SAHMs and marriage dynamics?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a working mom with a pretty impressive job.

I think the women who really think their husbands care about their resumes and view them as equal professionals are delusional. Men typically care to the extent you’re not giving them a hard time, it makes their life easier, and they are okay financially. A marriage is NOT successful because the wife has an impressive resume and it gives her husband a hard on.

I agree with this. DH doesn't care at all how much money I do or dont make. He's happy if he's getting laid and I don't give him a hard time. Appreciates it when I dress up and look nice. Appreciates that the kids are smart (due to genetics and environment) but probably doesn't care that I am. I have a fancy resume and so does he but it's not a big deal to him.

Not true in my circle. When wives have "impressive" jobs (successful doctor, lawyer, policy etc) the men in our circle are very, very focused on it. It's seen as a real status symbol.

Of course, i assume that the type of women who are less focused on careers end up with men who are less focused on women with careers - so they are probably happy together. Likewise, women and men who are both very into women have high professional aspirations are likely to end up together. In other words, people end up with the type of person they should.

Perhaps this is a new money circle?? Yes, in some cities like NY viewed favorably to have a big job. But there are plenty of SAHMs married to very successful men.

In my circle those very successful women quit to become stay at home moms once the kids arrive. I just look around at my private school.

You usually can’t tell if someone is a SAHM or not just by looking.

Also, at the most expensive privates the majority of the moms are 45 years old by the time they have a kindergartner. So they may have had a 20 year career before having kids.

We're in public school, but this is me and this is one reason why I find threads like this, and the attitude of some about SAHMs, weird. I actually only SAHMed for a few years and have been part time since, and am now actually planning to go back for a second graduate degree in order to do a career pivoting my late 40s. But I remember when I decided to quit my job when my first was born and I had colleagues who were like "oh no now you'll be dumb and boring and your husband won't respect you anymore!" I was 39, had out-earned him for much of our marriage, and felt I'd done everything I wanted to do in my career. My husband doesn't think I'm dumb or boring -- he asks me for career advice and thinks it's too bad I have zero interest in politics because, according to him, I could finally get that ham sandwich elected.

Some women SAHM because they want a new challenge, not because they are afraid of having a "real" job or don't want to have to think. It's so sad to discover how much women devalue the work of caring for children. Early childhood development is fascinating and finding out how to nurture your own child is deeply rewarding and interesting. I can't figure out if the people who don't understand this are just pretending they don't realize that because they couldn't afford to SAHM or really don't understand it. Either way, it's sad.

So you're someone who enjoys the company of children and is apathetic about current events.

Yeah, I wouldn't really consider you smart.

I SAH. Time to revisit some great literature or philosophical tracts to remind yourself about what some options for a life well-lived could look like. Spoiler: none of them involve obsessing about current events and politics.

I recommend starting with Voltaire's Candide. Find out what he meant when he wrote "one must tend to one's own garden."

+1. Or better yet, not a single old and dying person regrets not having worked more. Everyone wishes they had spent more time with loved ones. Always.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a working mom with a pretty impressive job.

I think the women who really think their husbands care about their resumes and view them as equal professionals are delusional. Men typically care to the extent you’re not giving them a hard time, it makes their life easier, and they are okay financially. A marriage is NOT successful because the wife has an impressive resume and it gives her husband a hard on.

I agree with this. DH doesn't care at all how much money I do or dont make. He's happy if he's getting laid and I don't give him a hard time. Appreciates it when I dress up and look nice. Appreciates that the kids are smart (due to genetics and environment) but probably doesn't care that I am. I have a fancy resume and so does he but it's not a big deal to him.

Not true in my circle. When wives have "impressive" jobs (successful doctor, lawyer, policy etc) the men in our circle are very, very focused on it. It's seen as a real status symbol.

Of course, i assume that the type of women who are less focused on careers end up with men who are less focused on women with careers - so they are probably happy together. Likewise, women and men who are both very into women have high professional aspirations are likely to end up together. In other words, people end up with the type of person they should.

