Marriage is a horrible deal for women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless the husband is rich.

Women do most of the unpaid and unnoticed domestic labor in the home. They use their body to create babies and then do most of the childcare.

If the husband isn’t rich, what does he bring to the table?

Another post from The Coven of Bitter Divorcees.

+1
There's a reason why guys never date American women when there are other options available. So frumpy and horrible attitudes.

Honestly, these threads make me worry for my son. I hope that he does not marry a typical DC metro woman bc the attitudes are just awful. I often wonder if leaving this area and returning to my home state would be better for the kids future prospects. Everyone is just so miserable here.

I also have a son for some reason he can’t learn to put away his dishes or make his bed despite my patient reminders. I worry for his future kids and wife and will be happy if some girl agrees to take him on with all these man child qualities. I could not do my job as a mother, therapists couldn’t do it, and I don’t know why men just fail in modern society

Boy mom here, same problem. I beg him constantly and the most I have accomplished is dishes in the washer if I give him daily reminders and tell him to do it. I stopped cleaning his room and now it is a pigsty.

?? I have multiple boys, and I don't have this problem at all. First, I'm not "begging" him to do anything. The dishes go in the washer, and that's that. Same with the room. The rule is that it has to be cleaned. Pigsty isn't an option.

Beg was a typo. Meant “nag.”

[Anonymous]

This thread is probably the best example I have ever seen on dcum that shows women just do not realize they are the most common cause of their own misery. Talk about lack of self awareness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is probably the best example I have ever seen on dcum that shows women just do not realize they are the most common cause of their own misery. Talk about lack of self awareness.

Your post is one of the best examples of psychological BS statement without much content to it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Haven't read anything but the thread title. Eliminate the "wo" from the thread title and then it makes more sense.

Except that would be false.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a woman in a great marriage for 25 years, and gave been birth WOHM and SAHM. All of these women claiming to know no happy marriages or only one or two must just hang out with low quality, unhappy people. Virtually every couple in know - from our neighborhood, the kids’ schools, my workplace, growing up - is content in their marriage. Well more than half of these marriages involve both spouses working. Sometimes, it just really is you that is the problem.

I bet the women you know could not support themselves divorced. I do not have the time to hang out with people. I work a lot: I was married. It was awful. Double the work while he skated along at home. Women with demanding careers are likely unlike people you know…you do not know what is going on in others marriages. Our neighbors are still shocked we divorced. It looked perfect. It was awful.

Dp. This may blow your mind: I sah AND dh contributes to the running of the household. He washes dishes every night, he cooks or helps me cook dinner most nights, he grocery shops on a weekend morning, he performs general maintenance around the house, etc, etc AND he is loving and attentive to me and our kids. We are not financially rich, we're solidly middle class, but we are content with our lives. He could earn much more, but we'd never see him.

And you could not support yourself if you divorced. Good for you that you lucked out, so who cares? A stay at home mom with an equally contributing husband is not the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless the husband is rich.

Women do most of the unpaid and unnoticed domestic labor in the home. They use their body to create babies and then do most of the childcare.

If the husband isn’t rich, what does he bring to the table?

Another post from The Coven of Bitter Divorcees.

+1
There's a reason why guys never date American women when there are other options available. So frumpy and horrible attitudes.

Honestly, these threads make me worry for my son. I hope that he does not marry a typical DC metro woman bc the attitudes are just awful. I often wonder if leaving this area and returning to my home state would be better for the kids future prospects. Everyone is just so miserable here.

I also have a son for some reason he can’t learn to put away his dishes or make his bed despite my patient reminders. I worry for his future kids and wife and will be happy if some girl agrees to take him on with all these man child qualities. I could not do my job as a mother, therapists couldn’t do it, and I don’t know why men just fail in modern society

I think it would be kinder to hope your son doesn’t have a future wife to burden, don’t you?

I will try to be a very appreciative and involved grandmother if I am lucky to get grand kids. I always tell myself how grateful I would be to any girl who would give him a family experience.

But think about this for a second. You want a girl to give your son “a family experience” knowing that means she is going to be responsible for doing way more of the work of the household while you’re son takes advantage of her. Are you going to support your son financially as an adult? Because what you’re describing is a heartless thing to wish on someone else’s daughter.

I would definitely help his family financially (house down, education for grandkids, take grand kids for the weekend so she could rest). I think boys fail when they watch dominant fathers not do anything around the house. It’s not just the moms who fail to grow up men.

This. Also genetics. There are some things my oldest does, but generally he has the same anxiety his dad had and it's been there since age 1. Was flagged by his preschool teachers as needing support and it's never let up. His other siblings just don't have the same genetic makeup expressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why anyone gets worked up over the idea that an institution designed by men, for the benefit of men, is not magically equally good for women. Why would we expect it to be?

I'm struggling to see how modern marriage is good for men in any way? What do men get out of it? It seems very beneficial for women though. They get legal access to husband's income, which is usually higher than theirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why anyone gets worked up over the idea that an institution designed by men, for the benefit of men, is not magically equally good for women. Why would we expect it to be?

