Eye-opening new study on the harms of divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can we agree on one thing here?

- the children are innocent of any issues between their parents.

Has anyone said anything different?

[Anonymous]

There is so much meanness and punching down on this thread. None of us is perfect, and a lot of things in this life are out of our control. You can feel great about your marriage today and pat yourself on the back for choosing well and then find out tomorrow that your husband is cheating or has been hiding a gambling addiction or has realized they are gay.

It’s reasonable to discuss the impact of divorce on children and how to mitigate potential issues, but I don’t see that here. I see a bunch of jerks being mean to single moms.

Give grace and be nice. You might need it yourself some day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is so much meanness and punching down on this thread. None of us is perfect, and a lot of things in this life are out of our control. You can feel great about your marriage today and pat yourself on the back for choosing well and then find out tomorrow that your husband is cheating or has been hiding a gambling addiction or has realized they are gay.

It’s reasonable to discuss the impact of divorce on children and how to mitigate potential issues, but I don’t see that here. I see a bunch of jerks being mean to single moms.

Give grace and be nice. You might need it yourself some day.

Stop pretending all divorced moms are single moms. Most of them share custody. You’re not a single mom if dad has the kids half the time, stop trying to get unwarranted sympathy with this weird “stolen valor” move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is so much meanness and punching down on this thread. None of us is perfect, and a lot of things in this life are out of our control. You can feel great about your marriage today and pat yourself on the back for choosing well and then find out tomorrow that your husband is cheating or has been hiding a gambling addiction or has realized they are gay.

It’s reasonable to discuss the impact of divorce on children and how to mitigate potential issues, but I don’t see that here. I see a bunch of jerks being mean to single moms.

Give grace and be nice. You might need it yourself some day.

Stop pretending all divorced moms are single moms. Most of them share custody. You’re not a single mom if dad has the kids half the time, stop trying to get unwarranted sympathy with this weird “stolen valor” move.

This is a real wtf post right here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay married for each other, never for the kids because they can see right through a sham marriage.

If there’s no actual abuse, kids don’t actually give a shit about mommy and daddy’s sham marriage, nor should they.

Exactly.

Yea, but it’s important for me to model to the kids that you don’t have to spend 25 years settling for a marriage that no longer works.
They shouldn’t be married just to be married and if it’s not adding happiness then it’s ok to move on.

So it’s important for you to model irredeemably selfish behavior for your kids? Mommy chose to have kids with Daddy, but now she’s bored so the kids can just deal with it? Mommy’s happiness is more important than their happiness?

Okay.

Nope, it’s a loveless relationship where two people are living like roommates with no romantic interest whatsoever, anymore and lots of relationships are like this and I’ll teach my kids that it’s lonlier in a bad relationship than to be on your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay married for each other, never for the kids because they can see right through a sham marriage.

If there’s no actual abuse, kids don’t actually give a shit about mommy and daddy’s sham marriage, nor should they.

Exactly.

Yea, but it’s important for me to model to the kids that you don’t have to spend 25 years settling for a marriage that no longer works.
They shouldn’t be married just to be married and if it’s not adding happiness then it’s ok to move on.

So it’s important for you to model irredeemably selfish behavior for your kids? Mommy chose to have kids with Daddy, but now she’s bored so the kids can just deal with it? Mommy’s happiness is more important than their happiness?

Okay.

What if your working assumptions — that it’s inherently irredeemably selfish and also that the children’s happiness is somehow diminished forever, like they are nothing but fragile, brittle, tragic little Humpty Dumpties who (alas) can never be put back together again — are just wrong?

Also fwiw “bored” is not the same as unhappy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is so much meanness and punching down on this thread. None of us is perfect, and a lot of things in this life are out of our control. You can feel great about your marriage today and pat yourself on the back for choosing well and then find out tomorrow that your husband is cheating or has been hiding a gambling addiction or has realized they are gay.

It’s reasonable to discuss the impact of divorce on children and how to mitigate potential issues, but I don’t see that here. I see a bunch of jerks being mean to single moms.

Give grace and be nice. You might need it yourself some day.

Stop pretending all divorced moms are single moms. Most of them share custody. You’re not a single mom if dad has the kids half the time, stop trying to get unwarranted sympathy with this weird “stolen valor” move.

This is a real wtf post right here.

Explain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is so much meanness and punching down on this thread. None of us is perfect, and a lot of things in this life are out of our control. You can feel great about your marriage today and pat yourself on the back for choosing well and then find out tomorrow that your husband is cheating or has been hiding a gambling addiction or has realized they are gay.

It’s reasonable to discuss the impact of divorce on children and how to mitigate potential issues, but I don’t see that here. I see a bunch of jerks being mean to single moms.

Give grace and be nice. You might need it yourself some day.

There’s actually a fair amount of simmering fear in this thread. Smugness is usually a form of storytelling, to oneself above all. It’s a way of reassuring yourself that you are safe, that the bad things that happen to others won’t and can’t happen to you, because you’ve done it “right.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay married for each other, never for the kids because they can see right through a sham marriage.

If there’s no actual abuse, kids don’t actually give a shit about mommy and daddy’s sham marriage, nor should they.

Exactly.

Yea, but it’s important for me to model to the kids that you don’t have to spend 25 years settling for a marriage that no longer works.
They shouldn’t be married just to be married and if it’s not adding happiness then it’s ok to move on.

So it’s important for you to model irredeemably selfish behavior for your kids? Mommy chose to have kids with Daddy, but now she’s bored so the kids can just deal with it? Mommy’s happiness is more important than their happiness?