Perhaps this is a new money circle?? Yes, in some cities like NY viewed favorably to have a big job. But there are plenty of SAHMs married to very successful men.

In my circle those very successful women quit to become stay at home moms once the kids arrive. I just look around at my private school.

You usually can’t tell if someone is a SAHM or not just by looking.

Also, at the most expensive privates the majority of the moms are 45 years old by the time they have a kindergartner. So they may have had a 20 year career before having kids.

We're in public school, but this is me and this is one reason why I find threads like this, and the attitude of some about SAHMs, weird. I actually only SAHMed for a few years and have been part time since, and am now actually planning to go back for a second graduate degree in order to do a career pivoting my late 40s. But I remember when I decided to quit my job when my first was born and I had colleagues who were like "oh no now you'll be dumb and boring and your husband won't respect you anymore!" I was 39, had out-earned him for much of our marriage, and felt I'd done everything I wanted to do in my career. My husband doesn't think I'm dumb or boring -- he asks me for career advice and thinks it's too bad I have zero interest in politics because, according to him, I could finally get that ham sandwich elected.

Some women SAHM because they want a new challenge, not because they are afraid of having a "real" job or don't want to have to think. It's so sad to discover how much women devalue the work of caring for children. Early childhood development is fascinating and finding out how to nurture your own child is deeply rewarding and interesting. I can't figure out if the people who don't understand this are just pretending they don't realize that because they couldn't afford to SAHM or really don't understand it. Either way, it's sad.

So you're someone who enjoys the company of children and is apathetic about current events.

Yeah, I wouldn't really consider you smart.

I SAH. Time to revisit some great literature or philosophical tracts to remind yourself about what some options for a life well-lived could look like. Spoiler: none of them involve obsessing about current events and politics.

I recommend starting with Voltaire's Candide. Find out what he meant when he wrote "one must tend to one's own garden."

+1. Or better yet, not a single old and dying person regrets not having worked more. Everyone wishes they had spent more time with loved ones. Always.

This is an inaccurate representation of the research (as always human feelings are more complex than one-liners), but if you feel this is true, why do you think this is only something you are entitled to and not your husband? Do his deathbed wishes not matter to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just pay grandparents to raise grandkids, its a win-win for all. If grandparents have money, they can do it for free.

My parents live close by. They have never been willing to help even for a few hours in an emergency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I stay at home and have the same arrangement with my husband. Everything is equal and I buy whatever I want for myself with *our* money.
You realize that staying home to raise children is a pretty intense job if done right? The alternative is a stranger of questionable intelligence and motivation raising one’s kids for $60-70k per year after tax. So why couldn’t I buy myself jewelry or whatever if I do that job for free and better than a nanny?

Are you talking about homeschooling? If not, what do you know that’s so intense once your kids are out of school?

School is 8:30am-3pm, 170 days in a year. You do the math.
And yes, kids need us even after they start school. There are health issues, appointments, homework, after school activities, social drama etc to navigate. I cook home made, healthy meals. I read to them every day. And so on.
Sure, someone with inferior decision making abilities owning to inferior education could navigate some of that while I am at work, but that is not what I wanted for my family.

I do that stuff and I have a job too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I stay at home and have the same arrangement with my husband. Everything is equal and I buy whatever I want for myself with *our* money.
You realize that staying home to raise children is a pretty intense job if done right? The alternative is a stranger of questionable intelligence and motivation raising one’s kids for $60-70k per year after tax. So why couldn’t I buy myself jewelry or whatever if I do that job for free and better than a nanny?

Are you talking about homeschooling? If not, what do you know that’s so intense once your kids are out of school?

School is 8:30am-3pm, 170 days in a year. You do the math.
And yes, kids need us even after they start school. There are health issues, appointments, homework, after school activities, social drama etc to navigate. I cook home made, healthy meals. I read to them every day. And so on.
Sure, someone with inferior decision making abilities owning to inferior education could navigate some of that while I am at work, but that is not what I wanted for my family.

I do that stuff and I have a job too.

Well, you should have married OP’s husband. He shares all this stuff 50/50.