I'm struggling to see how modern marriage is good for men in any way? What do men get out of it? It seems very beneficial for women though. They get legal access to husband's income, which is usually higher than theirs.

You have ADHD probably - this thread specifically describes how it’s more beneficial for men, when both spouses work. Even when the wife SAH she only gets access to husbands income as long as marriage lasts. And then she’s left with years of missed earnings and no own earning capacity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why anyone gets worked up over the idea that an institution designed by men, for the benefit of men, is not magically equally good for women. Why would we expect it to be?

I'm struggling to see how modern marriage is good for men in any way? What do men get out of it? It seems very beneficial for women though. They get legal access to husband's income, which is usually higher than theirs.

You have ADHD probably - this thread specifically describes how it’s more beneficial for men, when both spouses work. Even when the wife SAH she only gets access to husbands income as long as marriage lasts. And then she’s left with years of missed earnings and no own earning capacity

Maybe he/she read the thread and doesn't agree with the unsupported and irrational arguments for why men supposedly disproportionately benefit. Some of the reasons given:

1. Women give men children that men would otherwise have to pay for. A bizarre argument that suggests (a) women don't also want the child, (b) men are all that interested in having children, (c) men cannot have offspring without marriage, and (d) men don't have to pay for children regardless of marital status.

2. Women perform more unpaid labor at home. This assumes that married women work equal amounts outside of the home, which is not true in the data. And it assumes that a lot of the labor isn't unnecessary in the eyes of most men (e.g., much of the nesting at home).

3. Women are only having an equal match if a man makes much more money. Around these parts, it is usually the case that men make more money, which means that women get a financial benefit regardless and men stand to lose more in divorce.

4. Men get "access to sex" more as a married person. That is not true among well educated and high earning men, which is most of the demographic around here. I don't think there is a single man ever who has gotten married because he wanted more sex, and if there is such a man, he is an idiot.

It is so weird that women on this board are either posting threads about how they want to figure out how to lock down some guy in marriage, or a thread about how marriage is so terrible. I don't think I've ever seen a thread on here about a man trying to lock down a woman in marriage. Revealed preferences says more about women's attitudes about marriage than any of the harping in these threads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why anyone gets worked up over the idea that an institution designed by men, for the benefit of men, is not magically equally good for women. Why would we expect it to be?

I'm struggling to see how modern marriage is good for men in any way? What do men get out of it? It seems very beneficial for women though. They get legal access to husband's income, which is usually higher than theirs.

You have ADHD probably - this thread specifically describes how it’s more beneficial for men, when both spouses work. Even when the wife SAH she only gets access to husbands income as long as marriage lasts. And then she’s left with years of missed earnings and no own earning capacity

Maybe he/she read the thread and doesn't agree with the unsupported and irrational arguments for why men supposedly disproportionately benefit. Some of the reasons given:

1. Women give men children that men would otherwise have to pay for. A bizarre argument that suggests (a) women don't also want the child, (b) men are all that interested in having children, (c) men cannot have offspring without marriage, and (d) men don't have to pay for children regardless of marital status.

2. Women perform more unpaid labor at home. This assumes that married women work equal amounts outside of the home, which is not true in the data. And it assumes that a lot of the labor isn't unnecessary in the eyes of most men (e.g., much of the nesting at home).

3. Women are only having an equal match if a man makes much more money. Around these parts, it is usually the case that men make more money, which means that women get a financial benefit regardless and men stand to lose more in divorce.

4. Men get "access to sex" more as a married person. That is not true among well educated and high earning men, which is most of the demographic around here. I don't think there is a single man ever who has gotten married because he wanted more sex, and if there is such a man, he is an idiot.

It is so weird that women on this board are either posting threads about how they want to figure out how to lock down some guy in marriage, or a thread about how marriage is so terrible. I don't think I've ever seen a thread on here about a man trying to lock down a woman in marriage. Revealed preferences says more about women's attitudes about marriage than any of the harping in these threads.

Boom!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why anyone gets worked up over the idea that an institution designed by men, for the benefit of men, is not magically equally good for women. Why would we expect it to be?

I'm struggling to see how modern marriage is good for men in any way? What do men get out of it? It seems very beneficial for women though. They get legal access to husband's income, which is usually higher than theirs.

You have ADHD probably - this thread specifically describes how it’s more beneficial for men, when both spouses work. Even when the wife SAH she only gets access to husbands income as long as marriage lasts. And then she’s left with years of missed earnings and no own earning capacity

Maybe he/she read the thread and doesn't agree with the unsupported and irrational arguments for why men supposedly disproportionately benefit. Some of the reasons given:

1. Women give men children that men would otherwise have to pay for. A bizarre argument that suggests (a) women don't also want the child, (b) men are all that interested in having children, (c) men cannot have offspring without marriage, and (d) men don't have to pay for children regardless of marital status.

2. Women perform more unpaid labor at home. This assumes that married women work equal amounts outside of the home, which is not true in the data. And it assumes that a lot of the labor isn't unnecessary in the eyes of most men (e.g., much of the nesting at home).

