Fiancé won’t put me on the title of our new house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Good luck when your x remarries and has another kid … you really think you would remain his beneficiary?"

We wrote the terms of ex husband's will into the terms of the divorce settlement. Also required that he maintain a life insurance policy naming our child as the 100% beneficiary.

A minor child cannot be a beneficiary to anything directly. Someone will have to manage the $ for him/her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it were me, and this was my second marriage, I too would leave everything I had to my kids and not my spouse. I would not want everything I worked for to go to my 2nd husband and leave my kids with nothing. I would not trust the spouse to take care of my kids who are not his father. I am in agreement with the fiancé.

My mom and stepdad have an arrangement where he can live in their home until he passes away (if she does first) and the house goes to us (her kids). Is there any way something like this could be set up outside of a marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Good luck when your x remarries and has another kid … you really think you would remain his beneficiary?"

We wrote the terms of ex husband's will into the terms of the divorce settlement. Also required that he maintain a life insurance policy naming our child as the 100% beneficiary.

well unless the new wife agrees, she still gets the 401k accumulated during her marriage and an elective share of the will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it were me, and this was my second marriage, I too would leave everything I had to my kids and not my spouse. I would not want everything I worked for to go to my 2nd husband and leave my kids with nothing. I would not trust the spouse to take care of my kids who are not his father. I am in agreement with the fiancé.

My mom and stepdad have an arrangement where he can live in their home until he passes away (if she does first) and the house goes to us (her kids). Is there any way something like this could be set up outside of a marriage?

He should have gotten his own house. There’s no way I’m supporting my dead mother’s husband, unless he was a father figure to me. What happens if he can’t or doesn’t want to pay for repairs & maintenance, or mortgage, or if he becomes disabled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fiancé of many years is buying a house (second home). He refuses to put me on the title and says it’s because I can’t pay the mortgage (I’m a stay at home mom and work part time). I’m not on the title of the house we reside in currently either. I guess if something happens to him, his older kids (he was married once before) will inherit the houses and I’ll be left with nothing. What happens in this situation? I am almost 50 and he’s five years older. I’m not money hungry but am very concerned that I won’t have a place to live with my kids (one of which is his) if something happens to him.

If your not equal. Your not equal. Charming, this fellow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fiancé of many years is buying a house (second home). He refuses to put me on the title and says it’s because I can’t pay the mortgage (I’m a stay at home mom and work part time). I’m not on the title of the house we reside in currently either. I guess if something happens to him, his older kids (he was married once before) will inherit the houses and I’ll be left with nothing. What happens in this situation? I am almost 50 and he’s five years older. I’m not money hungry but am very concerned that I won’t have a place to live with my kids (one of which is his) if something happens to him.

If your not equal. Your not equal. Charming, this fellow.

So he bought a third house and you are still not married? Smh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fiancé of many years is buying a house (second home). He refuses to put me on the title and says it’s because I can’t pay the mortgage (I’m a stay at home mom and work part time). I’m not on the title of the house we reside in currently either. I guess if something happens to him, his older kids (he was married once before) will inherit the houses and I’ll be left with nothing. What happens in this situation? I am almost 50 and he’s five years older. I’m not money hungry but am very concerned that I won’t have a place to live with my kids (one of which is his) if something happens to him.

If your not equal. Your not equal. Charming, this fellow.

So he bought a third house and you are still not married? Smh

You revived a thread that is over a year old for these words of wisdom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fiancé of many years is buying a house (second home). He refuses to put me on the title and says it’s because I can’t pay the mortgage (I’m a stay at home mom and work part time). I’m not on the title of the house we reside in currently either. I guess if something happens to him, his older kids (he was married once before) will inherit the houses and I’ll be left with nothing. What happens in this situation? I am almost 50 and he’s five years older. I’m not money hungry but am very concerned that I won’t have a place to live with my kids (one of which is his) if something happens to him.

If your not equal. Your not equal. Charming, this fellow.

So he bought a third house and you are still not married? Smh

You revived a thread that is over a year old for these words of wisdom?

OP has a new thread and this one gives background info.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fiancé of many years is buying a house (second home). He refuses to put me on the title and says it’s because I can’t pay the mortgage (I’m a stay at home mom and work part time). I’m not on the title of the house we reside in currently either. I guess if something happens to him, his older kids (he was married once before) will inherit the houses and I’ll be left with nothing. What happens in this situation? I am almost 50 and he’s five years older. I’m not money hungry but am very concerned that I won’t have a place to live with my kids (one of which is his) if something happens to him.

If your not equal. Your not equal. Charming, this fellow.

