Family wedding - no kids allowed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree with you completely. But you also have to do what the people hosting the wedding have decided. In your shoes, I left my kids at home with my husband and flew in for 36 hours for the wedding. I was really glad I did it - got quality time with my grandma, etc.

But yes, it is a bummer to attend a family wedding with a giant pile of aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, and grandparents... but not kids.

Why is it a bummer?

Clearly you are not someone who values the opportunities to have large / extended families get together. Those experiences are highlights of my childhood and adult life and something I deeply cherish so yes, disappointing to not have this opportunity.

You should organize your own kid friendly event, not make demands of someone else’s event to fill your need for warm feeling of family. What part of, its not your event to make demands is Not clear?

Listen Linda, simma down. She just said she was a bit bummed, not that she was making demands.

[Anonymous]

So you think other people don’t value family relationships because one type of event that they are paying , for t
the constraints of which you may have no idea. So not inviting your kids is the litmus test of who values family whether or not they have a kid free wedding ?
they need to have YOU free wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family pressured me to have a kid-free wedding and Im' so glad I didn't listen. Having my spouses multitude of nieces and nephews there made it so much more fun. Truly, it was such a celebration to see 5 year olds all the way up to 90 year olds dancing on the floor. You just need a good DJ. This "adult" night that people want doesn't exist, because if you are young enough that you're not inviting kids (read: you get married in your 20s), then it's just a stupid frat party anyway. Your friends don't care about your "magical" day, they just want to get dolled up and get drunk for free and hook up with someone. Children are people. If you don't want a baby crying during yoru ceremony (which last like 10 minutes nowadays anyway), have a room off to the side with a sitter or make it easy for people to step out. Life isn't on some script. Kids cry, people fart, sirens go down the street, that is what your marriage will be like. Life is bumpy and you shoudl just enjoy the company of your family. The day is truly about all of you and the community you're trying ot build in support of your new family you're making.

Been married over thirty years and calling complete bullsh$t on this post.

And I’ll be sure to demand my church builds an addition for you. GTFOH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m just curious how others feel and would handle out of state, family weddings where your child isn’t invited. I would like to go, we have a small family and it’s my only cousin but I think it’s rude to not invite our daughter since, in my opinion, weddings are about celebrating with family and friends (including kids!). My parents will be at the wedding and my husbands family lives abroad so they are unable to help.... most likely my husband will be skipping the festivities, which makes me sad. Again, just curious how people would react - it’s making me feel sad but I don’t want to cause hurt feelings by not attending.

I'm having a mostly kid free wedding for a lot of reasons. One of the big reason is that I'm hoping not allowing children will deter family members I was obligated to invite from attending. Soooo maybe your cousin just doesn't want you there.......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you think other people don’t value family relationships because one type of event that they are paying , for t
the constraints of which you may have no idea. So not inviting your kids is the litmus test of who values family whether or not they have a kid free wedding ?
they need to have YOU free wedding.

+1

Agree!

“But it’s all about meeeeee, not the bride and groom! They must be terrible people!”

No. Just very practical.

You don’t like the wedding rules, then plan your own and pay for it and do whatever your small minded mind desires.

[Anonymous]

Y’all are some entitled betches, saying what the bride and groom should and should not do. Read about you nightmare ILs on this site many times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you OP that it's rude not to invite family children to weddings.

But I will also say that my (or your) opinion on it doesn't change that some people will still do this. Either skip it, or attend without your DH.

I invited all my friends to bring their kids to our wedding. It didn't feel right to me to leave them out. We had maybe 6 kids there total, instead of about 25. It turns out most people DO NOT WANT to bring their small children to an afternoon/evening wedding. The only kids who came were related to us. No one "ruined" anything. They sat through the ceremony, they danced at the reception, and went home after cake. Not a huge deal at ALL.

Good for you so the next person who has a wedding you want to pay for all those extra kids to come I guess you think everybody has a limit less budget.
GTFOH!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also agree with a PP that this is cultural and seems very American. And that it's a child free wedding is an odd way to start your marriage if you plan to have kids. Marriage is about family.

Agreed. It is a hallmark of American style weddings. By comparison, US is not a particularly family focused country and most celebrations here reflect that.

That said, no one is going to change that any time soon so OP and others should just be aware that if wedding invites arrive it usually means that you'll have to pay for childcare or find arrangements if you want to go. If you cannot or do not want to, don't go. I've declined a number of wedding invites because it's such a PITA and I don't want to pay for childcare. The couple do not care who shows up. Just send a gift

[Anonymous]

Unless you engage in illegal behavior or in some kind of cult, there's no such thing as a "family weddings."

There are only weddings between two individuals who may or may not choose to invite family members and friends. A *select* group of family members and friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agreed that everyone can pick their own wedding. The thing I don't like is the hypocritical attitude.

