SAHMs that never return to workforce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why everyone thinks all stay at home moms are wealthy. We were decidedly NOT. We made a lot of sacrifices and had some very very tough times. But we felt it was important for me to be at home.

There are 2 classes of SAH parents. One doesn't need a 2nd income to survive. They are wealthy even if they call themselves middle class. The other won't earn enough to survive anyway. They are poor and rely on a combination of government benefits and other contributions. Which are you?

You have no clue what you are talking about. I know plenty of SAHMs who left the workforce due to early childhood care costs, and they ended up staying home. The husbands have professions like FBI agent, accountant, school administrator. The families are modestly comfortable, but no one would call them wealthy.

Median HHI in the US is around 70k. They families that you refer to are making significantly more than that. They are wealthy.

You’re a complete financial idiot. There are so many factors in this including local cost of living. A family with an income of $150K in the DC area is not wealthy by any stretch. Clearly, you spend no time around people who are actually wealthy. But do keep lecturing us on how wealthy people live.

A family on $150K can live comfortably in this area. We do. If you cannot you have a spending issue. We've lived on a lot less. We don't have to watch what we spend either.

What are your out of pocket housing costs?

[Anonymous]

I’m a former Mormon and many of my friends are SAHMs with husbands who are moderate earners. I know they have their stressful times but it’s amazing what they can do. Stack coupons and make freezer meals to get their grocery budget down to 400 a month for a family of six, buy and sell kids’ toys and clothes on Craigslist, see the potential in all kinds of ugly clothes at the thrift store and use their sewing machines to make them look awesome, find all the best free kids activities, switch off babysitting for date nights, get their kids into jobs young and make them use the money to pay for their own activities and college, etc. Often they use pictures of Jesus and family photos to decorate and I want to sit them down and go through a shelter magazine with them, but their lives are definitely no worse than that of those in stressful equitable marriages. And I’m sure there are many of all cultural backgrounds who would just rather live this way instead of having two working parents.

(I used to be like this now DH makes a lot of money. I am embarrassed about how we spend money when I’m around Mormon friends and family. I miss the financial challenge, yet I can’t imagine doing things like driving half an hour for a good deal on a bag of kids’ clothes like i used to)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why everyone thinks all stay at home moms are wealthy. We were decidedly NOT. We made a lot of sacrifices and had some very very tough times. But we felt it was important for me to be at home.

There are 2 classes of SAH parents. One doesn't need a 2nd income to survive. They are wealthy even if they call themselves middle class. The other won't earn enough to survive anyway. They are poor and rely on a combination of government benefits and other contributions. Which are you?

You have no clue what you are talking about. I know plenty of SAHMs who left the workforce due to early childhood care costs, and they ended up staying home. The husbands have professions like FBI agent, accountant, school administrator. The families are modestly comfortable, but no one would call them wealthy.

Median HHI in the US is around 70k. They families that you refer to are making significantly more than that. They are wealthy.

Medium hhi is under 50k. The delusion is real in your post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why everyone thinks all stay at home moms are wealthy. We were decidedly NOT. We made a lot of sacrifices and had some very very tough times. But we felt it was important for me to be at home.

There are 2 classes of SAH parents. One doesn't need a 2nd income to survive. They are wealthy even if they call themselves middle class. The other won't earn enough to survive anyway. They are poor and rely on a combination of government benefits and other contributions. Which are you?

You have no clue what you are talking about. I know plenty of SAHMs who left the workforce due to early childhood care costs, and they ended up staying home. The husbands have professions like FBI agent, accountant, school administrator. The families are modestly comfortable, but no one would call them wealthy.

Median HHI in the US is around 70k. They families that you refer to are making significantly more than that. They are wealthy.

Medium hhi is under 50k. The delusion is real in your post.

https://www.census.gov/library/publications/2021/demo/p60-273.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a former Mormon and many of my friends are SAHMs with husbands who are moderate earners. I know they have their stressful times but it’s amazing what they can do. Stack coupons and make freezer meals to get their grocery budget down to 400 a month for a family of six, buy and sell kids’ toys and clothes on Craigslist, see the potential in all kinds of ugly clothes at the thrift store and use their sewing machines to make them look awesome, find all the best free kids activities, switch off babysitting for date nights, get their kids into jobs young and make them use the money to pay for their own activities and college, etc. Often they use pictures of Jesus and family photos to decorate and I want to sit them down and go through a shelter magazine with them, but their lives are definitely no worse than that of those in stressful equitable marriages. And I’m sure there are many of all cultural backgrounds who would just rather live this way instead of having two working parents.

(I used to be like this now DH makes a lot of money. I am embarrassed about how we spend money when I’m around Mormon friends and family. I miss the financial challenge, yet I can’t imagine doing things like driving half an hour for a good deal on a bag of kids’ clothes like i used to)

That is interesting. Thanks for posting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why everyone thinks all stay at home moms are wealthy. We were decidedly NOT. We made a lot of sacrifices and had some very very tough times. But we felt it was important for me to be at home.

