Fiancé won’t put me on the title of our new house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why don’t you go back to work? Your child is in school all day now.

Lol. I'm a SAHM mom and used to get this all the time. Then during the pandemic I had to reassure the working moms who were accused of just wanting their" free child care" back that you just had to ignore this stuff. Not helpful. People make different life choices and you can find plenty of examples of successes and failures on both sides.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fiancé of many years is buying a house (second home). He refuses to put me on the title and says it’s because I can’t pay the mortgage (I’m a stay at home mom and work part time). I’m not on the title of the house we reside in currently either. I guess if something happens to him, his older kids (he was married once before) will inherit the houses and I’ll be left with nothing. What happens in this situation? I am almost 50 and he’s five years older. I’m not money hungry but am very concerned that I won’t have a place to live with my kids (one of which is his) if something happens to him.

Get a job

DP. I think all of you knee-jerk "Get a job" PPs failed reading comprehension. She already works a part time job. And we do not know if there are reasons (financial or any other type) why she might need to work ONLY part time and be available for the kids. Hers, his and theirs. So much judgement and reflexive "get a job" response on this thread when you don't know all the circumstances. The bottom line of any answer is quite siimply, OP and her fiance need to go together to consult an experienced attorney who has handled a lot of real estate and estate business and who can lay out what they should do for maxiumum protection in the event the fiance dies or they split up. That's all she needs to know: Consult a real expert, not DCUM's judgemental ninnies.

His children are adults. I'm very sure she doesn't need to be available to them.

The answer "get a job" is reflexive because OP is here complaining about financial insecurity. Getting a job is the shortest path to that.

Your "quite simply" answer is ridiculous. It is not what they "should" do. It is what her fiance is willing to do. He is the one holding the cards. He already declined to put her on the deed. I'd say that's a pretty good indication of what he is willing to do. And in these circumstances, getting a job (which is fully within her control) is a much safer bet than begging a man for financial security (which is entirely at his mercy). Relying on yourself is the best strategy.

DP. I don’t think anyone here has disagreed that OP needs to become more financially independent by getting a better and FT job. But it’s also important for her not to lose sight of the fact that she is being mistreated by her “fiance” and it has resulted in her being financially vulnerable. She needs to know that in order to take next steps.

Don't you think she knows that already? she posted, after all.

I disagree that her financial vulnerability is the result of being mistreated. He supported her stay-at-home lifestyle as well as two children who are not his. I'd say that's pretty generous.

It is absolutely mistreating a woman to string her along promising to marry her for 7 years, while she stays home caring for your house and your children, then never marry her and also refuse to put any assets in her name.

I don't disagree, yet OP has made the choice to stay and accept the situation, which is on her. For now, I recommend that OP get a full-time job and concentrate on shoring up her own retirement savings. I would literally save everything I could at this point, as OP may not even be eligible for social security benefits. As it seems he won't marry her, she needs a back-up plan for when this man dies or decides to end the relationship, whichever comes first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well you don't work and you arent married, so you have no power. Are you disabled? Is your kid special needs?

From the op: (I’m a stay at home mom and work part time).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op , it only seems fair that your “fiancé” should leave one house to his older (adult) kids and one to you and the younger child you share (or to younger child with your right to live in it). But given that he’s not married you and hasn’t put you in either house this may not be easy.

Get thee to a lawyer and figure out your options.

Does he have a will? Do you get support for your older kids?

She has no job so it doesn't matter who he "leaves the other house to". If there's a mortgage on it, he's leaving it to the bank since OP has no income with which to pay the mortgage.

Typically a non-scummy man will arrange it so the mother of his minor child inherits the house and will maintain life insurance to cover the mortgage if something happens.

Did someone force her to procreate with him?

Did someone force her to stay with a non-marrying man for 7 years?

Did someone force her to not work?

Right sounds like some real non-scummy reasoning there! “Ok lady you’re having my baby, you can stay in my house and take care of if for room and board, but don’t expect anything else because my older kids are my priority.”