Or you should have married mine. He pays all of the bills and I use my income to pay for household help to cook homemade meals and drive kids to after school activities.

That’s rough that you have to do everything and do it all alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I stay at home and have the same arrangement with my husband. Everything is equal and I buy whatever I want for myself with *our* money.
You realize that staying home to raise children is a pretty intense job if done right? The alternative is a stranger of questionable intelligence and motivation raising one’s kids for $60-70k per year after tax. So why couldn’t I buy myself jewelry or whatever if I do that job for free and better than a nanny?

Are you talking about homeschooling? If not, what do you know that’s so intense once your kids are out of school?

School is 8:30am-3pm, 170 days in a year. You do the math.
And yes, kids need us even after they start school. There are health issues, appointments, homework, after school activities, social drama etc to navigate. I cook home made, healthy meals. I read to them every day. And so on.
Sure, someone with inferior decision making abilities owning to inferior education could navigate some of that while I am at work, but that is not what I wanted for my family.

I do that stuff and I have a job too.

Well, you should have married OP’s husband. He shares all this stuff 50/50.

Or you should have married mine. He pays all of the bills and I use my income to pay for household help to cook homemade meals and drive kids to after school activities.

That’s rough that you have to do everything and do it all alone.

Where did PP say they have to do everything/do it alone?

That’s a reach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a working mom with a pretty impressive job.

I think the women who really think their husbands care about their resumes and view them as equal professionals are delusional. Men typically care to the extent you’re not giving them a hard time, it makes their life easier, and they are okay financially. A marriage is NOT successful because the wife has an impressive resume and it gives her husband a hard on.

I agree with this. DH doesn't care at all how much money I do or dont make. He's happy if he's getting laid and I don't give him a hard time. Appreciates it when I dress up and look nice. Appreciates that the kids are smart (due to genetics and environment) but probably doesn't care that I am. I have a fancy resume and so does he but it's not a big deal to him.

Not true in my circle. When wives have "impressive" jobs (successful doctor, lawyer, policy etc) the men in our circle are very, very focused on it. It's seen as a real status symbol.

Of course, i assume that the type of women who are less focused on careers end up with men who are less focused on women with careers - so they are probably happy together. Likewise, women and men who are both very into women have high professional aspirations are likely to end up together. In other words, people end up with the type of person they should.

Perhaps this is a new money circle?? Yes, in some cities like NY viewed favorably to have a big job. But there are plenty of SAHMs married to very successful men.

In my circle those very successful women quit to become stay at home moms once the kids arrive. I just look around at my private school.

You usually can’t tell if someone is a SAHM or not just by looking.

Also, at the most expensive privates the majority of the moms are 45 years old by the time they have a kindergartner. So they may have had a 20 year career before having kids.

We're in public school, but this is me and this is one reason why I find threads like this, and the attitude of some about SAHMs, weird. I actually only SAHMed for a few years and have been part time since, and am now actually planning to go back for a second graduate degree in order to do a career pivoting my late 40s. But I remember when I decided to quit my job when my first was born and I had colleagues who were like "oh no now you'll be dumb and boring and your husband won't respect you anymore!" I was 39, had out-earned him for much of our marriage, and felt I'd done everything I wanted to do in my career. My husband doesn't think I'm dumb or boring -- he asks me for career advice and thinks it's too bad I have zero interest in politics because, according to him, I could finally get that ham sandwich elected.

Some women SAHM because they want a new challenge, not because they are afraid of having a "real" job or don't want to have to think. It's so sad to discover how much women devalue the work of caring for children. Early childhood development is fascinating and finding out how to nurture your own child is deeply rewarding and interesting. I can't figure out if the people who don't understand this are just pretending they don't realize that because they couldn't afford to SAHM or really don't understand it. Either way, it's sad.

So you're someone who enjoys the company of children and is apathetic about current events.

Yeah, I wouldn't really consider you smart.

I SAH. Time to revisit some great literature or philosophical tracts to remind yourself about what some options for a life well-lived could look like. Spoiler: none of them involve obsessing about current events and politics.