There are 2 classes of SAH parents. One doesn't need a 2nd income to survive. They are wealthy even if they call themselves middle class. The other won't earn enough to survive anyway. They are poor and rely on a combination of government benefits and other contributions. Which are you?

You have no clue what you are talking about. I know plenty of SAHMs who left the workforce due to early childhood care costs, and they ended up staying home. The husbands have professions like FBI agent, accountant, school administrator. The families are modestly comfortable, but no one would call them wealthy.

Median HHI in the US is around 70k. They families that you refer to are making significantly more than that. They are wealthy.

Medium hhi is under 50k. The delusion is real in your post.

Median household income is meaningless unless you adjust it for location. $50K in Iowa City is very different from $50K in Los Angeles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why everyone thinks all stay at home moms are wealthy. We were decidedly NOT. We made a lot of sacrifices and had some very very tough times. But we felt it was important for me to be at home.

There are 2 classes of SAH parents. One doesn't need a 2nd income to survive. They are wealthy even if they call themselves middle class. The other won't earn enough to survive anyway. They are poor and rely on a combination of government benefits and other contributions. Which are you?

You have no clue what you are talking about. I know plenty of SAHMs who left the workforce due to early childhood care costs, and they ended up staying home. The husbands have professions like FBI agent, accountant, school administrator. The families are modestly comfortable, but no one would call them wealthy.

Median HHI in the US is around 70k. They families that you refer to are making significantly more than that. They are wealthy.

Medium hhi is under 50k. The delusion is real in your post.

Median household income is meaningless unless you adjust it for location. $50K in Iowa City is very different from $50K in Los Angeles.

Median HHI in DC is around 88k.
https://fred.stlouisfed.org/release/tables?eid=259515&rid=249

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why everyone thinks all stay at home moms are wealthy. We were decidedly NOT. We made a lot of sacrifices and had some very very tough times. But we felt it was important for me to be at home.

There are 2 classes of SAH parents. One doesn't need a 2nd income to survive. They are wealthy even if they call themselves middle class. The other won't earn enough to survive anyway. They are poor and rely on a combination of government benefits and other contributions. Which are you?

You have no clue what you are talking about. I know plenty of SAHMs who left the workforce due to early childhood care costs, and they ended up staying home. The husbands have professions like FBI agent, accountant, school administrator. The families are modestly comfortable, but no one would call them wealthy.

Median HHI in the US is around 70k. They families that you refer to are making significantly more than that. They are wealthy.

You’re a complete financial idiot. There are so many factors in this including local cost of living. A family with an income of $150K in the DC area is not wealthy by any stretch. Clearly, you spend no time around people who are actually wealthy. But do keep lecturing us on how wealthy people live.

A family on $150K can live comfortably in this area. We do. If you cannot you have a spending issue. We've lived on a lot less. We don't have to watch what we spend either.

What are your out of pocket housing costs?

When we took the mortgage it was $2K a month, but it was a lot in utilities at it was a fixer upper (to put it nicely) and we had a lot of repair expenses but we did a lot of it ourselves. Now its lower as we've refinanced/recasted and soon should have the house paid off. We spent $400K on the house (and not sure how much in repairs but the house needed everything). We are very comfortable, have a good retirement and college funds, pay cash for everything, including cars, and within reason can do what we want. We don't live lavishly but are very comfortable.

Life is about choices. You can make it on a lot less if you are careful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a former Mormon and many of my friends are SAHMs with husbands who are moderate earners. I know they have their stressful times but it’s amazing what they can do. Stack coupons and make freezer meals to get their grocery budget down to 400 a month for a family of six, buy and sell kids’ toys and clothes on Craigslist, see the potential in all kinds of ugly clothes at the thrift store and use their sewing machines to make them look awesome, find all the best free kids activities, switch off babysitting for date nights, get their kids into jobs young and make them use the money to pay for their own activities and college, etc. Often they use pictures of Jesus and family photos to decorate and I want to sit them down and go through a shelter magazine with them, but their lives are definitely no worse than that of those in stressful equitable marriages. And I’m sure there are many of all cultural backgrounds who would just rather live this way instead of having two working parents.

(I used to be like this now DH makes a lot of money. I am embarrassed about how we spend money when I’m around Mormon friends and family. I miss the financial challenge, yet I can’t imagine doing things like driving half an hour for a good deal on a bag of kids’ clothes like i used to)

That is interesting. Thanks for posting

How is this not an equitable marriage? If the wife chooses to stay home and has full access to money it is equitable. Equitable because both are working aren't necessarily equitable if one parent is doing the bulk of the housework and cleaning while working.

I shop sales and clearances. I get a lot of clothing new that is cheaper than used. How is driving 30 minutes for clothing any different than driving 30 minutes to a mall or store? I get a lot online now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why everyone thinks all stay at home moms are wealthy. We were decidedly NOT. We made a lot of sacrifices and had some very very tough times. But we felt it was important for me to be at home.

There are 2 classes of SAH parents. One doesn't need a 2nd income to survive. They are wealthy even if they call themselves middle class. The other won't earn enough to survive anyway. They are poor and rely on a combination of government benefits and other contributions. Which are you?

