have plenty of time for that in a few years. It goes by so fast.

You actually don’t know that. Seems extreme to only vacation for 16-18 years or more with children in tow.

I love my children but also go away with only my husband and girls trips too. It’s important to me to have a life outside of my children and trips like these are fun and also help me appreciate my family life.

Focusing on only your kids for decades of life and then BOOM they are gone - will be a rude awakening and a challenging transition.

+1000

But PP, you'll never reason with these people. They'll just start asking you why you bothered to have kids at all if you were going to spend one week out of 52 each year away from them.

Honestly, this question is a great litmus test for when you meet new people - ask them if they'd ever spend a weekend away without their kids. If they say no, hard pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got 2 young kids and you want your wife to up and go on a trip with you? Look at it from her perspective - neither of you will have an opportunity to spend time with your young children for much longer. Sorry if your penis isn't the most interesting thing in the world to her anymore, lol.

I get the feeling though. My wife and I 'date' during the work week where MIL can come over to the house, heat up some prepared dinner, and let the kids play. We get some alone time, wife doesn't feel like we've overburdened her mother, and it's a good time really.

DW here. Seems reasonable to me. I find it bizarre how MC and UMC women completely give up their lives when kids arrive. It’s a complete 180 that isn’t healthy.

Going away and spending a few days focused on your spouse and resting is very normal and healthy. Anyone telling you otherwise has anxiety and way too much focus on their children.

It’s ironic but mothers who can’t leave their children for a weekend tend to end up very bath mothers to older children.

It's because both parents work and the weekends are the only time parents get to spend full days with their kids in between all the daily chores.

The only time, huh? So the parents never take time off work? They never vacation with their kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got 2 young kids and you want your wife to up and go on a trip with you? Look at it from her perspective - neither of you will have an opportunity to spend time with your young children for much longer. Sorry if your penis isn't the most interesting thing in the world to her anymore, lol.

I get the feeling though. My wife and I 'date' during the work week where MIL can come over to the house, heat up some prepared dinner, and let the kids play. We get some alone time, wife doesn't feel like we've overburdened her mother, and it's a good time really.

DW here. Seems reasonable to me. I find it bizarre how MC and UMC women completely give up their lives when kids arrive. It’s a complete 180 that isn’t healthy.

Going away and spending a few days focused on your spouse and resting is very normal and healthy. Anyone telling you otherwise has anxiety and way too much focus on their children.

It’s ironic but mothers who can’t leave their children for a weekend tend to end up very bath mothers to older children.

So much judgement in your post.

She's not wrong.

Yeah, mothers who don't want to burden their own elderly mothers so husband can get some action, while the dude pouts on the internet instead of offering solutions, are bad. Or something.

How sad that you view a weekend get away with your spouse only about sex?

Seems like OP is trying to come up with solutions.

I can sympathize with OP for not knowing how much life would change post kids. Pre-kids you get to travel on adult trips and socialize with only adults. Now I have kids and most women seem only interested in socializing with their kids and talking about them too. It’s weird how this happens overnight.

I think the kid-centric lifestyle in the suburbs is unhealthy and driving a lot of unhappiness. OP is the perfect example. He wants to get away with his wife for a few days to have fun and not be limited by kids and has crazies like you claiming it’s about sex. Did you think weekend trips pre-kids were only about sex?

Seriously. One long weekend away my husband and I got our offshore sailing licenses. We definitely weren't shacking up on the sailboat with the instructor in the next cabin!