I recommend starting with Voltaire's Candide. Find out what he meant when he wrote "one must tend to one's own garden."

+1. Or better yet, not a single old and dying person regrets not having worked more. Everyone wishes they had spent more time with loved ones. Always.

This is an inaccurate representation of the research (as always human feelings are more complex than one-liners), but if you feel this is true, why do you think this is only something you are entitled to and not your husband? Do his deathbed wishes not matter to you?

I would love to see the answer to this question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I stay at home and have the same arrangement with my husband. Everything is equal and I buy whatever I want for myself with *our* money.
You realize that staying home to raise children is a pretty intense job if done right? The alternative is a stranger of questionable intelligence and motivation raising one’s kids for $60-70k per year after tax. So why couldn’t I buy myself jewelry or whatever if I do that job for free and better than a nanny?

Are you talking about homeschooling? If not, what do you know that’s so intense once your kids are out of school?

School is 8:30am-3pm, 170 days in a year. You do the math.
And yes, kids need us even after they start school. There are health issues, appointments, homework, after school activities, social drama etc to navigate. I cook home made, healthy meals. I read to them every day. And so on.
Sure, someone with inferior decision making abilities owning to inferior education could navigate some of that while I am at work, but that is not what I wanted for my family.

I do that stuff and I have a job too.

Ok it’s time someone said it. NO YOU DON’T. No one is juggling all the balls and nothing is getting dropped and doing it all! It’s just that simple. Something is getting cut somewhere. You’re cutting time from your kids or from your job and only you know which one it is but it’s BS and no one is buying it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I stay at home and have the same arrangement with my husband. Everything is equal and I buy whatever I want for myself with *our* money.
You realize that staying home to raise children is a pretty intense job if done right? The alternative is a stranger of questionable intelligence and motivation raising one’s kids for $60-70k per year after tax. So why couldn’t I buy myself jewelry or whatever if I do that job for free and better than a nanny?

Are you talking about homeschooling? If not, what do you know that’s so intense once your kids are out of school?

School is 8:30am-3pm, 170 days in a year. You do the math.
And yes, kids need us even after they start school. There are health issues, appointments, homework, after school activities, social drama etc to navigate. I cook home made, healthy meals. I read to them every day. And so on.
Sure, someone with inferior decision making abilities owning to inferior education could navigate some of that while I am at work, but that is not what I wanted for my family.

I do that stuff and I have a job too.

It would be great to have a job that is roughly 9-2:30 pm but that’s really hard to find.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a working mom with a pretty impressive job.

I think the women who really think their husbands care about their resumes and view them as equal professionals are delusional. Men typically care to the extent you’re not giving them a hard time, it makes their life easier, and they are okay financially. A marriage is NOT successful because the wife has an impressive resume and it gives her husband a hard on.

I agree with this. DH doesn't care at all how much money I do or dont make. He's happy if he's getting laid and I don't give him a hard time. Appreciates it when I dress up and look nice. Appreciates that the kids are smart (due to genetics and environment) but probably doesn't care that I am. I have a fancy resume and so does he but it's not a big deal to him.

Not true in my circle. When wives have "impressive" jobs (successful doctor, lawyer, policy etc) the men in our circle are very, very focused on it. It's seen as a real status symbol.

Of course, i assume that the type of women who are less focused on careers end up with men who are less focused on women with careers - so they are probably happy together. Likewise, women and men who are both very into women have high professional aspirations are likely to end up together. In other words, people end up with the type of person they should.

Perhaps this is a new money circle?? Yes, in some cities like NY viewed favorably to have a big job. But there are plenty of SAHMs married to very successful men.

In my circle those very successful women quit to become stay at home moms once the kids arrive. I just look around at my private school.

You usually can’t tell if someone is a SAHM or not just by looking.

Also, at the most expensive privates the majority of the moms are 45 years old by the time they have a kindergartner. So they may have had a 20 year career before having kids.