You have no clue what you are talking about. I know plenty of SAHMs who left the workforce due to early childhood care costs, and they ended up staying home. The husbands have professions like FBI agent, accountant, school administrator. The families are modestly comfortable, but no one would call them wealthy.

Median HHI in the US is around 70k. They families that you refer to are making significantly more than that. They are wealthy.

You’re a complete financial idiot. There are so many factors in this including local cost of living. A family with an income of $150K in the DC area is not wealthy by any stretch. Clearly, you spend no time around people who are actually wealthy. But do keep lecturing us on how wealthy people live.

Funny, we live very comfortably on it, including buying a new $50K car that we paid cash for and no family help. You are lecturing us on how it cannot be done, but it absolutely can be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a SAHM. After taxes/deductions, we lived on about 40K last year. This is somewhat artificial since we put money into our Roths, 401K and HSA. We have a paid off house and no debt.

The housing is a big part of it. You cannot scream poverty when you have a really large mortgage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get why everyone thinks all stay at home moms are wealthy. We were decidedly NOT. We made a lot of sacrifices and had some very very tough times. But we felt it was important for me to be at home.

There are 2 classes of SAH parents. One doesn't need a 2nd income to survive. They are wealthy even if they call themselves middle class. The other won't earn enough to survive anyway. They are poor and rely on a combination of government benefits and other contributions. Which are you?

You have no clue what you are talking about. I know plenty of SAHMs who left the workforce due to early childhood care costs, and they ended up staying home. The husbands have professions like FBI agent, accountant, school administrator. The families are modestly comfortable, but no one would call them wealthy.

Median HHI in the US is around 70k. They families that you refer to are making significantly more than that. They are wealthy.

You’re a complete financial idiot. There are so many factors in this including local cost of living. A family with an income of $150K in the DC area is not wealthy by any stretch. Clearly, you spend no time around people who are actually wealthy. But do keep lecturing us on how wealthy people live.

Funny, we live very comfortably on it, including buying a new $50K car that we paid cash for and no family help. You are lecturing us on how it cannot be done, but it absolutely can be.

NP here. I’m not doubting your claims but it seems disingenuous not to give your full financial picture. We have people on here saying they stay home on a low income, but are also not paying a rent or a mortgage. We stay home on a modest income, but also inherited money from my DH’s grandmother. We invested well, and dip into those funds in an emergency. It would be dishonest to say we are living on my DH’s salary.

[Anonymous]

I’m conflicted about SAHMs. I feel like the more women who drop out of the workforce means that things will never change. I want shorter working hours and longer school hours. School boards that take working parents into account. And husbands who cook, clean and care for children equally. But Dh and I both make 120k so it wasn’t an option for me to stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m conflicted about SAHMs. I feel like the more women who drop out of the workforce means that things will never change. I want shorter working hours and longer school hours. School boards that take working parents into account. And husbands who cook, clean and care for children equally. But Dh and I both make 120k so it wasn’t an option for me to stay home.

If you make $120K, it’s a choice. Just not one you wanted to make. So instead you want another segment of society to change what THEY do to make your choice more convenient for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a former Mormon and many of my friends are SAHMs with husbands who are moderate earners. I know they have their stressful times but it’s amazing what they can do. Stack coupons and make freezer meals to get their grocery budget down to 400 a month for a family of six, buy and sell kids’ toys and clothes on Craigslist, see the potential in all kinds of ugly clothes at the thrift store and use their sewing machines to make them look awesome, find all the best free kids activities, switch off babysitting for date nights, get their kids into jobs young and make them use the money to pay for their own activities and college, etc. Often they use pictures of Jesus and family photos to decorate and I want to sit them down and go through a shelter magazine with them, but their lives are definitely no worse than that of those in stressful equitable marriages. And I’m sure there are many of all cultural backgrounds who would just rather live this way instead of having two working parents.

(I used to be like this now DH makes a lot of money. I am embarrassed about how we spend money when I’m around Mormon friends and family. I miss the financial challenge, yet I can’t imagine doing things like driving half an hour for a good deal on a bag of kids’ clothes like i used to)

That is interesting. Thanks for posting

How is this not an equitable marriage? If the wife chooses to stay home and has full access to money it is equitable. Equitable because both are working aren't necessarily equitable if one parent is doing the bulk of the housework and cleaning while working.

I shop sales and clearances. I get a lot of clothing new that is cheaper than used. How is driving 30 minutes for clothing any different than driving 30 minutes to a mall or store? I get a lot online now.

Former Mormon PP here. I am using the term “equitable marriage” to mean splitting earning and housework/childcare equally, in opposition to traditional marriages. I’m not suggesting it’a unfair or unequal. Maybe there is a better term out there.

As for driving for clothes, I used to drive longer distances to get a whole bag of kids’ clothes and shoes for five bucks. I did that in addition to buying clearance but the bags were usually cheaper and better. Now I buy things online from target, full price. I used to drive to the cheaper stores too.

But of course my main point is that for these moms, the opportunity cost of staying home is zero.