Is dating just a means to an end for 50+ men?

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:As a newly divorced man in his 50s, I ll say she is better off with a much younger man since she is only 50. A lot of divorced men in their 50s such as myself are often squeezed to the max financially between alimony child support and college tuition expenses etc.

I think she will have a better experience is she stays in the bracket 35-45.


That’s tough. If she targets even lower, say 27-33, she will probably find a lot of suitors, but I imagine they will be interested in sex.

However, if she goes for an older cohort (65+), she will probably find fewer that meet her standards, but those that do will probably be better aligned on libido.
Anonymous
Isn't dating a means to an end for men of all ages?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I’m happily (re)married so I haven’t dated in well over a decade, but my cousin is newly divorced and very confounded by feedback she’s gotten as she ventures “out there”.

She’s an attractive 50 year old who looks younger, is fit, and dresses fashionably without being ridiculous. She’s well-educated, well-travelled, and successful in her career. She has pretty standard hobbies and interests.

She has one adult child in the military who hasn’t lived at home since he left for boot camp five years ago. And one very chill medium sized dog.

There’s no drama with her ex. He was wanted to live in his native country after their son left the nest. She did not. The pandemic kept them apart for over a year. After trying to revive things long distance for a few years, they amicably separated. She never bad mouths him. He doesn’t pay alimony or anything.

She expects to split the expenses of dating.

I say all this to explain that I am also confused by the feedback she is getting from both dates and a dating coach. She’s being told that the getting to know you activities on dates don’t matter to men over 50. They prefer first date sex and if it’s a good experience, they’ll invest time in a second date.

If this is true, it seems like a considerable acceleration from the third date norm when I was last dating. I asked DH about his few single friends’ expectations. He said expecting and getting are two different things and most of them are smart enough to not write off a good woman simply because she didn’t sleep with them on the first date. My single brother said that the dynamics are weird where he lives because older single men considerably outnumber older single women.

If you are dating, is it really like that?


Gross. No way. Disgusting.

Feral dicks running around?

wtf city she living in?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:It seems really weird to have a dating coach and to get feedback from dates. Who even has a dating coach? Are these striver or self improvement type people?

I'm a 50 year old guy and think that having sex on the first date is certainly not expected. Most middle aged guys are probably more patient than younger guys in that regard.


Not to the DCUM Troll poster!
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Sex is the most important part of the human experience, so getting to know whether you are compatible there is critical. That said, some level of trust is important, so it depends on the interactions prior to the first date.

Lol.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Sex is the most important part of the human experience, so getting to know whether you are compatible there is critical. That said, some level of trust is important, so it depends on the interactions prior to the first date.


Trust is. Not sex. You got it all backwards.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Woman here, that hasnt been my experience at all. My 2 cents:

1- She needs to do a better job of vetting men before she goes out on dates. Get to know them a bit first before agreeing to meet. Make it a little harder for them to get your precious time. The ones who arent interested in even a phone call before a date will see themselves to the door.

2- Along those lines, the men who discuss sex within the first few messages are saying who they are loud and clear. Dont entertain them.

3- Is she only going for super hot men? Slick dudes? Dudes super into appearance (yeH, yeah, I know its Miami). Imho you can tell by a mans profile pics/profile content what he is looking for.


Thank you.

Now that you mention it, #3 might be most of the problem. She was married to a very attractive, but very nice man. I think she doesn’t have good player radar.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Isn't dating a means to an end for men of all ages?


Huh, what end? Somewhere to live with a cook, maid, sx, and social coordinator?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m happily (re)married so I haven’t dated in well over a decade, but my cousin is newly divorced and very confounded by feedback she’s gotten as she ventures “out there”.

She’s an attractive 50 year old who looks younger, is fit, and dresses fashionably without being ridiculous. She’s well-educated, well-travelled, and successful in her career. She has pretty standard hobbies and interests.

She has one adult child in the military who hasn’t lived at home since he left for boot camp five years ago. And one very chill medium sized dog.

There’s no drama with her ex. He was wanted to live in his native country after their son left the nest. She did not. The pandemic kept them apart for over a year. After trying to revive things long distance for a few years, they amicably separated. She never bad mouths him. He doesn’t pay alimony or anything.

She expects to split the expenses of dating.

I say all this to explain that I am also confused by the feedback she is getting from both dates and a dating coach. She’s being told that the getting to know you activities on dates don’t matter to men over 50. They prefer first date sex and if it’s a good experience, they’ll invest time in a second date.

If this is true, it seems like a considerable acceleration from the third date norm when I was last dating. I asked DH about his few single friends’ expectations. He said expecting and getting are two different things and most of them are smart enough to not write off a good woman simply because she didn’t sleep with them on the first date. My single brother said that the dynamics are weird where he lives because older single men considerably outnumber older single women.

If you are dating, is it really like that?


Gross. No way. Disgusting.

Feral dicks running around?

wtf city she living in?


Miami
Anonymous
STD city
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:As a newly divorced man in his 50s, I ll say she is better off with a much younger man since she is only 50. A lot of divorced men in their 50s such as myself are often squeezed to the max financially between alimony child support and college tuition expenses etc.

I think she will have a better experience is she stays in the bracket 35-45.


That’s tough. If she targets even lower, say 27-33, she will probably find a lot of suitors, but I imagine they will be interested in sex.

However, if she goes for an older cohort (65+), she will probably find fewer that meet her standards, but those that do will probably be better aligned on libido.


She’s not disinterested in sex. She just doesn’t want to have first date sex. That’s not a libido issue.

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Woman here, that hasnt been my experience at all. My 2 cents:

1- She needs to do a better job of vetting men before she goes out on dates. Get to know them a bit first before agreeing to meet. Make it a little harder for them to get your precious time. The ones who arent interested in even a phone call before a date will see themselves to the door.

2- Along those lines, the men who discuss sex within the first few messages are saying who they are loud and clear. Dont entertain them.

3- Is she only going for super hot men? Slick dudes? Dudes super into appearance (yeH, yeah, I know its Miami). Imho you can tell by a mans profile pics/profile content what he is looking for.


Thank you.

Now that you mention it, #3 might be most of the problem. She was married to a very attractive, but very nice man. I think she doesn’t have good player radar.


After age 50, a man who is good looking and capable of having sex has his choice of women. If he wants to settle down, he can do that. If he wants to play around, he can do that. The male to female ratio just gets worse and worse as people age.

(I'm not complaining. I have no interest in a second husband. I like the one I had, but 25+ years of marriage was enough. I like my alone time.)
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Isn't dating a means to an end for men of all ages?


And women too. They're on the apps because they want to get something out of it. Nothing wrong with that.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Isn't dating a means to an end for men of all ages?


And women too. They're on the apps because they want to get something out of it. Nothing wrong with that.


What are the main things they want to “get out of it?

What are these “means to an end” you cliche on about?

Pls provide examples - separate ones or ones that overlap.
Anonymous
Men dating over 50 want a nurse and a housekeeper. Maybe a social chair. Hard pass.
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