We're in public school, but this is me and this is one reason why I find threads like this, and the attitude of some about SAHMs, weird. I actually only SAHMed for a few years and have been part time since, and am now actually planning to go back for a second graduate degree in order to do a career pivoting my late 40s. But I remember when I decided to quit my job when my first was born and I had colleagues who were like "oh no now you'll be dumb and boring and your husband won't respect you anymore!" I was 39, had out-earned him for much of our marriage, and felt I'd done everything I wanted to do in my career. My husband doesn't think I'm dumb or boring -- he asks me for career advice and thinks it's too bad I have zero interest in politics because, according to him, I could finally get that ham sandwich elected.

Some women SAHM because they want a new challenge, not because they are afraid of having a "real" job or don't want to have to think. It's so sad to discover how much women devalue the work of caring for children. Early childhood development is fascinating and finding out how to nurture your own child is deeply rewarding and interesting. I can't figure out if the people who don't understand this are just pretending they don't realize that because they couldn't afford to SAHM or really don't understand it. Either way, it's sad.

So you're someone who enjoys the company of children and is apathetic about current events.

Yeah, I wouldn't really consider you smart.

I SAH. Time to revisit some great literature or philosophical tracts to remind yourself about what some options for a life well-lived could look like. Spoiler: none of them involve obsessing about current events and politics.

I recommend starting with Voltaire's Candide. Find out what he meant when he wrote "one must tend to one's own garden."

+1. Or better yet, not a single old and dying person regrets not having worked more. Everyone wishes they had spent more time with loved ones. Always.

This is an inaccurate representation of the research (as always human feelings are more complex than one-liners), but if you feel this is true, why do you think this is only something you are entitled to and not your husband? Do his deathbed wishes not matter to you?

I would love to see the answer to this question.

Why do you assume couples don’t talk about these things? Why do you assume no marriage everywhere has decided on a SAHD situation (I know of at least two and that’s just my circle of friends) and others pushing to have the main earner retire early, even at the expense of turning down promotions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I stay at home and have the same arrangement with my husband. Everything is equal and I buy whatever I want for myself with *our* money.
You realize that staying home to raise children is a pretty intense job if done right? The alternative is a stranger of questionable intelligence and motivation raising one’s kids for $60-70k per year after tax. So why couldn’t I buy myself jewelry or whatever if I do that job for free and better than a nanny?

Are you talking about homeschooling? If not, what do you know that’s so intense once your kids are out of school?

School is 8:30am-3pm, 170 days in a year. You do the math.
And yes, kids need us even after they start school. There are health issues, appointments, homework, after school activities, social drama etc to navigate. I cook home made, healthy meals. I read to them every day. And so on.
Sure, someone with inferior decision making abilities owning to inferior education could navigate some of that while I am at work, but that is not what I wanted for my family.

I do that stuff and I have a job too.

Ok it’s time someone said it. NO YOU DON’T. No one is juggling all the balls and nothing is getting dropped and doing it all! It’s just that simple. Something is getting cut somewhere. You’re cutting time from your kids or from your job and only you know which one it is but it’s BS and no one is buying it.

So you’re seriously saying that someone with a job cannot

Deal with their kids health issues
Bring their kids to appointments
Help their kids with their homework
Enroll their kids in after-school activities
Help their kids navigate “social drama”
Cook meals every day
And read to their kids everyday?

That is absurd. Any parent worth a damn does all of these things for their kids, whether they work or not. You don’t have to malign working parents to justify your decision to stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I stay at home and have the same arrangement with my husband. Everything is equal and I buy whatever I want for myself with *our* money.
You realize that staying home to raise children is a pretty intense job if done right? The alternative is a stranger of questionable intelligence and motivation raising one’s kids for $60-70k per year after tax. So why couldn’t I buy myself jewelry or whatever if I do that job for free and better than a nanny?

Are you talking about homeschooling? If not, what do you know that’s so intense once your kids are out of school?

School is 8:30am-3pm, 170 days in a year. You do the math.
And yes, kids need us even after they start school. There are health issues, appointments, homework, after school activities, social drama etc to navigate. I cook home made, healthy meals. I read to them every day. And so on.
Sure, someone with inferior decision making abilities owning to inferior education could navigate some of that while I am at work, but that is not what I wanted for my family.