Lol. 2nd wife/husband will never come before the kids. I thought everyone knew that. Apparently not

And that's exactly the way it should be. I'm still mx ex-husband's beneficiary because I take care of his kids. Kids first. Always. Second spouses who don't understand the pecking order are in for a world of pain. I say this as a divorced mom who is set to remarry a divorced dad and is working on the prenup that protects our kids from their step-parent.

[Anonymous]

Lol. 2nd wife/husband will never come before the kids. I thought everyone knew that. Apparently not


And that's exactly the way it should be. I'm still mx ex-husband's beneficiary because I take care of his kids. Kids first. Always. Second spouses who don't understand the pecking order are in for a world of pain. I say this as a divorced mom who is set to remarry a divorced dad and is working on the prenup that protects our kids from their step-parent.

First of all, they also have a child together. Secondly, this is not putting the second wife ahead of the kids. The guy has two houses and kids from two different mothers. It is about providing *something* to his younger child and the woman he lives with. It doesn't have to be all or nothing, but in this case, it seems like nothing.

I come from a complicated family. My mom remarried a man who had kids. He's passed away. I just helped her do her will and encouraged her to leave $ to my stepsister and her kids. Yes, much of it is going to me, my brother and our kids, but they are part of our family. I also accept that my father has decided to leave half his property to his current wife--my stepmom--even though she is extremely wealthy (like, 20mm) and has no kids of her own. that's his choice, though I hope he will leave something to his grandkids.

In this case, I think that morally OP's "fiance" is an ass for not ensuring some future stability for his 7 year old and 7 year old's mom (OP). At this rate, if he were to die tomorrow, she and their child would be out on the street while his adult children (who presumably are independent) would inherit everything--as far as we know, not only the 2 houses, but retirement, investments, etc. That is no way to treat someone you have been with for years and who is the parent of your child. He should at least ensure the child has signfiicant support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Lol. 2nd wife/husband will never come before the kids. I thought everyone knew that. Apparently not


And that's exactly the way it should be. I'm still mx ex-husband's beneficiary because I take care of his kids. Kids first. Always. Second spouses who don't understand the pecking order are in for a world of pain. I say this as a divorced mom who is set to remarry a divorced dad and is working on the prenup that protects our kids from their step-parent.

First of all, they also have a child together. Secondly, this is not putting the second wife ahead of the kids. The guy has two houses and kids from two different mothers. It is about providing *something* to his younger child and the woman he lives with. It doesn't have to be all or nothing, but in this case, it seems like nothing.

I come from a complicated family. My mom remarried a man who had kids. He's passed away. I just helped her do her will and encouraged her to leave $ to my stepsister and her kids. Yes, much of it is going to me, my brother and our kids, but they are part of our family. I also accept that my father has decided to leave half his property to his current wife--my stepmom--even though she is extremely wealthy (like, 20mm) and has no kids of her own. that's his choice, though I hope he will leave something to his grandkids.

In this case, I think that morally OP's "fiance" is an ass for not ensuring some future stability for his 7 year old and 7 year old's mom (OP). At this rate, if he were to die tomorrow, she and their child would be out on the street while his adult children (who presumably are independent) would inherit everything--as far as we know, not only the 2 houses, but retirement, investments, etc. That is no way to treat someone you have been with for years and who is the parent of your child. He should at least ensure the child has signfiicant support.

The only thing I don't like about your argument is that you see a 50-year old woman as essentially another child who has to be taken care of like she's seven.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need a new fiance.

The guy is right to leave what he has to his kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Lol. 2nd wife/husband will never come before the kids. I thought everyone knew that. Apparently not


And that's exactly the way it should be. I'm still mx ex-husband's beneficiary because I take care of his kids. Kids first. Always. Second spouses who don't understand the pecking order are in for a world of pain. I say this as a divorced mom who is set to remarry a divorced dad and is working on the prenup that protects our kids from their step-parent.