3. Women are only having an equal match if a man makes much more money. Around these parts, it is usually the case that men make more money, which means that women get a financial benefit regardless and men stand to lose more in divorce.

4. Men get "access to sex" more as a married person. That is not true among well educated and high earning men, which is most of the demographic around here. I don't think there is a single man ever who has gotten married because he wanted more sex, and if there is such a man, he is an idiot.

It is so weird that women on this board are either posting threads about how they want to figure out how to lock down some guy in marriage, or a thread about how marriage is so terrible. I don't think I've ever seen a thread on here about a man trying to lock down a woman in marriage. Revealed preferences says more about women's attitudes about marriage than any of the harping in these threads.

Its scary that there are actually women out there that think this. I am so glad I moved away from the DC area and my kids will not be exposed to their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why anyone gets worked up over the idea that an institution designed by men, for the benefit of men, is not magically equally good for women. Why would we expect it to be?

I'm struggling to see how modern marriage is good for men in any way? What do men get out of it? It seems very beneficial for women though. They get legal access to husband's income, which is usually higher than theirs.

You have ADHD probably - this thread specifically describes how it’s more beneficial for men, when both spouses work. Even when the wife SAH she only gets access to husbands income as long as marriage lasts. And then she’s left with years of missed earnings and no own earning capacity

Maybe he/she read the thread and doesn't agree with the unsupported and irrational arguments for why men supposedly disproportionately benefit. Some of the reasons given:

1. Women give men children that men would otherwise have to pay for. A bizarre argument that suggests (a) women don't also want the child, (b) men are all that interested in having children, (c) men cannot have offspring without marriage, and (d) men don't have to pay for children regardless of marital status.

2. Women perform more unpaid labor at home. This assumes that married women work equal amounts outside of the home, which is not true in the data. And it assumes that a lot of the labor isn't unnecessary in the eyes of most men (e.g., much of the nesting at home).

3. Women are only having an equal match if a man makes much more money. Around these parts, it is usually the case that men make more money, which means that women get a financial benefit regardless and men stand to lose more in divorce.

4. Men get "access to sex" more as a married person. That is not true among well educated and high earning men, which is most of the demographic around here. I don't think there is a single man ever who has gotten married because he wanted more sex, and if there is such a man, he is an idiot.

It is so weird that women on this board are either posting threads about how they want to figure out how to lock down some guy in marriage, or a thread about how marriage is so terrible. I don't think I've ever seen a thread on here about a man trying to lock down a woman in marriage. Revealed preferences says more about women's attitudes about marriage than any of the harping in these threads.

Its scary that there are actually women out there that think this. I am so glad I moved away from the DC area and my kids will not be exposed to their kids.

How’s the red tide in Florida today?

[Anonymous]

It has been a great "deal" for me over the last 15 years. You just picked the wrong husband if it is a bad deal for YOU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It has been a great "deal" for me over the last 15 years. You just picked the wrong husband if it is a bad deal for YOU.

They had to take what they could get. The good men ain't putting up with their s**t

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why anyone gets worked up over the idea that an institution designed by men, for the benefit of men, is not magically equally good for women. Why would we expect it to be?

I'm struggling to see how modern marriage is good for men in any way? What do men get out of it? It seems very beneficial for women though. They get legal access to husband's income, which is usually higher than theirs.

You have ADHD probably - this thread specifically describes how it’s more beneficial for men, when both spouses work. Even when the wife SAH she only gets access to husbands income as long as marriage lasts. And then she’s left with years of missed earnings and no own earning capacity

Maybe he/she read the thread and doesn't agree with the unsupported and irrational arguments for why men supposedly disproportionately benefit. Some of the reasons given:

1. Women give men children that men would otherwise have to pay for. A bizarre argument that suggests (a) women don't also want the child, (b) men are all that interested in having children, (c) men cannot have offspring without marriage, and (d) men don't have to pay for children regardless of marital status.

2. Women perform more unpaid labor at home. This assumes that married women work equal amounts outside of the home, which is not true in the data. And it assumes that a lot of the labor isn't unnecessary in the eyes of most men (e.g., much of the nesting at home).

3. Women are only having an equal match if a man makes much more money. Around these parts, it is usually the case that men make more money, which means that women get a financial benefit regardless and men stand to lose more in divorce.

4. Men get "access to sex" more as a married person. That is not true among well educated and high earning men, which is most of the demographic around here. I don't think there is a single man ever who has gotten married because he wanted more sex, and if there is such a man, he is an idiot.

It is so weird that women on this board are either posting threads about how they want to figure out how to lock down some guy in marriage, or a thread about how marriage is so terrible. I don't think I've ever seen a thread on here about a man trying to lock down a woman in marriage. Revealed preferences says more about women's attitudes about marriage than any of the harping in these threads.

The unnecessary housework thing is such a great point. Husbands do not care about so much of what women do around the house. I lived for many years without making the bed every morning, or baking cookies, or decorating for every holiday.