I do that stuff and I have a job too.

Well, you should have married OP’s husband. He shares all this stuff 50/50.

Or you should have married mine. He pays all of the bills and I use my income to pay for household help to cook homemade meals and drive kids to after school activities.

That’s rough that you have to do everything and do it all alone.

Where did PP say they have to do everything/do it alone?

That’s a reach.

They said that they do everything the SAHM does and have a job too. Sounds like they are doing all of the things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I stay at home and have the same arrangement with my husband. Everything is equal and I buy whatever I want for myself with *our* money.
You realize that staying home to raise children is a pretty intense job if done right? The alternative is a stranger of questionable intelligence and motivation raising one’s kids for $60-70k per year after tax. So why couldn’t I buy myself jewelry or whatever if I do that job for free and better than a nanny?

Are you talking about homeschooling? If not, what do you know that’s so intense once your kids are out of school?

School is 8:30am-3pm, 170 days in a year. You do the math.
And yes, kids need us even after they start school. There are health issues, appointments, homework, after school activities, social drama etc to navigate. I cook home made, healthy meals. I read to them every day. And so on.
Sure, someone with inferior decision making abilities owning to inferior education could navigate some of that while I am at work, but that is not what I wanted for my family.

I do that stuff and I have a job too.

Well, you should have married OP’s husband. He shares all this stuff 50/50.

Or you should have married mine. He pays all of the bills and I use my income to pay for household help to cook homemade meals and drive kids to after school activities.

That’s rough that you have to do everything and do it all alone.

Where did PP say they have to do everything/do it alone?

That’s a reach.

They said that they do everything the SAHM does and have a job too. Sounds like they are doing all of the things.

All they said is that they do all of the things previously listed.

I don’t understand the hostility nor the jump to conclusions. Chill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I stay at home and have the same arrangement with my husband. Everything is equal and I buy whatever I want for myself with *our* money.
You realize that staying home to raise children is a pretty intense job if done right? The alternative is a stranger of questionable intelligence and motivation raising one’s kids for $60-70k per year after tax. So why couldn’t I buy myself jewelry or whatever if I do that job for free and better than a nanny?

Are you talking about homeschooling? If not, what do you know that’s so intense once your kids are out of school?

School is 8:30am-3pm, 170 days in a year. You do the math.
And yes, kids need us even after they start school. There are health issues, appointments, homework, after school activities, social drama etc to navigate. I cook home made, healthy meals. I read to them every day. And so on.
Sure, someone with inferior decision making abilities owning to inferior education could navigate some of that while I am at work, but that is not what I wanted for my family.

I do that stuff and I have a job too.

Ok it’s time someone said it. NO YOU DON’T. No one is juggling all the balls and nothing is getting dropped and doing it all! It’s just that simple. Something is getting cut somewhere. You’re cutting time from your kids or from your job and only you know which one it is but it’s BS and no one is buying it.

So you’re seriously saying that someone with a job cannot

Deal with their kids health issues
Bring their kids to appointments
Help their kids with their homework
Enroll their kids in after-school activities
Help their kids navigate “social drama”
Cook meals every day
And read to their kids everyday?

That is absurd. Any parent worth a damn does all of these things for their kids, whether they work or not. You don’t have to malign working parents to justify your decision to stay home.

I cant. I can do it for a couple of years, but doing all of that stuff every day and working full time burns me out. Eventually, I start missing appointments, not cooking every day or even grocery shopping every week, not really listening to my kids when they talk because I just want to sleep or am worried about work, etc.
Congratulations to you if you do all of that consistently for years. I don’t think that many people do.

[Anonymous]

Guys, you’re all pretty. There is not a right answer here. The unfortunate reality is that not everyone has the option but when you do have the option, it is not a clear cut choice. There are pluses and minuses and trade offs just like any other fork in life’s path. And realistically, how you fare on either path will have more to do with your own resilience and personality than with what choice you made. And then you will be derailed by tragedy, fate, or someone’s human frailty.