First of all, they also have a child together. Secondly, this is not putting the second wife ahead of the kids. The guy has two houses and kids from two different mothers. It is about providing *something* to his younger child and the woman he lives with. It doesn't have to be all or nothing, but in this case, it seems like nothing.

I come from a complicated family. My mom remarried a man who had kids. He's passed away. I just helped her do her will and encouraged her to leave $ to my stepsister and her kids. Yes, much of it is going to me, my brother and our kids, but they are part of our family. I also accept that my father has decided to leave half his property to his current wife--my stepmom--even though she is extremely wealthy (like, 20mm) and has no kids of her own. that's his choice, though I hope he will leave something to his grandkids.

In this case, I think that morally OP's "fiance" is an ass for not ensuring some future stability for his 7 year old and 7 year old's mom (OP). At this rate, if he were to die tomorrow, she and their child would be out on the street while his adult children (who presumably are independent) would inherit everything--as far as we know, not only the 2 houses, but retirement, investments, etc. That is no way to treat someone you have been with for years and who is the parent of your child. He should at least ensure the child has signfiicant support.

I don’t think it would only go to his 2 adult children. It would go to the 2 adult children and OP’s child they share together. I don’t think OP would be legally entitled to anything since they are not married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op , it only seems fair that your “fiancé” should leave one house to his older (adult) kids and one to you and the younger child you share (or to younger child with your right to live in it). But given that he’s not married you and hasn’t put you in either house this may not be easy.

Get thee to a lawyer and figure out your options.

Does he have a will? Do you get support for your older kids?

She has no job so it doesn't matter who he "leaves the other house to". If there's a mortgage on it, he's leaving it to the bank since OP has no income with which to pay the mortgage.

Typically a non-scummy man will arrange it so the mother of his minor child inherits the house and will maintain life insurance to cover the mortgage if something happens.

Did someone force her to procreate with him?

Did someone force her to stay with a non-marrying man for 7 years?

Did someone force her to not work?

Right sounds like some real non-scummy reasoning there! “Ok lady you’re having my baby, you can stay in my house and take care of if for room and board, but don’t expect anything else because my older kids are my priority.”

Lol. 2nd wife/husband will never come before the kids. I thought everyone knew that. Apparently not

And that's exactly the way it should be. I'm still mx ex-husband's beneficiary because I take care of his kids. Kids first. Always. Second spouses who don't understand the pecking order are in for a world of pain. I say this as a divorced mom who is set to remarry a divorced dad and is working on the prenup that protects our kids from their step-parent.

Good luck when your x remarries and has another kid … you really think you would remain his beneficiary?

[Anonymous]

Whay are you not working and contributing to bring in $$ at 50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whay are you not working and contributing to bring in $$ at 50.

DP. For God's sake. Read the friggin' thread. The OP does work, part time. AND is also a SAHM caring for -- did you miss this? their young elementary aged child, her own kids, AND his kids. Do you think she's just sitting around all day long?

[Anonymous]

Why aren’t you married, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whay are you not working and contributing to bring in $$ at 50.

DP. For God's sake. Read the friggin' thread. The OP does work, part time. AND is also a SAHM caring for -- did you miss this? their young elementary aged child, her own kids, AND his kids. Do you think she's just sitting around all day long?

Did YOU read the thread? His kids are in their late twenties. There is no indication she is "caring" for them. Not even that they live with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whay are you not working and contributing to bring in $$ at 50.

DP. For God's sake. Read the friggin' thread. The OP does work, part time. AND is also a SAHM caring for -- did you miss this? their young elementary aged child, her own kids, AND his kids. Do you think she's just sitting around all day long?

Why is the OP calling herself a SAHM if she works?

Has OP ever clarified if her other kids live with them full time and if her fiancé supports her other kids?
Is her ex in the picture? Does he pay child support?

[Anonymous]

"Good luck when your x remarries and has another kid … you really think you would remain his beneficiary?"

We wrote the terms of ex husband's will into the terms of the divorce settlement. Also required that he maintain a life insurance policy naming our child as the 100% beneficiary.