So he bought a third house and you are still not married? Smh

You revived a thread that is over a year old for these words of wisdom?

OP has a new thread and this one gives background info.

Where’s the new thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fiancé of many years is buying a house (second home). He refuses to put me on the title and says it’s because I can’t pay the mortgage (I’m a stay at home mom and work part time). I’m not on the title of the house we reside in currently either. I guess if something happens to him, his older kids (he was married once before) will inherit the houses and I’ll be left with nothing. What happens in this situation? I am almost 50 and he’s five years older. I’m not money hungry but am very concerned that I won’t have a place to live with my kids (one of which is his) if something happens to him.

If your not equal. Your not equal. Charming, this fellow.

So he bought a third house and you are still not married? Smh

You revived a thread that is over a year old for these words of wisdom?

OP has a new thread and this one gives background info.

Where’s the new thread?

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1184343.page

[Anonymous]

I have a friend in your situation due to a prenup. She works full time and saves 100% of her income and makes her DH cover 50% of house and child stuff even though he makes more. He also covers all their expenses. He is fine with their setup and enjoys the time he spends with their younger kids. After 15 years she’s actually pretty close to even with her DH in terms of assets under her control in only her name, and their joint kids have fully funded 529 accounts.

[Anonymous]

You’re 50. You guys wont have kids together and you both have kids from previous relationships? Why should you have combined assets? As someone who is unemployed, are you bringing anything to the table? This doesn’t make sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s not your fiance. You are never getting married. You should really get a job ASAP.

This.
The “of many years” is what did it for me.
Sorry, OP, you are his live-in hunny. But he is not planning to marry you.

[Anonymous]

Get married already!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Then he can reimburse her for 7 years of FT childcare, housekeeping, and other errands at the market rate, as well as what a surrogate would have cost. Don’t forget her forgone social security contributions. My guess is that all adds up to about half the home equity.

Only someone who doesn’t work would say that.

Those things listed - making doctors appts, finding a plumber, etc seem overwhelming to you and feel like they would be very time consuming bc you don’t spend all day tracking down and researching details and deliverables and work products and having a schedule and scheduling meetings or getting meetings scheduled. Nothing in that list jumps out as me as can’t be done or is daunting.


I could never understand this "market rate" business. First, as a matter of math, whatever housework and childcare she's doing, only half of that is for the sake of the husband because the rest is for her. In this case, the ratio goes even worse for her because her children (who are not the fiance's) are in the picture, and whatever she does for them, he has nothing to do with. And finally, you can never compare the housework and childcare at your own house with the market-rate service because the market-rate service provider does not stay around to enjoy the fruits of their labor. A housekeeper cleans and leaves. She doesn't get to enjoy the clean house. The chef cooks and leaves. He doesn't enjoy the food he made. So please don't compare what you do with a full-rate service provider.

Are you, or have you ever been, a stay at home parent handling both child care etc. and home care? I mean, really handling all aspects of it? Even when the kids are in school during the day?

Because there is much more to it than you picture. You are picturing a basic cook, cleaner and nanny. Those employees arrive, do those jobs, and leave.

A SAH parent often does vastly more than that, from all the household shopping (food, clothing, school supplies, gifts etc.) to booking and taking kids on doctor/dentist visits, sick child doctor visits, dealing with teachers, school administrative tasks (which can be considerable at certain times of year with multiple kids of varying ages), researching/booking/supervising everything from plumbers or electricians to any other service person you can imagine, getting the car (sometimes more than one car) maintained, serviced and repaired....This list goes on and varies greatly by family. And a lot of these parents also volunteer at school, or are involved in other volunteering that your kid benefits from, like scouting or church groups etc. Again. Your kid benefits from these parents' choices.

But your simplistic calculations about how "the rest is for her" as if the mom is cleaning up the house like a housecleaner would, then kicking back on the sofa and "enjoying the fruits of [her] labor" and, what, having a glass of wine and bonbons? -- what a crock. She's moving on to get the car inspected, tell the middle schoolers to rake the yard, drive another kid to a practice or lesson, pick up music at the music store before the lesson, and sign up to volunteer at a school event.

But sure, keep thinking her labor is worth less. And worthless.

It's people who think like you who make the work of SAH parents (moms or dads) devalued. And I do not mean monetarily devalued. I mean looked down on as somehow lazy. What complete and utter crap.

A working parent does the exact same thing.

A parent with a job with a paycheck does a lot of those things, but not all of them and not with the same amount of time scheduled for them. There are only so many hours in the day and a parent with a paid job needs to prioritize. Some things inevitably don’t make the cut when a big chunk of the day is already spoken for.