My 14 year old was not invited to a family wedding; we considered me staying home with him but got a lot of shit from the family. Ended up letting him just stay alone in the hotel, which was boring but fine.

But now the couple has a new baby - I hope they don't expect that baby to always ben included....

What you're describing based on this exact scenario isn't "hypocritical" on their part; it is literally PROJECTION on your part.

I was pretty much in the middle of my cousins and of my friend group when it came to getting married/having babies. I didn't keep a tit for tat list of who invited kids to weddings/who didn't, who sent out baby shower invites or baby announcements or not. I didn't cross-check some color-coded chart of "oh no, we can't invite Jennifer and Brad's kids to our wedding, because THEY didn't invite Susan and Tim's kids to THEIR wedding."

Like, calm your tits. Accept or decline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m just curious how others feel and would handle out of state, family weddings where your child isn’t invited. I would like to go, we have a small family and it’s my only cousin but I think it’s rude to not invite our daughter since, in my opinion, weddings are about celebrating with family and friends (including kids!). My parents will be at the wedding and my husbands family lives abroad so they are unable to help.... most likely my husband will be skipping the festivities, which makes me sad. Again, just curious how people would react - it’s making me feel sad but I don’t want to cause hurt feelings by not attending.

Growing up there were always kids at weddings. Some of my fondest memories are at my older cousins and aunt/uncles weddings, dancing on my grandpa's feet, etc. They were always a big family affair. Then at some point, with my younger cousins, that stopped. They wanted "adult" weddings with wine bars, etc. That's fine. I just didn't go to any of them. They can't be mad by making me pay to travel, pay for gifts, and then on top of it find child care. Just wasn't going to happen. I sent my declination and moved on.

I did hear some whining by my uncle and one of the brides but I simply did not give a reaction. End of story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the age when a kid can attend a “kid-free” wedding? I have a 14 year old teenager and I’m not sure if he counts. Obviously he is not a risk for bad behavior. I hope that he would be invited.

It’s whether their names are on the invite or not. Most of these invites don’t say “kid free”

We haven’t received an invitation or save the date yet, but we were told that it’s a kid-free wedding. It’s out of town, so I guess we will go through the calculus of making arrangements after we get the invitation.

It’s not particularly easy even with a teen. He can’t stay home alone and with the travel time and COVID, he can’t stay with a friend for 4 days. I’d also feel bad if he came with us, missed 2 days of school, and had to stay in the hotel alone instead of celebrating w family.

Then decline. It's that easy.

Thank you for your thoughtful response, Miss Manners. It’s his aunt’s wedding, my niece. Due to Covid, they are waiting till the last minute to send out invitations, in case they have to reduce numbers. In the case of close family, it would be nice to get a heads up if he’s included or not prior to invitations going out. It’s not a huge wedding, nor do we have a large family. I don’t want to assume either way. If he’s not invited, there will be hurt feelings and logistical challenges for us. If he’s invited, he will gladly come and celebrate, although he will not yet be vaccinated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you engage in illegal behavior or in some kind of cult, there's no such thing as a "family weddings."

There are only weddings between two individuals who may or may not choose to invite family members and friends. A *select* group of family members and friends.

Well, you dont get to decide that for everyone. In our family, on both sides, "family weddings" actually were a thing. There was precedent and an expectation. And they were fun. That changed with the millennial generation (shocker). I just don't go to those.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m just curious how others feel and would handle out of state, family weddings where your child isn’t invited. I would like to go, we have a small family and it’s my only cousin but I think it’s rude to not invite our daughter since, in my opinion, weddings are about celebrating with family and friends (including kids!). My parents will be at the wedding and my husbands family lives abroad so they are unable to help.... most likely my husband will be skipping the festivities, which makes me sad. Again, just curious how people would react - it’s making me feel sad but I don’t want to cause hurt feelings by not attending.

I'm having a mostly kid free wedding for a lot of reasons. One of the big reason is that I'm hoping not allowing children will deter family members I was obligated to invite from attending. Soooo maybe your cousin just doesn't want you there.......

Hate this. If you don't want kids under a certain age, establish that as a limit. But allowing some people from a category and not others is rude, rude, rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you engage in illegal behavior or in some kind of cult, there's no such thing as a "family weddings."

There are only weddings between two individuals who may or may not choose to invite family members and friends. A *select* group of family members and friends.

Well, you dont get to decide that for everyone. In our family, on both sides, "family weddings" actually were a thing. There was precedent and an expectation. And they were fun. That changed with the millennial generation (shocker). I just don't go to those.

You mean families were invited to weddings. That's great.

There's still no such thing as "family weddings," in both church and state. Do show me where I'm wrong.