Is dating just a means to an end for 50+ men?

[Anonymous]

As a 54 year old male I enjoy sex, but I’m far more interested in women who are smart, fun, confident, financially secure and not carrying a lot of baggage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I say all this to explain that I am also confused by the feedback she is getting from both dates and a dating coach. She’s being told that the getting to know you activities on dates don’t matter to men over 50. They prefer first date sex and if it’s a good experience, they’ll invest time in a second date.

If this is true, it seems like a considerable acceleration from the third date norm when I was last dating. I asked DH about his few single friends’ expectations. He said expecting and getting are two different things and most of them are smart enough to not write off a good woman simply because she didn’t sleep with them on the first date. My single brother said that the dynamics are weird where he lives because older single men considerably outnumber older single women.

If you are dating, is it really like that?

I’m a 50-something man dating after a divorce and this seems crazy to me. I’m less focused on sex than I was when I was younger — less uncontrollably horny than I was at 20-something and much more focused on emotional and intellectual compatibility. Perfectly happy to let weeks or even a few months go by getting to know someone before becoming sexual

That’s a relief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a 54 year old male I enjoy sex, but I’m far more interested in women who are smart, fun, confident, financially secure and not carrying a lot of baggage.

I’m glad to hear that.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I told my cousin that she needs to fire the dating coach and replace the bikini pic. She is willing to do both.

[Anonymous]

LOL dating coach. She needs to ditch him/her. Men who want sex on a first date aren't looking for a relationship, they are looking for a hookup. Most of us women learn young that looking for love with hookups is a lost cause. But it's true that lots of men just want a hookup. But obviously not true that sleeping with them will get you more. There is no free trial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL dating coach. She needs to ditch him/her. Men who want sex on a first date aren't looking for a relationship, they are looking for a hookup. Most of us women learn young that looking for love with hookups is a lost cause. But it's true that lots of men just want a hookup. But obviously not true that sleeping with them will get you more. There is no free trial.

Woman here. Literally all my serious relationships began from a hookup. Men would pop up later to follow up, could be a few months later but they always did for a few exceptions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL dating coach. She needs to ditch him/her. Men who want sex on a first date aren't looking for a relationship, they are looking for a hookup. Most of us women learn young that looking for love with hookups is a lost cause. But it's true that lots of men just want a hookup. But obviously not true that sleeping with them will get you more. There is no free trial.

Woman here. Literally all my serious relationships began from a hookup. Men would pop up later to follow up, could be a few months later but they always did for a few exceptions

So…not always?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a 54 year old male I enjoy sex, but I’m far more interested in women who are smart, fun, confident, financially secure and not carrying a lot of baggage.

Keep looking for that unicorn, bro. Maybe someday you'll find her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL dating coach. She needs to ditch him/her. Men who want sex on a first date aren't looking for a relationship, they are looking for a hookup. Most of us women learn young that looking for love with hookups is a lost cause. But it's true that lots of men just want a hookup. But obviously not true that sleeping with them will get you more. There is no free trial.

Woman here. Literally all my serious relationships began from a hookup. Men would pop up later to follow up, could be a few months later but they always did for a few exceptions

So…not always?

Dating is about taking some risks and it’s for women who like men and don’t regret having sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL dating coach. She needs to ditch him/her. Men who want sex on a first date aren't looking for a relationship, they are looking for a hookup. Most of us women learn young that looking for love with hookups is a lost cause. But it's true that lots of men just want a hookup. But obviously not true that sleeping with them will get you more. There is no free trial.

Woman here. Literally all my serious relationships began from a hookup. Men would pop up later to follow up, could be a few months later but they always did for a few exceptions

So…not always?

Dating is about taking some risks and it’s for women who like men and don’t regret having sex

I’m not single but my friends who have been at this age describe something like this. You get along well enough on a date or two and it leads to sex. Maybe a relationship doesn’t take off from there but what’s the big deal? Everyone has some experience so it’s not like adding sex confused things like it might have mid twenties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a 54 year old male I enjoy sex, but I’m far more interested in women who are smart, fun, confident, financially secure and not carrying a lot of baggage.

You certainly won’t find many 50+ women on the apps that meet that description.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a 54 year old male I enjoy sex, but I’m far more interested in women who are smart, fun, confident, financially secure and not carrying a lot of baggage.

You certainly won’t find many 50+ women on the apps that meet that description.

That is my experience. My 55 gf is smart, fun, confident, sexy, and has worked through whatever baggage she once had (I don't consider her kids to be "baggage"), but she is not financially secure at all. I do have some reservation because I don't want to be her lifeline and I don't want to deplete my kids' inheritance supporting her. But of all the possible downsides, her financial situation seems like the least important one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a 54 year old male I enjoy sex, but I’m far more interested in women who are smart, fun, confident, financially secure and not carrying a lot of baggage.

You certainly won’t find many 50+ women on the apps that meet that description.

That is my experience. My 55 gf is smart, fun, confident, sexy, and has worked through whatever baggage she once had (I don't consider her kids to be "baggage"), but she is not financially secure at all. I do have some reservation because I don't want to be her lifeline and I don't want to deplete my kids' inheritance supporting her. But of all the possible downsides, her financial situation seems like the least important one.

What's the upside of marrying her, though, if that's your intention?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a 54 year old male I enjoy sex, but I’m far more interested in women who are smart, fun, confident, financially secure and not carrying a lot of baggage.

You certainly won’t find many 50+ women on the apps that meet that description.

If you find a woman that fit this description, you would have to be really committed to her, work on integrating each other in your lives, busy schedules etc. Men claim they want financially independent women, but in reality few men are able to offer what it takes to be with a wealthy woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a 54 year old male I enjoy sex, but I’m far more interested in women who are smart, fun, confident, financially secure and not carrying a lot of baggage.

You certainly won’t find many 50+ women on the apps that meet that description.

If you find a woman that fit this description, you would have to be really committed to her, work on integrating each other in your lives, busy schedules etc. Men claim they want financially independent women, but in reality few men are able to offer what it takes to be with a wealthy woman

Very few women in their 50s are "wealthy" or "financially independent". Much more likely she's a financial mess barely hanging on by her fingernails. And if you're wealthy and financially independent, what does she have to offer you, really? A negative thing (she won't be a financial burden) but physically you're better off shopping younger.