Okay.

Nope, it’s a loveless relationship where two people are living like roommates with no romantic interest whatsoever, anymore and lots of relationships are like this and I’ll teach my kids that it’s lonlier in a bad relationship than to be on your own.

Again, you should be more concerned with your kids’ happiness rather than expecting them to be concerned with yours. All you’re teaching your kids is that they should always look out for #1 above everyone, including their own kids someday.

You’re the type of casual divorcee that people are talking about on this thread. Put the burden on your children instead of yourself because they’re so resilient, meanwhile feeling no obligation to exhibit some resilience yourself. Selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is so much meanness and punching down on this thread. None of us is perfect, and a lot of things in this life are out of our control. You can feel great about your marriage today and pat yourself on the back for choosing well and then find out tomorrow that your husband is cheating or has been hiding a gambling addiction or has realized they are gay.

It’s reasonable to discuss the impact of divorce on children and how to mitigate potential issues, but I don’t see that here. I see a bunch of jerks being mean to single moms.

Give grace and be nice. You might need it yourself some day.

There’s actually a fair amount of simmering fear in this thread. Smugness is usually a form of storytelling, to oneself above all. It’s a way of reassuring yourself that you are safe, that the bad things that happen to others won’t and can’t happen to you, because you’ve done it “right.”

You mean like the story that you’re telling yourself that not only are your kids fine being shuttled between two homes, they’re actually better off that way!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is so much meanness and punching down on this thread. None of us is perfect, and a lot of things in this life are out of our control. You can feel great about your marriage today and pat yourself on the back for choosing well and then find out tomorrow that your husband is cheating or has been hiding a gambling addiction or has realized they are gay.

It’s reasonable to discuss the impact of divorce on children and how to mitigate potential issues, but I don’t see that here. I see a bunch of jerks being mean to single moms.

Give grace and be nice. You might need it yourself some day.

There’s actually a fair amount of simmering fear in this thread. Smugness is usually a form of storytelling, to oneself above all. It’s a way of reassuring yourself that you are safe, that the bad things that happen to others won’t and can’t happen to you, because you’ve done it “right.”

You mean like the story that you’re telling yourself that not only are your kids fine being shuttled between two homes, they’re actually better off that way!

Dude, I’m one of the happily married kids of divorced parents who was happier after my parents’ divorce than I was before.

Their divorce felt like breathing fresh air after a lifetime of gasping for breath.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay married for each other, never for the kids because they can see right through a sham marriage.

If there’s no actual abuse, kids don’t actually give a shit about mommy and daddy’s sham marriage, nor should they.

Exactly.

Yea, but it’s important for me to model to the kids that you don’t have to spend 25 years settling for a marriage that no longer works.
They shouldn’t be married just to be married and if it’s not adding happiness then it’s ok to move on.

So it’s important for you to model irredeemably selfish behavior for your kids? Mommy chose to have kids with Daddy, but now she’s bored so the kids can just deal with it? Mommy’s happiness is more important than their happiness?

Okay.

Nope, it’s a loveless relationship where two people are living like roommates with no romantic interest whatsoever, anymore and lots of relationships are like this and I’ll teach my kids that it’s lonlier in a bad relationship than to be on your own.

Again, you should be more concerned with your kids’ happiness rather than expecting them to be concerned with yours. All you’re teaching your kids is that they should always look out for #1 above everyone, including their own kids someday.

You’re the type of casual divorcee that people are talking about on this thread. Put the burden on your children instead of yourself because they’re so resilient, meanwhile feeling no obligation to exhibit some resilience yourself. Selfish.

I’m not a divorced person but can completely see why people get divorced and I think it’s more important to exhibit a good relationship to them and it’s more of a burden for them to witness a loveless relationship (yes, they can see it and feel it) than to get divorced and find happiness because a happy mom will benefit your kids more. It’s selfish to constantly be pretending in front of them and live in a fraudulent way in front of them every day.
If you raise a kid with confidence than they will know you’re not divorcing them but each other. My parents divorced when I was a teenager and I was ok with it because my dad had a bad temper and my mom was unhappy.
She got divorced and was more confident, herself, after that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is so much meanness and punching down on this thread. None of us is perfect, and a lot of things in this life are out of our control. You can feel great about your marriage today and pat yourself on the back for choosing well and then find out tomorrow that your husband is cheating or has been hiding a gambling addiction or has realized they are gay.

It’s reasonable to discuss the impact of divorce on children and how to mitigate potential issues, but I don’t see that here. I see a bunch of jerks being mean to single moms.

Give grace and be nice. You might need it yourself some day.

There’s actually a fair amount of simmering fear in this thread. Smugness is usually a form of storytelling, to oneself above all. It’s a way of reassuring yourself that you are safe, that the bad things that happen to others won’t and can’t happen to you, because you’ve done it “right.”

You mean like the story that you’re telling yourself that not only are your kids fine being shuttled between two homes, they’re actually better off that way!

Dude, I’m one of the happily married kids of divorced parents who was happier after my parents’ divorce than I was before.

Their divorce felt like breathing fresh air after a lifetime of gasping for breath.

Me too.

[Anonymous]

They’re have also been studies that say that kids that grow up with a dog in the household, live happier childhoods on the whole, than kids without dogs. I guess everyone should go get a dog now, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They’re have also been studies that say that kids that grow up with a dog in the household, live happier childhoods on the whole, than kids without dogs. I guess everyone should go get a dog now, too.

Oh nooooo I’m a single mom AND we don’t have a dog!!!! Do you think the kids will be ok??